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I Need Advice/help


1947-2014 (Archived)
Jun 17, 2004
lost ji

Please forgive me if you think I sound brusque. I do not mean to be. First of all a question. By "Armitshak" do you mean "amritdhari" or an initiated Sikh? I was not sure.

Next I need to advise you as admin - and all others who reply here on this thread - that a few months back SPN adopted a policy that we will not give any kind of advice that even borders on therapy for psychological issues, such as depression. Any discussion like that will be deleted.

Now all I can say to you personally, lost ji, is that if you become amritdhari you must marry a Sikh. And you must in the words of the Sikh Rehat Maryada "seek" to have your wife baptized as a Sikh. You can read the SRM here http://www.allaboutsikhs.com/sikh-rehat-maryada/sikh-rehat-maryada-the-code-of-sikh-conduct.html

After you have given yourself some time to digest what is in the Sikh Rehat Maryada about marriage and taking Sikh baptism, you might want to think over these questions.

  • Does it seem that your relationship with your girlfriend is so sound and based on such honorable principles that she would agree to convert?
  • If she did convert, would her family reject her, shun her?
  • Do you know if she is emotionally strong enough for that response?
  • Do you know if she trusts you well enough to make a sacrifice like that? It is asking a lot of another person, especially if you love that person.
  • If she refused, and you had to call off marriage plans, would you do that for your faith?
  • If she asked you to convert, would you refuse and take the consequences for your faith?

Get out a piece of paper, and make 2 columns, label them A and B.
  • Then answer question A: What sacrifices are you willing to make for your relationship?
  • Then answer question B: What sacrifices are you willing to make for your faith?

I think that i f you made a list of answers to A and then another list for B, and compared your answers, you would begin to get some insight into whether this is a good idea. IMHO the part about kissing and dating shrinks in importance next to these questions.
Sep 11, 2010
Dear Lost Ji, it is good that you find solace at the Gurudwara. Please seek professional/medical help for depression. I would also suggest you go to a Bookstore and read books by Deepak Chopra and Eckhart Tolle. I am currently reading the book The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I will desist from giving any further advice as per the request of the website administrator.