Sikh Girls: A Confused Lot. Are Parents To Blame?

[simran1504]

WJKK WJKF
I believe that all are to blame on this issue. Parents when they themselves dont know about sikhism then how can they teach thier children. There are many churches & mosques who conduct religious classes for kids during school Vacations. I have studied in a convent school. We were given booklets about christianity & we read it with interest. All our friends of other comunity were busy taking religious classes during vacation, but there was no such facility in any of the gurdwaras.
I request that such classes should be compalsarily conducted in all Gurudwaras everywhere.
There a TV programme on DD Punjabi that preaches Christianity. What are the sikh learned people doing?
I am very blessed to have my parents who know thier religon very well & taught the same to us. We were told Sakhis by our grandparents.
What I feel is that people are too busy in life that they dont have enough time to spend with family.
If you go round the globe you will find that Punjab state is the worst hit. Most of the sikh population consume alcohol, cut hair & do all things that are against sikhism. But as you move to other states of India or other countries the ratio is high. People who are away from Punjab maintain thier religon. Why is it so?????????

 

[jasi]

simarn ji.

you are 100% right. latley when British left us after 1947. we reveresed our all Guru Nanak Dev ji's teachings what we were taught to do and live. we are not supposed to worship or arti utarna in front of idols and pictures of our Gurus. but we are doing that because sobha singh created these pictures with his own immaginations.he should have never allowed to make a pictures of our gurus as he did not know how they looked alike. now they are pulished on all the papers .enevelops,magzines and lying in the heap of dirty garbages. why?

secondly we are not supposed to believe in cast system. but we are strognly believing cast systems. 100% like hindus.we are not supposed to right at the end of our name a family name just only singh or kaur but we are doing that.

as for alcohal consumtion we are not supposed to take any thing like alcohalic,tabbaco, or any thing which gives you intoxications. just go to Anadpur Hola mahalla and see the Nihangs taking a pot and dancing. what is this?

our heads sitting in shrimoni parbhadak commette is doing nothing to stop all the abnormalities but more invove in election of the president or control of Golden Temeples. sad very sad.

jaspi

 

[Sandeepc20]

Hi,
I loved what everyone had to say so far about sikhsim and parental influences. You are all very right in your own way.
To give my experience... I've changed my life from being just any good person out there to practicing a life of an Amritari with not so much help, support and influence from my family. My family consists of peaople who eat egg and meat, cut their hair and men who drink, but, all of them do believe in God and pray. My parents, who attend simrens atleast 3 times a week, for example, tell everyone to go to the Gurdwara and pray. It is i who chose to believe and follow that aslong as i am true from the heart, donate to the needy, pray, do simren, stay pure vegetarian, fight for truth and defend myself and others from harm I am with God. I think everyone learns about what is right or wrong, about respect and disrespect, about being fair from school and books if not from our parents or Guru Granth Sahib Ji. Indian culture may teach that guys have more rights than girls but I did not let that take over me because i learned about equality in school. It was after meeting and talking to people who are amritari that i learnt about amrit and the 5 K's, influencing me to add it to my way of living in order to meet with God. Therefore, recently, I have been praying trying to learn more about how i shoud act and think and keeping my hair so that i am not rejecting God from myself in anyway. However, I am always unsure about keeping my hair as I do not exactly understand the relationship between God, my hair and I. Perhaps by keeping hair I am accepting and not altering the way God has made me, and by cutting hair I am only under the influence of what others around me do. If that is the case then i can understand that others are an influence to me in such a way and therefore i may not have my mind attatched with God. Hopefully, through time i will come to a complete and true understanding Of God and his commands. It is through Guru's grace that I can come to know about God, No matter what my parents believe, think, follow or try to teach me. Besides when i pass away i ask myself, is it my decisions and doings which will be counted or will I be pardoned because my parents did not push me to go learn? In the end i am to blame, no one else. I could be wrong, but my advise and belief is that we all should try to follow what is right and good and with the help of Guru Granth Sahib Ji Learn more about what the right way of living is and then push ourselves to follow that way.

