Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

svea00

SPN Sewadaar
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

My boyfriend has a long beard and I dont have a problem with it at all.I fell in love with him for who he was as a person, not his facial hair. Him having a long beard is a part of his identity as a sikh and something he likes to have and if you love your partner you should accept them and let them be who they wanna be...

Your the one who has to go to bed with yourself at night and be happy with how you live your life, not all the people on the street:rolleyes:

Flower2 Ji!
Very well said!
 

Flower2

SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Thanks,Svea00

It IS hard at times to follow what you believe in and to be true to your heart, but its the best way to good to bed with a clear conscious:D
 

Rajwinder

Writer
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Well .. Few things :

When u do something differnt , u will get noticed .. so every body is clean shaven and u are having hairs or no body is wearing turbans and u r . Now the questioni comes if u r looks are differnt then what so special about u .. like if u wearing military , air force or navy uniform u look diff but u do things that are diff.

Wearing a turban and having beard make us diff but the qualities that we should be having are missing in most of the sikhs. Now sticking to those qualities ( what ever i know) is not a simple job. So what we do is what ever " We can do" we do and keep our self as sikhs. And this is not a problem with only sikhism .. u take religion what they were 100 years back and how todays youth is taking that. Sikhs felt immidiate reaction cause turban is missing.

Now "whey sikh girls dont want to marry sikh boys" is it self a tricky question :) .. consider this family , where people use to go to gurdwara on Birthdays and anniversaries , do path rarely and even if they do just to complete on task of the day and no history about sikhs being discussed in home and on top of the Media + society

A girl grown up in this kind of family i dont call her a sikh at all. and it is similar for a boy. So what this question actaully meant is " Why a girl dont want to marry a boy having turban on his head and haris on his body ?" :) which is having quite obvious ans .. :)
 

pk70

Writer
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

(quote Rajwinder..)
Wearing a turban and having beard make us diff but the qualities that we should be having are missing in most of the sikhs.
consider this family , where people use to go to gurdwara on Birthdays and anniversaries , do path rarely and even if they do just to complete on task of the day and no history about sikhs being discussed in home and on top of the Media + society
A girl grown up in this kind of family i dont call her a Sikh at all. and it is similar for a boy. So what this question actaully meant is " Why agirl dont want to marry a boy having turban on his head and haris on his body ?which is having quite obvious ans ..

What a truth ! Hard to swallow though, all the same, mirror reflects what is in front of it; good job for showing it Rajwinder ji
 
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Hi,

I would like to say that i do not really think that is an issue for a woman.

To wear your Kesh in the sytle of a Top Knot is a practice that goes back to the age of The Buddha and is nothing to be ashamed of at all. It is the practice of our forefathers and i for one am carrying it forward.

It is because of the Western followed by the Eastern Poodle media, that the a hairless body is seen as attractive and Brothers are dropping their Pugha Left right and Centre.

Do not underestimate their power, Are Black Men/Women Not seen as attractive now? (Note, not saying anything untowards there, just illustrating thier power) But have they not been looked down by *Everyone* at some point?

We feel off-centre, non-represented, off-key and add to that the negative protrayal of Sikhs in Bollywood Where we are idiots who urinate themselves (Mission Kashmir anyone?) amongst the clown who cannot get his wife preganant, the Drunk, the Comic relief, and you have the perfect recipe for the demise of Sikhi.

Today we live at the crest of an age where it will be normal for a guy to remove the hairs on his chest in 10-15 years. Mark my words.

And for the record, i do have hair on my chest, why, because i am a Man. No Spiritual, Biological, quasi-scientific reason, but because i am a Man. Deal with it.

My experiences have truely taught me that it as long as you have masculine characteristics women will *Love* you like a breathe of fresh air. In my experience women are turned on by someone who embodies Dominance, Power, Self-Control, Sexual Awareness, Intelligence and Humor amongst other things.

