Why Are Sikh Girls Behaving Bad When Far From Home/family?

[kds1980]

Kanwardeep ji,

Thanks for the answers.

I really don’t care about what happens to this girl. Whomever she marries, I don’t think she can have a happy married life after the misery she has caused to another girl and her family. I wish her parents would soon find out about her cheap behavior and that she gets out of this affair and lets the couple live.

Dheeraj ji

The Girl is not solely responsible for the misery she caused to another girl.If this sikh girl even move's from their life the cheater husband may find another fair North Indian Girl and will cheat his wife again.I am sorry to say that in this
situation You can't do anything

 

[Tejwant Singh]

Dheerajg,

Guru fateh.

I am sorry but still I do not understand how you call the girl a victim. Just because a married man is supposed to have higher moral values does not make the single one a victim.

In my opinion it does. If you do not think that married men/women should have higher moral standards than the unmarried ones, then it is your own moral compass of yourself and your upbringing. Hence, the difference in opinion.

There are plenty of unmarried guys out there still she is filthy enough to sleep with a married person.

It is a shame to see that your language is judgemental and you have made her a filthy girl which shows your own moral values no matter what religion you belong to. You are not trying to help anyone. You are here to blame the girl because she is a Sikh. All your posts indicate that.

I would say that she is a by-product of poor upbringing. Like I said earlier she belongs to a very rich family. What is the purpose of her coming here to earn?

Your above comments prove what I have written earlier. How can you judge her upbringing? Once again you are attacking her faith which exposes your own upbringing. So you are not doing anything positive to anyone. You are not trying to help anyone, rather exposing your own character.

I never said that Sikh girls form majority of the IT field or pubs. I just said I know many Sikh girls who take advantage of being far away from home/family as an advantage. If you still do not agree, please come down here and I would introduce you to her and her spoiled bunch of friends from the same place.

It seems and I hope I am wrong that this girl rejected your own advances or flirtations which has made you angry towards her. You again bring the religion of a person which is a tiny minority in India where as you ignore the majority of the Hindu girls who are also doing the same thing. I know this because I have many relatives working in the IT industry and as I said in my earlier post that it is the trend due to new found freedom where religion has nothing to do with it. The fact which you have forgotten to mention that the majority is Hindu hence according to your moral compass majority of the Hindu girls are filthy ones but you are too insecure to admit that and adamant on attacking one religion.

Of course this culture applies to girls from all religion. But why would I talk about Hindu/Muslim/Christian or any other religion in a Sikh forum?

Thanks for proving my point and your real agenda. If you go through this forum. We talk about people from all religions. So, if you call yourself a person of high moral values which you are trying to project in every post of yours then you should be the first one to admit this problem in a general way and admit that Hindu girls are also into it because they are in majority.

This is nothing but an excuse on your part and shows more about your own value system.

I mentioned that my intention is to talk to the parents of the Sikh girl and wanted advice from Sikh members. I wanted to know how Sikh parents would react after hearing such a news.
What good it would be for me to talk about other religion girls/parents here?

Your intention is to disgrace a girl from a minority religion by painting her like that whereas girls from other religions including yours do the same. Just check for yourself how many times you have used the word SIKH in your posts.

I still don’t know if the man is ready to divorce his wife. Had that been the case, what is he waiting for all these years? He disappears for months, then comes back to his wife and again disappears. This has been going on in a cycle.

You are right, you have no idea about that because you only have one agenda which is a to disgrace this girl and that is a shame.

I am worried about this one particular case which has nothing do about what Bollywood potrays or what Indian men think about virginity or if sex before marriage is right or wrong.

Why this particular case? Why not hundreds of other cases of the same nature where the majority is not Sikh?

Clearly the girl with all her consciousness is participating in ruining his marriage and the life of another girl. I am sure that both of them do not have any moral values. I can only pray that the girl comes to her senses and lets him go.

Once again you are walking in much bigger shoes than your own size. Discuss about this problem as an Indian problem not solely belonging to one particular religion as you have done repeatedly in your posts. Your intentions are devious and suspicious to say the least.

Tejwant Singh

 

[Navdeep88]

"But even after repeatedly leaving his wife, the husband is not willing to file a divorce."

Seriously, WHY is she letting him back in all the time? Honor is one thing but this is just shameful...of her... and disrespectful to him if she continues to believe she is nothing more than a doormat. Marriage is supposed to be a union of equals, he's not supposed to be a God. She needs to realize that she does not deserve to be treated like this, and UNLESS and UNTIL he stops acting like he can treat her like this, he simply cant come back. No need to lay down as the victim, when she knows shes being wronged repeatedly...theres nothing noble in that position either.

Its a sin to inflict pain, but its also a sin to endure it unnecessarily, shes in the wrong for enduring it. Maybe this is why we're warned about attachment. If she thinks her husband deserves the best of her, she definetly deserves nothing less of him. If he chooses to run around, then she should make it very clear that the option to come back anytime and leave anytime, is now closed. If somewhere down the road he misses her, appreciates her worth and makes the choice to treat her with respect and loyalty, he can come back.... (and maybe him not filling for divorce means that he still loves her) I dont think divorce is the answer, but I dont think forcing him, manipulating him, to be with her is the answer either.

Please tell her that she was complete when God brought her into this world, and she is still complete now. And as a human being, she has much to contribute to the world... and there are many people who will appreciate her for it. There is more to her identity than simply being a "wife"...She can only be a wife, when the man who married her decides he wants to be her husband again... obviously he's living it up because she's letting him back in whenever. Its called having your cake and eating it too.

She needs to shake off the depression, fear, anxiety etc. and put her foot down when it comes to this relationship. And then, to pursue her dreams, contribute to society, family etc. and be loved for it, as she deserves to. :huggie:

 

[dalbirk]

Dheerajg ,
I quite agree with you on this topic . Actually this is a problem which shall be more clear when seen in overall degradation of moral values among whole of Sikh youth . This is similar to Kanwardeep Ji's observation that Delhi Sikh girls are craving for marrying anybody non-Sikh . I shall share with you a conversation I had with a sales engineer of a principal company of ours . He told me this secret that nearly all of the company's sales engineers are from UP ( Educated Bhaiyas ) . All of them are into regular affairs with local Sikh girls , takes one day to get phone number , one day to say I LOVE YOU & one more day to get her into bed . Some are dating as many as four girls simaltaneously . Even the fitters ( labour ) get to date absolutely beauties . This was his assertion that anybody not getting to lay a girl in Punjab cannot get a girl anywhere in the world . IMHO the only solution is getting them closer to Sikhism . I have out of my own experience started sending them SIKH PHULWARI magazine by Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ( without them knowing it ) . I have seen my old friends who fell into bad ways booze,drugs etc getting not only recovered but turning into absolute good & model human beings . We should try to contribute by creating more & more awareness about Sikhism , philosophy , SRM , beliefs amongst the Sikh youth , whenever we see a problem we should start sending a monthly magazine like GURMAT PRAKASH (SGPC) , SIS-GANJ (DSGMC) , SIKH-PHULWARI ( Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ) out of our own Daswandh without telling anybody . Keep a watch on the girl/boy & see if there is any difference . That is the best we can do perhaps .

 

[kds1980]

Dalbirk ji

Is there any specific reason why the character of sikh girls is now so low?In Punjab it is well known now that majority of sikh youths are clean shaven so One cannot say that beard and turban are issue here.even if we compare bollywood stanndard an average punjabi clean shaven male is much more handsome than a UP bhaiya then why sikh girl are with them?

Also we should also be aware that many people are just great in spreading rumours.even if they talk to a sikh girl they boast it with their friends that the girl is sleeping with him

 

[dalbirk]

Dear Kanwardeep Ji ,
Of course they might be spreading rumours but I have listened him talking to more than one Punjabi girls on phone myself , so there must be some truth in this after all . The factor in this is IMHO that Punjabi people are not sure about what their culture is after all thanks to the wave of liberalisation hitting whole of Punjab & the wholesale degnigration of so-called PUNJABIAT by the cultural ambassadors ie . Punjabi pop singers . Punjabi girls are portrayed as semi-nude , craving for lust , booze & easy time , as a result the girls are also unsure about their way forward . They think that having a good time is the best achievement they can have , the more they have the more they will be counted as high achievers ( whatever that means ). The wholesale loss of innocence as well as old beliefs , values post 1984 , parents just avoiding sharing anything remotely connected with Sikhi with their children has all lead to the situation today . Punjabis today have no sense of superiority , instead there is inferiority complex regarding themselves , Punjabi language ( children & ladies just do not speak Punjabi anymore ) . These all are ill-effects of mass consumerism & non-spirituality which is havering in Punjab today .

 

[kds1980]

Dear Kanwardeep Ji ,
Of course they might be spreading rumours but I have listened him talking to more than one Punjabi girls on phone myself , so there must be some truth in this after all . The factor in this is IMHO that Punjabi people are not sure about what their culture is after all thanks to the wave of liberalisation hitting whole of Punjab & the wholesale degnigration of so-called PUNJABIAT by the cultural ambassadors ie . Punjabi pop singers . Punjabi girls are portrayed as semi-nude , craving for lust , booze & easy time , as a result the girls are also unsure about their way forward . They think that having a good time is the best achievement they can have , the more they have the more they will be counted as high achievers ( whatever that means ). The wholesale loss of innocence as well as old beliefs , values post 1984 , parents just avoiding sharing anything remotely connected with Sikhi with their children has all lead to the situation today . Punjabis today have no sense of superiority , instead there is inferiority complex regarding themselves , Punjabi language ( children & ladies just do not speak Punjabi anymore ) . These all are ill-effects of mass consumerism & non-spirituality which is havering in Punjab today .

But is this situation with sikh girls only or Hindu punjabi's too? If I am not wrong cities of Punjab are heavily dominated by Hindu's as large number of
sikhs live in rural area.Sikhs are also minority in urban Punjab

 

[dheerajg]

Navdeep ji,

Thanks very much for the encouraging reply. I’ve shared this with his wife.

"Marriage is supposed to be a union of equals, he's not supposed to be a God.

The sad truth is that in India, irrespective of the religion is still not a land of equals. Husbands continue to have an upper hand while wife is expected to be submissive.

 

[dheerajg]

IMHO the only solution is getting them closer to Sikhism . I have out of my own experience started sending them SIKH PHULWARI magazine by Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ( without them knowing it ) . I have seen my old friends who fell into bad ways booze,drugs etc getting not only recovered but turning into absolute good & model human beings . We should try to contribute by creating more & more awareness about Sikhism , philosophy , SRM , beliefs amongst the Sikh youth , whenever we see a problem we should start sending a monthly magazine like GURMAT PRAKASH (SGPC) , SIS-GANJ (DSGMC) , SIKH-PHULWARI ( Sikh Missionary College , Ludhiana ) out of our own Daswandh without telling anybody . Keep a watch on the girl/boy & see if there is any difference . That is the best we can do perhaps .

Thanks Dalbirk ji. Is there anyway we can get e-copies of these magazines. That would greatly benefit many youths.

 

[dalbirk]

But is this situation with sikh girls only or Hindu punjabi's too? If I am not wrong cities of Punjab are heavily dominated by Hindu's as large number of
sikhs live in rural area.Sikhs are also minority in urban Punjab

Kanwardeep Ji ,
This guy was talking about mainly small cities like ( Hindu majority )Hoshiarpur , Pathankot etc . Also that guy was talking about semi-urban areas , small towns , buses , fairs etc . Both Hindu & Sikh girls are involved .

 

[kds1980]

If a sikh girl can be with a fat, dark not so good looking married old Telugu guy, why cant she be with UP bhaiya’s?

I believe the girls are taking undue advantage of being away from home. The parents who have only seen until they complete school or college are totally unaware of their little girl’s behavior.

In this case, the girl is from a traditional rich family who most probably will get married to a turbaned guy. I think she wants to have a taste of the other side before she commits.

You are talking about a girl living in south obviously in south she will get South Indian men their.While in Punjab you see lot's of Punjabi men.Please remember Punjabi men are considered as most handsome in India

What is the necessity for spreading such a rumor?

Dheeraj I could ask my brother to tell many stories from his college or workplace where boys sometime spread rumours to show How much they are in Demand in Girls.Many time's misunderstanding also spread if a boy or girl talk often

 

[kds1980]

Kanwardeep ji, The city we are discussing about is Bangalore which comprises of 60+% of North Indians.

Another question comes to my mind. North Indians seem to settle down in Bangalore a lot. Why so? Why do they have to leave the capital city and come here? IT companies/BPO's are now all over India. Why should they travel so far down? We do not see much south Indian single/male in the Northern states.

You are talking about indivisual case.There are women like padma lakshmi who choose old men like salman rushdie.Then we have women like anuradha who choose's middle age Indian politician and converted to islam.Then we have super beautiful bollywood heroine like sri devi who married divorced Punjabi hindu man
So please talk about attituide of sikh girls in general and not about a particular case

Also many Indian saints ,poets have written things about women that their behaviour is very difficuilt to predict.Many Liberal feminist of today's world may not agree with it but if we look around us we may find deep truth in their writing about women behaviour

 

[kds1980]

Dear Kanwardeep Ji ,
Of course they might be spreading rumours but I have listened him talking to more than one Punjabi girls on phone myself , so there must be some truth in this after all . The factor in this is IMHO that Punjabi people are not sure about what their culture is after all thanks to the wave of liberalisation hitting whole of Punjab & the wholesale degnigration of so-called PUNJABIAT by the cultural ambassadors ie . Punjabi pop singers . Punjabi girls are portrayed as semi-nude , craving for lust , booze & easy time , as a result the girls are also unsure about their way forward . They think that having a good time is the best achievement they can have , the more they have the more they will be counted as high achievers ( whatever that means ). The wholesale loss of innocence as well as old beliefs , values post 1984 , parents just avoiding sharing anything remotely connected with Sikhi with their children has all lead to the situation today . Punjabis today have no sense of superiority , instead there is inferiority complex regarding themselves , Punjabi language ( children & ladies just do not speak Punjabi anymore ) . These all are ill-effects of mass consumerism & non-spirituality which is havering in Punjab today .

