Mixed-Race Relationships And The Damage They Can Cause

[confused343]

hi dee. sad to hear your story. i can relate to your issues, i am 25 and with a sikh girl who is 20. we are happily in love, althougth her family do not know, as i am a catholic not a sikh. i am prepared to marry her and devote my whole life to her and building a family. But the risk of her losing her family is to great and cannot be risked. do u have any advice for me? thanks for your help

 

[kds1980]

hi dee. sad to hear your story. i can relate to your issues, i am 25 and with a sikh girl who is 20. we are happily in love, althougth her family do not know, as i am a catholic not a sikh. i am prepared to marry her and devote my whole life to her and building a family. But the risk of her losing her family is to great and cannot be risked. do u have any advice for me? thanks for your help

If she is from strict punjabi sikh family then her family will simply disown her

 

[asgvirgo]

Bubaladi very sorry to learn how you were treated.Still good to hear you and your husband are together.People can be total hypocrites ,full of greed and narrow minded.Saying they are religious is one thing but following the rightous path is the real test where a large majority fail.I have come across girls and boys who married outside their race and are very happy and religion can play a very positive role in the relationship.Sadly there are also heartbreaking stories but these can occur between people from similar back ground aswell and this is increasingly the case in U.K.I hope this bad faze will pass and your love for each other and your lovely children will get you through this testing time.

 

[charanjit]

The family that have placed you in this position can not be said to be Sikh, in that they are not compassionate, tolerant, and ready to learn. Unfortunately they are tainted with cultural and racial prejudices, and are being led by supposed rumours - "What would the neighbours think". These are totally lacking in the values of Sikh's, which require bravery and courage.

It is a shame that you should associate these people with those that are Sikhs. However, you will find that there are very few Sikhs that would in practice find it difficult to follow the true righteous path in such matters. Therefore Sikhs generally become no different from the aggregate of their culture.

Otherwise the more understanding of us understand your plight and sympathise. Unfortunately we can only assist in a limited manner - with words of support. It is noble of you to continue to follow a Sikh path in the light of your experience with these parochial pindoo Punjabi Sikhs. However, regardless of what 'thescoopes' implores, it is not neccesary at this juncture alone to question the existence of God and challenge the religion. The religion can be challenged on many points but not on the actions of those that create the perception of being adherents.

Surely if the religion itself sanctioned the conduct of your husband' family then it should be questioned, until then good luck.

 

[Archived_Member1]

hi dee. sad to hear your story. i can relate to your issues, i am 25 and with a sikh girl who is 20. we are happily in love, althougth her family do not know, as i am a catholic not a sikh. i am prepared to marry her and devote my whole life to her and building a family. But the risk of her losing her family is to great and cannot be risked. do u have any advice for me? thanks for your help

yours is a different situation... sikh rehat maryada (code of conduct) clearly says that we should only allow our daughters to marry a sikh. since you're catholic, you face not only a cultural but also a religious reason for them to not accept you.

i'm white, and my husband is punjabi, so obviously i'm not against inter racial or inter cultural relationships. but we're both sikh, so his parents and the sikh community have accepted me. in sikhi the religious match is very important, because we believe that husband and wife are "one light in two bodies", which is very difficult if you do not share spiritual values and beliefs.

just my thoughts. sorry if i've offended anyone.

 

[asgvirgo]

jasleen the family didn,t shy away from taking her money and Gurbani says" Haq paraya Nanka oos sooar oos gai". The biggest wrong you can do is take from someone what is rightly there's.Sikhs need to learn how to accept people from all communities into their community even where non Amritdharis are involved because Amrit should be taken after sound preparatin. Its a fact that lots of Sikhs are not Amritdharis that should not mean they can not accept willing people into there religion.Because these people make a great contribution to sikh communiy and many of them or their decendents take Amrit when they feel prepared and thet suppot Gurdwaras and Amrithari causes monitarily and politicaly.Living in a international community it is wrong to close your doors in such a rigid manner.You see non amritdhari Sikhs getting married all the time.Not all people at time of Dasmesh patshah took amrit and said we will prepare ourselves in a "sehaj" manner.If this was acceptable to Dasam patshah why are we rfusing to accept it.We are keeping our doors closed like traditional Brahmins.We need too decide on rules of
accepting people into our community in line with the idea that all human race is one.This matter is causing a lot of pain
and misunderstandings and we need too find a answer as members of a universal community.We also need to openly debate this, i wonder what other brothers and sisters think?Akaal Purkh sahai--God bless to all!

