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Wake Up?

Discussion in 'Member Blogs' started by Harry Haller, Aug 3, 2018.

  1. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller

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    I keep meaning to wake up, I have been trying to wake up for years, the clock in my workshop is a constant reminded of this, it is the only clock here, it is stuck on 10.30, has been for years, I keep meaning to put a battery in it, I always meant to do it when I woke up.

    I did wake up a few months ago, really woke up, fell in love, looked normal, talked normal, did normal stuff, now I am not sure which state is awake and which is asleep, I an free, but alone, I have no personality, no substance, no foundation, no principles, which means every day is an adventure that is not inhibited by ingrained rubbish, it means every day I get to be whoever I want to be, to deal with whatever the day brings, so I am open to anything and everything, I call this state a state of non awakening, a state of sleep, I wonder why, thinking back to the few months where I woke up, I was not free, I was not alone, I was cultivating a personality, I was finding substance, foundation, principles, every day was not an adventure, every day I had to deal with things with the notion that I was a person that consisted of XYZ, and as such, I dealt with it given XYZ. I cared what people thought, I cared about my appearance, I wanted people to see the best of me, I was careful how I spoke, I wanted to come across as civilized, educated, likeable, I wanted to be liked and I wanted to be loved, I became fearful of loss, of death, of change, I wanted to be part of society, even though, it felt like being awake, and it felt that something good was dying, looking back, I have to concede that it is this state that is the dead state.

    Certainly if Gurbani is anything to go by, the state I was in those few months was an extreme state of Maya, and now, today, I am not in Maya, its hard sometimes, its strange how again, looking back, how much stupid things made me happy, driving a sensible car, being with a normal woman, looking clean and presentable, having people smile at me, instead of having people look at me like I was a tramp, being validated by society, being accepted, I was happy, but my happiness was tied in so much with external forces, the woman, the attitude of society towards me, my own morning preening and dressing, normally it takes me about 10 seconds to get dressed, socks, boots, shorts, thats it, t shirt if i go out, bu then it was a shave, various lotions and perfumes, a shirt, trousers, lots of looking in the mirror, in effect my happiness came from the response of others around me, from where I am sitting now, it looks like a living death.

    The clock stays, Maya is what it is, utter crap on every level, and best to probably stay away from it, and the biggest maya of all, the most stinking despicable and rotten maya of them all is love, or what passes for love these days
     
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  3. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove Writer SPNer

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    Yeh, a true lover doesn't need approval, they learn their true nature. Why look for approval when the answers are already within
     
  4. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller

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    because its easier,and the answers are hard to find, unless you completely reject maya
     
  5. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove Writer SPNer

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    It's just extra complication. Why take slander, and why pay attention to praise.

    Deep down you know who you are. We all do.
    Only You know who you are.
     
  6. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller

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    I don't, however it takes solitude to achieve this

    yes, deep down I know who I am, that is what worries me....
     
  7. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove Writer SPNer

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    True. That's why Gurbani says meditate. U go within, learn, and practice staying grounded in it during the day. Regardless of whether you're in a temple or a club. U practice staying grounded in it.

    I'm not talking about your dark side. Everyone has a good n bad side. I'm talking about the balance. Who u really are, beyond the I, beyond attachments, identity etc. You know you're already truth. Everyone does. People just fear going beyond societies bullsh*t shackles and false outer appearances.
     
  8. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller

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    no, not meditation, you don't flirt with the solitude, or play with it, or have an experience of it, you have to be it, with every cell of your body, it is the only way to liberate from maya, anything else is just lip service
     
  9. Sikhilove

    Sikhilove Writer SPNer

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    Yeh, that's my point.. We already Are it. Some by the mere remembrance during waking life, working hard and practicing truth stay in it.

    But this path requires discipline. Going deeper, you experience this state at a deep level. Then stay grounded in it when life throws its tests. People come to love meditation (truth remembrance/ simran), it's an expression of love, delving deep into the heart where the mind is silenced.

    Maya is disciplined in her efforts to throw you off. You need discipline and above all, Love to make her quiet.
     

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