Gurdwara Discussion

[raj008]

Guys

I'm getting married in 2 months and going to the gurdwara tomorrow to discuss all logistics and jointly plan the ceremony with them. Unfortunately, there is only one gurdwara in my town and they are not known to be meticulous about all details and often make careless mistakes. I'm trying to create a list of discussion points so that nothing is left out. So far i have this:

- Actual ceremony - what takes place and what I have to bring like few sets of rumalas to cover grant sahib
- Flowers to be brought or they provide
- Meal options using caterer or doing in-house

I'm sure I'm leaving a couple of things out and would appreciate someone listing them for me. I don't have any senior relatives in my town but they'll be attending the wedding. However, I have to do all the planning

Thanks

 

[spnadmin]

raj008 ji

Congratulations on your coming wedding! Now down to the nitty gritty. Do not think that one or two discussions with a checklist or some emails will be enough. I am telling you now that you have to break this down into steps and continually check to make sure that all is well.

This might be the absolutely most wonderful wedding choice... even the most wonderful require a lot of follow-up.

Don't rely on information here. Everyone will share their experience and every gurdwara is different. There is no single and standardized way of doing this.

It is common for there to be langar with the wedding, and a private reception with family and friends later in the day. But who prepares the langar? and How is it paid for? How do you set the food choices? Don't leave that up to forum discussion.

Get the entire procedure down to the details. Make more than one list. Make sure that everyone is on the same page, and understands exactly what is going to happen and who does what. Keep checking on progress (e.g., do you or the gurdwara engage the ragi? I you are doing that, who is responsible for the sound system? If there is one at the gurdwara, will it be available for practice before the wedding? When? Is the ragi and jatha from the sangat? How will the music be selected?) One thing -- just one thing --- has that many parts to it and I forgot some.

 

[spnadmin]

SPN is a good place to build that checklist. Good job!

 

[findingmyway]

Congratulations on your forthcoming marriage. The most important thing is for you and your partner to understand the commitment you are making to each other. Can you produce leaflets about the meaning of the Lavaan for everyone or have someone speak about it? Do you have particular shabads you enjoy that can be sung after the Laavan? Are you familiar with the SRM? More information in there
http://www.sgpc.net/rehat_maryada/section_four_chap_eleven.html

 

[raj008]

Great advice. Guys - one more thing. For a few logistical reasons, we aren't having a mehndi ceremony or party. I know our religion doesn't require it but it's typically done traditionally. That being said, do you guys think I should get my fiancee to privately have someone put mehndi on her hands for the ceremony?

Thanks

 

[Chaan Pardesi]

Raj, Congratulations for your coming marriage, The Sikh marriage is a very straight forward and simple affair that has been made a very complicated issue by everyone trying to outdo the next person with acts that do not often really constitue part of the Sikh anand karaj union in marriage.

I have just attended a marriage where Sukhmani sahib da path took place one day.Then there was the Mehndi evening the next day.Then sangeet afternoon and evening the next day, with bhatna the next morning.

This was followed by pre wedding dinner the next evening.,Then the barat went up to the North and stayed in a hotel.That same evening was dinner and dance.The next morning was the anand karaj followed by a dinner / lunch party.This was followed by a dinner party the next evening.This was then followed by another bhog to thank waheguru for the successful completion of the whole affair.The whole affair took about 6 days, and I just about had enough, in fact we did not attend one day in between.

This does not include some of the strange pratices I observed and wondered where they had come from.

Just thought, I will share this all.

In Sikh way of life,marriage is not a business deal or simply the meeting of two individuals;but a way of life based on good, sacred and humanitarian conduct for life shared by both individuals.It is not simply a union of two bodies but of two souls.

Mutual equality, explicit understanding and full mutual trust are the prop and pillar of the Anand karaj concept of marriage.

The main factor that adds sanctity to this concept is that it is solemnised under the patronage of eternal and Timeless holy Gurbani, of Guru Granth sahib.The Guru's Exalted authority provides the marrying couple strong base to live disciplined , happy and cheerful life.

If you can understand all that -then things will appear simple and easy and guide you easily.

I know you have asked the whats, and when to do, these are a little more complicated to explain, as the more people you ask, the more you will be told to do.

As I understand many of these do and don'ts are covered under the cultural and ritual aspects -that really have no connection nor meaning in Sikh anand karaj, but nevertheless people will do it; otherwise many will tell you it is not a good shagan if you don't..so I will try and not thread there.I call this jaimala acts-which are really unacceptable acts in Sikhi.



Like ' lavan before noon'otherwise it is bad shagan is utter nonsense.

There are other issues that would help you and your bride understand why the male leads in the lavan.There has been a great decadence in Sikh society, and unfortunately this has affected the Sikh marriages as well.It would help to understand these and it will help you save expensive money exercise that serve no purpose, like roka ceremonies and the takha .The chunni ceremony is another one that has no place.But people do it, as they witness others do.

The subject is really very wide if we go into detail.The final choices rests upon the individuals and what they prefer and want.

Good luck, I hope I have not confused you.

 

[raj008]

no you have not - i've kind of maintained that from the start and do see pressures from relatives to do this, do that but I'm really following my own sense and readings on this topic

Thanks!

 

[spnadmin]

Great advice. Guys - one more thing. For a few logistical reasons, we aren't having a mehndi ceremony or party. I know our religion doesn't require it but it's typically done traditionally. That being said, do you guys think I should get my fiancee to privately have someone put mehndi on her hands for the ceremony?

Thanks

raaj ji Here I am talking out of turn. It is none of my business really. But I do not like the mehindi. It is a Hindu practice and the designs that are painted come from Hindu mythology. There is a big knowledge base connected with it. But you see that is me and my personal opinion. You need to think whether this will make your finance happy. Will it say that you are sensitive to her likes and feelings... which is how both parties should begin a marriage relationship..