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Help Me! I Am A Grown Up Adult Child :)

Discussion in 'Sikh Rehat Maryada' started by jyotinder, Dec 31, 2010.

  1. jyotinder

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    Dec 11, 2010
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    I really confused with two thing in my life

    1) Should I go for MS in USA or Stay in India and prepare for IAS.

    The reason that restrict me going abroad, is my family(mom and my younger sister, my father expired in army) even though they encourage me to follow my dream. I some how feel I should stay along them. But right know my carrier is not that great, even though i have done my engineering for a reputed university (PEC), I am working in a small software company that i didn't like much.

    Secondly, I think am just focusing on wordy material by doing that. It is the peer pressure that is making go for a better future. But some how i feel, that i can contribute to my family by first becoming settle in my life. Only then i can take care of them.

    OR it is just a excuse for my fear to venture into un-know country.

    2) I am confused b/w love and lust.

    Incident a)
    I told a girl that i was don't love, but it was the lust that attracted me toward her. So I have stop my self from any physical relationship after I said that, before that I just kissed her.

    I am confused is that, make me sinful

    Incident b)
    There is another girl which i loved her form my bottom form my heart. It has been 2 year, i have purposed her many times, but she never given me a straight answer. Because of that I ignored her. But she wrote on facebook that she missed me and will not be able to meet me as i was on the tour to Norway, she misunderstood that i have gone abroad for immigration. But at that moment i replied furiously. i regret that moment.

    I don't know whether she loved me or not. But i always remain in her thoughts.
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  3. spnadmin

    spnadmin United States
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    1947-2014 (Archived)
    SPNer Supporter

    Jun 17, 2004
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    jyotinder ji

    The way I read your concerns there are 3 major issues: guilt and confusion about sex and relationships, the need to make a rational decision about study abroad, and conflict over responsibilities for your family.

    Let me start with the easy stuff! welcomekaur

    It did not "make" you "sinful." Thoughts are not sinful. Sounds as if you did the right thing by controlling your instincts. So now forget it and forgive yourself. This has happened to a..........lot........of ........people. For centuries. Everywhere in the world. The truth is that most people don't make it public, leaving you to think you are among the few who had this experience. Take a break from guilt. This is part of becoming an adult.

    I don't know what you mean by "I replied furiously." Does that mean you were angry? To me this sounds as if neither of you were ready to make a commitment. Why is she writing that she loves you on facebook? That is not the place to express deep feelings. You were in Norway by that time. So you were not in a position to reciprocate anyway. Being a "true" love is/was not logically possible as you describe the situation. She is basically an "old flame." Someone you have loved and still feel good about. Also a very common experience, and again most people are not going to admit that it happened to them.

    Put these "incidents" to one side so that you can deal with your family and educational questions with a clear head. I actually have some experience with regulations involved in study abroad in the US. The questions you are asking require more information than you have given. There are two main issues: visa restrictions and financial aid in the form of scholarships to International Students. Look at this link and see if there is anything helpful. http://www.usastudyguide.com/Financial_aid.htm

    Some Indian students come to the conclusion that they can get a fine education in India and they decide not to emigrate to the US because the value of a US degree does not make up for the financial barriers. They may even decide to study in a country other than the US. You can come back with more questions. Other members will surely advise you.

    The feelings of responsibility for your family are the hardest to speak to because they are deeply personal. Invisible writers telling you what to do on Internet forums can actually be harmful. So take their advice with a grain of salt. You really need to weigh the importance of your feelings of responsibility, in your culture, against your own sense that you might do a better job of helping them if you do go back to school. So seek out people with good sense, in your real world, if you can.

    Good luck.
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