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I Considered Cutting My Hair

Kanwaljit.Singh

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Jan 29, 2011
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Openminded ji I love my dhari. I don't know if it is over-romanticized mysticism or another obsession. My dhari is more important than any calendar on my phone or laptop. It is mark of the change within me. It is my personal timekeeper. I tried tying it. I never use hair fixer. But now I can't tie it using my old tools. And I actually haven't kept it tied since long. I have seen people make fun of me. My own aunts and cousins. My friends have said they find that look of me intimidating. And people have come up with online slogans saying 'I am a Singh, not a gyani'.

What is a man's beard to him? Nothing. In the end, the beard along with his body will perish. But the beard is still a part of you. You might want to trim it or shave it away completely. Still there was a time when you were waiting for it to sprout, as a sign of your manlihood. That time you were sad you had no beard as people called you a boy not a man. Now you hate it for some reason. We are always manipulated by the society.

And now you come here to be manipulated by us. Then you ask who are we to judge you, where as you have declared openly your own views. All I am saying is listen to your own body. Your hair will keep on growing. That is the truth. Be accepting of that. Otherwise you will just have to add habit of shaving every week and getting a hair cut every two weeks. Add to that paying your barber, bowing your head in front of him and some money spent on hair gel (though less on shampoo! No wait more, you will shampoo more now as you will have no turban!). But I guess you have all thought it along. I just hope that your rage against your folks is not blinding you of the consequences that are to come. Might as well add you are going to hell if you cut your hair as Sikh, oh wait, that is not true, it is a lie.

Please send us your pictures before and after your loss of Kesh. We will flip it and post online on forums saying 'Back to Sikhi!' !! But GOD that is a lie too! What am I doing? Too many lies on my mind.
 
Mar 6, 2012
28
16
"I just hope that your rage against your folks is not blinding you of the consequences that are to come."

It may be to an extent. The length of my dhari is something that I, personally, have to come to terms with. When it was longer, before I began covertly cutting it, I would avoid looking at myself in the mirror. This has resulted in a cycle of guilt, fear and worry which continues to this day. I never came to terms with it. Instead, I resorted to cutting it covertly, which I think most people would do if they were in my situation, because of the typical, conventional response from conservative Sikh parents such as my own.
 
Mar 6, 2012
28
16
for anyone wondering, the whole "keep calm every time you speak to your parents" idea, suggested towards the start of this thread, is highly ineffective...I've been extremely calm this entire time. they, on the other hand....

today, I made another attempt at explaining my issue, but they literally don't listen to what I have to say. and give me some bs like "vigar geya tu."

The more I'm told not to cut it, the more I want to. whatever, just one more year and I'm moving out anyway.
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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for anyone wondering, the whole "keep calm every time you speak to your parents" idea, suggested towards the start of this thread, is highly ineffective...I've been extremely calm this entire time. they, on the other hand....

today, I made another attempt at explaining my issue, but they literally don't listen to what I have to say. and give me some bs like "vigar geya tu."

The more I'm told not to cut it, the more I want to. whatever, just one more year and I'm moving out anyway.
The whole problem is between YOU and YOU. The Parents are like Brackets in an equation...INSIDE the Brackets is (YOU+YOU-YOU=YOU). IF your Parents were to have come here and told their side of this...the comments form posters would be the exact same...just addressed differently.

Once we have made a decision..come to a conclusion..made up our mind...its Manly to admit it, stick to it and follow it through. Cowards take the cowardly way out and try and get support - moral and immoral ?? he he just playing with words...fo validate their decision/conclusion...like..Hey I ma Right you know..please say so..all of you..tell me I am Right and so and so is Wrong ?/ Come on Guys I am waiting..blah blah blah

IF I had been in the assembly at Anandpur Sahib in 1699 and maybe..just maybe some prankster next to me made me "Stand UP" and raise my HAND..and then Guru Ji had really called ME UP...I would probably have told Guru Ji..OK OK I am ready to Give you my head..BUT...BUT..I have to ask MY WIFE FIRST...Guru Ji..You know..i am married..have kids..i have to ask my wife..my kids...after all its their dad giving his head here..blah blah blah....or ..I have to get my fathers permission..blah blah blah...its what we call EXCUSES EXCUSES..EXCUSES..... SYNDROME. IN GURMATT one takes a STAND and STANDS by it. Dya Raam stood up and kept standing up until Guru jis sword cut his head off...he didnt make EXCUSES. He could ahve..but he didnt..and thats why his name is taken/remembered at each and EVERY Karrah Parshaad, Guru ka Langgar service around the world millions of times..The PANJ get the FIRST "BITE"......No one even remembers those who kept on SITTING in 1699...or worse RAN AWAY...

