Why can't I be what I want? | Sikh Philosophy Network
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Why can't I be what I want?

Ryrtt

SPNer
Feb 1, 2020
3
2
21
I have always had long hair, btw I'm 17 rn, and worn a turban. Actually tbh not since the last 3 years cause I wear a cap. Which is also, I don't know why, a big issue. My only question is that I don't like being a sikh. I mean I love what the religion holds theoretically but practically everyone is just too harsh. Ik you're thinking, then why are you even writing this? Cause I'm stuck. My parents are hardliners and would practically disown me if I cut my hair. The thing is that I don't wanna continue being a sikh. Is it too much to ask? I mean free will. I know you'll be like but your parents have taken care of you and given birth to you. Man, I know that but I can't, I'm going mad, I do not want to continue having my hair or wearing a kara. Can't I be an aethist and live my life peacefully? Am I hurting you guys or your religion? I just want to live my life with mental peace. Yk when I was 15, I trimmed my beard. My parents went ballistic and hit me. I mean I know your sentiments and all but how do you expect so much out of a child?? I was a CHILD, I am still a TEEN, why are you trying to take my teenage or youth from me?? Can't i just live without religion rn, being a good person? Maybe later, when I can finally understand your religion I'll be one but not rn
 

swarn bains

Poet
SPNer
Apr 9, 2012
529
147
religion is a myth. no body stops u from what u are but remember do not fall prey to agents of religions
 

Logical Sikh

Writer
SPNer
Sep 22, 2018
185
44
22
I have always had long hair, btw I'm 17 rn, and worn a turban. Actually tbh not since the last 3 years cause I wear a cap. Which is also, I don't know why, a big issue. My only question is that I don't like being a sikh. I mean I love what the religion holds theoretically but practically everyone is just too harsh. Ik you're thinking, then why are you even writing this? Cause I'm stuck. My parents are hardliners and would practically disown me if I cut my hair. The thing is that I don't wanna continue being a sikh. Is it too much to ask? I mean free will. I know you'll be like but your parents have taken care of you and given birth to you. Man, I know that but I can't, I'm going mad, I do not want to continue having my hair or wearing a kara. Can't I be an aethist and live my life peacefully? Am I hurting you guys or your religion? I just want to live my life with mental peace. Yk when I was 15, I trimmed my beard. My parents went ballistic and hit me. I mean I know your sentiments and all but how do you expect so much out of a child?? I was a CHILD, I am still a TEEN, why are you trying to take my teenage or youth from me?? Can't i just live without religion rn, being a good person? Maybe later, when I can finally understand your religion I'll be one but not rn
Where do you live? See i know that Indian parents just expect too much from their children. I think you need some inner peace...
are you a student? WHich class?
From where im sitting i can see you clearly need a break. Since you're 17 i'd guess that you're in 11th or maybe 12th even.
i'd advice you to take a college outside of your city or even state, live in a hostel, with like minded people. you'll get a much needed break from your everyday frustration and by the end of your studies you'll probably figure it out yourself.
But always remember that even if you dont want to keep the outer look, Sikhi still teaches everything about being a good human which'll eventually help you in your life (Hopefully),
I'd also like to say that Sikh (as a philosophy) is not bad ( which im sure you dont think either), its just that its in a really Bad Hands.
lemme know if it makes sense ;)
 

Sikhilove1

Writer
SPNer
Aug 14, 2019
84
16
I have always had long hair, btw I'm 17 rn, and worn a turban. Actually tbh not since the last 3 years cause I wear a cap. Which is also, I don't know why, a big issue. My only question is that I don't like being a sikh. I mean I love what the religion holds theoretically but practically everyone is just too harsh. Ik you're thinking, then why are you even writing this? Cause I'm stuck. My parents are hardliners and would practically disown me if I cut my hair. The thing is that I don't wanna continue being a sikh. Is it too much to ask? I mean free will. I know you'll be like but your parents have taken care of you and given birth to you. Man, I know that but I can't, I'm going mad, I do not want to continue having my hair or wearing a kara. Can't I be an aethist and live my life peacefully? Am I hurting you guys or your religion? I just want to live my life with mental peace. Yk when I was 15, I trimmed my beard. My parents went ballistic and hit me. I mean I know your sentiments and all but how do you expect so much out of a child?? I was a CHILD, I am still a TEEN, why are you trying to take my teenage or youth from me?? Can't i just live without religion rn, being a good person? Maybe later, when I can finally understand your religion I'll be one but not rn
your parents are wrong to force you to do something you don’t want to do and force those beliefs onto you.
that’s actually what the Muslim moguls did centuries ago and the Gurus were totally against this, to the point that some were killed and tortured in refusing to believe in what the moguls wanted them to.


