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Need Urgent Advice

Inderjeet Kaur

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It takes a BRAVE one to ..."tell the parents"....most teens today HIDE Everything..esp from their parents...its the parents who will be the last to know...thats WHY these "boys" KNOW..they can do anything..and get away with it...they are SAFE !!....a girl actually RISKS so much just revealing such advances, molestations, etc etc...not everyone will beleive her side..many will say shes making it up...and the girl will be the one to suffer the consequences anyway..because SONS seldom make "mistakes" esp in his MOTHER's eyes...so she will go all out to DEFEND HIM....and accuse the girl of being a vamp..a {censored}..sex crazy...blah blah blah...ONLY THE VERY BRAVE and SELF CONFIDENT GIRL will take the extreme step...one in a hundred thousand perhaps...lol
Gyani ji, surely you're exaggerating. One in a hundred thousand ordinary girls maybe, but one Khalsa girl has as much courage and confidence as at least ten thousand and maybe a hundred thousand ordinary girls. I know. I used to be one. Now I'm a Khalsa old lady. We're a special breed, you know. And you don't even need to be a Khalsa, but it helps. This young woman can do it if she decides to. For everybody's sake - hers, the boy's, the parents - I hope she does, but it's up to her.

I'm sorry, that's a bit rude. I should speak directly to her: Waheguruhelpme ji, it's up to you. kaurhug


Now I'm tired and I need to take a nap.

,
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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So far ONLY 1 Girl in Punjab dared REFUSE the "free bicycle" given out by the corrupt badal Regime....many didnt feel like accepting this bribe..but took it anyway to avoid publicity..

2. So far ONLY 1 Girl dared to take up a challenge and confront the teens blowing whistles at her and disturbing her daily on her way to school...shes on facebook as Brave Girl of Punjab. She took a Rifle and challenged the miscreant to come out if he has the BXXXS !!

3. So far only 1 Girl refused to permit her family be blackmailed on her wedding Fereh...by the greedy groom and his father..she slapped the groom and told him to get LOST.

4. so far ONLy 1 girl dare commit suicide in Dhadriwallahs dera ...( i dont condone suicide but still..just one girl dared because by doing this she exposed the sant for a fraud he is..

5. So far only 2 have come out to expose the wrongdoings of pehova and Dhadriwallah..( both males)

so the figures are there...and they are insignificant...
 

Mai Harinder Kaur

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So far ONLY 1 Girl in Punjab dared REFUSE the "free bicycle" given out by the corrupt badal Regime....many didnt feel like accepting this bribe..but took it anyway to avoid publicity..

2. So far ONLY 1 Girl dared to take up a challenge and confront the teens blowing whistles at her and disturbing her daily on her way to school...shes on facebook as Brave Girl of Punjab. She took a Rifle and challenged the miscreant to come out if he has the BXXXS !!

3. So far only 1 Girl refused to permit her family be blackmailed on her wedding Fereh...by the greedy groom and his father..she slapped the groom and told him to get LOST.

4. so far ONLy 1 girl dare commit suicide in Dhadriwallahs dera ...( i dont condone suicide but still..just one girl dared because by doing this she exposed the sant for a fraud he is..

5. So far only 2 have come out to expose the wrongdoings of pehova and Dhadriwallah..( both males)

so the figures are there...and they are insignificant...

Well, this girl dared to break the arm of the fool in elementary school who wouldn't quit pulling her hair. (He had been warned.)

This girl confronted the Punjab Police inn 1984 and won (with the help of Guru Gobind Singh ji, of course).

This girl pulled her kirpan and slashed the throat of the b*****d who had murdered her son in the Delhi Pogrom, 1984.

This girl purposely became patit and eventually returned to the sangat and took Amrit again.

This girl had a massive stroke and died two times and came back from the dead, so she could talk some sense into a Sikh girl (Kaur) about to marry an unworthy Singh who would make her miserable rather than tell her parents what kind of person her really is.

And that is not insignificant.