Be a MAN and STAND UP for what you decided. I Believe your parents are standing up for what they decided. Who is Right and who is Wrong..doesnt matter. What matters is DONT BLAME anyone else for your decision.cheerleader
 

Inderjeet Kaur

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Oct 13, 2011
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Who is Right and who is Wrong..doesnt matter. What matters is DONT BLAME anyone else for your decision.cheerleader
I'm more into responsibility than blame. One idea I was taught growing up is that an adult is always responsible for his/her actions. Cutting because your parents are against it is just another way of making others responsible for your own actions.

"You can do whatever you choose; just be prepared to accept the consequences."
 
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Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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as i said earlier..even the "name ID" chosen by "openminded" reflects the notion that his parents are Closedminded ??..the Playing field is uneven...he has put in place a handicap...similar to clean_shaven vs DIRTY_headed...whereas the actual word PATIT meaning the fallen is disliked by many such clean persons..if one is fallen by choice..stand up and live with its consequences...simple as abc.There is no need to look for scapegoats, blamegame, supporters, morla support etc etc..its a decision..a choice..a personal one.

When Mata Gujri ji sent her grandsons Zoarawr Singh and fateh Singh to the Court of Wazireh Sirhind...she may have feared that maybe the young children may fail...may make a wrong decision..fall under the immense pressure sure to be put on them...BUT as we all know the 7 and 8 year olds not only resisted failure..BUT Passed so successfully that they are remembered as NIKKIAN JINDAN..WADDEH SAKEH...meaning Young Tender Aged ..BUT HUGE SUCCESS !! THEY made their own decisions.
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

Sawa lakh se EK larraoan
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Jul 4, 2004
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btw i have met many cleanshaven sikhs as well as openminded sikhs who would put people like Bhai taru singh ( who voluntarily chose to have his scalp removed rather than have his hair cut) and the Zorawar singh Fateh Singh ( who also voluntarily chose to die rather than convert OUt of Sikhi) as closed_minded, old fashioned, stubborn, and much worse. But I respect these shaheeds because they had the courage of their Convictions....I have kesh and all that but i havent been "tested"...just like an old time classmate of mine who was admitted to a mental institution for serious suicidal tendencies and released after 10 years after Doctors CERTIFIED him cured and mentally OK. When I went to see him he laughed..Gyani JI..I HAVE a certificate proving me SANE - here have a look..signed by the Best Psychiatrist. DO YOU Have such a CERTIFICATE ?? Can YOU PROVE you are SANE ?? I had to admit I cant.:noticekudi::noticekudi::noticekudi::noticekudi::noticekudi: Thats one reason i DONT JUDGE.cheerleader
 

Luckysingh

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Dec 4, 2011
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for anyone wondering, the whole "keep calm every time you speak to your parents" idea, suggested towards the start of this thread, is highly ineffective...I've been extremely calm this entire time. they, on the other hand....

today, I made another attempt at explaining my issue, but they literally don't listen to what I have to say. and give me some bs like "vigar geya tu."

The more I'm told not to cut it, the more I want to. whatever, just one more year and I'm moving out anyway.
OpenmindedSingh ji,

I think you are just looking for someone to respond and say 'well done, carry on'.
You are just having a bad relationship with your own hair and because of this you are hurting your relationship with your parents.
Your parents threats are perfectly normal and in line with taking away a little kids football or candy. You can't be with the simple 'I don't care' attitude, as 'i'm leaving next year!!'
--This behaviour is irrational.
I sense that even when you get the full haircut you still won't be relieved and will be having ''bad hair days'' where you won't know how to hold a certain style!!!!
-Believe me, people with cut hair have as many problems trying to hold it in shape or style- just look at the thousands of hair products available to help with this burden.

