Dating Situations. Arggghhhh! Help! | Sikh Philosophy Network
  • Welcome to all New Sikh Philosophy Network Forums!
    Explore Sikh Sikhi Sikhism...
    Sign up Log in

Dating Situations. Arggghhhh! Help!

harshsingh

SPNer
Mar 13, 2011
21
20
25
New Zealand
waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh.................I need some advice :):
I have amrit for about 7 months now so am still new to a lot of thing, around 2-3 months ago i started dating this girl who i was confident was the one and when i started i knew about the gursikhi side to everything and was unsure. I asked about for advice and in coclusion i had the situation where i had discussed that she could be the one for me and had decided to stick with the relationship, we continued dating and broke up a month later. Now ive started dating another girl and this is where any advice is good advice. ive talked to her about it and she said that she only wants to date too if we serous and we happily agreed that we arent gonna do anything 'more' and were just gonna hangout and date. the problem is that i feel stupid going into something again as if im just playing with maya. She is a faithful christain who goes to church every saturday and is someone ho upholds her values. I tried to avoid any girls, especially after i realized the first one was just a sill crush but this girl is someone who ive known for ages and just developed over time. haha i know i sound stupid lol, but idk what to do... we've only gone out for a week but i can tell she really into me, and this time it feels different but im worried if im just playing with maya, that im repeating exactly what i did last time and should back away completely. I also understand that this is one of those things where i have to decide myself in the end, but any advice would be appreciated :) please help!!. wjkk wjkf.
 

Kanwaljit.Singh

Writer
SPNer
Jan 29, 2011
1,496
2,165
Vancouver, Canada
The advice I can give is.. possibly don't take any advice!

This is coming from a 26 year ol' guy who's had a single date and one long distance relationship lasting a week. Everyone here is a bundle of their own decisions and views.

You are 16 and finding a place in your world. Do what you feel right. But one thing I can say is that never let one bad experience make you turn away from all other 'potentially' good ones.

If you are crushed or she is, you might not know it in a month or a year, takes time.

As a Sikh, I wish to advice you to consider the fact that marrying a Christian means you lack the spousal support in pursuing your religion. But I would let things come to that!
 

harshsingh

SPNer
Mar 13, 2011
21
20
25
New Zealand
thanks, i do feel like i should pursue this, i feel that as long as she doesnt effect my simran dramatically and i dont go breaking any rules with her that i should be fine and that it is a test in time for which i can only have faith in Vaheguru's hukam. thanks :)
 

Ambarsaria

ੴ / Ik▫oaʼnkār
Writer
SPNer
Dec 21, 2010
3,380
5,687
Harshsingh veer welcome to spn and your post. I will suggest just be.

The chances of marriage decisions or such happening at age 16 are very remote. So be friends and never make such into a this is the only person I can live with forever. Sorry it is a bit of advice but we all feel such many a times in life with many people.

Be yourself, let her be herself, enjoy the company, enjoy honesty, communication and caring. No matter what please keep things positive whether short term or long term.

Sat Sri Akal.
 

harshsingh

SPNer
Mar 13, 2011
21
20
25
New Zealand
thanks for that advice, my mum said the same thing. What do u say if myself and the girl have disscussed this and since we ar not doing anything and dont want to anytime soon + there is little lust in our relationsship, not enough to trigger anything, we have decided nothing will go wrong with just being in a relationship without any ott stuff ?
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
8,179
51
Harshsinghji

I do not think you will go wrong, you seem quite mature for your age, you are close enough to your mother to discuss this, and this sounds like quite a mature relationship, dare I say it, it sounds more mature than my relationship, and Im married!

Just be honest, with yourself, with those around you, and remember where you came from, I don't think you can go wrong on that basis, If you find yourself battling inwardly or changing into something you do not like, talk to your mom, she sounds like a very understanding lady
 

harshsingh

SPNer
Mar 13, 2011
21
20
25
New Zealand
hahaha, thank you for that, i deerly thank Vaheguru for giving me the option of being able to talk with my mum and also openely talk to people. i feel like if i have faith in Vaheguru then his Hukam will hopefully led me in the right direction :D
 

OneD10s

SPNer
Nov 28, 2011
34
49
I think being 16 you are way to young to be thinking about marriage and long term relationship. I think marriage is one of them societal pressures which when you do actually get married it is considered as something good and an achievement (especially in the Indian culture) from friends and families.