And I have come out of retirement to tell this dear young Kaur, please don't marry this fool who is willing to throw away a diamond in order to have a taste of butter chicken right now. He is a creep impersonating a Khalsa who needs to be exposed.

Stand up for yourself whatever the cost and expose him for what he is, at least to your parents. You owe that to the Sangat and to Guru Gobind Singh ji.

And when you have done that, have an ice cream cone on me. icecreamkudi

Remain in chardi kala!

icecreamkudi
 

Harry Haller

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Also Satnaam Harry Ji,

You do not put aside the advice and guidance in the Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji when un-comfortable situations are encountered. It is there to guide you through every situation in life.

If everyone in this world thought like this "might I suggest we skip his rehabilitation" then the world would be even darker than it is now.
The guru's came into the world to rehabilitate ALL of us. thanks god they never gave up on us.

And if Satnaam Penji truely believes this, they will both come out of this stronger and better people.

Chazji

Some quotes on the keeping of company, bearing in mind Guru Nanakji rehabilitated many, a marriage however is the highest of keeping company, if she wishes to rehabilitate this fraud, I suggest she does not marry him and concentrate on his rehabilitation instead.

ਸੰਗਿ ਕੁਸੰਗੀ ਬੈਸਤੇ ਤਬ ਪੂਛੇ ਧਰਮ ਰਾਇ ॥੨॥ संगि कुसंगी बैसते तब पूछे धरम राइ ॥२॥ Sang kusangī baisṯe ṯab pūcẖẖe ḏẖaram rā▫e. ||2|| When one sits in the company of evil people, then he will be called to account by the Righteous Judge of Dharma. ||2||


ਉਹ ਝੂਲੈ ਉਹ ਚੀਰੀਐ ਸਾਕਤ ਸੰਗੁ ਨ ਹੇਰਿ ॥੮੮॥ उह झूलै उह चीरीऐ साकत संगु न हेरि ॥८८॥ Uh jẖūlai uh cẖīrī▫ai sākaṯ sang na her. ||88|| The thorn bush waves in the wind, and pierces the banana plant; see this, and do not associate with the faithless cynics. ||88||

ਕਾਮੁ ਕ੍ਰੋਧੁ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਦੁਰਜਨ ਕੀ ਤਾ ਤੇ ਅਹਿਨਿਸਿ ਭਾਗਉ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ कामु क्रोधु संगति दुरजन की ता ते अहिनिसि भागउ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ Kām kroḏẖ sangaṯ ḏurjan kī ṯā ṯe ahinis bẖāga▫o. ||1|| rahā▫o. Sexual desire, anger and the company of evil people - run away from them, day and night. ||1||Pause||

ਕਰਿ ਸੰਗਤਿ ਨਿਤ ਸਾਧ ਕੀ ਗੁਰ ਚਰਣੀ ਚਿਤੁ ਲਾਇ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥ करि संगति नित साध की गुर चरणी चितु लाइ ॥१॥ रहाउ ॥ Kar sangaṯ niṯ sāḏẖ kī gur cẖarṇī cẖiṯ lā▫e. ||1|| rahā▫o. Always keep the Company of the Holy, and focus your consciousness on the Feet of the Guru. ||1||Pause||

ਹਰਿ ਸਾਕਤ ਸੇਤੀ ਸੰਗੁ ਨ ਕਰੀਅਹੁ ਓਇ ਮਾਰੇ ਸਿਰਜਣਹਾਰੇ ॥ हरि साकत सेती संगु न करीअहु ओइ मारे सिरजणहारे ॥ Har sākaṯ seṯī sang na karī▫ahu o▫e māre sirjaṇhāre. O Lord, let me not be in the company of the faithless cynic, who is cursed by the Creator Lord.

I cannot find any justification for carrying on this relationship with the concern being rehabilitation, I think to suggest someone marries someone like this because it is in line with Sikhi is pursuing an extremely dangerous path with questionable advice,

peacesign
 

chazSingh

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First of all i think what this scenario shows is just how quickly people are to judge others and provide advice to someone based on a couple of messages on the forum from WaheguruHelpMeJi.