I'm not sure why you think that it will be a huge relief for you once you have the full cut. You surely do sound like you are ''vigargaya'' at this moment, just as a little spoilt kid throws a tantrum.

Why don't you do a very simple task that your schoolteacher would suggest?- That is to make 2 headings on a piece of paper that say -''Advantages of haircut'' and the other says ''Disadvantages of haircut''.
- Then simply count the number of points under each column and weigh them up by comparing!!!

Then think, is it really worth it ???

P.S. I'm not being nasty or one sided in any way, but I want you to really think what you are doing and what are the consequences.
 
Last edited:
Jun 15, 2012
13
16
I won't judge you should look at the pros and cons of each of keeping kesh or cutting kesh I would like to see you keep it but it's your choice ask yourself if you are cutting it because outside pressure or from the inside then make your decision.:happysingh:
 

lionprinceuk

(previously Lion_Prince_Jatinder)
SPNer
Jun 29, 2004
161
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west london
Satsriakal, let me give you an insight into my experiences.

Firstly, when I was a younger teenager my parents used to tell me to cut my hair because I wasn't looking after it properly, but I always argued and they didn't cut it. I can't remember if they were joking or not.

Anyway, my beard has grown, and as I was growing through my teenage years, I heard more and more about uk sikh girls not liking the beard at least, and some the turban. This is especially true in the jatt community I come from.

Anyway, I also went to India. Over there, a different type of thinking is coming out. Some females only want to marry sardars because the image of hair-cut boys is becoming one of junkies, druggies and skirt chasers and players. I mean, there is a big drug problem in Panjab over there.

Now, for myself, the decision for keeping or cutting hair should solely be my own. I wear my turban as part of my punjabi culture, and even as part of indian culture. I am into bhangra music, so for myself bhangra and punjabi culture is totally pro-turban. If I ever saw the opportunity to educate the cultural importance of the turban to anyone in my culture, I would. Although people try and preach religious guilt, to be honest, wearing a turban in our culture doesn't require any ritual or religious commitment, and I don't really care who disagrees with me, because I am one of those total jatt kinda guys who wears a turban.

Secondly, wearing a turban and keeping the beard, means that there's a less chance of getting the vigaraee-hoi girls for rishta. Although there are plenty of vigareeya (I can't think of a decent term to use on this forum)girls as well that go for Singhs, it still reduces the chance I would say. Also I can stand-up for turbans by wearing a turban, because, quite frankly, I am appalled at the attitude from some apnay, whethere the attitude is outspoken or just undercover.

Anyway, as a citizen of the UK, the law is very favourable to the turban, so I have a "why not wear a turban?" thinking over here.

However, I did get pressured into the beard tying thing. Still, by tying, I can open it up as well. Trimming doesn't allow that. I can mix into 2 sets of people this way lol.

Also, I love the respect apnai young adults give me for wearing turban, like they feel proper cultural with me.
 

dpsehgal

SPNer
Jul 16, 2013
1
0
SSA,

I hope you will get something out from my experience because I have gone though this, and finally I decided enough is enough and I got my hair cut around 7 years back. And tell you really it was not easier to face my friends, family, office colleagues etc. First year was tough and but when I look back that was the best decision I ever made for myself, It's one life to live. I go to Gurdwara every Sunday and I wear turban when I go there, because I like wearing turban. But not everyday!

I would say go for it, am sure you'll come out stronger and happier in life.

Best wishes
Dilpreet Singh
 

Inderjeet Kaur

Writer
SPNer
Oct 13, 2011
869
1,763
Seattle, Washington, USA
SSA,

I hope you will get something out from my experience because I have gone though this, and finally I decided enough is enough and I got my hair cut around 7 years back. And tell you really it was not easier to face my friends, family, office colleagues etc. First year was tough and but when I look back that was the best decision I ever made for myself, It's one life to live. I go to Gurdwara every Sunday and I wear turban when I go there, because I like wearing turban. But not everyday!

