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What Is The Commitment In Relationships?


Jun 1, 2004
What is the commitment in relationships?
January 14th, 2010 by admin

The question is committed when a relationship is a source of much confusion and debate. We live in a time when the number of weddings going down, increasing rates of cohabitation, and the majority of children born before now born to unmarried parents.

In this article, I hope to shed light on these questions to help put your work with couples and individuals from different perceptions about the state of their relationship in question.


Irecently has had a conversation with a woman who told me he had just broken a "committed" relationship. A few questions later I learned that he had made that person for a year, did not live together, and why he broke it off that deception. "

We talked about pre-commitment against the committed relationship, and it was agreed that this was a pre-committed relationship existed, but had a commitment "made" to each other.

Ok, it is becoming clearer. OnOn the one hand, the state of the relationship-pre-vs is committed, and other commitments within the relationship. Macro vs. Micro are. Not two different things, right?

In our conversation, I remembered to make a distinction between a "commitment" in comparison to a promise "." They made a promise to each other in a relationship that was not committed. This distinction seems to help it make more sense of things.

When I asked the coach RCIReviews of commitment "against promise" distinction, the majority considered that it was just semantics and there is no great difference. The general consensus is that if you promise to make a commitment.

Well, I think it's a matter of semantics, and here my definition of terms is as follows:

PROMISE: The text has declared its intention to continue to perform a certain action.

– I promise to take the dry cleaning and this time not forget – I promise to beexclusive in our relationship

COMMITMENT: whether a fact has been demonstrated by the behavior and attitude, made up of thoughts and beliefs.

– I keep my promise – I am committed to our relationship

In short, a promise to say something, what, and a commitment is something you do. A promise is a specific situation. A commitment is contextual.

A promise is a commitment to small. If a potential partner does not keep promises, I wonder, their ability toTo keep commitments, since they have to do, anyway.

Confusion about the commitment

If you agree with my semantics, the distinction between I have a commitment and a promise to discuss the above useful.

The bigger picture is that I see a lot of confusion about the status of the relationship today. A few years ago, when I use the word "pre-commitment" to describe couples who are exclusive, but not yet committed, in relief, was a useful distinction, but theQuestion remains: "What is the commitment?"

If you're married, it is clear that you are in a committed relationship. Your commitment is a legal contract and did so publicly attested. However, it is for couples in distress to one or both partners are committed to a common line.

I talked with many men and unmarried women who described themselves in "committed relationships". Do you have a clear attitude, but often have nothing but verbal promises (andsometimes not even that show!) that the report is required.

In my opinion, not in an SEI report to be provided, if:

1. Your partner is not aware your relationship is intended to

2. They wonder if this relationship is required

3. You and your partner have different views on the state of relations

4. Family and friends have different views on the state of relations

5. You and yourPartners have not acted to explicitly formalize your commitment in any way

6. You are on verbal assurances given by them without any significant success

A commitment to be explicit and clear. The obligation is a mere formality of any kind between two people. A commitment is something that over time. A real commitment is usually legally binding and there are no consequences for him to break.

And to be truly engaged in a relationship, there isOutput-mental, emotional or physical. If you are serious, and running.


The commitment is not a light switch that continues to "off" to "." In building a relationship with someone of the level of commitment gradually increases.

So you have all the shades of gray. live together exclusively for over a year, could also be committed, the look and desire for commitment, but is it really?


The commitment in a relationship is that it's complicated, two people, and requires an alignment of affairs (events, actions) and attitude (thoughts, beliefs) for both.

It is customary to be committed in reality (for example, "marriage"), but not in attitude (eg "I'm not sure if that) the right relationship for me."

E 'common also be required in advance, in fact (for example, from exclusively) and committed in attitude (eg, "This is' The One!").

In my work with couplesI discovered that the most important variable that is determining the future success of their commitment to the relationship.

In my experience, when couples are actually realized, but not the attitude, their prognosis is poor.

Then there is the pre-committed couples usually fall into two categories

Unconscious attempts to rule after the "mini-marriage" model for the relationship because, without actually making the commitment required. A de facto separationand attitude.

Conscious, aware that they are not yet committed, usually have commitment as a goal, ask yourself: "And 'this is the right relationship for me?" I Should a commitment? "An approximation of the actual and the attitude.


Thus, if a committed relationship?

– If there is an approximation of actual and attitude.

What creates the "fact" of commitment?

I believe that these three criteria:

CRITERIA # 1: The promises made to each other for the constantNature of the relationship to be held

CRITERIA # 2: explicit declaration, formal, public

CRITERIA # 3: unique partner, and other

In today's world would be if all three criteria mentioned above, I say that is a committed relationship, whether legally married or not.

I hope this article is intended for general questions about the commitment that arise in relationship coaching. There are no ready answers or rules, but it is my hope that these ideas andConcepts to help you have productive conversations with your customers that assist in gray areas captured by them, take effective relationship choices.

Copyright 2006 David Steele


May 3, 2010
very informative post it was.
Now a days Commitment is the success of the key.Now a days people want to be lovers and forget about being friends and partners?? do they know what it means anymore??
In all relationships, the people in the relationships have the right to set and modify their own boundaries. If a person says I am comfortable with you dividing your attention between me and n other people, but I could never be comfortable with you dividing your attention between me and n+1 other people, then you can respect that boundary, look for any room to negotiate around that boundary, or, if you have a boundary that is completely incompatible with there being any set number then you can dig in your heals and see whether or not the relationship in question survives n+1.

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