 

[Tejpal]

nothing like a bit of good old fashioned mind control :wink:

 

[aCe]

I am from a very traditional family devoted to Sikhism. Being born and raised in the West my beliefs and thoughts compared to my parents are black and white. To me when Guru Gobind Singh Ji sacrificed their life and their family it was to show us that we need to protect the helpless. In today's world it means to help poor people in our country and abroad. However, how many Gursikhs are actually donating their time and money to organize food banks, adopt children etc. We have missed the most important message.

Honestly, I think I would just be as good as any other person if I were to cut my hair but be a "good" person in the essence that I do not harm other pple but actually reach out and help them.

Why is it so necessary for religions to look distinct from others? Why is there more attention paid to the physical aspect of religion and not the true essence? Religious Philosopher, John Hick contended that in the future there would be ONE religion(or a combination to make a "new" religion. Somethin very true, we are all meshing into one. Will this solve our problems in terms of conflicts raged on "relgious basis"?

P.S. As a side note, does it say anywhere in the Guru Granth Sahib that it is wrong to have pre-marital SEX?[/B][/B]

 

[irvinder]

Guru ji di saji navaji sangat is nimane jahe bande di tarfoon Gur Fateh parwaan karo ji,Blaming is putting excuseLots that u said might be right but somewhere from ur words I felt u were not concerned abt Sikhism rather abt girls freedom compared to boys.I am meek n have very little understanding but i feel Religion is for oneself first then for others. There is no fun keeping uncut hair if u dont have sikhism in u. Sikhism is not a religion its faith, faith that Guru sahibaan gave us, they dwelled this faith after removing the wrong practices of all the religion.Sikhism is far above Eating Drinking habits, they dont restrict u to take meat neither do they support eating it (so should we be confused on it).Did any of the first 9 Gurus tell us to keep long hair, Shri Guru Gobind Singh ji Mahraj gave us this swaroop (should we be confused on it)Guru ji said " Inhi ki kirpa se saje hum hain nahin mooo se gareeb karoor pare "Just dont try and find excuses to fetch out some liberties n freedom. Sikhism has given us the best way to live our life.Its the only faith which has been written down by Gurus themselves n its not what they felt but it was the bani that came from Parbrahm(the creater of all)so is called Dhur ki Bani.Guruji di saji navaji sangat banan da avsar milaya hai so we should be proud, We do have a responsibilty to tell what khanda means its just not to feel cool but if somebody does so should we be confused.Sit down for a while say i dont care abt anything that is happening around and recite "SATNAM WAHEGURU". thats all is required to get free.Dont get confused with what others do We are noone to challenge what is written in bani. I can say with full faith n confidence that bani is complete in itself, it tells us the way to live life, words may be hard, following may be difficult but result are zillion times more fruitful.Dont care what others do what liberties they have, Try to read bani, recite it, listen it, understand it and bring it into ur living. Then u will be the person with the all the freedoms ................U may use this link to read gurbani it is with translation in englishhttp://www.searchgurbani.comSorry for any mistakes I am servant of servants of the GurusBiggest Sinner of all SinnersGuru di Saji Navaji sangat de charna da dassIrvinder

 

[jasi]

i am glad that you have mentioed your inner views about sikhism. first of all this is a new relegion in the world what preaches us that we are one regardless of cast or phsyical look, physical look was very important at that time as this was a uniforms and certain meaning of every thin we wears. today it is important to keep your identity so we do not loose it as singhs. this another way of keeping Gurgobind Singh ji's created identity alive.otherwise there is nothing Godly about it. Guru Nanak 's teaching is any one as it is or where one is can approch God without any mediator and pray.

so what more new relegion one can look for? secondly your question about the pre-martial sex is concern it all falls into morals of individual.

jaspi

 

[Sandeepc20]

