I Am Freaking Out !

[Seeker2013]

I guess if you are hungry enough you would. The Montsanto/GMO issue? I am not on top of it. Will defer to Inderjeet Kaur on that one.

I will give benefit of doubt to anti-Monsanto campaign !
Since when did American corporates started fretting over people's health/profit over their own ?

Anyways I guess we are deferring from the topic

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

Please go to Canada. Canadians have a reputation for niceness (which is mostly true). USAers are nice, too, usually, unless they feel threatened in some way.

I will not engage in USA bashing. In most ways, USA is a very good place to live. Really.

The GMO thing is true. Unlike most of the world, GMOs here are not labeled as such. Anything certified "organic" is supposedly non-GMO, but who knows? Monsatan is working very hard to keep this non-labeling of GMOs because they know very well that people want to know.

Here is one telling song about Canada.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4TC3lffJEbI

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

I guess if you are hungry enough you would. The Montsanto/GMO issue? I am not on top of it. Will defer to Inderjeet Kaur on that one.

That would be a topic of its own in another section, I think.

If I were hungry enough, I would eat whatever was available, up to and including participating in a Donner Party. But that is the extreme. Under less stringent circumstances, I prefer not to eat GMOs or meat or eggs or, for that matter okra, which I really dislike.

I do like ice cream of almost any flavour. :icecreamkudi:

Forgive the diversion, please. Back to immigration.

The Philippines cap thing surprises me since the Philippines were once a USA possession. Live and learn.

If I were to emigrate, my first choice would be Scandinavia, especially Sweden. They have the highest standard of living in the world and the happiest people. I imagine entry might be challenging, but maybe worth a try. Are you good with learning languages?

 

[spnadmin]

lol The US was once a British possession. And we don't get any special considerations to enter UK.

Phillippines is on the list because of the number of applicants in proportion to its population size. Its population is nowhere near the size of China or India, making that capping somewhat of a surprise to me too. A percentage of the total number of visas awarded are distributed using a lottery, with the goal being to maintain a national balance among all countries represented in the immigrant pool. Capping the Phillippines must be grounded in that same issue -- so that a few countries do not dominate the influx.

Were you asking me or Seeker2013 if I or he were good at learning languages.

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

lol The US was once a British possession. And we don't get any special considerations to enter UK...

Were you asking me or Seeker2013 if I or he were good at learning languages.

Yeah, but the USA fought a war to stop being a British possession. The Philippines were granted independence out of gratitude for their help in defeating Japan in WW2. Or maybe just because the USA had no idea what else to do with them.

I meant Seeker ji, unless you are considering emigrating to Sweden. I think - know - most everybody there speaks English, but knowing the language would be a big plus for immigration, I'm sure.

 

[Seeker2013]

Yes I am usually good in learning languages ! I know this is a bit off-topic but I've read (YES I DID READ THAT) gay men and straight women are good in learning languages , arts as compared to straight men . They say this is because brain of women and gay men is wired very similar .
They did a CT scan or MRI of brain and found that areas of brain that lightened up upon exposure to erotic images were almost same areas in gay males and women , and similarity was found in lesbian and straight men too !

But I am not really surprised because I was always taunted for being girly , sissy and playing with tea sets !
Not the average guy who enjoys sports and rough play

 

[Seeker2013]

SORRY FOR BEING A BIT OFF TOPIC .

But coming back to my life's woes , its still a big issue finding a good partner even if I were to live a 'satisfactory' and 'happy' life as gay man . Because the options only boil down to 3
1) marry a woman
2) stay single lifelong (sounds scary)
3) marry a man

option 1 is like having a marriage with some serious lacking
option 2 is totally horrifying
option 3 is what I want , but EVEN THEN the problem is in finding a partner and TRUST ME this problem is bigger than the problem of how to get a visa to sweden !!

WHY ? because first of all , we are jst 5% of any population , so that way first off the number of available partners boil down in numbers
Secondly , it is difficult to find a faithful partner . There are not much role models for homosexuals who wish to live a married life . Yes , some are there with happily married with kids . like Ellen DeGeners , Neil Patrick Harris , FB cofounder Chris Hughes , etc
but they are like very rare !

ITS STILL A SAD STORY for most gays , even in america !

I also blame their habits to some extent (non-monogamous , more into sex than serious relationships) , but I don't blame them fully because lets face it they have been thrown at fringes for so long , so how can we expect serious relationships or happier , healtier lifestyles from them !

