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Want To Marry With Cousin

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
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Jun 17, 2004
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Harpreet ji

I think kdsji above is telling you that nothing is there to stop you from living together with your cousin. No one is going to come after you with a machine gun or a net. First cousin relationships contravene the law of India but is not punishable by death. If both man and woman are are willing, then what they do have to worry about is the consequences later in life: separation, custody of children, financial settlements, and things like that. If the relationship is not legal the courts cannot help later on with equitable treatment when divorce, financial settlements following divorce, or custody of children are contested. . The final thing then that need concern you is that your families will be alienated from you and from each other. Marriage is also between families; that point cannot be ignored completely. So why not just follow your heart, and let everything else work its way out, with the understanding that none of us can have it our way 100 percent of the time.
 
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jitanjaggi

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Feb 5, 2013
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see i also love my cousin and facing the same problem..... but we both have decided first to settle down in life and take up the issue with our parents....now i m about to stand on my feet ...waiting fr final result.... after that i ll talk to my love and we ll talk to our parents regarding the issue .....
 

Brother Onam

Writer
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Jul 11, 2012
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Young brother,
Two things come to mind:
1. I think I read you were born with a cleft palate. If this has caused you a tough life, please consider what life would be like with retardation or physical deformities, and which you may well be committing a son or daughter to, if you do indeed pursue a marriage.
2. I know you are sincere in your strong feelings for this special girl. If she is as wonderful as you portray, consider this: A man's role, especially a Singh's role, in relation to a woman is to be her strength, her protector, her guide, her support, her inspiration, her paladin, her ideal, her lion.
If you, my young brother, are so at the mercy of your emotions that you are forever crying and shaking and pitiful and even suicidal, you are no good to her anyway, and she deserves better.
This would be an opportunity to assess yourself in relation to the 5 thieves, get a grip on yourself, take on the image of manhood as represented by Baba Deep Singh, and make yourself into what such a girl would deserve. Then you will see which path to follow, in light of gurmat.
 
Oct 4, 2012
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(keeping the genetic reasons aside.)
one day someone would come and say I wanna marry my real sister or brother....before this starts cousin's falling for each other should stop. our cousins esp. our first cousins are like our brothers and sisters, how can we even let the feeling of this love(love between a man and woman) grow, even the thought should not come in our head. we have to realize the right and wrong when we have been given brains. if this beautiful brother sister love dies and gets replaced by lust or even if you call it "love" then i don't think girls would be safe when there real brothers or cousins would be around them because they can also fall for lust then and forget that we are their sisters but "just a girl".
so what i think is that you really have to step back, it will take time but you can move on. these emotions are not good, they are controlling you, you better control them.
forgive me if i hurt anyone with my words.
 

aristotle

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May 11, 2010
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Marriage between 1st cousins illegal, says HC
MUMBAI: The Bombay high court on Monday rejected one Harmant Singh's plea that his "wife" Hardeep, who is also his first cousin, be allowed to live with him. The Hindu Marriage Act disallows marriage between first cousins.

"If the request was to be considered, it would be putting a seal of approval on a relationship which isn't permitted in law," said a division bench of Justice A M Khanwilkar and Justice U D Salvi. The judges allowed Hardeep to go with her parents. "She is an adult and free to take her own decisions," said the judges, adding that Hardeep could decide her plans in consultation with her parents.

(Source: http://articles.timesofindia.indiatimes.com/2010-09-14/india/28236746_1_hindu-marriage-act-cousins-bombay-high-court)
 

spnadmin

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aristotle ji

Thanks. Many posts ago I said this was the case and I was contradicted. It is illegal and it is not recognized under the marriage act.
 

aristotle

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May 11, 2010
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@spnadmin Ji,
The Hindu Marriage Act is very clear in this regard.

(g) "degrees of prohibited relationship"-two persons are said to be within the "degrees of prohibited relationship"
(i) If one is a lineal ascendant of the other; or
(ii) If one was the wife or husband of a lineal ascendant or descendant of the other ; or
(iii) If one was the wife of the brother or of the father's or mother's brother or of the grandfather's or grandmother's brother of the other; or
(iv) if the two are brother and sister, uncle and niece, aunt and nephew, or children of brother and sister or of two brothers or of two sisters ;
Explanation.-For the purposes of clauses (f) and (g), relationship includes-
(i) relationship by half or uterine blood as well as by full blood;
(ii) illegitimate blood relationship as well as legitimate; (iii) relationship by adoption as well as by blood ; and all terms of relationship in those clauses shall be construed accordingly
(Source: The Hindu Marriage Act, 1955)
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
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Jun 17, 2004
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artistotle ji

I know!!!!! I had practically memorized the act about 2 or 3 years ago when the controversy surrounding a Sikh Marriage Act began picking up steam in the press. It was important to know what was in the Hindu Marriage Act in order to follow the statements in news stories from day to day. The main provisions are not that long either. Not that much to assimilate.
 
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Harry Haller

Panga Master
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Jan 31, 2011
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Brother Omanji

If I may question a line from your most wise post.

A man's role, especially a Singh's role, in relation to a woman is to be her strength, her protector, her guide, her support, her inspiration, her paladin, her ideal, her lion.
I disagree with this, I think a man's role, especially a Singh's role in relation to a woman is to be her equal, nothing more, nothing less.

In fact, my wife is my strength, protector, guide, support, inspriration, my lioness..........
 

Tejwant Singh

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Jun 30, 2004
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I know many Sodhis, Bedis and Bhallas among many Jatt families who have married their maternal cousins and have had off springs. May be there are some loop holes in the law that we may not be aware of because marriage in the majority of the cases in India is a religious matter.