Thank Guru Ji that some of the sangat isn't working in the Courts :)

If i tell you things about my past, the sangat will probably crucify me :)
thank God Guru Ji never gave up on me and forgave me when i cried out to him.
Ask yourselves, if you made a very bad mistake in life, would you want the sangat to be supportive, forgiving and help you realise your mistake, or would you want the sangat to kick, punch, scream, shout and leave you on the road to rot?

None of the Sangat have spoken to her future husband, None of you have heard his voice, know him through childhood, as a friend. You all know nothing about him and have judged based on some small information.

Did anyone ask WaheguruHelpMe Ji why she sent him photo's/videos in the first place? if she was so against it, why feed the desire of her future husband.

Answer: She made a 'mistake' and learnt from it. She Had feeling from her inner Guru Ji that she was doing wrong and has 'changed' her actions.

Only WaheguruHelpMe Ji can make a decision going forward, as only she speaks with her future husband and only she hears his voice and hears what he is saying.

For all we know, he had a sudden fury of desire, acted out of his usual character, and due to WaheguruHelpMe Ji's actions of not wanting to send any more pics and videos has finally realised what a fool he has been.

Or maybe his Desire is so strong that he will continue being a fool after marriage...BUT none of the Sangat can know this. only WahegurHelpMe can decide based on her experience.

So i ask you WaheguruHelpMe, listen to your gut feeling, your inner feeling, look back at what your future husband has said, has he threatened you, threatened to hurt you, used bad language, aggressive language? was he always like this? How has he been since you've put a stop to the photos? maybe speak to him regularly for the next two or three weeks and pay extra attention to his voice, words and decide if you think he will continue to be aggressive in the future. Only you can decide Ji. Maybe ask him "you are going to be my future husband, i want to trust you with all my life, if you want more pictures and photo's i will send you more even though i', not comfortable with it and it makes me sad, but for you i will do it" if he say's that he wants more...maybe that is your answer to say NO to the marriage...that he cannot control his desire.

when two people come together in Marriage, it is like a reflection of yourself, so that you come face to face with your OWN negative aspects in your OWN character. I have learnt this in my own marriage. I used to judge my partner but realised through the difficulties i was being confronted by my own anger, desire, ego. I reliased quickly i shouldnt be judging my wife. I should be JUDGING MYSELF. I made changes to my own behaviour and that in turn changed our relationship for the better.

Whether WaheguruHelpMe Ji and her future husband get married or not and live a happy or sad life i do not know, but WaheguruHelp i think has realised from her own mistake and changed. I hope her husband also SELF JUDGES and makes a change.

I will stop writing now :) none of this was written in anger ... it was all written with a huge smile of love :)
 

Harry Haller

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Chazji, I feel compelled to dissect your post, purely because I find myself at 180 degrees to your goodself, and maybe we may both learn something.

First of all i think what this scenario shows is just how quickly people are to judge others and provide advice to someone based on a couple of messages on the forum from WaheguruHelpMeJi.

Providing advice is a bit like being a doctor when you have limited information, but I would say the first rule must be 'do no harm', which advice is not going to make a situation worse?

If i tell you things about my past, the sangat will probably crucify me

I am not sure why you have made this comment, through various posts I have always been honest about my past, and I have not found myself crucified, I don't wish to get into a competition with you about who has the murkiest, but I think I covered most vices, and it has made no difference to how I have been treated on this forum.

thank God Guru Ji never gave up on me and forgave me when i cried out to him.
Ask yourselves, if you made a very bad mistake in life, would you want the sangat to be supportive, forgiving and help you realise your mistake, or would you want the sangat to kick, punch, scream, shout and leave you on the road to rot?