Tell your parents this. The Gurus taught Freedom of Choice and freedom in general. They helped people from other religions to not be forced into accepting another religion when there was nothing in it for them.

Freedom is the basis of Sikhi. I would advise that you tell your parents these stories.
 

duvyank95

SPNer
Feb 12, 2020
1
1
24
Tell your parents this. The Gurus taught Freedom of Choice and freedom in general. They helped people from other religions to not be forced into accepting another religion when there was nothing in it for them.
 

Logical Sikh

Writer
SPNer
Sep 22, 2018
185
44
22
Tell your parents this. The Gurus taught Freedom of Choice and freedom in general. They helped people from other religions to not be forced into accepting another religion when there was nothing in it for them.
While this is a very genuine thing to discuss with your parents, but there is ONE THIng that i've learned after alootttt of debate and discussion about religion and its practices with my parents that Parents...... Mostly DESI or INDIAN parents dont want to hear advice from their Children.... because to them, we'll always be inferior and they'll always be superior.....
and sadly there is nothing you can do about it tbh, you just have to live with it.... it takes time but they do give you "Your" Space after some time but there is ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT of patience in there XD.
 

Sikhilove1

Writer
SPNer
Aug 14, 2019
84
16
While this is a very genuine thing to discuss with your parents, but there is ONE THIng that i've learned after alootttt of debate and discussion about religion and its practices with my parents that Parents...... Mostly DESI or INDIAN parents dont want to hear advice from their Children.... because to them, we'll always be inferior and they'll always be superior.....
and sadly there is nothing you can do about it tbh, you just have to live with it.... it takes time but they do give you "Your" Space after some time but there is ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT of patience in there XD.
Its still handy to teach people living in the darkness of ignorance the Truth, regardless of what’s in it for you.

Thats what Nanak did.
 

Logical Sikh

Writer
SPNer
Sep 22, 2018
185
44
22
It's still handy to teach people living in the darkness of ignorance the Truth, regardless of what’s in it for you.

That's what Nanak did.
What I personally think is You just Cannot possibly have the same impact that Nanak had to his contemporaries (unless you're on some very high POST ) especially if you're 17 yr old. Because as a 17-year-old your parents probably see you as just a clumsy troublemaker kid (I'm 22 and my parents still won't listen to me in philosophical context ).
I think to have an impact like Nanak, to your parents or anyone around you, you either have to be REALLY FAMOUS or REALLY RICH otherwise nobody takes anyone seriously in modern times......
especially parents very rarely listen to their kid's advice because No.1 YOU ARE NOT NANAK or especially if you don't have full hair on your FACE like @Ryrtt they always have a mindset that they are far more experienced than their kids and 'course they want the best for you, whatever "Best" is according to THEM.
You have to be realistic.
 

Ryrtt

SPNer
Feb 1, 2020
3
2
21
While this is a very genuine thing to discuss with your parents, but there is ONE THIng that i've learned after alootttt of debate and discussion about religion and its practices with my parents that Parents...... Mostly DESI or INDIAN parents dont want to hear advice from their Children.... because to them, we'll always be inferior and they'll always be superior.....
and sadly there is nothing you can do about it tbh, you just have to live with it.... it takes time but they do give you "Your" Space after some time but there is ALOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTT of patience in there XD.
Their reply to me was, " well it is scientefically proven hair are great and retain all your energies and you'll live longer" I just want the freedom of choice, why is this that big an issue. I'm really unable to get it. They go on about how great rishi munis lived without cutting their hair. I just wanna be a normal person without long hair, not some great rishi muni
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,769
8,175
50
I have always had long hair, btw I'm 17 rn, and worn a turban
Ah wonderful, enjoy the experience, I remember my youth well, in those days I wore a turban too, they were the most innocent and uncomplicated of times.

Actually tbh not since the last 3 years cause I wear a cap
Ah well, cap or turban, at that age at least you are still living innocently and without complications

Which is also, I don't know why, a big issue.
Oh, course you do, its because a cap is a halfway house between cut hair and a turban

My only question is that I don't like being a sikh.
Oh well, that is sad, but hey ho, just don't be a Sikh then, its not rocket science

I mean I love what the religion holds theoretically but practically everyone is just too harsh.
Yes, it is a beautiful religion, a huge pity that it is also one of the best kept secrets in the world, most people associate Sikhism with the look, rather than the heart, it is the way the world has gone, add to that the added rituals and financial strutting, and this once great religion is now, pretty much, no more.

