Thanks, everybody, for all your welcomes!
After reading a few threads, I seemed to recognize a few issues perhaps many people are facing, not being Panjabi in a Panjabi based religion. (Is there alrready a thread on this?)
One is dress and following Khalsa especially for non-Panjabi women, because we do not own Panjabi dresses. I wonder if others have made any decisions about whether to wear them or not, when attending a gurdwara? Symbols and signs can be important, even outside of a Gurdwara, and it is nice to be able to recognize a like-minded person in public. Perhaps within a Gurdwara, but not in public, unless one marries into a Panjabi family who also wear them?
Another is feeling welcome in a Gurdwara when one is not Panjabi and does not speak the language. It is the opposite experience of Panjabi speaking persons who come to English speaking countries and often find themselves in another culture heavily saturated with modern slang and various English dialects.
It seems that these issues always come up with there is biculturalism. Some Panjabi or American born Panjabi men face it, too, when they decide whether or not to wear a turban. Culture and religious philosophy always interplay with tradition and "requirements" in any religious setting. While Panjabi dress for women is not a requirement for Khalsa, still one wonders if it might not be good to wear one, if one does not stick out too much, if for no other reason than to blend in.
Nanak gave one example when in his life somewhere he wrote that when he was among Muslims, he dressed like Muslims, and when among Sufis, he dressed like Sufis. Is this an example to follow?
In any event, I have thought that a woman wearing a skirt, even a long one, probably should not try to bow in a Gurdwara, due to modesty constraints and the possible distraction it can cause to all,
not just men (like what is she going to do??).....I recall a humorous experience recently, when a male toddler went around picking up everyone's handbag when they left them on the floor to go around the circle in the Gurdwara (can't recall the word). He was delighted with his newly found treasures, to his mother's dismay, but I have to admit that everyone's mind was surely humorously distracted by his antics and watched to see what he would do next! She soon caught up to him but I am sure that that did not keep him from looking for something else to get into!
But I wonder: in some places,would a non-Panjabi woman with Sarwar stick out? Wearing just pansuits or jeans is not an answer either; some of us don't even fit into them anymore! And Panjabi female teens wearing jeans do stick out a little, especially when they always wear them or they are cut a bit short (need I say anything more?) My age is showing!
I do feel that it is important to attend a Gurdwara and to support it according to one's ability and talents, as far as the Panjabi community feels comfortable. Panjabi people
do have the right to have a place where they can gather "among themselves or with like minded people" and know that some non-Panjabi's feel shy about going, but I have experienced that non-Panjabis are welcome, even if we are initially ignorant and cannot speak Panjabi. The first time I attended a Gurdwara, even though I did not really know exactly what to do every moment, I was gratified when three or four young Panjabi women sat next to me without even a blink or a hint that I might be "different"!
Everyone, even non-Panjabi's,
needs sacred places, even if not on a regular basis or at in certain stages in life. To me, a Gurdwara
is a sacred place. I can go there to listen to the music and to experience the spiritualness of it even if I do not understand each word. [I am learning!]. In that space, the "holiness" and quiet rubs off on me and I leave feeling a more complete person. Hope it continues into the week.
Another thought: could it be that the example of non-Panjabis' attending Gurdwaras and having open hearts to Nam is encouraging to Panjabis? I know a Panjabi Khalsa man who works in the neighborhood; his eyes twinkled and he grinned widely when I told him I had followed his street directions to the Gurdwara near here.
I have faced a special difficulty, because I cannot kneel or bow down anymore on the floor in a Gurdwara like I used to do --I used to always sit on the floor!!--due to arthritis in both knees, and initially I did not know what to do. First, I thought if I
do try to sit down that way, I will
break my knees, and
then I thought that I would really create a scene when I found I could not get up! Heaven forbid I need several men to help me get to my feet!! :shock: !!
But, I go anyway, and occasionally see elderly Panjabi people who cannot kneel either and I follow their example the best I can.
Does anyone else have ideas on wearing Salwar and non-Panjabis attending Gurdwaras? Or experiences they can share? Have any non-Panjabi's joined Khalsa? I personally do not feel ready to even think of that, but it would be nice to have a daily reminder of a steel bracelet to remind me of my inner mind, if not commitment. In my case, another bracelet that is symbolic might fulfil the need, but I thought I would throw the question out there....
Thanks again all for your welcome and especially for any forthcoming comments and ideas.
Ending a rather long-winded rendition of "how do you fit in"?
Anna Kaur