I see potential boyfriends around me on daily basis , but its depressing because most of them are not gay !
So , I can't get a guy I like , and the ones I might get I don't like . Fortunately for heterosexuals , this prob never emerges , because they have 95% of dating pool !

So , this is also a big problem -- finding a groom ! (if at all I am to move in that direction)

Would anyone like to comment on this problem ?

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

My best consideration:

1. Is insanity. Do not make yourself and some hapless woman miserable, please. Life is too short for that.

2. Unthinkable, so don't think of it.

3. We all run this risk. Think of it this way, you only need one. And you left out my favourite Gay couple, George Takei and his husband Brad.

But enough of this. Your immediate task is to find a place and means to relocate so you can have a chance at a happy life, something, btw, guaranteed to none of us.

And I'm sure I'm breaking some unwritten rule by saying this, but it would be very good if you would "appreciate" some of these ideas we are coming up with.

 

[Seeker2013]

My best consideration:

1. Is insanity. Do not make yourself and some hapless woman miserable, please. Life is too short for that.

2. Unthinkable, so don't think of it.

3. We all run this risk. Think of it this way, you only need one. And you left out my favourite Gay couple, George Takei and his husband Brad.

But enough of this. Your immediate task is to find a place and means to relocate so you can have a chance at a happy life, something, btw, guaranteed to none of us.

And I'm sure I'm breaking some unwritten rule by saying this, but it would be very good if you would "appreciate" some of these ideas we are coming up with.

I also don't wish to spoil any girls life

My childhood friend told me I should stop thinking abt my sexuality becoz thinking abt it gives gloominess . What solutions ppl come up with !
anyways

All views are appreciated

 

[Seeker2013]

I see people have stopped replying . I wonder why

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

I stopped because if you cannot be bothered to do something as simple as clicking on a button that says "appreciate," I doubt that you have the drive to take big steps like immigrating.

 

[Seeker2013]

I stopped because if you cannot be bothered to do something as simple as clicking on a button that says "appreciate," I doubt that you have the drive to take big steps like immigrating.

Inderjeet Kaur ji , Pardon ! :hug:
I am sorry I am new to this forum , so I must have overlooked some features . It maybe hard for u to believe how I overlooked the 'appreciate' button but I did ! sorry

But again , this raises one doubt in me too ?? will you cease to help people just because they don't actively reward appreciation
Just wondering . Please don't mind

 

[spnadmin]

Inderjeet Kaur ji , Pardon ! :hug:
I am sorry I am new to this forum , so I must have overlooked some features . It maybe hard for u to believe how I overlooked the 'appreciate' button but I did ! sorry

But again , this raises one doubt in me too ?? will you cease to help people just because they don't actively reward appreciation
Just wondering . Please don't mind

It's is just a simple matter of courtesy to show that you do not feel entitled to a response but appreciate it when people do take the time to interact with you, often take considerable time or interact in a steady way.

 

[Ishna]

Awe crap I lost my reply.

In summary, remembering I'm not a psychologist and these are just my thoughts based on your posts, I don't really know you:

I think your issue might be deeper than your sexuality, possibly affected by lack of confidence, fear of life and a sprouting self-identity that might not have finished growing yet. All these things can work together to make things feel worse than they actually are.

Hetero people have trouble finding partners too. Examples; I have 2 colleagues in early 30s unable to find husbands. One has high standards and won't accept anything less that the picutre in her mind, the other doesn't socialise or try dating sites apparently waiting for her husband to knock on the door. Both women fear for their future as their child-bearing years are ticking away. My nephew, too, is 26 and can't ind a girlfriend, I think again this might be lack of exposure - hanging out with the same friends in the same places and not meeting new people.

I think you might benefit from relaxing a bit - you've got heaps of life ahead of you.

I also agree with Inderjeet ji - your priority focus should be immigrating to a country where you might have more opportunities, or if you fancy a challenge stay in India and join the social revolution for gays there (I'm assuming there is one...).

Life is full of opportunities, don't fall into the trap of wallowing and feeling too unique or else you might miss them when they do come along. If tou get around like a sad sack feeling shameful you'll project a less than desirable face to the world. Chin up!

