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Relationship Advice

Sep 30, 2012
1
1
Ive been searching and reading up on a lot of posts about sikh and non sikh relationships/marriages. I am in the same situation and I tried to use the advice and criticism given to my own circumstance, however I would greatly appreciate any help on my problem as I feel so alone and deserted.

I have been dating this sikh (jatt) girl for sometime now, but at first we both knew what we was getting into and i tried to break it up but she said she would fight for me and we continued. When we started she asked her mum if it would be okay for her to marry a Christian guy (me, but i am not a gorah im Indian) and surprisingly her mum said yh (this gave us some hope to carry-on). Yet we received a lot of criticism from friends saying its "wrong" and "your meant to marry someone from ur caste not a whole different religion" and emotional blackmail about her parents disowning her. This hurt us a lot but we didn't let it influence us and down the line, we both realised how much we love each other and how much we mean to one another and its the most amazing and beautiful feeling ever!

Last month however I was walking her home and her dad saw us. She got into so much trouble, its unbelievable. And through all the pressure of things she broke up with me, since then we started to be friends and saw each other and then we realised we couldn't hide it and got back together. everyday she felt guilty for lying to her parents and she said the only time she would forget it and be happy is with me so we spent a lot of time together and it truly was perfect even if it meant us just sitting under a tree and talking.

But now the pressure was too much for her to handle and she loves me and wants a future with me and I do too, but since she's not allowed to it destroyed us and were not together but still talk and try to hide our true feelings and it kills us.

I understand if her dad didnt catch us then we could still be together and her mum did say yh tht she could marry a christian but said no in the end cause obviously if u find your daughter with a guy your going to get angry. Ive read alot of posts and youtube videos and they all have a similar trend of saying if the parents see that their daughter is going to be with someone that loves her and someone successful its easier to accept. And if not we have to be strong and say yes we want to be together and give her family time to accept us.

Please can someone give me some help in this situation, it would be amazing if anyone has been in this similar circumstance and can tell me your story. We feel so alone and lost and confused. In the sikh reyat maryada it does say tht caste shouldnt matter so if her parents but also that a sikh's daughter should marry a sikh. So her being jatt shouldnt be that much of a problem but i kno in reality it will be, also I have looked up a lot on sikhism and i try to learn and understand punjabi on my own intention to show her and her family that i love her for who she is and i respect her and her culture and religion. I dont want her to convert to christianity or if we do get married raise our children christian becuase if it makes her happy id love our children to be anything that she wants them to be.

Please any advice would be so amazing!!! THANK YOU
 

canadian

SPNer
Jan 19, 2011
6
5
Hey,

I think the reason it's a big problem now is because you guys are too young. I understand it's completely normal for teenagers to be in serious relationships; but in her parents' eyes, she is still a kid and "too young" for all this. I know having relationships isn't a part of the Sikh religion, but when you are young, you tend to listen to your emotions a lot and act accordingly.

If her parents are really against it now, I would suggest you two wait. I mean stay friends and keep in touch, but try not to do something that would result in your girlfriend feeling guilty for lying all the time. Because trust me, I've had that feeling and it's the worst!

The reason I suggest you two wait is because I believe that once her parents see that she is becoming a responsible woman (by finishing her education and standing on her own feet) they may be more likely to allow her to choose her own spouse. Because at that time, she will be mature enough to make this decision.

That being said, it is against our religion to marry someone who isn't Sikh. And the reason I'm saying this is because I don't want to sugarcoat anything for you. In the end, it comes down to how strict her parents are. They may allow it if they see how happy she is with you... because most parents will make compromises for their children's happiness.

Not sure if this is what you wanted to hear, but just thought putting my words out there would help.
 

Luckysingh

Writer
SPNer
Dec 4, 2011
1,633
2,748
Vancouver
Look guys, in my opinion you are too young to be thinking about marriage.
In this day and age if a relative or friend came asking for advice with your situation,I would tell them the same.
If you really feel that you are in love,then you should give it time.
With time you shall see if your feelings grow stronger(when I say time, I mean years)

At your ages, I should be focusing on studies and career building as priorities.
When young, you can be disillusioned that you may be in love, and this can happen very very easily.

Give it time, space and then if it is true love, all boundaries will come down and everyone will come to accept.

Every single person that I have ever known that got tangled up in ''love'' at your age, always looks back and realises how naive they were.

Don't take offence with me telling you this, but some day you may look back and remember my words.
 

canadian

SPNer
Jan 19, 2011
6
5
Every single person that I have ever known that got tangled up in ''love'' at your age, always looks back and realises how naive they were.
I couldn't agree with this more... From personal experience, when I thought I had found "the one", I was ready to do absolutely anything for him. This meant even neglecting my family and treating him as top priority. But, as time passed, things between us didn't work out... and the only people who were there for me at the end were my family members.

So, seriously, give it time and you will know if it's meant to be =)
 

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