- Jan 31, 2011
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I keep meaning to wake up, I have been trying to wake up for years, the clock in my workshop is a constant reminded of this, it is the only clock here, it is stuck on 10.30, has been for years, I keep meaning to put a battery in it, I always meant to do it when I woke up.
I did wake up a few months ago, really woke up, fell in love, looked normal, talked normal, did normal stuff, now I am not sure which state is awake and which is asleep, I an free, but alone, I have no personality, no substance, no foundation, no principles, which means every day is an adventure that is not inhibited by ingrained rubbish, it means every day I get to be whoever I want to be, to deal with whatever the day brings, so I am open to anything and everything, I call this state a state of non awakening, a state of sleep, I wonder why, thinking back to the few months where I woke up, I was not free, I was not alone, I was cultivating a personality, I was finding substance, foundation, principles, every day was not an adventure, every day I had to deal with things with the notion that I was a person that consisted of XYZ, and as such, I dealt with it given XYZ. I cared what people thought, I cared about my appearance, I wanted people to see the best of me, I was careful how I spoke, I wanted to come across as civilized, educated, likeable, I wanted to be liked and I wanted to be loved, I became fearful of loss, of death, of change, I wanted to be part of society, even though, it felt like being awake, and it felt that something good was dying, looking back, I have to concede that it is this state that is the dead state.
Certainly if Gurbani is anything to go by, the state I was in those few months was an extreme state of Maya, and now, today, I am not in Maya, its hard sometimes, its strange how again, looking back, how much stupid things made me happy, driving a sensible car, being with a normal woman, looking clean and presentable, having people smile at me, instead of having people look at me like I was a tramp, being validated by society, being accepted, I was happy, but my happiness was tied in so much with external forces, the woman, the attitude of society towards me, my own morning preening and dressing, normally it takes me about 10 seconds to get dressed, socks, boots, shorts, thats it, t shirt if i go out, bu then it was a shave, various lotions and perfumes, a shirt, trousers, lots of looking in the mirror, in effect my happiness came from the response of others around me, from where I am sitting now, it looks like a living death.
The clock stays, Maya is what it is, utter crap on every level, and best to probably stay away from it, and the biggest maya of all, the most stinking despicable and rotten maya of them all is love, or what passes for love these days
I did wake up a few months ago, really woke up, fell in love, looked normal, talked normal, did normal stuff, now I am not sure which state is awake and which is asleep, I an free, but alone, I have no personality, no substance, no foundation, no principles, which means every day is an adventure that is not inhibited by ingrained rubbish, it means every day I get to be whoever I want to be, to deal with whatever the day brings, so I am open to anything and everything, I call this state a state of non awakening, a state of sleep, I wonder why, thinking back to the few months where I woke up, I was not free, I was not alone, I was cultivating a personality, I was finding substance, foundation, principles, every day was not an adventure, every day I had to deal with things with the notion that I was a person that consisted of XYZ, and as such, I dealt with it given XYZ. I cared what people thought, I cared about my appearance, I wanted people to see the best of me, I was careful how I spoke, I wanted to come across as civilized, educated, likeable, I wanted to be liked and I wanted to be loved, I became fearful of loss, of death, of change, I wanted to be part of society, even though, it felt like being awake, and it felt that something good was dying, looking back, I have to concede that it is this state that is the dead state.
Certainly if Gurbani is anything to go by, the state I was in those few months was an extreme state of Maya, and now, today, I am not in Maya, its hard sometimes, its strange how again, looking back, how much stupid things made me happy, driving a sensible car, being with a normal woman, looking clean and presentable, having people smile at me, instead of having people look at me like I was a tramp, being validated by society, being accepted, I was happy, but my happiness was tied in so much with external forces, the woman, the attitude of society towards me, my own morning preening and dressing, normally it takes me about 10 seconds to get dressed, socks, boots, shorts, thats it, t shirt if i go out, bu then it was a shave, various lotions and perfumes, a shirt, trousers, lots of looking in the mirror, in effect my happiness came from the response of others around me, from where I am sitting now, it looks like a living death.
The clock stays, Maya is what it is, utter crap on every level, and best to probably stay away from it, and the biggest maya of all, the most stinking despicable and rotten maya of them all is love, or what passes for love these days
