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Need Urgent Advice

Ambarsaria

ੴ / Ik▫oaʼnkār
Writer
SPNer
Dec 21, 2010
3,384
5,689
waheguruhelpme ji thanks for your post. It is a great credit to you that you have asked for help. If nothing else it can give you ideas as articulated by different people.

I have taken linzer ji's post to highlight some comments from me but I am more trusting of the Kaur's in this matter than I am Singhs just because it is almost impossible to put oneself in another sex's shoes even when one tries to be objective.
Inderjeet has an excellent point. I have heard from so many women say " he's this way or that way but he'll change after were married." It just isn't true.
I tend to agree with linzer ji's observation in general. My father was a high school Principal/Headmaster and observed lot of boys become men. He used to say one sets in one's ways by no later than 12 year old. In the case of the person you are referring to, such person has found his ways. Now is this the worse fault or issue a person can have in a married life or before. It is very hard to say.

If the person is truly in love and every passing moment of separation hurts, one can become and act in all matters of abberations. One that this person has indulged in was not possible decades ago with no internet, no video phones, etc. So it is simply sign of the times. Love letters carried by pigeons was the way. Did those letters had same lust and other associations, I am pretty sure some did.
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If I were you I will let him suffer and suffer more and test his love and not offer any more pictures or videos.

Note: I note that you have also erred by first taking the pictures/videos described and may have felt some reason or logic to do that as to show how beautiful or pretty you are. There is nothing wrong but one has to take note of the possible damage these things can do so one needs to be very careful.

Yes, people can change but only if they want to. Right now he's backing down because you called his bluff but that doe'snt mean he's changed. Tell! your parents.
I have read lot of posts in this thread and I am finding lot of good in many including in Chazsingh ji's posts regarding the forgiving aspects and helping people become better. You are the best judge in this case.

It probably is worthwhile confirming directly or indirectly if this gentleman has done the same with other girls. If he has, I trust Mai Harinder Kaur ji and Inderjeet Kaur ji's
advice and you should seriously consider moving on from this relationship. Specially when a person starts mentioning "Divorce", etc., in the context of such incidents as that really is a show of high level of immaturity. Perhaps such person has not grown up to the level of eligible adult ready to enter into marriage.


Sat Sri Akal and wishing you all the happiness and best in the world.

PS: Hoping it all works out positively, fun and happiness for all.<object style="height: 390px; width: 640px">


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Annie

SPNer
Jun 12, 2011
114
225
I am curious about the age of this young man. If he is very young, it may be that he is acting immature and impulsive. There is more chance that he may change. Still, Waheguruhelpme ji, you should be very careful. I feel strongly about this because I spent five years with a controlling, manipulative, lying man. I was so attached to him that I did not want to admit to myself how bad things were. He became more mean slowly over time, and my self esteem became worse over time. Near the end I felt like I wanted to either kill myself or kill him. If he had not died of cancer, I am sure that is what would have happened eventually. I'm not saying that this will happen to you for certain, I might be really overreacting, but I am worried about you because of how your young man has behaved.
 

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