 

[Archived_Member1]

jasleen the family didn,t shy away from taking her money and Gurbani says" Haq paraya Nanka oos sooar oos gai". The biggest wrong you can do is take from someone what is rightly there's.Sikhs need to learn how to accept people from all communities into their community even where non Amritdharis are involved because Amrit should be taken after sound preparatin. Its a fact that lots of Sikhs are not Amritdharis that should not mean they can not accept willing people into there religion.Because these people make a great contribution to sikh communiy and many of them or their decendents take Amrit when they feel prepared and thet suppot Gurdwaras and Amrithari causes monitarily and politicaly.Living in a international community it is wrong to close your doors in such a rigid manner.You see non amritdhari Sikhs getting married all the time.Not all people at time of Dasmesh patshah took amrit and said we will prepare ourselves in a "sehaj" manner.If this was acceptable to Dasam patshah why are we rfusing to accept it.We are keeping our doors closed like traditional Brahmins.We need too decide on rules of
accepting people into our community in line with the idea that all human race is one.This matter is causing a lot of pain
and misunderstandings and we need too find a answer as members of a universal community.We also need to openly debate this, i wonder what other brothers and sisters think?Akaal Purkh sahai--God bless to all!

i'm a bit confused by your post. it is directed at me, but it doesn't seem to have much to do with my post.

can you please address specific issues point by point so that i may better understand what you're saying?

thanks. sorry, i'm a bit slow sometimes.

 

[asgvirgo]

Cheif Druid there are thousands of socities in the World and thousands of divisions between men and countless sources of discrimination.If a religion preaches equality between all humans instead of just a chosen few thats something to be admired.However living in a world where differences are being stressed upon all the time people fall victim to peer pressures,prejudices and personal gain and rightiousness taught by
religion takes a back seat.True religion falls victim to prsonal political agenda.

Jasleen the first few sentences i wrote were in response to your comments about Sikh Code of conduct.What I was
pointing out was that this family used this ladies money and labour and chose to reject her which is a clear abuse of Sikh code of conduct.I was't criticizing you in any way.Also i was trying to suggest that since Sikh religion believes in universal brotherhood we should find ways of accomodating mix marriages into our community and avoid all the pain,rejection and misunderstandings they seem to bring.Finally What you wrote about rehat maryada applies when a family is Amritdhari but i was trying to suggest a solution for Sehajdhari Sikhs
which was the case with the family we were discussing i think.I hope this clarifies everthing sorry for causing confusion. God Bless!

Jasleen the first few sentences i wrote were in response to your comments about Sikh Code of conduct.What I was
pointing out was that this family used this ladies money and labour and chose to reject her which is a clear abuse of Sikh code of conduct.I was't criticizing you in any way.Also i was trying to suggest that since Sikh religion believes in universal brotherhood we should find ways of accomodating mix marriages into our community and avoid all the pain,rejection and misunderstandings they seem to bring.Finally What you wrote about rehat maryada applies when a family is Amritdhari but i was trying to suggest a solution for Sehajdhari Sikhs
which was the case with the family we were discussing i think.I hope this clarifies everthing sorry for causing confusion. God Bless!

 

[Astroboy]

hi dee. sad to hear your story. i can relate to your issues, i am 25 and with a sikh girl who is 20. we are happily in love, althougth her family do not know, as i am a catholic not a sikh. i am prepared to marry her and devote my whole life to her and building a family. But the risk of her losing her family is to great and cannot be risked. do u have any advice for me? thanks for your help

See this for inspiration!

True Tales Blog Archive Our Wedding: January 13, 1973

 

[Canuck Singh]

There should be a legal advice line for similar cases such as this. They are popping up all over Sikh sites and forums, and facebooks. Interestingly, all ending with bitter hatred for Sikhism, as opposed to the individuals who perpetrated the acts in the first place.