Should I Become A Sikh For Love? | Sikh Philosophy Network
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Should I Become A Sikh For Love?

firesingh

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Mar 28, 2016
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Hi Everyone

I am currently living in Delhi as a Western Expat working in the technology industry and I fell in love with a Sikh woman at work, her family found out about us and her parents want me to become a Sikh prior to marrying her and move in with them, what should I do?
 

Ishna

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May 9, 2006
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One does not simply "convert" to Sikhi. I suppose you could outwardly be a Sikh for the sake of saying you're a Sikh, but could you live with yourself like that? I know I couldn't.

On the other hand, perhaps you just need an introduction to Sikhi. If love for Guru Ji blossoms, and you can give your head to Guru instead of your partner, then everyone's a winner.
 

Ishna

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May 9, 2006
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Why? Long hair and a beard doesn't make a Sikh. Despite how it looks.
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
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Hi Everyone

I am currently living in Delhi as a Western Expat working in the technology industry and I fell in love with a Sikh woman at work, her family found out about us and her parents want me to become a Sikh prior to marrying her and move in with them, what should I do?
run, very fast

They don't really want you to become a Sikh, they are hardly Sikhs themselves if they feel one can be blackmailed into becoming a Sikh, no, what they want you to do is just say your a Sikh, and look as Sikh as you can so that you do not bring too much shame on the family. However, love is hard even without external complications, just remember, you are living in a foreign country, with a family that is not yours, and your a different colour and culture, which means every disagreement, every issue, you will probably have to bow down on, or face losing your wife and home.

I would run
 

firesingh

SPNer
Mar 28, 2016
11
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run, very fast

They don't really want you to become a Sikh, they are hardly Sikhs themselves if they feel one can be blackmailed into becoming a Sikh, no, what they want you to do is just say your a Sikh, and look as Sikh as you can so that you do not bring too much shame on the family. However, love is hard even without external complications, just remember, you are living in a foreign country, with a family that is not yours, and your a different colour and culture, which means every disagreement, every issue, you will probably have to bow down on, or face losing your wife and home.

I would run
are you saying that I will not be completely accepted by Punjabi SIkhs?
 

firesingh

SPNer
Mar 28, 2016
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no, you will not be fully accepted, but that is the least of your worries
Well I am cautious, especially when they told me that they would like me to learn Punjabi and only speak it around them and to give up my Canadian citizenship and take up Indian citizenship
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
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Jan 31, 2011
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as I said, love is hard at the best of times, flourishing in such an environment is going to make it hard, if you proceed with this idea, you will end up losing whoever it is you are, and being someone who you are not, or just plain broken. No one tells me what to do, No one tells me what citizenship I should have, what language I should speak, what clothes are appropriate, maybe you like being told what to do
 

firesingh

SPNer
Mar 28, 2016
11
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as I said, love is hard at the best of times, flourishing in such an environment is going to make it hard, if you proceed with this idea, you will end up losing whoever it is you are, and being someone who you are not, or just plain broken. No one tells me what to do, No one tells me what citizenship I should have, what language I should speak, what clothes are appropriate, maybe you like being told what to do
her parents have been telling everyone at their local sangat that I agreed to become a Sikh
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
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Jan 31, 2011
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no, you did not agree to be a Sikh, you agreed to follow whatever version of Sikhism this family follows, whatever version has been passed down from fathers knee, whatever version that they deem socially acceptable to them.

you did not answer the question, do you like being told what to do?
 

firesingh

SPNer
Mar 28, 2016
11
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no, you did not agree to be a Sikh, you agreed to follow whatever version of Sikhism this family follows, whatever version has been passed down from fathers knee, whatever version that they deem socially acceptable to them.

you did not answer the question, do you like being told what to do?
not really
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
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and what do you sense so far of this situation, is it likely you will have a free hand to live with your love however you see fit, or will you spend the rest of your life after marriage being told what to do?

what does your gut say?
 

firesingh

SPNer
Mar 28, 2016
11
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18
and what do you sense so far of this situation, is it likely you will have a free hand to live with your love however you see fit, or will you spend the rest of your life after marriage being told what to do?

what does your gut say?
I really do not know what to make of it, she told me she only wants to live in India and her father told me that giving up my Canadian Citizenship and taking up Indian Citizenship and becoming a bearded , turbaned Amritdhari Sikh is a symbol of my love for her
 
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Harry Haller

Panga Master
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Jan 31, 2011
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I see, what happens if the marriage fails?
if there are children, do you think you will have easy access?
do you know what people of Indian Citizenship are prepared to do these days to obtain the Canadian Citizenship you are thinking of giving up?
Do you think it is a good idea to become a member of a religion to demonstrate your love towards a woman?
How do you feel about a man who makes such statements, and how do you feel about being a son to such a man?
Do you often commit to situations where you do not know what to make of it?
 

firesingh

SPNer
Mar 28, 2016
11
0
18
I see, what happens if the marriage fails?
if there are children, do you think you will have easy access?
do you know what people of Indian Citizenship are prepared to do these days to obtain the Canadian Citizenship you are thinking of giving up?
Do you think it is a good idea to become a member of a religion to demonstrate your love towards a woman?
How do you feel about a man who makes such statements, and how do you feel about being a son to such a man?
Do you often commit to situations where you do not know what to make of it?
what do you mean by "How do you feel about a man who makes such statements, and how do you feel about being a son to such a man?"
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
8,178
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how do you feel about a man who makes the statement

that by giving up my Canadian Citizenship and taking up Indian Citizenship and becoming a bearded , turbaned Amritdhari Sikh is a symbol of my love for her

do you know anything about living with Sikh In laws? you do realise that if you are living with them, that you will have to defer to them as you would your own parents?

have you actually thought this through?
 

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