In most cases getting married is a burden you cannot do the things that you can when you are young and single e.g traveling

Enjoy your life, and gain experience.
 

harshsingh

SPNer
Mar 13, 2011
21
20
25
New Zealand
thanks ji..... ive also come to realise that im still young lol, and i have to enjoy life as it is rather than worry about such things. I still like this girl but im not going to go for anything at this age hahaha. Thanks for the advice everyone :)
 

Navdeep88

Writer
SPNer
Dec 23, 2009
442
655
harshsingh ji,

i thought i would provide a female perspective. i dont know about men but emotional attachment is a big thing, if it doesn't work out, it can hurt a LOT. Personally I think an intellectual stance is very important when it comes to relationships, its important to know what you are looking for, and the lifestyle you plan to have. It's easy to become all gaga in love, that parts fun but if long-term that person doesn't fit into your view of your life, then it can become a very trying situation. Contrary to popular belief, I think a person can walk into love maturely, "falling into love" is a conscious choice. You decide when, how and who you want to share your heart with. Things like culture, family, religious background and practice are very important things to consider.

*best of luck with your relationship though.
 

Ambarsaria

ੴ / Ik▫oaʼnkār
Writer
SPNer
Dec 21, 2010
3,380
5,687
Dating is against the rules in Sikhism. Your supposed to treat everyone as a sister or aunt/brother or uncle. I was told this by my local Panth in my Gurdwara.
Sorry to diagree 13800038 ji with perhaps your advisor. Showing interest in a future life partner for an eligible bachelor towards an eligible bachelorette is not against Sikhism. As otherwise there can only be arranged marriages!

Sat Sri Akal.
 

Ambarsaria

ੴ / Ik▫oaʼnkār
Writer
SPNer
Dec 21, 2010
3,380
5,687
Veer Ji There are only arranged marriages as even when we fall in love, it has been arranged.
Scarlet Pimpernel Veer ji you wonderfully showed me the way here. Impossible to disapprove your logic. I was too narrow minded. I agree it can be just random looking as though pre-destined or arranged, sign of made for each other.

wahmundawahmunda
Tum Agar Saath Dene Ka Vada Karo (Hamraaz) - YouTube
mundahugmundahug

Thank you.

Sat Sri Akal.
 
Last edited:

Kamala

Banned
May 27, 2011
389
146
Canada.
Sorry to diagree 13800038 ji with perhaps your advisor. Showing interest in a future life partner for an eligible bachelor towards an eligible bachelorette is not against Sikhism. As otherwise there can only be arranged marriages!
Thats a sign of lust, which tarnishes the image of Sikhs as in showing they are fools who go out looking for future husbands/wifes in a shameless way. Now if you were a vichola, that would be different. Love grows once you get married, not the other way around. Although it works your way to, but it shows you have no shame or very less. :)
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
8,179
51
Nothing tarnishes the image of Sikhs more than misinformation. For the record, we are all fools, some of us are just more foolish than others. This sort of Taliban Sikhi is not very constructive, neither to dialogue nor to personal development. I would drop your advisor and seek the truth out yourself.
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
8,179
51
Thats a sign of lust, which tarnishes the image of Sikhs as in showing they are fools who go out looking for future husbands/wifes in a shameless way. Now if you were a vichola, that would be different. Love grows once you get married, not the other way around. Although it works your way to, but it shows you have no shame or very less. :)
Sure, lets look at your facts,

Dating is a sign of lust and is something fools do in a shameless way
Love grows once you are married, not the other way around
If you do not follow this, then you are shameless

Are these facts you have read in a book? or have you lived them?
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
8,179
51
They sound more like Punjabi cultural traditions than Gurbani......................
 

Create an account or login to comment

You must be a member in order to leave a comment

Create account

Create an account on our community. It's easy!

Log in

Already have an account? Log in here.

Shabad Vichaar by SPN'ers

Guru Arjan Dev composed several shabads in which he spoke of his son Hargobind, speaking of joy at his birth and praise and thanksgiving when Waheguru saved the child from fever. Guru ji also...

SPN on Facebook

...
Top