There is no sin in Sikhism, so there is nothing to forgive, I personally could not care less what people thought of me, I would go one further, I could not care less what Creator thought of me, however, I do care, hugely, about what I think of myself, and I care passionately about living in line with how Creator suggests I live, as per SGGS. Creator is not sitting up there wagging his finger when you do wrong, or smiling when you do right, but then I have a very non personal relationship with Creator, it is an absolute law, more than a lovable old man with a beard. Break the law, suffer the consequences, obey the law , reap the rewards.

None of the Sangat have spoken to her future husband, None of you have heard his voice, know him through childhood, as a friend. You all know nothing about him and have judged based on some small information.

This small information, and I quote "I am hurted b'coz he forced me alot to do all this stuffs...smetimes he said i m dng suicide......smetimes other reason.........smtimes emotionally........
Now as I said no to him.......he wanna break relation.......so mean



I accepted him b'coz he was quite religious & a amritdhari. I accepted him to get a religious life. But now I had founded that he is just weak in the matter of sex.", brings tears to my eyes, how a young girl, looking for a religious strong man finds herself with someone so far away from her ideals, can be treated like this makes me very sad.

Did anyone ask WaheguruHelpMe Ji why she sent him photo's/videos in the first place? if she was so against it, why feed the desire of her future husband.

Either we are reading different posts, or you are reading what you wish to read, the below seems quite clear to me

I believe him & also he had convinced me to show my nude pics & videos as according to him it will make the relation stronger as a hubby-wife relation is 1st for sex.

For all we know, he had a sudden fury of desire, acted out of his usual character,

most crimes happen because of this, I have to say, I am glad there are not people like yourself in the courts system, you seem to have made every excuse possible, even blaming the poor girl for leading on, reading your post, wife beaters the world over can rejoice that someone actually understands them.

So i ask you WaheguruHelpMe, listen to your gut feeling, your inner feeling, look back at what your future husband has said, has he threatened you, threatened to hurt you, used bad language, aggressive language?

I have tried all means so that he can wait but he is becoming aggressive..

I think thats a yes then...........

This also is not written in anger, but with a look of bewilderment

:interestedsingh:
 

chazSingh

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Providing advice is a bit like being a doctor when you have limited information, but I would say the first rule must be 'do no harm', which advice is not going to make a situation worse?

A doctor sits with his patient face to face. The doctor not only hears the patients voice, but also see the facial expressions, physical discomfort etc etc.


There is no sin in Sikhism, so there is nothing to forgive,

asa(n)kh paapee paap kar jaahi ||
Countless sinners who keep on sinning. Jap 4 :)




I would go one further, I could not care less what Creator thought of me, And I care passionately about living in line with how Creator suggests I live,

the above sounds like a contradiction

but then I have a very non personal relationship with Creator,
You have a very personal relationship. He's sat there with you as you write this message :) you would drop to the floor if you didnt have a very personal relationship with your creator.

it is an absolute law, more than a lovable old man with a beard. Break the law, suffer the consequences, obey the law , reap the rewards.
Anyone can do the 'right' thing to 'reap the rewards'
only the few do the right thing because its the 'right' thing to do and expect nor want any reward.


This small information, and I quote "I am hurted b'coz he forced me alot to do all this stuffs...smetimes he said i m dng suicide......smetimes other reason.........smtimes emotionally........
Now as I said no to him.......he wanna break relation.......so mean

He would learn his lesson instaltly if WahegurHelpME ji had said "if you want to comit suicide, then it's up to you nothing to do with me, and if you want to break the relation then fine...i'm happy if you're happy to break it. His power of control would diminish instantly :)

I accepted him b'coz he was quite religious & a amritdhari. I accepted him to get a religious life. But now I had founded that he is just weak in the matter of sex.", brings tears to my eyes, how a young girl, looking for a religious strong man finds herself with someone so far away from her ideals, can be treated like this makes me very sad.

