- Jan 31, 2011
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back on the anti depressant, I take it at night time so it does not make me feel too dozy.Sian describes me as calm and untortured, bordering on near normal, or as normal as she has known me since we have been together. I feel pretty calm, in fact, as we are down to one car, and I am driving Sians at the moment, given her musical tastes differ to mine, I have been singing shabads, mostly ones I remember from my childhood, I feel pretty free, I have no interest in sex, rich food, booze, Sian looks more beautiful than she looks sexy, I just want to give her a big hug, and frequently do, she has aches and pains at the moment, I find myself wanting to rub her back, her hands, I think about my mum and dad a lot, miss them, I always seem too busy to see them, suddenly I want to make time, I will next week,
Sian and Tom have gone to see some horror film with Brad Pitt, so I bought a huge roast chicken, and me, Dan, Bran and Rory all sat in the kitchen and ate chicken. No fighting, everyone sat quietly and we all took in turns to eat, they are all such good boys, we took them for a late walk, it was brilliant, walking hand in hand with my wife, watching my dogs, all of us squeezed in Sians tiny hatchback,
Ok, so my sis could have been right, as hard as it is for me to accept that I need a medicine to live a normal life, I have to concede that life on this drug is more peaceful, more productive, less tortured.
However, for the first time in my life I feel well, boring, but then I guess I have had 30 years of mad living, maybe boring is good for a while, I have no desire to howl, I find the thought of howling quite dull, I look at my wife and find areas that I never noticed before, the colour of her eyes, the dimples when she smiles, the way her titian hair flops over her forehead, her little hands, but more tellingly, she does not look so, uhmm , like she is constantly letting me down, like she is unable to be the female wolf she used to be, she seems more relaxed, happier, we are sharing more things that I did not wish to share before, there is no hidden agenda, no pressure, no wolf to appease, no wolf to make her feel guilty, no howling to alienate her, life feels very pure at the moment,
thanks ishsis
Sian and Tom have gone to see some horror film with Brad Pitt, so I bought a huge roast chicken, and me, Dan, Bran and Rory all sat in the kitchen and ate chicken. No fighting, everyone sat quietly and we all took in turns to eat, they are all such good boys, we took them for a late walk, it was brilliant, walking hand in hand with my wife, watching my dogs, all of us squeezed in Sians tiny hatchback,
Ok, so my sis could have been right, as hard as it is for me to accept that I need a medicine to live a normal life, I have to concede that life on this drug is more peaceful, more productive, less tortured.
However, for the first time in my life I feel well, boring, but then I guess I have had 30 years of mad living, maybe boring is good for a while, I have no desire to howl, I find the thought of howling quite dull, I look at my wife and find areas that I never noticed before, the colour of her eyes, the dimples when she smiles, the way her titian hair flops over her forehead, her little hands, but more tellingly, she does not look so, uhmm , like she is constantly letting me down, like she is unable to be the female wolf she used to be, she seems more relaxed, happier, we are sharing more things that I did not wish to share before, there is no hidden agenda, no pressure, no wolf to appease, no wolf to make her feel guilty, no howling to alienate her, life feels very pure at the moment,
thanks ishsis
