ਜੋ ਨਰੁ ਦੁਖ ਮੈ ਦੁਖੁ ਨਹੀ ਮਾਨੈ ॥
जो नरु दुख मै दुखु नही मानै ॥
Jo nar ḏukẖ mai ḏukẖ nahī mānai.
That man, who in the midst of pain, does not feel pain,
yup that's me, however, feelings cannot just be honed to pain, a man that cannot feel pain in the midst of pain cannot feel anything, how does it feel to feel nothing? err like nothing,
ਸੁਖ ਸਨੇਹੁ ਅਰੁ ਭੈ ਨਹੀ ਜਾ ਕੈ ਕੰਚਨ ਮਾਟੀ ਮਾਨੈ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥
सुख सनेहु अरु भै नही जा कै कंचन माटी मानै ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥
Sukẖ sanehu ar bẖai nahī jā kai kancẖan mātī mānai. ||1|| rahā▫o.
who is not affected by pleasure, affection or fear, and who looks alike upon gold and dust;||1||Pause||
yup me again, for two months, I have refused to allow myself to act like a grateful puppy when pleasure or affection come my way, shove it, shove your pleasure, and shove your affection, as for fear, well, when you reject affection, pleasure, believe me, you have nothing to lose, and thus nothing to fear, did the great god give us these feelings, these abilities to be happy and drown in love, just to reject them?
ਨਹ ਨਿੰਦਿਆ ਨਹ ਉਸਤਤਿ ਜਾ ਕੈ ਲੋਭੁ ਮੋਹੁ ਅਭਿਮਾਨਾ ॥
नह निंदिआ नह उसतति जा कै लोभु मोहु अभिमाना ॥
Nah ninḏi▫ā nah usṯaṯ jā kai lobẖ moh abẖimānā.
Who is not swayed by either slander or praise, nor affected by greed, attachment or pride;
the world works on validation, everyone needs validation, and everyone gets hurt by slander, me, I could not give two hoots, if anything, I get seriously worried when I am validated or praised, it means I am doing something wrong, again, greed, attachment, pride, have no place in my life, as anyone who sees me on a regular basis will testify, I look like a hobo, talk like a madman, and laugh as the people around me worry about what they have, and how they can have more, {censored}s, do I feel close to God in this respect, no, no way, I feel further away from God, further away from the action, like someone that has just paid a fortune to go Alton Towers, and then spent the whole day looking at the sky
ਹਰਖ ਸੋਗ ਤੇ ਰਹੈ ਨਿਆਰਉ ਨਾਹਿ ਮਾਨ ਅਪਮਾਨਾ ॥੧॥
हरख सोग ते रहै निआरउ नाहि मान अपमाना ॥१॥
Harakẖ sog ṯe rahai ni▫āra▫o nāhi mān apmānā. ||1||
who remains unaffected by joy and sorrow, honor and dishonor;||1||
oh I love this, I hate the concept of honor, I hate the fact that honor plays such a huge part of our religion, now I am not talking about the honor that comes with the giving of ones word, personally, my word is quite precious, and I have spent decades honoring my word, and it has cost me a small fortune, but all I have is my word, so that is what honor is to me, and that honor is precious, but the above honor, I believe refers to family honor, or reputation, joy and sorrow, again are alien to me at the moment, but I yearn for them, am starting to yearn for them, I am yearning to feel again, to feel something, any {censored}ing thing
ਆਸਾ ਮਨਸਾ ਸਗਲ ਤਿਆਗੈ ਜਗ ਤੇ ਰਹੈ ਨਿਰਾਸਾ ॥
आसा मनसा सगल तिआगै जग ते रहै निरासा ॥
Āsā mansā sagal ṯi▫āgai jag ṯe rahai nirāsā.
who renounces all hopes and desires and remains desireless in the world;
ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਜਿਹ ਪਰਸੈ ਨਾਹਨਿ ਤਿਹ ਘਟਿ ਬ੍ਰਹਮੁ ਨਿਵਾਸਾ ॥੨॥
कामु क्रोधु जिह परसै नाहनि तिह घटि ब्रहमु निवासा ॥२॥
Kām kroḏẖ jih parsai nāhan ṯih gẖat barahm nivāsā. ||2||
who is not touched by sexual desire or anger - within his heart, God dwells. ||2||
Yes, thats me, I have renounced all hope, all desire, but I don't feel God dwelling in my heart, I feel dead, ah, there is one word that I have not used yet, that word is free, can't feel much, that is true, but I am as free as a bird, I can do any {censored}ing thing I want, although there is not much I want to do, but everything is open, being spit roasted by two trannies in thailand whilst high on smack, going to work in a pingla home, touring europe on a motorbike, becoming a fully fledged amritdhari, everything is possible, I am free, but, no I cannot feel God in my heart, but then that depends on who or what God is, personally, I see more of God in a dog turd, than I do in say a Gurdwara committee, or a man all dressed in white, with white turban and black sunglasses, (why are they always aviators?), the dog turd contains purity, a mass of life in a small world of its own, millions of organisms all living, eating, surviving, growing, now that is quite beautiful, well, in my opinion anyway.
ਗੁਰ ਕਿਰਪਾ ਜਿਹ ਨਰ ਕਉ ਕੀਨੀ ਤਿਹ ਇਹ ਜੁਗਤਿ ਪਛਾਨੀ॥
गुर किरपा जिह नर कउ कीनी तिह इह जुगति पछानी ॥
Gur kirpā jih nar ka▫o kīnī ṯih ih jugaṯ pacẖẖānī.
That man, blessed by Guru's Grace, understands this way.
ah., here is where I am going wrong, clearly I am not blessed,
ਨਾਨਕ ਲੀਨ ਭਇਓ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਸਿਉ ਜਿਉ ਪਾਨੀ ਸੰਗਿ ਪਾਨੀ ॥੩॥੧੧॥
नानक लीन भइओ गोबिंद सिउ जिउ पानी संगि पानी ॥३॥११॥
Nānak līn bẖa▫i▫o gobinḏ si▫o ji▫o pānī sang pānī. ||3||11||
O Nanak, he merges with the Lord of the Universe, like water with water. ||3||11||
for water to merge with water, it has to be water, for a man to merge with the lord of the universe, he would have to be like the lord of the universe, I think there is much much more to being like the lord of the universe than not feeling anything, I have complied with the above shabad completely, yet I am an oddball weirdo that looks like a tramp, whom people accuse of having no drive, or ambition, or honor, or pride, I get sad looks and shakes of heads, you could have been so much Harry, so much, with a nice house, and a nice car, and a business, and a wife, and kids, what a waste they say, what a waste.
there is more to merging than living like this, much more, there has to be, because allow me to tell you, all I am doing is wasting a god given chance to live and use my skills and abilities to my best