Hey, I recognized how many people say that we should keep the sikh uniform for identity. Sure, that may be appropriate but in a lot of cases people do not even know the meaning of sikh or what and who they are.. Also some or even a lot of people who look like sikh from the outseide are not very true from the inside. So how do u recognize a true sikh? Mere appearance cannot do anything , in my opinion. WHen i look at a person i usually get this vibe from them, or feel an ora around them which kind of allows me to justify if this person seems positive or not. However, after i get to know them is when i truely know if this person is Godly(good and spiritual) or not. Also, I dont know if i can really feel that good and free when i try to keep the sikh identity. Because then i start to focus on that more. For about 1 month so far i am a totally changed person. Outwarldy i look like a sikh now but to be honest i do not feel like myself anymore. I feel trapped a little bit. I feel like i have too much control on myself or becoming too extreme. The only reason I am keeping an outwardly appearance is in the fear of God; WHat if I am not accepted by the Guru? It si not for myself at all. JUst for the love Of Guru. Today, however, I feel better when i allow myself to understand that Guru will be there for me eihter way. If i love him, he willl definitly love me too. Also, If Guru Granth Sahib Ji is one for everyone-muslim,. hindu, christians etc...- then why am i any less of a loved one if i alter my appearance. I believe God and Guru Ji will love me either way, just that God and Guru ji just do not want me to spend too much time on meaningless things where i forget about God. I promise I wont. God has always been and will continue to be a part of me. Im less afraid of him and have more Love for him. I dont need to prove to anyone what my relationship with him is, He already knows that and i think thats all that matters. I am not saying that anyone is wrong, I'm just saying that perhaps everyone has a unique connection with God from the Heart, and nobody can really judge for anyone else their relationship with Him.

 

[Nishi]

Neutral Singh,

I am so shocked at what you have said, Your views on sikhism and our current society are the main reason for the youth of today walking away from sikhism.

You have an issue about men drinking alcohol and girls not allowed. Well, in sikhism we are not to put toxins in our body but we all tend to following the PUNJABI life style. You to have confused the Sikh Path with the Punjabi life style. Most people live the punjabi lifestyle and follow sikhism to a point.

You think sikh girls have it hard? you should see the life of a muslim girl. Sikh women are equals to sikh men in our religion. In the muslim religion women are considered BELOW men. Muslim women are not allowed to talk to another man or a boy regardless of who he is. They cant be in the same room as their male relatives.

I am a born, bred East London Sikh girl. I do cut my hair and do eat meat and the men in my family do drink alcohol but they also have a very strong belief in sikhism. I also have a strong and positive belief in Sikhism, i am always trying to increase my knowledge as i believe you can never know enough.
You need to remember that it comes down to interpretation, and that is the knowledge you will get from your parents or grandparents or uncles and aunts.

I do think you are right about the sikh youth moving away from Sikhism but i think this is down to lack of knowledge. As my knowledge has increased, i have become more interested in sikhism and my belief and pride in sikhism has increased too!

When i go to the Gurdwara, i do listen and i do understand what is being said. At 1st i didnt obviously but i asked my parents questions and tried to understand the history. If you WANT to learn about sikhism then all the tools are there for you.
If you are being disturbed but the gossiping then tell them to shut up or go away! i do! hehe
The box for contributions is not a plea for money, it is there for all sikhs to contribute to the maintenance of the gurdwara, this is there for people to put there little bit of money to keep their Gurdwara in a good condition. If you actually speak to Muslims, you will know that the HAVE to contribute a percentage of their salary to charity EVERY month, which is paid to the mosque. Also you will know that a bowl goes around for contributions in the Mosque and the Church. Sikhs have the box there for people to contribute as they wish. Not pushed to pull money out when someone puts a bowl in front of you to put money in.

I think that you need to actually look at what you know about sikhism and TRY to understand this. You will only then know how to identify what it missing from your knowledge and can ask about it. I think you are push Sikhism away from you and i think that is wrong.

We need to get the sikh children back and i think the way things are going it will not happen.

The current situation to me is that the are 2 groups of children. The sikhs with turbans and who probably had done Amrit and the other group are the ones that go out partying and go to the gurdwara one a year.

We need to get rid if this divide. Why do you have to wear a turban and not eat meat, etc to be sikh or involved in sikh organisation. Its this kind of heavily imposed views that are pushing children away.