I would say go for it, am sure you'll come out stronger and happier in life.

Best wishes
Dilpreet Singh
Maybe, maybe not. What worked for you may not work for him. Or it might. We are all different. I say, let him sift through everything said here and search his own being :whatzpointsing: and then do whatever he chooses to do.
 

Aisha

SPNer
Oct 12, 2012
43
146
Anyway, my beard has grown, and as I was growing through my teenage years, I heard more and more about uk sikh girls not liking the beard at least, and some the turban. This is especially true in the jatt community I come from.
This user probably won't see my post, but to any other keshdari Sikh guy who is complaining about Punjabi Sikh girls not liking the turban and beard, I ask, have you ever considered dating out of your religion and race? The problem I think is that nowadays, a lot of Punjabis don't know what the kesh stands for or what their ancestors had to go through to preserve it, so they lack knowledge. A lot of Punjabi girls might associate turban/beard with hardcore fundamentalist who doesn't know how to have fun, especially if older male relatives in her family keep the kesh. So if they Punjabis don't know why it is important, and/or associate negative emotions with it, it would naturally be hard for them to respect.

Contrastingly, I know plenty of non-Sikh girls who would not turn down the opportunity to date a keshdari Sikh guy if he was funny, social, fit etc... if they found his personality attractive, and he was in relatively good physical shape, they wouldn't let the turban and/or beard get in the way of a possibly meaningful relationship.

One of my friends (Muslim), who is a bit more religious than me and wears hijab just started going out with a Sikh guy who has a turban. Last year at the Gurdwara I attend, a keshdari Sikh guy got married to a white girl (I do not know if she converted to Sikhi for the marriage). I also don't know if marrying out of the religion is allowed for Sikhs, but if it is, maybe give it a shot with a girl you normally wouldn't have considered? :cheerleaders:
 
Oct 4, 2012
41
80
35
You should be comfortable with yourself...you should not change your looks because someone wants you too, you should feel happy about yourself, comfortable within....for a very long time i didn't cut my hair because i felt the pressure of religion that God and Guru will hate me because i am cutting my hair, but one day i took the decision and i cut them and i learned that God's love is unconditional, He loves all the same...i will keep my hair uncut again when i would be comfortable with them...maybe when i would wanna look like Guru's warrior, a Sikh, internally and externally a true Sikh,...but what i have learned is whatever you do under pressure is never right, never true!! Love is freedom, be who you wanna be, keep hair because you wanna, cut them because you wanna, but be true to yourself first!!! it is never good to trap yourself in the wrong body, it gets hard, maybe one day you will hate cutting hair!! you never know the future!! my advice to you is look the way you wanna, Love God do your prayers, don't forget the path of spirituality, as the spirit changes so does the body!!! don't trap yourself, you would be wasting time and energy nothing else. i am not encouraging you to keep or cut hair, i am encouraging you to be first comfortable with yourself inside out!!!
 

LittlePrem

SPNer
May 1, 2013
28
65
New York, N.Y
I have some purely aesthetic advice about your dhari. I'm a girl who struggles with my hair (on my head). Like many Jewish girls, I have naturally thick/wavy/curly/sometimes frizzy hair. I've gone through a variety of methods to straighten it out, but the one that is most effective and non-damaging is Keratin. Also known as "Brazilian" straightening.
It's so popular that nowadays, there are gentle use at home versions you can buy. I wonder if it can be safely used on beards? There are also gentle, tiny .5 inch ceramic flat irons. Also, I've seen products like beard pomade and "beard lube" at Sephora. Heck,maybe even a good hair conditioner would help?

My point is that maybe, you can look into styling options that will make your dhari look and feel more pleasing to you.
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
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Jun 17, 2004
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19,210
LittlePrem ji

I use Brazilian leave in conditioner. It is amazing stuff and perfect for curly hair. No problem with leaving a heavy coating on the hair strands either. There are several Brazilian conditioning products on the market, some can be purchased very cheaply at Amazon. I think I paid 3.99 for a giant bottle, and a little goes a long way. It smells good too!
 

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