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Boyfriend Changing Religion

Luckysingh

Writer
SPNer
Dec 4, 2011
1,633
2,748
Vancouver
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

There is always an underlying reason or cause for such behaviour. Without knowing this root cause, it proves diffcult to tackle. However, it does usually come to the surface with time!
You should approach with kindness and affection instead of anger. This way, you may get some answers as to why he won't enter a gurdwara and why he feels less love if he is more spiritual. As a sikh, I can assure you that one normally feels much more love when they gain spirituality.

Sometimes people take such steps, knowing very well that others will disapprove. When they do this, they may not even be sure of their own actions, but they get confidence just in the disapproval (a rebel like feature).
Your best bet is to try very hard not to judge and try and see if you can see him in a different light past the surface that is dominating at the moment. Once a person can get to see the true 'self' of the the other, they can help bring them out. Be determined whilst displaying no anxiety or stress.
 

nia0234

SPNer
Aug 19, 2012
11
8
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

thanks for the explaination Lucky Jee. I will try my best to sort it out. I feel he finds love in spirituality and maybe hatred from my side. I don't know. I gave all negative examples so that he gets rid of his beard and ideas. In contrary it got worse. Another problem is we live apart and he doesn't want to see me. We ended up meeting twice a year only :(.
Your words boost up my hopes, maybe you are understanding the problem better. I am not seeing anything else apart from his beard :( It feels as if my head is blocked and I am filled with anger. Maybe I should think peacefully.
But thanks again :)
 

Harry Haller

SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
5,762
8,156
50
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

Hi

I am a Hindu girl, no Sikh. I have grown up in Europe and done my studies here. My boyfriend is a Punjabi and has proposed me many times for marriage. After finishing my bachelors I have agreed for marriage.

All of a sudden he has turned into A Sikh\ Rishi and Vegan. I was shocked to see him with his beard. He said all the things you guys mentioned above.
Moreover I feel deceived. My family would never accept the beard and turban.
He has changed his name and finished his identity.
I feel widowed and deceived. It makes me feel, he has killed the person I loved most with the bottom of my heart.

The beard and turban and name have changed his identity. His love to God has sacrificed my love. I don't know how to describe the hurt.
Am I wrong if I ask him to change to the man I met?
His transformation have built lots of hatred in me. I simply don't know what to do.
I wonder what is the use of such religion, if someone can sacrifice their family for it :(
The Sikh religion is quite unique on two fronts, firstly, it can be practised, in my opinion, by showing love to all, and by being grounded.

When I first embraced Sikhism, it worried me that I would love 'God' more than my family or my wife, but I soon realised that Sikhism is not a choice, an either or, it is all inclusive. I love my wife and family more than ever, because God is in them, I ensure that they feel loved and happy, because in that way, I making sure that the essence of Creator within them, and me, is loved and happy.

To say that by becoming a Sikh, one should stand back from secular living, is in my view, wrong. Sikhs should embrace the secular, but in the spirit of Sikhi. One can have a huge house, a big Merc, lots of money, and provided these have been obtained within Sikhi, provided one can still be humble, its all ok. Sikhism is not about denial or mountain tops. We are here to live, to love, to be happy, to get our goals, to do it all, provided it is under the umbrella of truth and truthful living.

You have become two different people, that is the fact of the matter. It maybe that in time to come, you start a similar journey yourself, but at present, you are both at different stages in your life, how can you love him, when he does not even appear to know who he is anymore?

True Sikhism amplifies love and understanding, you have not lost him to Sikhism, you have lost him to himself.
 

Joginder Singh Foley

Writer
SPNer
Jan 26, 2008
180
271
62
Stoke On Trent
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution.

dont know that u will agree with me or not but i will say what i felll i m not a sikh by birth but i maried to a sikh boy he is clean shave one but whn i come close to this culture i found it so gr8 and i m really proud to be sikh
I think u r the BEST coz :-

"when uwas born, u was Sikh!"
"When u grew up, u was Sikh "
"When u r sick, u r Sikh "
"When u go in the sun, u r Sikh "
"When u r cold, ur Sikh "
"When u die, u'll be Sikh

u love SIKHI, my CULTURE, my COMMUNITY, my PAGRI and everything which i got frm my GURU's...

and u hate today's sikh girls & boys who dont wear pagri, trim thair beards n cut their hairs, i hate them a LOoooooot..
i tod my husband to put turban but he said big no to it what i felllt
PAGG NAAL TERI SARDARI KHALSA
RAKH EHNU JAAN TON PIYARI KHALSA.

EH PARTEEK KHALSAEE SHAAN DA,
JAG VICH TERI VAKHRI PEHCHAN DA,
DIKH TERI ES NE SHINGARI KHALSA,
PAGG NAAL TERI...

JADON TU SAJAVE DASTAAR SIR TE,
BAJJAN WALA DINDA YE PIYAR SIR TE,
CHARH JANDI PIYAR DI KHUMARI KHALSA,
PAGG NAAL TERI....
so i willl say love your culture i which u r born u alll r so lucky that u born in a sikh family i regret that i m not
i just want to say that for girls dont loose your skkism bec pagg naal tari sardari kahalsa
thx
if i said any thing wrong i m sorry
Waheguru ji ka Khalsa
Waheguru ji ki Fateh
WJKKWJKF

Its great to be a Sikh and have the luck [or the gift of GURUJI] to be born into Sikh families especially if the family makes a real effort to practice Sikhi but what of us were not born to Sikhi but made a decision to adopt Sikhi and try our best to live our lives as Sikhs ??


