I have been howling non stop since Saturday, I have developed quite a routine, work, food, howling, sleep. I pad up to bed around midnight every night. crawl into bed, and always, Sian's arm reaches out and touches my back, she is under no illusion, the man she loves, he is not there, he is gone, replaced by a stranger, the intimacy has now completely gone, we are now in full menopause, and I am really really not dealing with it very well, I feel like I have lost my best friend, and dare I say it, I guess Sian feels like that too. The love is there, there is no doubt about that, the bond that holds us close, near, but it could be a lot better, a lot fuller, if only I stopped behaving like a child trapped in a mans body. She is in a lot of joint pain, tender breasts, hot flushes, every time I come to bed, she is wearing more and more clothing, soon I will be sleeping with an eskimo, but I love her more than life itself, the bond we had, must overcome the trivial facets of most relationships, the truth must live, and it must have top billing, if a couple can share the truth, nothing else matters, it has got to the point where she asks me what I want, all I want is the truth, well, she says, we have that, then I say, we have it all. Now I just have to adopt that as my mantra, so the last two can fall just like the rest.