Sat Nam Mai Ji
It is nice to see you on this site! A mutual friend has already introduced us. I have checked your blog and emailed you. What a great site this is!
Anyway. I also believe freedom needs to be actively taken or at least actively worked towards.
Sometimes we ourselves live under the illusion that because we are Sikh and Sikhism states that women and men have equality, that this equality exists and perhaps we are not active enough, because of this illusion.
But if we actually breakdown our culture we see that there is still a lot of inequality and even oppression. Obviously not all households are like this and not all individuals, but there is work to be done!
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Hope you are well and even though I have not met you, I am thinking of you and you are in my prayers.
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ke Fatheh,
Waheguru ji ka khalsa. Waheguru ji ki fateh! Welcome to SPN. welcomekaur This is a great group. Since I am physically unable to get out much, these people here are most of my Sangat.
This whole gender inequality among Sikhs is a painful problem for me in a weird sort of way. I know from my own experience how unnecessary it is and I know how it could be overcome. Unfortunately, few Sikhs of either sex are willing to take the plunge. It does involve being unconventional, a big no-no in Punjabi culture.
My Dad, brilliant and somewhat eccentric, was left to raise me after Mother decided she had better things to do with her life than to raise a girl who would probably die anyway. As the only girl and with 7 older brothers, it could have been a disaster. It wasn't. Dad decided to raise me to be the kind of woman he would have liked to marry, but couldn't find. He encouraged me to be as strong and tough as my brothers, insofar as that was possible, taking into account that I was less than half the size of the smallest. He educated me physically, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually.
Over and over like a mantra I heard: "There are millions of things society won't let you do because you're a girl/woman. There are millions of things you can't do because of personal limitations. There is exactly one thing you really can't do because you're a girl/woman." Here was always a big laugh. "You cannot father a child." To be truthful, he wasn't much into personal limitations, although he was willing to concede that I'd never be an operatic soprano, but only after the fourth voice teacher said it was hopeless. I still want to sing and I still can't carry a tune.
I was taught from the very beginning to be strong, self-reliant and self-confident. Not that the "gentle arts" were ignored. I learned cooking and sewing and housekeeping, along with culture and languages and science and anything else of mutual interest. (BTW, although there was much grumbling, my brothers could also cook and sew (at least a button) and clean the house.) Always, Mai Bhago was held up as one ideal. So were the male shaheeds. Dad saw no reason his daughter couldn't fight a battle holding her severed head in one hand and her kirpan in another.
I must make it clear that while Dad encouraged me to excel, he never belittled or humiliated me. I never felt anything except love and acceptance from him. (OK, he did get mad when I pulled his kitty's tail, but that's another story. Stupid cat!)
When the time came, all our hard work paid off and I was able to do what was required of me.
Now I realise that not all Sikh Dads can be geniuses, eccentric or otherwise, but they can all encourage their daughters to exceed the limits placed on them by society, whether Punjabi or Western.
Also most Sikh girls have mothers who can encourage them as well, instead of insisting on silly conformism. So, they ask, who will marry these strong warrior princesses? That's easy. Our strongest Singhs who want a companion to share the adventure of life with them instead of a slave to bow to them. I married young to a man I deeply loved and admired, and Ihad all the joys of traditional womanhood along with everything else.
Of course, this was cut short when I literally went into battle beside my Khalsa Singh...
People say that I am extraordinary. That is true, but the reason is nothing in me that others Kaurs don't have. The difference is having a radically different upbringing from other Sikh girls. Did I mention that throughout childhood,into adulthood and even now, my physical health has been very delicate? I was born with a congenital blood condition that is usually fatal at a young age. I fortunately had a Dad that, while giving me all the loving care and medical aid available, still insisted I be all I could be - all I wanted to be.
Guru ji has given us Sikhs something special. If we want to live large - whether Kaur or Singh - we have that capability in us. If our own parents haven't help us develop this in ourselves, let us at least encourage our own children, Kaurs and Singhs alike, instead of clinging to a bunch of antiquated, patriarchal, comfortable customs.
(Sorry for my long windedness.)
japposatnamwaheguru:
