What Is Love? | Sikh Philosophy Network
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What Is Love?

Harry Haller

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Jan 31, 2011
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I am not big on love, its hard to be big on something that you do not understand, or when you have been told all your life that your 'doing it wrong', I have been told all my life, in probably a dozen relationships that I have a strange and uncommon view of love. Well thats ok, if there is anything 46 years have taught me. its that the moment your happiness depends on another person, your going to be in trouble!. So thats all good and ok, I have many many relationships with many many people, none of whom I particularly want anything from, if I want anything to make me happy, I do it myself.

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I remember love, and think of it often, its 7am here in the UK, I in my little shop facing the park, the sun is shining, and I am playing old love songs and thinking of 'the old days', it makes me happy, happy that for some short periods in my life, I have experienced the sort of love that I feel in my heart, its hard not to shed a tear, when I think of 20 year old harry, and then 30 year old harry, and now, today, 46 year old harry, I suppose I am the happiest I have ever been, or least miserable I have ever been depending on how you look at it, but I digress.

I consider myself a Sikh, but my problem is there is much talk of love on this forum, and if I do not know what love is, how can I present myself as a Sikh?

How do you know if you love someone, how do you know if they love you, can one love the Creator, if one does not know anything about the Creator, in effect, how can you love god, if you do not know god. Is it the same love that you have for your parents, your lover, a pet, a brother?

So it got me thinking, if I intend to follow Sikhism, I must first learn about love.

I spent most of last night awake, and ended up conceding that the concept of love is actually a very simple one, but it ends up {censored}ised by human nature, its the simplest purest feeling that a human being can feel, and it ties in very nicely with Creator, so in plain english, what is love?

In my opinion, love is when you connect with another human being, or even an animal, hell, even a car. So now we have another word, connect, are we changing one misunderstood word for another? no, we are not, allow me to define connection, its when you can feel another member of Creation (yes, cars count), allow me to illustrate, when I love beings, I feel their pain, I feel their happiness, I feel their hunger, frustration, everything. People have sometimes seen me as an 'easy touch' because of my apparent enthusiasm in assisting others, it is not because I have any pleasure in this matter, or even an interest, its because I can feel their pain, as if it were my own, so I am forced to do something, not so much out of kindness, or empathy, but because I want the pain, the hurt to stop, similarly, when you make someone you 'love' happy, you can feel the happiness, and it raises you, not because it is needed, it is a simple reflection in the being you love.

So what goes wrong? well, many confuse their own desire for another person as love, well it isn't, true love has no payback, it is as simple as wanting the absolute best for another with absolutely no agenda or payback, and the only way you can feel that is bonding, connecting with others and being the rock that you are as a Sikh, and wishing or wanting for nothing.

So how does that tally in with the love spoken about in the SGGS? I have long felt that Creation and Creator are one and the same, I have also long felt that the essence of Creator that lives inside us, is enough that a conversation with Creator is possible, so logically, 'to have love for god' is to able to feel every single living thing and to have a connection with it, not for the purposes of the self, but in order to enter into consonance with the Universe and ultimately all Creation, and therefore for the purposes of Creation itself.
 
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chazSingh

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Feb 20, 2012
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good question...

love for me is seeing me in another...as in god exists in all...therefore you wish the best for anyone and everyone no matter what...

for the criminal, you hope that he/she finds a way back onto a truthful and caring path...
for your partner...you wish the best for them even if they want to pack their bags and leave.....love is freedom....no entanglements...you say...i love you...and therefore if you feel you need to be somewhere else to be happy..then bless you on that path...
love is knowing that even if there is not a single person around you...you are not alone...

i believe (or have faith :) (...see what i did here)... that when our Ego's drop, and wahegurus light manifests strongly within us...that True love will be experienced and we will be able to express it properly...selfless love...to love and wanting nothing in return.
 

Harry Haller

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Jan 31, 2011
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good question...
thank you

love for me is seeing me in another...as in god exists in all...therefore you wish the best for anyone and everyone no matter what...
absolutely

for the criminal, you hope that he/she finds a way back onto a truthful and caring path...
the irony of this statement is that some criminals live more truthful and caring paths than some non criminals!

for your partner...you wish the best for them even if they want to pack their bags and leave
especially if they want to pack their bags and leave
believe (or have faith :) (...see what i did here).
yes, it was quite clever,

that when our Ego's drop, and wahegurus light manifests strongly within us...that True love will be experienced and we will be able to express it properly...selfless love...to love and wanting nothing in return.
what is the difference between plain normal love and true love? is there a truer love, or a truer than true love?
 