Let me share a story, I was working partime in a supermarket a longh time ago and there was a Pakistani woman working with me, who frankly was incredibly attractive. Obviously i got on with her, but those days i was a little reserved.
Anyway, the manager(A married man i would like to add) who was also a Pakistani tried it on with her in such a bad way that she resigned from the company in tears.
When i found out, I brought her back in the store and harrassed him the exact same way saying exactly what he said to her in front of everyone.
The Manager was so embarrassed he apologised to her profusely and resigned within the week.

Lets just say that the Pakistani woman and me went beyond being friends from that day.
To her, A Sikh was someone that she associated with strength, Respect, Control, Dominance and other things all because of my actions.

Perhaps some Sisters out there can explain it from the angel of a woman to give a deeper insight?

When you realise that it is how you make a woman feel, not what you look like that is the differentiating factor, then your whole outlook on life changes.
Note for the record, i am not saying whether you have Kesh or not, but when you go beyond the physical and work on your character as a Man you will see a HUGE difference.

A few Brothers who are older then me could possibly backme up on this.

On a side note, I think Keshdari Women are beautiful! They go beyond the Phyisical so please do not think you have to alter yourselves to bag a man like me ;)

S. Lotus Lion
 

drkhalsa

SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Lately I have been reading about Neuro Linguistic Programming( NLP)

It basically proves the fact that human behaviour is programmed and it relies on the cues it recieves from all its senses and automated respnse is bound to happen

SO physical Dimension is just one cue and rest Cues ( the way you speak , the words you use , the way you dress and way you behave and the way you smell) still are there in case of somebody Physically Different .
 

sskohli

SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

WJKK WJKF
This topic is dear to my heart, as I am in the same boat as most of my brothers, looking for a bride.

I really don't know about most of the hunks who havereplied to this thread, but I am not the partying outgoing types which can find their own girl. I was the nerdy, happy go lucky spiritual oriented person, who didn't think that way. Don't know just didn't have the inclination.

Prior to this experience, I had no qualms of having full beard and hair and the works, but as I am meeting more and more sikh women for marriage purposes, I can clearly demarcate them into broadly two types. The modern, confident attractive women, who themselves have cut hair and expect thier spouse to be the same. The other types are subdued, family dominated (read not much attractive) women.

Maybe its me, but I can shout to the top of my voice about the goodness and pride of sikhism, but when it comes down to being practical and marrying a woman you are attracted to, I really do get doubts.

I don't know but let's be practical, if we shun from the reality and just Impose a particular tradition, just because it has been followed for soo many years, it'll just make our religion shallow and narrow.

I seriously don't know what is more important, to "Follow" a paricular tradition just on the outside or to follow from inside. Does this mean we are like other religions? If you're not a christian, you are doomed.
Or if you cut your hair/beard, we'll be dispelled from finding god, or would that make us a bad person.

I think we have just narrowed down our thinking sooooo much just to hair, and letting the real part of the religion, the teachings just to be sidetracked.

Hope by just sharing my thoughts, don't make me an anti-sikh.

WJKK WJKF
Sandeep
 

svea00

SPN Sewadaar
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Dear Sandeep Ji!
I don´t think at all that you are anti-sikh.
You´re right that in this dharma all humans, doesn´t matter what colour, race or religion are equal. But on the other hand when it come to marrige..., you see everyone wants to marry someone he or she feels a certain similarity with. That means in all life matters including religious beliefs. A certain hince of attraction also included.

As a keshdari sikh man or woman you might want a partner who at least accepts your looks, better of course someone who appreciates it.
You´re totally right that looks might not allways express the inner strength of religious or moral status of a person.

But anyway, if you are a practising sikh getting up early and doing your banis, you might want a lifepartner who also gets up with you and doesn´t stay in bed until noon.

I think as well that inner qualities and a similarity in lifestyle and attitude till life is more important than only looks. I just think if the woman or man does not accept you as a keshdari that means that you´re not operating on the same spiritual level. Is too superficial and no option for you.

And Sandeep, I do think that there are modern, confident and attractive women who at the same time are religious orientated out there, maybe waiting for that special someone who himself is spiritual orientated, happy and modern at the same time.

For this is a point I often see as a problem with you guys. And this i actually what I think is the crux here. Many girls think of a keshdari man that he might be too traditional and might subdue them and therefore go for the more "modern"-cleanshaved type. So I now myself that hair doesn´t say that much about your attitude to "modernity". Meaning not sleeping around, but maybe sharing both work and family duties and pleasures 50/50.

Best wishes on you search.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, Waheguru ji ki fateh,

S
 

Archived_Member_19

(previously amarsanghera, account deactivated at t
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

<<The modern, confident attractive women, who themselves have cut hair and expect thier spouse to be the same. The other types are subdued, family dominated (read not much attractive) women.>>

is it free will at work?

:D
 
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Hi SSKohli,

Given the fact that i am one of people on this thread who is advising what can be done, i can only come to the conclusion that the 'Hunk' aspect has to some degree been directed towards myself. As a result, i wish to respond.

For the record, as discussed earlier, I am not a 'hunk'. I am a 5ft 7 Guy who looks after himself and developed all aspects of my interaction with women on a Non-plutonic level. If i can do it, I do not see why anyone else can.

Feeling sorry for yourself just does not cut it i am afraid. People pick up on it and do not wish to associate and ultimately steer clear which only exasperates the situation further. A little blunt i know but we all need a little tough love sometimes.

Let us take another example that practically everyone can associate with, Money.

If I had a small amount of money and was bemoaning that there is nothing i can do about it, the odds are stacked against me etc..., what would one say?

Figure out how to make money, Develop your financial Intelligence by imersing yourself in the topic, hang round with people who are financially intelligent, read books, get knowledged up, practice, and after x duration you will be so clued up, money will come to you. There is nothing wrong with it at all.

I hope you can see what i am getting at here.

"I was the nerdy, happy go lucky spiritual oriented person, who didn't think that way."

Perhaps this is where the problem lies. Your self perception? As far as i am aware, Women are not really going to be into that.

Someone once said to me that you need to earn the right to be yourself and my experiences have taught me that that is true.
To a degree i was like this, but understand that this is only one aspect to yourself. When you fill out the rest, then you can show this aspect of yourself.

As said before, Women want a Man.(not to say you are not) But then What is a Man? for me it boils down to possessing qualities such as Self control, Respect, Dominance, Direction, Humour (Not dorky) and Ambition to name but a few.

Self control can also branch out into the physical, so having a toned body where you are not overtly large and dress sharply make a big difference.

Please look at our forefathers too. For me, they were the perfect embodiment of Sikhi. What can you see in them that we are lacking today?

Learning about these things can make a massive difference.

My best regards,

Lotus
 

sskohli

SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

hello lion,
Thanks for your reply.
I never meant to attack anybody here on the forum, I myself am here for the discussion and the knowledge everyone shares.
Maybe I should get to know your "skills" in a PM, that would help me to appreciate things better than I am viewing it :).
Please no hard feelings.

Thanks
sandeep
 
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Hi Sandeep,

Did not feel attacked, If anything, think i attacked you lol and for that i apologies.

Just want people to know that whilst looks are a factor, it is not the deciding one.

We can PM too, not a problem at all, in fact it would be a pleasure, but i feel that all men, Turban wearing or not, can benefit from this discussion.

I simply wish to give out tools, how people use them is up to them.

And by tools i mean methods. Methods that can enhance(uncover/build?) the person mentally, physically and emotionally.

Mentally - Learning how to interact on a non-plutonic level (most important)
Physically - Dressing well, good body language, toning yourself
Emotionally - Reading the Scriptures, being in control, aspiring to be a better Man.

Developing yourself socially is also very important. Going to every event you are invited to helps you come out of your shell as does joining club that you are into e.g Football, Yoga, mediation, etc... anything where you are interacting with people on a daily basis but keep the end goal in mind.

My best regards,

Lotus
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Hi Sandeep,

Did not feel attacked, If anything, think i attacked you lol and for that i apologies.

Just want people to know that whilst looks are a factor, it is not the deciding one.

We can PM too, not a problem at all, in fact it would be a pleasure, but i feel that all men, Turban wearing or not, can benefit from this discussion.

I simply wish to give out tools, how people use them is up to them.

And by tools i mean methods. Methods that can enhance(uncover/build?) the person mentally, physically and emotionally.

Mentally - Learning how to interact on a non-plutonic level (most important)
Physically - Dressing well, good body language, toning yourself
Emotionally - Reading the Scriptures, being in control, aspiring to be a better Man.

Developing yourself socially is also very important. Going to every event you are invited to helps you come out of your shell as does joining club that you are into e.g Football, Yoga, mediation, etc... anything where you are interacting with people on a daily basis but keep the end goal in mind.

My best regards,

Lotus

lotus lion ji

A lot of wisdom in your reply -- people who go out of their way to engage other people in many positive ways are the ones who are seen as "attractive" and desirable. There is a line in a song. I hope I get it right -- "People who like people are the loveliest people." :):):)
 
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Dear Ricchaa
Sat sri akal jee !

I fully agree to what you say as to y Sikh guys find difficulty in getting good sikh girls but what is the solution . Girls feel that non sikh guys are more smarter than Sikh guys and the same has been depicted in movies very well by showing them as second hand charcters also.

To all those sikh guys on this site and the world we need to do something now else u will find Sikhism coming to an end . I am thinking on this matter and would take some big step which actually is needed at this juncture.

SIkh guys are the most hardworking intelligent but they end up making only good friend with girls pity on them ......why not Boyfriends if we think of metros.....

Just look at Muslim women , or women from southern part of India , Haryanvi Jatts all prefer their type of guys BUt sikh girls dont want sikh guys SHAME ON THEM AND THEIR PARENTS .....I dont feel to apoplogise anybody for my words.....and if it hurts it should because I LOOK AT BIGGER HORIZON WHERE SMALL SACRIFICES IF REQUIRED ARE NEEDED TO ACCOMPLISH THE BIG GOAL OF PRESERVING AND ENHANCING SIKHISM.

I being a SIkh guy have really felt this .....I want my other Sikh friends should get better treatment and good Sikh girls....Y sikh girls forget MATA GUJRI jee sacrifice for their religion and why parents fail to embedd their strong values of Gurus in their daughters......
 

Amarpal

Mentor
Writer
SPNer
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Dear Khalsa Ji,

If a Sikh girl does not want to marry a Sikh boy, it is because they know Sikh boys better than the boys of other communities.

The girls concept of Handsome boy is not an extrapolation of the concept of beauty the guys have. To them the source of real attraction is the way the boy stands the way he walks, his mannerism etc etc.

The offensives aspect in Sikh boys, the abusive language they use, the alcohol they imbibe, the jokes they cut about women and girls. Lack of respect for feminity and girl child as evident in the sex ratio that exists. Trimming beard is also a measure of person's convition and family values.

On the average Sikh boys are in the business of money making, but the enjoyment the girls get in their would be spouse being respected for his intellectual capabilities is over whelming. The Sikh boys should, even in business should be well educated to convers well is elite gathering. Wider the knowledge more one is in circulation, provided one is not arrogant. They like their spouse to be elegantly dressed and being respected in a party or gethering.

Educated and cultivated Sikh youths who have been given proper values by the parents have no problem.

The yardstick against which the educated intelligent girls in the age group of 23 and above measure their would be spouse are

(i) Reliability of the boy

(ii) The Samskaras

(iii)Habit of Drinking, non drinker is prefered.

(iv) his behavior towards strangers. mannerism, the bent of mind, pleasing and not vindictive or abusive

(v) Education and ability to support the family in a decent way and the prospects for growth.

(vii) Family back ground and how ( happily) and where the individuals of the family are settled. The respect that the society has for the parents and individuals constituting the family.

All these go in the decision making of the girls who have been properly brought up. educated and guided by the parents in what a married life is.

With love and respec for all.

Amarpal Singh
 
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Amarpal ji how do you explain the demand in Sikh matrimonials... guy must have his hair cut or something similar?
 
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

good answer I fully support you in your cause . If we can really do something in real world it would be wonder like say putting some banners with such questions at different gurudwaras or something like that ....I really wish to see Sikh guys / girls maintaining their identity.

Br

Dilraj Singh
Dilraj7447@gmail.com
 

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