When we give a soul advice as in this matter, we have to understand like some of the posters above have mentioned that its very difficult to deal with parents and trying to resolve this smoothly. But as things stand the marriage is still going ahead, so bless her WaheguruHelpMe needs to be certain that this won't happen again. so maybe some tips or guidance on how she can determine that this wasn't a one off before throwing it all out in the open. Maybe if they are exchanging text messages she could save them as evidence to show the family?



most crimes happen because of this, I have to say, I am glad there are not people like yourself in the courts system, you seem to have made every excuse possible, even blaming the poor girl for leading on, reading your post, wife beaters the world over can rejoice that someone actually understands them.
The future husband hasnt hit WahegurHelpMe, And whether the future husband has led her on, she made the decision to send the picture. But god bless her, she now knows that was a mistake and her actions since then have been amazing. Very brave girl to pull herself out of this mess.
She also stood up to him and stood firm to the requests of more picturs.

Sometimes people learn very quickly after a mistake and become better people. I'm just hoping that he's one of them and i'm hoping now that he has been told of his issue with desire that he can confront it and beat it.

WaheguruHelpMe if you ae still reading these messages. If you still have time before the marriage, then use this time wisely to determine if he will have an on-going problem with his aggression. Test him, if you are using mobile phones send him text messages and if he says anything wrong, keep those messages to show your parents. Keep strong and god bless.



:interestedsingh:

God bless all
 

chazSingh

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wow..chaz singh crucified us all hanging us with the one same rope on the same tree branch..... I for one am GLAD hes not a Judge in any court i may be attending...Thank You GURU JI for such small favours...

This is what i said :)

Thank Guru Ji that SOME of the sangat isn't working in the Courts

That SOME doesnt refer to ALL

God bless all.
 

Harry Haller

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Chazji

I think it is fairly accepted that Sikhism is a religion that does not recognise sin, your quote therefore validates those that would accept the Hindu deities as real, rather than the point of reference it actually is.

I would go one further, I could not care less what Creator thought of me, And I care passionately about living in line with how Creator suggests I live,

the above sounds like a contradiction

Your absolutely correct, it does, but that is not surprising as what I actually said was

I would go one further, I could not care less what Creator thought of me, however, I do care, hugely, about what I think of myself, and I care passionately about living in line with how Creator suggests I live, as per Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji

You see the written Bani, the word, following the words, acting out the words are a lesson in living in consonance with Creation, it is practical everyday truthful living, rather than the Yogi Bear method.

We all believe differently veerji, I do not believe Creator is a 'he', that implies 'he' has a personality, gets happy, gets sad, acts in an Abrahamic fashion, etc, the Creator for me is simply a truthful energy or force, I abide by the laws of Creation, I do not have a 'relationship'.

Anyone can do the 'right' thing to 'reap the rewards'
only the few do the right thing because its the 'right' thing to do and expect nor want any reward.

We must be careful we do not fall in the trap that all is good, and all is fate, it is not, our destiny lies to a huge extent in our own hands, if I smoke drugs and sleep with *****s, I will end up taking years of my life and getting a STD, if I do not, then the reward is I live longer, and do not get nasty boils, or worse. Creator gives us free will, out of that free will, we can either do the right thing, and enjoy the consequences or do the wrong thing and suffer the consequences, I find your saint like behaviour idealistic, but then I have said this before..

When we give a soul advice as in this matter, we have to understand like some of the posters above have mentioned that its very difficult to deal with parents and trying to resolve this smoothly. But as things stand the marriage is still going ahead, so bless her WaheguruHelpMe needs to be certain that this won't happen again. so maybe some tips or guidance on how she can determine that this wasn't a one off before throwing it all out in the open. Maybe if they are exchanging text messages she could save them as evidence to show the family?

When a dog bites me, I do not give it a second chance to bite me, I find that completely in line with Sikhi, your interpretation ,again, seems Abrahamic and along the lines of turn the other cheek, Creator gave us a brain, it is only fair we use it, rather than blindly follow rhetoric without thinking, or using discretion, but, and I am going to be cruel here, what else can you expect when one puts more importance on repeating Bani rather than understanding it and practising it with logic and understanding, Apologies for any offence, but your swimming on the surface brother, maybe you need to dive down a bit.
The future husband hasnt hit WahegurHelpMe, And whether the future husband has led her on, she made the decision to send the picture. But god bless her, she now knows that was a mistake and her actions since then have been amazing. Very brave girl to pull herself out of this mess.
She also stood up to him and stood firm to the requests of more picturs.