Dalbirk ji

I would also like to mention another point and that is Muslim girl's in India are also portrayed in same manner.Infact they are ruling the bollywood and do wear semi nude clothe's.This has been going from past 60 years I can mention many name's but at Present I want to mention Katrina the queen of bollywood.but still an average muslim Girl does not copy them.so this arguement of portrayal of sikh Girls is also not going to work

 

[Atheist]

I was raised as a Sikh by traditional Indian Sikh parents but now I am an atheist (if anyone wants to discuss why that'd be a good separate topic). I am intrigued by this post. I think we can all agree that if "bad" behavior is going on you can't just say it's totally the girl's fault or it's totally the guy's fault (unless he raped her, which he didn't). I have heard of similar situations where, as dheerajg points out, Sikh people act "bad" or whatever word you want to use. Again you can't always say it's the Sikh person's fault and you can't always say it's the other person's fault. My question is, does anyone here think that the strict upbringing by many Sikh parents might be a catalyst for some young people to rebel more when they become independent? I have heard stories of Sikh parents doing things that might be considered abusive by some, but they will think they're doing the right thing because of religion. I was about to be dragged out of our house when I was 16 for cutting my hair until I promised to stop (a fake promise, but what choice did I have?). So perhaps how one is raised plays a factor in how they act when they are independent, and Sikh parents can be quite strict (so can Catholic parents - my best friend totally rebelled in college after a strict upbringing in a Catholic home). I was raised with almost 100% white people so perhaps the stories I have heard/experienced are more the exception than the rule.

Feel free to provide copious criticism.

 

[spnadmin]

Atheist ji

Well my own reaction to your comments? You had experiences that put you in touch with a wide variety of people and circumstances. And it shows because you are unwilling to put people into boxes and close the lid, nor do you point fingers of blame in this or that direction. In situations like the one described here more than one person contributed to the emotional pain of others and their own ethical confusion.

 

[Astroboy]

My only goal is to save their marriage

From Gurmat point of view, Saskriti Selok point out the following as a fore-warning about worldly relationships.

Ang 1354

ਧ੍ਰਿਗੰਤ ਮਾਤ ਪਿਤਾ ਸਨੇਹੰ ਧ੍ਰਿਗ ਸਨੇਹੰ ਭ੍ਰਾਤ ਬਾਂਧਵਹ ॥
ध्रिगंत मात पिता सनेहं ध्रिग सनेहं भ्रात बांधवह ॥
Ḏẖariganṯ māṯ piṯā sanehaʼn ḏẖarig sanehaʼn bẖarāṯ bāʼnḏẖvah.
Cursed is loving attachment to one's mother and father; cursed is loving attachment to one's siblings and relatives.

ਧ੍ਰਿਗ ਸ੍ਨੇਹੰ ਬਨਿਤਾ ਬਿਲਾਸ ਸੁਤਹ ॥
ध्रिग स्नेहं बनिता बिलास सुतह ॥
Ḏẖarig snėh▫aʼn baniṯā bilās suṯah.
Cursed is attachment to the joys of family life with one's spouse and children.

ਧ੍ਰਿਗ ਸ੍ਨੇਹੰ ਗ੍ਰਿਹਾਰਥ ਕਹ ॥
ध्रिग स्नेहं ग्रिहारथ कह ॥
Ḏẖarig snėh▫aʼn garihārath kah.
Cursed is attachment to household affairs.

ਸਾਧਸੰਗ ਸ੍ਨੇਹ ਸਤ੍ਯ੍ਯਿੰ ਸੁਖਯੰ ਬਸੰਤਿ ਨਾਨਕਹ ॥੨॥
साधसंग स्नेह सत्यिं सुखयं बसंति नानकह ॥२॥
Sāḏẖsang snėh saṯi▫yaʼn sukẖ▫yaʼn basanṯ nānkah. ||2||
Only loving attachment to the Saadh Sangat, the Company of the Holy, is True. Nanak dwells there in peace. ||2||