Navdeep88

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Dec 23, 2009
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Hi Harry Ji

I think love is an intention, that if it's not acted upon, it's dead. Love is the amount of care you put into something. You can love work, you can love a relationship, you can love anything pretty much. But I don't think it's something that's haphazard or illusive, I think it's what you contribute to a relationship etc. and in larger part What you contribute to the world.

I think you can love BAD things. But I guess you kinda get the understanding of what's detrimental and what's not. So it's good to love un-bad things. lol.

I think Love is the amount of care you put towards something in an imperfect world. And the result might be imperfect day in day out. There might be horrible, horrendous things around but it doesn't matter. Because you care about something and its worthwhile.
 

chazSingh

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Feb 20, 2012
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i see many posts on facebook with quotes like

"treat people as they treat you"

or

"if someone doesn't appreciate what you do for them...stop doing it"

i cannot see the selflessness in such comments...

surely if you love...then you are wishing them well, no matter if they appreciate you or not...
surely if you love someone and they are not treating you well....just get up and leave and wish them well in their different path...you don;t need to treat them the same way (unless you have to...i.e. self defence)
surely if you love, then what you do requires no longing for something in return...even a thank you..

but people get upset if there is no acknowledgement of what they have done...or they get upset if they give a gift at christmas and get nothing in return..
or they get upset if they give a gift and their gift is not used by the person who has received it (attachment to the gift)


surely true love has to be selfless? right?
 

Navdeep88

Writer
SPNer
Dec 23, 2009
442
655
i see many posts on facebook with quotes like

"treat people as they treat you"

or

"if someone doesn't appreciate what you do for them...stop doing it"

i cannot see the selflessness in such comments...

surely if you love...then you are wishing them well, no matter if they appreciate you or not...


surely true love has to be selfless? right?
I think it's healthy to express displeasure when someone mistreats you. You should be able to have an interaction without fear of being unloved.
I think True Love is mutual, for the benefit of both. You should not have overwhelming feelings of low self-worth (no appreciation) to accompany Loving.
 

chazSingh

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Feb 20, 2012
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I think it's healthy to express displeasure when someone mistreats you. You should be able to have an interaction without fear of being unloved.
I think True Love is mutual, for the benefit of both. You should not have overwhelming feelings of low self-worth (no appreciation) to accompany Loving.

fear of being unloved.....ahhh i have been there my friend..

i'm glad i am out of it....living in fear means we cannot live freely...

my loving wife once asked me....what would you do if you ever found me cheating on you...and i replied..i would give you one final hug...wish you well and move forward with my life without ever looking back.

to me that is a love i want to live...where i don;t live in anger, fear, worrying what will happen if i lose my job, or if a friend talks behind my bag or conspires against me...

deal with what is before me as best as i can as and when required.

yes it is not so clear cut as that...but i like to think i can try to have that mental environment around me as much as possible in day to day things...which are filled with opportunities to exercise selflessness...and that i feel is a good start at least
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,762
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fear of being unloved.....ahhh i have been there my friend..
I think I have more a fear of being loved, I am not very good with love, I end up only feeling the other persons happiness and not my own, it can be very self destructive.

i'm glad i am out of it....living in fear means we cannot live freely...
also having your happiness depend on another person means we cannot live freely

my loving wife once asked me....what would you do if you ever found me cheating on you...and i replied..i would give you one final hug...wish you well and move forward with my life without ever looking back.
I find this quite a strange statement Chazji, I mean she is cheating on you, not in love with another, so she has made a mistake, yet you would move on and not look back, in the past, when this has happened to me, I have ended up counselling and comforting my partner, even though it was her that did the cheating! And even then, it took a year before she was capable of dealing with a separation, she's married now, 2 kids, saw them all last week, great kids!

I didn't realise you could just stop and say, know what, I'm off. I am still in touch with many of my exes, a few of them cheated on me, I don't really hold it against them, maybe I have a bad habit of looking back!

to me that is a love i want to live...where i don;t live in anger, fear, worrying what will happen if i lose my job, or if a friend talks behind my bag or conspires against me...
It seems to me that most relationships do not have this sort of love, it is rare indeed,
 

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