Strangely enough I have absolutely no problem with the pictures, if he wants them, and she wants to send them, fine, consenting adults and all that, no problems, and I do not see it as a mistake, if they are both happy, the mistake here, in my view is being pressured into doing something that you do not want to do, doing it, and then being put under more pressure to continue, this is a classic sign of bullying, and in my view, just the start of the sort of behaviour that some males display throughout married life, once bitten, twice shy, time to get out

Sometimes people learn very quickly after a mistake and become better people. I'm just hoping that he's one of them and i'm hoping now that he has been told of his issue with desire that he can confront it and beat it
.

I am willing to take responsibility for my advice, worst scenario? they don't get married, he gets exposed, but the consequences of your advice are far far worse, would you be willing to take responsibility for the consequences if he does not learn very quickly?

I apologise for the tone of this post, however, in my view, people who are willing to forgive and forget do more damage than they realise, we are Sikhs, we should stand up for ourselves and illuminate those that behave this way with a big spotlight, not give them a chance to weasel out and then do it all again,
 

chazSingh

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Chazji

I think it is fairly accepted that Sikhism is a religion that does not recognise sin, your quote therefore validates those that would accept the Hindu deities as real, rather than the point of reference it actually is.

A seeker of the 'Truth' (a sikh) does not deal in what is 'fairly accepted' he deals in the 'TRUTH'. To me a Sin is doing something that harms others (mentally, physically, spiritualy). Many human actions can involve this and i regard them as Sins regadless of what is 'fairly accepted' besides the quote i gave was from Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji which also contains the 'TRUTH' :)

You see the written Bani, the word, following the words, acting out the words are a lesson in living in consonance with Creation, it is practical everyday truthful living, rather than the Yogi Bear method.

This 'TRUTHFUL LIVING' exists alongside Yoga/Simran/Meditation
thoo(n) gur prasaadh kar raaj jog ||1||
By Guru's Grace, practice Raja Yoga, the Yoga of meditation and success. ||1||

Another 'Truth' written by Guru Arjan Dev Ji....or was he just referring to the Yogi Bear Method? :)


If you want 'truthful' living, you have to have all of it, not just parts of it.


When a dog bites me, I do not give it a second chance to bite me, I find that completely in line with Sikhi, your interpretation ,again, seems Abrahamic and along the lines of turn the other cheek

I like to practice the art of 'Forgiveness', its one of the 'Divine powers' mentioned in Gurbani. We like others to forgive us, be we dont want to fogive others? I also enjoy seeing someone change their ways and become a better person...faith in God is also having faith in people also...they are not two seperate entities...they are ONE brother. Not everyone will change, but it's always worth a try isn't it?

I am going to be cruel here, what else can you expect when one puts more importance on repeating Bani rather than understanding it and practising it with logic and understanding, Apologies for any offence, but your swimming on the surface brother, maybe you need to dive down a bit.

No Offence Ji, Only the Ego gets offended, and where there is EGO there is no GOD
And as on many occasions i will ask Guru Ji to answer you on your above statement:

math maleen paragatt bhee jap naam muraaraa ||
My polluted intellect was enlightened by chanting the Naam, the Name of the Lord.

guramukhaa man paragaas hai sae viralae kaeee kaee ||
The minds of the Gurmukhs are illuminated and enlightened; they are so very rare.

It's true gurbani always has an asnwer for everything :)


I am willing to take responsibility for my advice, worst scenario? they don't get married, he gets exposed, but the consequences of your advice are far far worse, would you be willing to take responsibility for the consequences if he does not learn very quickly?