If a child does not know about sikhism then how will they grow to love it as all sikhs do!

You need to introduce it to them and take the process slowly. I truly believe that this is the only away to bring the sikh youth back. We all need to be unitied and appreicate our fellow sikhs, not look down at the cos they ant wearing a turban or dnt no all the 5 "k".

How will they ever learn if they are pushed away!

But Sikh men especially young men need to sort out one thing. You all need to stop dating and marrying non-sikhs!
That is sooooooo wrong! cos that is exactly way the sikh girls are falling into the traps layed by muslims and muslim men and laughing at you all!

You cant marry a Gujrati girl but tell you sister so has to marry a sikh boy! thats rubbish! that is also a major factor that is killing sikhism! we are lossing our purity! If a sikh man marries a Gujrati girl then there child will not really follow either religion!! it mad!

We need to do something fast!!!

 

[singh_man]

The very loyal followers of Baba Nanak and the other Gurus worshipped the words the Guru's spoke and meditated on prayers and oneness with God. I'm sure hair was not an issue in those times - at least I have not read anything to the contrary.

I think many Sikhs are under the misconception that a turban wearing Sikh is more holy or spiritually pure than non-turban wearing Sikhs - what a load of crap! I have met many Sardar ji's drinking, eating meat, even those who keep their hair but trim their beards and their wives and daughters have the latest cut hairstyles. Again - look to the INSIDE people - not to the cosmetic EXTERIOR of a person to make your judgements.

Borrowing from another post from veer "amarsanghera":

If you have done comparative religious analysis..you will observe...that what is done in say a catholic church is different from an anglican church and is aslo different from mormon church.. They all have different views about christ. So if we talk abt the "religion" christianity...it is the all the churches and sects... but if we talk abt the "spiritual" message of christ..it never talks of any of the rituals done by either of the churches..

So if you look at the stuff in same way in sikhism...many sects exist today..

Yes..one of them is strongest...we all call it "Khalsa" or "Panth"...so it calls the rest of others a bad...i sense a hint of 16th century struggle between protestants and catholics...

Yes it was annointed by 10th Guru himself...but then it has imposed many rehatnamas which are its own development...much like the catholic church...it has a similar structure like vatican..

But the essence of Guru's message is way beyond each of the sects....it touches the "spiritual" plane.
-----

I think he's dead-on.

 

[MKAUR1981]

I believe the issue here is more of a woman not being able to do what her other friends of different faiths are doing. Does it matter that other girls are partying and drinking and you are not allowed? This shows the weakness in you as you wish to go with the flow. Has it ever occured to you that all the restrictions have been blessings in disguise so that you could follow the true teachings of the faith and be with GOD? Imagine the day when your parents tell you that go and do what others are doing and you have their blessings. You will just another number on the streets. A wasted person.

At least today you can stand tall and say that you are a true Sikh. But you could change the way people lead their lives. Remind them each time of the true teachings of the Gurus' and hopefully you can change their mentality.

I preach this to my daughter and she understand what Sikhism is all about and not beat around the bush what Sikh ought to be.

Satwant

WJKK WJKF

I don't think women are concerned about what other women are doing, we are more concerned with the double standards our culture has.

I myself was brought up within a very strict family. I was not allowed to drink, cut my hair, wear make-up or go out unless I was accompanied by an adult. I was even stopped from going to university. Each time the reason given was "you're a girl, you're the izzat of this house" or "do it when you get married". So guess what...I did do it when I got married. :{-

We can't put all the blame on our parents for this. Parents first need to learn about Sikhism themselves and then they need to teach their children the reasons for not doing certain things. Saying that, WE also need to take a more proactive role and try to learn more about Sikhi ourselves too. Also I think Gurdwara's can do more than just teaching Punjabi. I always find the library full of the elders having a chat about "ajj kal da zamana".

Sorry if I said anything wrong.

 

[Prabjyot Kaur]

think Gurdwara's can do more than just teaching Punjabi.