I personally do not get it. Why shrink the gene pool rather than expanding to bring other people to make it a wider relationship circle when one marries outside their own family!

Inter caste marriage within Sikhi is a must to slowly eradicate the caste system from our own cultural/religious cesspool.

We are Bhappas and most of my nieces and nephews in law are Jatts, Ramgarhias.

Tejwant Singh
 

Searching

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Aug 8, 2011
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I was just checking special marriage act. It says that one can marry second cousin but not first cousin.
According to Hindu marriage act even second cousin marriage is prohibited.
 
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kds1980

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Apr 4, 2005
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(keeping the genetic reasons aside.)
one day someone would come and say I wanna marry my real sister or brother....before this starts cousin's falling for each other should stop. our cousins esp. our first cousins are like our brothers and sisters, how can we even let the feeling of this love(love between a man and woman) grow, even the thought should not come in our head. we have to realize the right and wrong when we have been given brains. if this beautiful brother sister love dies and gets replaced by lust or even if you call it "love" then i don't think girls would be safe when there real brothers or cousins would be around them because they can also fall for lust then and forget that we are their sisters but "just a girl".
so what i think is that you really have to step back, it will take time but you can move on. these emotions are not good, they are controlling you, you better control them.
forgive me if i hurt anyone with my words.
Cousin marriages are not like real brother sister marriages.There are so many communities in world where there are plenty of these type of marriages
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
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Jun 17, 2004
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The on-going conversation reached the point of talking about control of one's emotions, lust and treating cousins like brothers-sisters in a cousin marriage situation.

Equality of partners was mentioned. A charge of "western" stereotypes was made. No one used or engaged in "western" stereotypes. Therefore they should not be the basis for the next steps in discussion. Carry on.
 
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Oct 9, 2012
19
9
(keeping the genetic reasons aside.)
one day someone would come and say I wanna marry my real sister or brother....before this starts cousin's falling for each other should stop. our cousins esp. our first cousins are like our brothers and sisters, how can we even let the feeling of this love(love between a man and woman) grow, even the thought should not come in our head. we have to realize the right and wrong when we have been given brains. if this beautiful brother sister love dies and gets replaced by lust or even if you call it "love" then i don't think girls would be safe when there real brothers or cousins would be around them because they can also fall for lust then and forget that we are their sisters but "just a girl".
so what i think is that you really have to step back, it will take time but you can move on. these emotions are not good, they are controlling you, you better control them.
forgive me if i hurt anyone with my words.
SSA love and peace ji
Thanks for ur advice, you gave me this advice as my father gave me, i m not disobeying ur advice.
But how can u say if i love my cousin then she will be unsafe or insecure, i love her and i care her more than any person on this earth, it does not mean i don't care my parents. I also want to add one more thing that i did not force my cousin to fall in love with me, if she feel the same for me thats why we fall in love and care each other like lovers do.
I know its very strange for some people to believe that this type love also exists but as all know love is blind it cant see any bondage, any category, any religion and i experience it after my love with my cousin.
So i want to know that what is a brother sister relation, i know its a very sweet and caring relation between a man and women, but is it right to force some one to be in brother sister relation, any relation must start or feel from heart not from the action of a person, if i love my cousin yes i do and i don't feel bad to love my cousin.
I am not the only person in the whole world who love his/her cousin, there are lots of people love their cousins, and fighting for their love as we know due to society problem no one going to accept their relation due to the only reason that is fake respect in society, am i right?
I request u all there plz visit cousincouples.com once.
This is not only problem of a individual as admin saying, thousands of people feel the same as i feeling, u cant destroy the feeling of love of some one for a particular person, but u can only resist them not to be together for life time and make their life like hell.........!
As u said cousins are like real brother sister,I want to ask u something that only near by blood relations makes two persons brother sister, so its wrong to be a brother or sister of some one who is not from ur family relation?
I also want to say that i m not in favor of cousin marriages in which cousins are force to marriage each other as in many cast or in religions due to some risk of genetics, as i know about that risk that it is little much more than normal couples but in favor of cousin love marriages.
If finding ur love or loving ur cousin is a crime (as u think they are brother sisters), then be in relation as brother sister to an unknown person must be also a crime right?
I want to add one more thing that i met a girl some where and we are like good friends now and we treat each other like real brother and sister, we care each other more that a real brother sister, is it wrong.
I respect all girls, she may be known or unknown to me it does not matter, u want to give respect girls please do the same as u give ur cousin or real sister.
I know a number of boys as i m gone through my college life, they do bad comments on girls and teas them and i hate these type of people, they do so why, becoze she is not his real sister or cousin, is it wrong or right?
If u want to respect or protect the mankind or women please do the same for all not only ur real sister or cousin.
As i feel relationship shoul be followed from heart, u cant force some body's heart to feel the same as ur community feel, i also know the value of relation of brother sister too.
Sorry if i my views hurt some ones feeling, but i have a right to give my views too.
Thanks.......!
 
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Oct 4, 2012
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well Harpreet Singh ji, there are real brothers and sisters marrying each other, i don't know whether that is wrong according to you, but it is according to me. They have an explanation for their relationship as well, maybe you will also say it is love and all, but i would prefer to keep the relationship the way it is, keep my real brothers and cousins aside.
anyways at the end it is your life, your decisions.
and i never said that your cousin is unsafe with you, she might be the safest with you, what i meant is that if such relationships get approved by the society, then the respect and purity of brother sister love will fall and lust will take over, then a cousin brother won't have to think to see his cousin as a sister but can bring the lust feelings inside him and go wrong and vice a versa.
you do seem as a good person from your reply.
take care.
 
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