 

[Inderjeet Kaur]

Inderjeet Kaur ji , Pardon ! :hug:
I am sorry I am new to this forum , so I must have overlooked some features . It maybe hard for u to believe how I overlooked the 'appreciate' button but I did ! sorry

But again , this raises one doubt in me too ?? will you cease to help people just because they don't actively reward appreciation
Just wondering . Please don't mind

Not at all. In fact, this is the first time I have ever said anything to anyone. I have never stopped helping anybody when I felt that my input was helping. Other than giving you encouragement, I think I have no further help to give you. I admit that I feel that all of us here at SPN have gone the extra mile for you - because we care, of course. I know I personally have put a lot of thought into your situation and genuinely want to help. I am human, however, and really not very saintly. If I feel my efforts are being taken for granted, I sometimes get discouraged. I admit I got bit annoyed. This is my weakness and I'm sorry. I accept your explanation.

I was really moved when you came out to us in your first thread. I was touched and happy that you felt safe enough to be open with us - and I think we have proven worthy of your trust. I am glad that you have moved on from venting and are looking for a solution that will give you a chance at a happy life. This whole love thing is difficult and marriage is the second most important decision you can make in life. (Amrit is the most important for a Sikh.) One thing that seems to be true is that it happens when you least expect it. Until that happens, I suggest you work on making yourself into the kind of person that the man you could love would want to spend the rest of his life with. That's a happy project that, 'I think, would make you a happier person, too.

I remember someone once telling me, "My dear, if you expect to catch a Lancelot, you had d*mned well better be a Guinevere." And don't forget to have fun along the way. "With all its sham and drudgery, it is still a beautiful world." Life is good. Remain in charhdi kala.

 

[Seeker2013]

Not at all. In fact, this is the first time I have ever said anything to anyone. I have never stopped helping anybody when I felt that my input was helping. Other than giving you encouragement, I think I have no further help to give you. I admit that I feel that all of us here at SPN have gone the extra mile for you - because we care, of course. I know I personally have put a lot of thought into your situation and genuinely want to help. I am human, however, and really not very saintly. If I feel my efforts are being taken for granted, I sometimes get discouraged. I admit I got bit annoyed. This is my weakness and I'm sorry. I accept your explanation.

NO , you are not being taken for granted . Thanks a lot for your patience and solutions guys

 

[Harry Haller]

I am sorry if any of you feel annoyed that I am starting a new thread based on an old topic , but this times its more about me being scared like never before !

The problem you have, my dear friend is akin to the boy who cried wolf. The question many of us will ask is, should we spend precious time and energy trying to help someone who then merely tangents off instead of taking assistance. If I stopped to help a motorist who then harangued me while I was trying to fix his engine, would I stop for him again? probably not..

Incase this is my first post you are reading , I introduce myself . I am 23 yr old male living in india metro city . Ofcourse I come from a sikh background .
A 23 yr old youth is usually joyous because of the future prospects and because of his age of romance but I feel ruined and thats because I am not having a convention sexuality . I am not at all attracted to women but to men . Thats the problem .
But this problem doesn't end here . Because its not jst about sex . Its much more beyond that . Its about which gender I am naturally drawn to form better emotional relationships . I am jst like any other person in the sense I too desire a normal family life , happy with wife and kids but HOW ? how can I be happy with a woman when there is no love for her , no emotional bonding , no desire . It would be like living a prison ?

Hmm, so the problem you have is that you want a wife, and kids anda normal family life, school meetings, etc etc, but you do not find women sexually attractive. Could you clarify whether it is the wife that you wish for, or a husband and kids and family life? ie, Would you be just as happy if you lived with a man and say, adopted, or is it the acceptable family life that you hanker after?, it seems you would be ok to inflict unhappiness on a woman, but how could you possibly bear the same, as you say, it would be like you living in a prison. Apologies, but this seems very self centred, not that there is anything wrong in that, but I wonder if you are actually aware of how you come across...

Thinking about my future makes me depressed . Sometimes I try to cheer myself thinking I will marry a conservative , rural area girl (you know how they are , unlike the advanced women of urban) and live a faithful life with her , but the thought of spending rest of your life feels terrorizing . It feels you have been cheated , that this is a BLUNDER ! But thoughts of whether I will have to spend my life all alone is also terrorizing .

I see, so conservative rural girls, as they are a bit basic, a bit thick? are ok to marry, as clearly such girls have no feelings, no value, yet, it is your own feelings you seem concerned with, no thought for this poor country girl whose life you are about to ruin, who you are about to lie to, in order to fulfill this fantasy of yours. Shall I tell you what is terrorising? watching your family being butchered in front of you is terror, losing your life, being homeless, having an incurable disease, all these can bring on terror, what you are describing is a mild inconvenience.