:redturban:
 

Inderjeet Kaur

Writer
SPNer
Oct 13, 2011
871
1,766
Seattle, Washington, USA
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

Nia0234 ji,

I think the bottom line to this is that you cannot change another human, nor do you have any right to. A much more productive use of your time and energy would bekudihug to work on becoming the person you dream of being. Something from the 1960s comes to mind to me. It might help you; it might not. I've always liked it. It is called the Geztalt Prayer:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.

(Fritz Perls, 1969)​

I see a lot of potential in you, a lot that can be developed. You're intelligent, articulate and passionate. Those three taken together can accomplish great things...but only if you free yourself from what is holding you down. In this case, I think it is your feelings for this young man. (Notice, I do not say that he is holding you down. He's just there. It is your own feelings that are the problem, not him.)

I know it's very hard to let go of someone you love, but the price for holding on is very, very high.

The responses in this thread certainly can give you a lot to think about. I suggest you read and reread and put asides the yabbuts ("Yes, but..."). You will be in my prayers...and now I must go.

With much love.
kudihug
 
Last edited:

nia0234

SPNer
Aug 19, 2012
11
8
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

Nia0234 ji,

I think the bottom line to this is that you cannot change another human, nor do you have any right to. A much more productive use of your time and energy would bekudihug to work on becoming the person you dream of being. Something from the 1960s comes to mind to me. It might help you; it might not. I've always liked it. It is called the Geztalt Prayer:

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I, and if by chance we find each other, it's beautiful.
If not, it can't be helped.

(Fritz Perls, 1969)​

I see a lot of potential in you, a lot that can be developed. You're intelligent, articulate and passionate. Those three taken together can accomplish great things...but only if you free yourself from what is holding you down. In this case, I think it is your feelings for this young man. (Notice, I do not say that he is holding you down. He's just there. It is your own feelings that are the problem, not him.)

I know it's very hard to let go of someone you love, but the price for holding on is very, very high.

The responses in this thread certainly can give you a lot to think about. I suggest you read and reread and put asides the yabbuts ("Yes, but..."). You will be in my prayers...and now I must go.

With much love.
kudihug

Dear Inderjeet jee,

Your words are soft and so calm, nearly got tears in my eyes. I know my feelings are letting me down. I am letting it happen. Maybe its phase of time.
I am really impressed of your personality mundahug. It's true, that this blog has helped me to understand few things better, I feel better, but on the other hand Sikhism stays in my mind all day. I have been reflecting on the messages read here for long. I am already very much prepared for disappointments in nearer future :(
 
May 24, 2008
546
884
Re: Why Don't Sikh Girls Want To Marry Sikh Guys? Solution!

thanks for the explaination Lucky Jee. I will try my best to sort it out. I feel he finds love in spirituality and maybe hatred from my side. I don't know. I gave all negative examples so that he gets rid of his beard and ideas. In contrary it got worse. Another problem is we live apart and he doesn't want to see me. We ended up meeting twice a year only :(.
Your words boost up my hopes, maybe you are understanding the problem better. I am not seeing anything else apart from his beard :( It feels as if my head is blocked and I am filled with anger. Maybe I should think peacefully.
But thanks again :)
Nia ji ,
You are not at fault . It is the international media which portrays bearded (Muslim)men as dirty , conservative , terrorists , women beaters etc . Facial hair are deemed to be UNSEXY , comes in way while kissing etc etc .The fact is the Sikhi is very very unlike any of the religion in the world . It has three unique characteristics which are not found in any of world religions .
1. The whole humanity comes from one source , IK OANKAAR .
2. Male & female are 100% equal not even 1% superiority of one over other both can equally attain liberation in this life itself ( Jiwan Mukt ) not waiting for life after death .
3. The message of Gurus is in its original form ie Sri Guru Granth Sahib , we can easily get liberated following it while living life to the fullest.
 
Last edited:

findingmyway

Writer
SPNer
Aug 18, 2010
1,665
3,766
World citizen!
Moderation note: The above posts have been moved as this is a more relevant part of the forum. Please continue the discussion here. Thanks.

Nia ji, please can you change your adherence to Hindu or atheist or what you prefer. Having the wrong adherence is misleading. Adherence is listed to help give readers some context to your posts. Thank you.
 

lionprinceuk

(previously Lion_Prince_Jatinder)
SPNer
Jun 29, 2004
159
38
west london
Hi

I am a Hindu girl, no Sikh. I have grown up in Europe and done my studies here. My boyfriend is a Punjabi and has proposed me many times for marriage. After finishing my bachelors I have agreed for marriage.

All of a sudden he has turned into A Sikh\ Rishi and Vegan. I was shocked to see him with his beard. He said all the things you guys mentioned above.
Moreover I feel deceived. My family would never accept the beard and turban.
He has changed his name and finished his identity.
I feel widowed and deceived. It makes me feel, he has killed the person I loved most with the bottom of my heart.

The beard and turban and name have changed his identity. His love to God has sacrificed my love. I don't know how to describe the hurt.
Am I wrong if I ask him to change to the man I met?
His transformation have built lots of hatred in me. I simply don't know what to do.
I wonder what is the use of such religion, if someone can sacrifice their family for it :(
Hey, the turban and beard is also a form of a kshatriya, how as hindu can you not accept this? The vegan thing however ....
 

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