Sikhs drink because they want to, despite the heedings of their parents. It's against the religion of the boys and the girls, some just follow it more. You seem to place the blame of your guilt on your parents, when you should take responsibility of your own actions.
Many of the issues you face are the result of Sikh migration into Western culture. Unlike fundamentalist Islam, Sikhism is more prone to adaptation and thankfully so. In the case of women, that leads to a Westernization of many Sikh feminist ideals. For example, the lack of chuni, drinking, smoking, the shaving of body hair and facial hair and sometimes head hair. For men: cutting of the hair, lack of turban, drinking, smoking, etc. Men are affected first, especially in a traditional setting like yours, because Westernization affects the workplace before it affects the home. Sikh women are often housewives due to tradition.
You will see the men being affected before the women are in tradition for many of the reasons that Japanese Women's Language was formed in the early 1900s - cultures, when given the threat of change and modernity, will often hold onto an aspect of their culture, in this example, women. This is because of the value of the family: a Sikh woman will raise Sikh children if she is devout. Also, a father will always protect the sanctity of his daughter, while he will allow his son to make more of his own decisions. It is an inequality, but it is also nature.
As Sikh women enter the Western workplace in the UK and the USA, you will begin to see an equality in how women are modernized and how men are modernized. In my home my mother works in a professional workplace as does my father. However, I wear a turban. This is where the family does come in. Of course Sikhism has fallen to a lenient following in the third and fourth generations. The way to repair this (and the place where the family comes into the picture) is through the valuing of the identity. You say that people follow the Sikh faith out of its glory, not its beliefs. However, the glory of a Sikh is part of what makes a Sikh a Sikh. This glory gives meaning to the actions of putting on a turban and maintaining your hair. It is this glory which reminds youth of their faith and makes Sikhs desire to keep their hair.
There are many reasons for the inequality between men and women and how they are treated in the family, and many of these reasons are tied to the changes happening during the time. The loss of language, glory, and appreciation for the identity of a Sikh is to be expected in a household which has migrated from India into the Western first world. It is important to hold on to that which makes you different in this world, and I think that the Sikh community is coming around to this. The rise of the Sikh model and the Sikh actor will replace the Westerner as the role model of the new generations. Sikhism will find it's mainstream Western identity as a function of western society. The amount of devout Sikhs who hold onto the 5 Ks and have taken Amrit will always remain a strict minority, but the new Sikh is being born, with a turban, long hair, sunglasses, and a three-piece suit.