I agree with you whole-heartedly on this one. Gurdwara needs to involve youth in Gurdwara in various ways. Gurdwaras are supposed to be centres of Sikh teachings.
Every parent try to teach their chidlren as much as they know themselves. NO, parents are not to blame for their daughters being confused. Even illiterate parents know what they should allow or not allow to their children to do, when they are minor. They do not owe it to their children to explain every rule they set up in their homes.
Once children are adults, it is their responsibility to aducate themselves about their own religion and follow it. There are abundant resources available on-line; if one wants to learn....but following is only possible if they were good chidlren of their parents and learnt to be obediant. A sikh is sikh only when one leaves his/her own 'matt' and begins to follow 'Gurmatt'.

 

[A___singh]

This is an interesting problem. and my view is it has nothing to do with sikhism. It has to do with adverse selection of sikhs who emigrated to UK in the last generation.

let me explain - I am india. every time I visit UK for work i go to my relatives i see the same things there. i am appalled at things just described. frankly i dont see them widespread in India. examples of UK behavior
- folks dont know if they should control drinking habits or encourage
- folks usually end up treating girls/women inferior (which is very much against sikh tenets and even worse than in india)
- folks try to stick with all the bad things they think sikhism is (e.g. fighting in gurudwaras, sticking with cultural indian traditions hoping these are near-sikh things, etc. i was surprised to see separate gurudwaras for ramgarhia and jat sikhs... wow ! even we indians are not that dumb)
- and they all have poor opinion of india (read India 100 years back in remote villages.. for them skycrapers in Delhi and india's 9 % GDP growth are alien things, they think in india we all ride bullock carts and mercedes benz or SUVs do not exist. every sikh child in UK is brought up to believe india is not a rising major economic power but an old dirty poor country.)

the root cause is the people who migrated to UK last generation ago were "largely" "uneducated " "illiterate" and "rural" who couldnt make ends meet in india and just escaped. their lack of proper knowledge on sikh religion and lack of guidance to their children about sikhism is just one of the outcomes of this illiteracy.

If you face the same issues as the original email above try asking yourselves what college education your parents have, what degrees to show and what work they do -- if they struggled to be basic graduates or even less, do mostly manual labour or simple jobs you get the answer. I doubt a lawyer or MBA or doctor or a well read siple graduate would be so confused about his/her ideas on progressive sikh religion.

just note i live in Delhi suburbs - a metropolitan city in india - and problems like you see in UK are unknown to most people i know here. think why?

and dont blame parents - think for yourselves and learn sikhism yourselves as you get beyond 18 years of age.

wjkk wjkf

 

[HK_Fateh]

I'm sorry, this might be somewhat out of the talking point here, but this is what I feel, girls! Let's stop the blame game, and play like a real spotrsperson. Even if parents didn't do their job, we can't justify our divergence from Sikhi basing on that. So friends, how about starting afresh, and getting to know that what is yet not clear. One thing is for sure, our gurus said nothing that is baseless... if we don't know the reason of a ritual or belief, its only our ignorance and not an obsolete, out of date thought. In fact, I think Sikhism is one of the most 'modern' religions. There's not a thing in Gurbani that has to be justified with regard to today's world, whereas other religions might have to explain a thing or two, for it is not in sync with the modern beliefs or science of today!

I am pasting below a write-up I wrote a while ago for another forum. Sikh girls, read on and do reply, dear sisters!

I'm a Sikh, earlier by chance and now by choice too! I went thro' the whole discussion and let me tell you the dilemma that is reflected here is just a miniature version of what the actual scenario in the world of sikhi is today. I'm a girl and one who has taken up many styles and values that we would like to call as 'modern'. But to me, that hasn't meant compromising with any of my sikhi principles! Sikhism is my way of life, if I compromise with what my Gurus tell, how do I even justify my living on His earth, for my Gurus tell that only which is true to Nature, or Akalpurakh Waheguru, so to speak. I don't shave a single part of my body, not even upper lips or eyebrows, let alone legs or armpits. Do I feel underconfident then standing amidst the clean-shaven(it's a misnomer, actually!) girls? My answer would be a srtaight 'NO'! For only those who know not what their aim is or are unsure of the path they are treading on will get bitten by the 'complexity' bug. I feel proud instead, for I am still a truer and purer Handicraft of god. I don't intend to boast here, it is just to say that in the long run, the society accepts you not for how you look, but what you are. Nevertheless, a pure image outside, must be complemented with a pure heart inside, for both are two sides of the same coin that goes by with the name of 'Guru ka Sikh' or 'Gursikh'.(PS: At 23, it is not so that my hairy skin has acted gainst me... boys do approach me...god knows why!!!...it leaves me wondering if hairy growth is actually a turn-off, as they say?;P)