Ik you're thinking, then why are you even writing this? Cause I'm stuck.
yes, we all get stuck in life sometimes, learn from the challenge, more challenges will follow in your life, this is your first major one.
The thing is that I don't wanna continue being a sikh. Is it too much to ask?
Hmm, well I am sorry to burst your bubble but your not a Sikh, so it is not really relevant, your just part of a machine that looks like Sikhs, mostly to keep face with your peers and for social purposes.

My parents are hardliners and would practically disown me if I cut my hair.
course they would, you are about to ruin years of hard work for them, they are probably 'big' in the community, the shame of you cutting your hair will be hard for them,
The thing is that I don't wanna continue being a sikh. Is it too much to ask? I mean free will. I know you'll be like but your parents have taken care of you and given birth to you. Man, I know that but I can't, I'm going mad, I do not want to continue having my hair or wearing a kara
Ive felt like I was going mad in my life, but it was normally due to impending death, or impending ruin, you are being a bit dramatic, but then I guess you are only 17

Can't I be an aethist and live my life peacefully?
sure you can, but then that is not the problem really

Am I hurting you guys or your religion?
your not hurting me, and what you call religion is not Sikhism.

I just want to live my life with mental peace.
I love this line, you really have no idea do you, ok, your about to cause your parents, the people that you should have the most love for, by being selfish, it is not about religion, or hair, or Sikhi, it is about you and your parents, simple as that, if you do this action, believe you me, you are about to open pandoras box, sure you will have what you want, but the aftershocks will last for a very very long time, and have many many consequences.

Yk when I was 15, I trimmed my beard. My parents went ballistic and hit me
yes, I imagine they probably did, the look is very important to some people, and as I said, it is reflective very much on them.

I mean I know your sentiments and all but how do you expect so much out of a child??
Oh come now, please, you knew what you were doing when you cut your beard, your not a child.
I was a CHILD, I am still a TEEN, why are you trying to take my teenage or youth from me??
hey don't blame us, its your parents that are doing that, and in any case, as I said earlier, my turbaned youth was, in comparison to my life now, very very peaceful, even though I had similar parents, now 50, looking back, there was not anything that I did not do, I did it all, and now at 50 suffer the consequences, mentally, physically and financially. Although I am not adverse to my life, I have achieved the solitude that I wished for in my teens, I have not been to an indian wedding in hmm 25 years, or any gathering of such, luckily, the thought of acting in a false way and being surrounded by false people does not really do anything for me, I have no friends or family, other than my parents and brother, like you, I wanted to leave the Sikh community, but as life progressed, I ended up leaving all communities and embracing the life of a hermit, sure its lonely sometimes, but I am free, and freedom is something I have always cherished, in the same way that you cherish it now, just remember the price of freedom, and whether you are prepared to pay for it.

So, its really quite simple, cut your hair, and have a life of unreal hassle for some time, cause everyone a lot of pain, end up having to carry a lot of guilt, and slowly drive yourself mad, or keep your hair and slowly move to the path you wish to move to, however, when you are ready to do that, you need to make sure you are self sufficient, and that you are mature enough to understand what you are doing, and why you are doing it. I would say set a goal for your mid twenties.
 

Sikhilove1

Writer
SPNer
Aug 14, 2019
84
16
What I personally think is You just Cannot possibly have the same impact that Nanak had to his contemporaries (unless you're on some very high POST ) especially if you're 17 yr old. Because as a 17-year-old your parents probably see you as just a clumsy troublemaker kid (I'm 22 and my parents still won't listen to me in philosophical context ).
I think to have an impact like Nanak, to your parents or anyone around you, you either have to be REALLY FAMOUS or REALLY RICH otherwise nobody takes anyone seriously in modern times......
especially parents very rarely listen to their kid's advice because No.1 YOU ARE NOT NANAK or especially if you don't have full hair on your FACE like @Ryrtt they always have a mindset that they are far more experienced than their kids and 'course they want the best for you, whatever "Best" is according to THEM.
You have to be realistic.
Well we are all Truth/ God. That’s what Nanak taught. God speaks through us, even Bad souls can have momen of glory realizing and speaking the truth.

I taught my culturally stuck mother and she listened, and she’s a better person for it.

It only takes one star to light up a sky.
 

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