So , you can imagine now , how it feels , atleast thats how I feel
There is no peace in rejecting urself , no peace in accepting urself .

yes, I know how this feels, and I can share with you the solution, grow up a bit.

The tensions and depression is starting to affect my life because I really can't help but keep thinking about this and keep getting more depressed . Do you think there is any relief from this torment or is god punishing me for something ?

God has better things to do than punish people, especially when we are so good at punishing ourselves. You are allowing this to affect your life, you are watering areas in your head that are growing and getting bigger, what do you shine a light on mentally? It is what we water that grows, it is what we ignore that dies. This problem seems huge to you, because you have allowed it to take centre stage in your life, to the point where it owns you,

set yourself free

 

[Seeker2013]

Harry Haller , thanks for the time you took in replying the topic

First off , I wanted to but would never marry a woman . We all have different thoughts , doesn't mean we act on them and feedback I got from this thread , I have decided I will live life in my own terms
But I seriously challenge this claim of 'a gay man marrying a woman' ruins lives of both , esp woman !

Why do people think a man marrying a woman whom he's not attracted to would ruin her life ? esp if he's faithful to her ?
Just becoz he's gay , that immediately disqualifies him from marrying women ?

back in our parents days , there was no such thing as dating or even seeing each other before marriage ! the girl and boy were arranged by some middle person .. But those marriages were better than today's so-called "Love marriages" and lasted way longer - lifetime !

So even if I won't marry a woman , I would challenge the premise of this argument --
'a gay man marrying a woman immediately ruins her life '

Actually , there is this whole issue of 'gay men' not being 'real men enough' in the common psyche of public even if people don't say it , sometimes they do !

 

[Harry Haller]

Why do people think a man marrying a woman whom he's not attracted to would ruin her life ? esp if he's faithful to her ?
Just becoz he's gay , that immediately disqualifies him from marrying women ?

Seekerji

do you have a low opinion of women? you seem to think that a woman should accept the very torture and hell you described in your post, yet such a situation is not for you.

Marriage is a coming together of souls, both emotionally and sexually, your needs, your desires are met by someone who feels the same way as you, could you possibly explain to me how this would work if you are sexually attracted to men?

Just becoz he's gay , that immediately disqualifies him from marrying women ?

I actually have my doubts now that you are gay because such a statement is ludicrous.

All the gay men I know are more manly than me, the image of the prancing mincing gay man is history, homosexuality is a life choice made by men of all types, but to expect your wife to be happy in the knowledge that during intimacy you are probably thinking of a man is, I think too much

 

[Seeker2013]

Seekerji

do you have a low opinion of women? you seem to think that a woman should accept the very torture and hell you described in your post, yet such a situation is not for you.

Why do you think a gay man marrying a woman means he thinks low of women ! he thinks low of women IF he's used her as a cover for his sexuality and sleeps around with men . Thats HELL ! Thats a low opinion of women .

I know gay men who are sikhs (amritdhari , YES !) who are as they say homosexual but still married to women , and their wives even know it ! But they also know their husbands are faithful and have a higher spiritual aim in life , not shallow sex obsessions !

I know probably by now you are thinking I am trolling you again ( you never give me the benefit of doubt fella !) , but I am telling the truth !
Because , these cases are from conservative , religious families who don't care for sexuality anyways

Marriage is a coming together of souls, both emotionally and sexually, your needs, your desires are met by someone who feels the same way as you, could you possibly explain to me how this would work if you are sexually attracted to men?

You have set the bar so high now that 95% of population won't fit in either !
There are emotional distances too between couples . Yes they don't divorce but things happen . And why would someone marry someone without wishing to consummate the marriage ?! the notion is ridiculous

I actually have my doubts now that you are gay because such a statement is ludicrous.

You should give me benefit of doubt sometimes ! You have been very pessimist towards me since day 1 mate !
You think I have enough time on my hands to troll everyone here ??

homosexuality is a life choice made by men of all types, but to expect your wife to be happy in the knowledge that during intimacy you are probably thinking of a man is, I think too much

ohh , so now its a choice men make !
And what goes on in mind of someone who has sex , this is so voyeuristic man ! how can u even make such claims .. people have weird fetishes that turn them on and they fantasize about that too .. what the hell are you saying