 

[kds1980]

hk fateh ji after reading your post one thing i must have to say is that waheguru has blessed you amazing confidence.may waheguru bless all of us with this type of confidence.

 

[HK_Fateh]

thanks for the kind words, S.KDS Ji. I will try and not let it go to my head...coz they say u dnt even cum 2 knw wn ur confidence becomes overconfidence!

 

[Jagminder Singh Bains]

Recently i have come to realise that many sikh girls like myself face too many personal battles.

I believe i have been bought up in quite a tradtional family. Tradtional being the operative word. I am talking generally now, but so many of the third generation have no clue about Sikhism.

I have many muslim and hindu friends, and they have been taught about their religion by their parents. In any predicament or situation, my muslim friends know what is right and wrong. This is not simply what their parent have told them is right and wrong but because they know from a religious standpoint.

Take for example the case of alcohol. Muslims know that they should not drink, it is wrong in their religion. Wheras myself and many of my Sikh friends and family are simply told girls don't drink. But our brothers and fathers go out drinking and come back drunk. What does this show us.

In Sikh families tradtion meanS that girls have so many more pressures than boys. Take again for example drinking alcohol, boys will go out with their friends and have a good time.If girls do the same thing they are more likely to be ridden with guilt. The words of their parents will echoin their heads. But shouldn't it be the words of Sikhism, that drinking is wrong. Many of hindu friends are know that they shouldn't drink, this is because their parents have taught them it is wrong and have led by example. Some of my hindu frinds do drink, but in each case their parents are aware, and they are encouraged to move away from the habit. Muslim girls are aware that their religion teaches not to drink and they don't.

Think about sikh weddings, it is a religious ceremony. But straight after everybody heads off to the party where there is alcohol galore. So what does that teach us? I simply do not get it. Isn't alcohol against sikhism..why have it on a wedding... a religious union? I understand why Christains have alchocol at weddings.. because it isn't againt Christianity. Mulisms don't need alcohol to celebrate.... so many Sikh men just drink, and show themselves up.

How many Sikh children know what the five K's mean?? I bet less than half the UK population of Sikh Children are aware. How many children know what Vaishaki means? To many it means a fun trip to the mela, and a fun walk with free food. Yes but ask muslim childen about ramadan or why they are fasting and they will tell you.

Many of the Sikhs of my generation are louts. They like the glory of their religion. You will see so many young people supporting khanda but not because they are proud of their relgion but because they look cool!!!

The gurdwara is another thing that grates me. How many young people actually listen. There are mobiles going off, children running around, old ladies bantering and gossiping. Pleas for money. Its like a playground. You don't get that in a mosque or church. People know what they are there for.

I mean why do we have to place money and then bow down when we go to the gurdwara? I don't undertstand. It is a silly concept with no meaning (money not bowing). When we go to the gurdwara to pray, that is what should matter. There is no place for a money box in the gurdwara... i resent bowing infront of it. What is the significace??People should make a contribution elsewhere.

Also in Sikhism thier should be no idols. But why are there so many picturs, and statues? How do we know what Guru Nanak Dev Ji looked like or any of the other gurus. Why do we have picturs of them in the gurdwara? Isn't it against the teachings????

On many occassions Sikh parents let thier sons cut their hair.... but their daughters are expected to keep it long. At a young age, i thought that the only rason girls didn't cut thier hair was becasue it would make them look like ummm 'bad girls!' We wern't actually told that Sikhs aren't supposed to tamper with thier bodies. Even if we were told this i guess we still would have been confused because we would question why does my father or brother have short hair?!!!