WaheguruHelpMe needs to take responsibility. She is speaking to her future husband daily and she needs to determine the best course of action.I'm sure she'll make the right decision. She has strong inner feelings from Guru Ji, i'm sure she'll work it out. The truth is, she already had a lot of the answers in the things she said :)

sa(n)th maarag chalath praanee pathith oudhharae muchai ||
Walking on the path of the Saints, millions of mortal sinners have been saved.

God bless all
 

chazSingh

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Chazji

and I am going to be cruel here, what else can you expect when one puts more importance on repeating Bani rather than understanding it and practising it with logic and understanding, Apologies for any offence, but your swimming on the surface brother, maybe you need to dive down a bit.

Harry Ji,

Just another something concerning the statement above.

Guru Ji and God have already kindly provided this filthy dirty sinner (myself) with the proof that erased all of my doubts.

gur poorai har naam dhirraaeiaa thin vichahu bharam chukaaeiaa ||
The Perfect Guru has implanted the Name of the Lord within me. It has dispelled my doubts from within.

kahu naanak gur bharam kaattiaa sagal breham beechaar ||4||25||95||
Says Nanak, the Guru has removed my doubts; I recognize God in all. ||4||25||95||


It is not for me to tell you what that proof was. It is for you to give your mind body and soul to the Guru to whom it belongs and experience the proof for yourself. Truthful living is for selfless service, sharing with others and Simran.

ooch athhaah baea(n)th suaamee simar simar ho jeevaa(n) jeeo ||1||
Highest of the High, Unfathomable, Infinite Lord and Master: continually remembering You in deep meditation, I live. ||1||

To the above gurbani quote i say Satnaam Satnaam Satnaam.
I don't know how much more clearer gurbani can be.

God bless the Sangat
 

Inderjeet Kaur

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Dear ChazSingh ji,

I have been thinking about what you said all night and I have come to this conclusion:

I have seen too many black eyes, broken bones, broken lives and even corpses of battered wives to give any advice other than what I have said. Perhaps this is just one aberration in an otherwise sterling character. That is very rarely the case, but it could be. Is it worth gambling this young woman's life on that possibility? Only she can answer that..

What he is doing, he did not do once on an irresistable impulse, but repeatedly, coercively. He has threatened to ruin her reputation and hence her life, since reputatiion is everything to a woman in India. This is action unbecoming of any Sikh, let alone one calling himself a Khalsa.

Whether she decides to stay with this guy or not, she needs to learn to defend herself. All Kaurs, in fact all Sikhs, should know elementary self defence.

I am sorry to be so harsh here, but my experience is that such harshness is called for in a case like this. A woman's life may depend on her understanding the danger.

Sadly, I must stand by what I have said.
 

Inderjeet Kaur

Writer
SPNer
Oct 13, 2011
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Seattle, Washington, USA
Sangat ji don't u feel that I should marry him & correct his mistakes. Always make him felt if he did any wrong.


How many ways can I say NO! It is a mistake to get married expecting to be able to change the other. He will change only if he chooses to change and your attempts will only annoy and provoke him.

I am sorry to be so harsh, but as I said in my previous response, I have seen this scenario too often and in every single case, I have seen things go from bad to worse, with the wife always the victim.

You are an adult and have the right to live your life as you see fit, of course. You will live as you choose. That is your right. I just don't want to see you in a news report as yet another victim. And you did ask.
 
May 27, 2012
9
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He had not threatened me to ruin my reputation.......He is nice in that behaviour.......he said he never do permanent damage

He just threatened to break the relation........which was just a threat he was not serious

Now he had accepted my request of not sending him my pics/videos...........

Now in which basis I should think of breaking the relation??????????
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
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Bhenji

we are not fighting, and neither of us are angry.What we are all doing is playing Devils advocate, providing you with a myriad of choices and possibilities so that you may use the combined wisdom of the sangat to assist you.

I have huge respect and love for Chaziji, and my admiration for his convictions is huge, however I see things differently, and in my view you need to consider all options, both are within Sikhi, both honourable, only you can decide what is for you.

I would ask that you do one thing, confide in a family member, and then make your decision
 
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