- Jan 31, 2011
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I have the mood of the damned, I am determined not to howl, but the inner battle only forces me more and more inward, by the time I got home, my mood was so foul I felt it best to go into zombie mode, dead eyes, one word replies, Sian knows just to leave alone, but by the end of the evening, as we slept, me on my back, eyes open, staring at the ceiling, her, back to me, sad, frustrated, angry at my refusal either to give the meditation a chance, or go back to the doctor, it was a long night, I dreamt a lifetime of dreams, all painful, all negative,
I woke at 5am, Sian was looking at me, sad, stressed, we talked, her, angry at being shut out, me, angry at her being angry for me trying to protect her, I say angry, but in our house, angry means speaking in a slightly firmer voice, we have never got angry in the common sense of the word, just firmer, sadder, Harry she said, when you are like this, even the dogs dont want to come near you,
I feel ok today, yes, harry, you feel ok, she said, but you leave a trail of destruction in your wake
I woke at 5am, Sian was looking at me, sad, stressed, we talked, her, angry at being shut out, me, angry at her being angry for me trying to protect her, I say angry, but in our house, angry means speaking in a slightly firmer voice, we have never got angry in the common sense of the word, just firmer, sadder, Harry she said, when you are like this, even the dogs dont want to come near you,
I feel ok today, yes, harry, you feel ok, she said, but you leave a trail of destruction in your wake