Sikhs in this country are confused. I forsee many of my generation moving away from a this religion because we just don't get it!!

waheguru ji ka khalsa , waheguru ji ki fateh
i do agree with u on some of the points.
first is alcohol. things u might feel r affecting u r ur home environment and ur social surrondings. i live in hoshiarpur and i can see around in ma city nearly 30 alcohol shops . only reason for those is govt. getting a huge profit from those. with so much being talked about fight against drugs, the practical face is different about 180 degrees . think u understand the situtation.
Then comes to alcohol on marriage, its a curse onus
it must be banned but dont know how?

i do consider ur view that sikh children (next generation) is not aware of all
the terms and holi -- days ,etc
B'coz of their parents , its upto parents to make them familiar with all those things.

one thing i dont agree with u is PICTURES
its well said "ishq ki naamaz ka yeh pehla asool hai yaar hove sahmane taan sijda kabool hai"

being a begginner even u start with guru photos its OK
then ofcourse once feeling in ur heart is invoked u can do without them

 

[Anju]

It is like so many cases of "Do as I say NOT as I do". But most even bright parents forget Children learn by what they see. No matter how many times you yell at a child not to do something. He/she will do exactly as you do - or at least attempt to do as you do until they reach an age where they see both your error as the parent and thier error as the child. I each day give thanks to my mom .. she didn't alwasy show me the right things but she did tell me the right things and now as an adult myself I know what is right and wrong and try to lead by example which is the only way you can show the younger ones. I get a lot of respect from my nieces snd nephews because I show them I too am like them still learning and still growing. But I show them good examples (most times). So please do not be too hard on your parents they too are still growing each day. And in that we should be compassionate and loving as they were while we were young. True we need to have good teachers (parents,etc) showing you the right way but not everyone is at that level of growth. Sometimes the small is the one that teaches and leads the old.

 

[freedom84]

I haven't had a chance to read all the other posts on here, but I do think if anybody is to blame, it must be the parents. Having said that, I don't really agree we should be looking to 'blame' people. Instead of blaming parents, Gurdwara's, leaders- we need to put that energy into making the change.

But parents have an enormous role to play. Personally, I can't see what would be more honourable than to sit down with your children and teach them about our history. This, I believe is a duty for every parent, but to me (and loads of other Sikhs) it would be a hobby. We get stuck in earning money, working hard etc but forgot the biggest investment of all- the children - who are our tomorrow.

In regards to drinking etc, this is the Punjabi culture which has rubbed off on our people. You can blame your parents, but they'll say their dad drank alcohol, and they'll say them same and so on. So where would we stop blaming people?! I think we agree that we all went wrong somewhere, but NOW is the time for change. You've obviously got enough sense to realise there is something wrong, so use that wisdom to make a change!

 

[sikh78910]

So where would we stop blaming people?! I think we agree that we all went wrong somewhere, but NOW is the time for change. You've obviously got enough sense to realise there is something wrong, so use that wisdom to make a change!

True sayy, if ur parents made mistakes, why not learn from them and even set an example for THEM. seeing their children acting more honourably than them could give them a huge reality check! lol, trust me ive seen it happen!

my dad drank too much, im a sikh girl and seeing how out of sync with sikhi and how horribly he started acting just cos of his drinking (he was into sikhi when he gave up for a while)made me not wanna touch it after. really makes u realise why the gurus preached against it so much!

but parents have an enormous role to play. Personally, I can't see what would be more honourable than to sit down with your children and teach them about our history. This, I believe is a duty for every parent, but to me (and loads of other Sikhs) it would be a hobby. We get stuck in earning money, working hard etc but forgot the biggest investment of all- the children - who are our tomorrow.

Muslim parents realise this, so why dont the majority of sikh parents who have been blessed with the gift of sikhi? I really dont know how our generation will turn out, i just hope too many of us dont get converted due to lack of education!