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Western World And A Spiritual Way Of Life

Discussion in 'Love & Marriage' started by learnersikh, Apr 7, 2013.

  1. learnersikh

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    Apr 7, 2013
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    Okay here goes my story...I am 28 have lived a fair bit of my life in the west(UK and Canada)....I was brought up in a very spiritual environment(I wont say religious because no one is baptized in my family) and because of this, I do not drink, smoke or eat meat....which sounds easier then done in today's world! I have attended university in the UK and Canada and it has always been very difficult for me to socialize because of me being a veggie and a teetotaler! I have however always made sure i never get diverted from my principles which has had a terrible impact on my love life. I have been in a relationship in the past it didnt worked since the girl was a meat lover and thought I am boring since I do not go to pubs and clubs! Now I have come to a point where my parents are pushing me to get married and I do not want to be forced to marry any girl as I need time to know someone before saying 'yes'! I am extremely confused now as I dont have any idea how can I get in touch with a girl who shares similar views as me in the western world?(non drinker, vegetarian and spiritual(I am not saying religious as I have cut my hair). Any help is appreciated!
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  3. Rory

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    Jul 2, 2012
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    Gurfateh bhaji, I don't have an answer as to how you can find a girl but what I do want to say is that I admire you more than you can imagine. I wish I had the conviction that you do to not smoke, not drink, not eat meat - I really admire you for sticking to your guns.
    I amn't from a Sikh background but from what it sounds like, the majority of girls in the West who share your requirements (no alcohol, no meat, no cigarettes, spiritual) are probably enthusiastic kaurs.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller United Kingdom
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    Jan 31, 2011
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    what a thoroughly nice chap you are, I will take spirituality through connection over religious bable anyday.

    Is it not brilliant that the inbuilt filtering system you have constructed denies intimacy with those that are not enlightened in some way. In my mind, anyone who felt this was a problem, surely would not be worth socialising with. True qualities, love, compassion, truth, are harder to cultivate, yet attract those of a similar goal and understanding.

    a love life is not as exciting as it sounds, no one mentions the trips to the VD clinic, the abortions, the constant worry every time you see a rash or a spot, the fear, the animal base instincts, and your telling me I could have avoided all this by just having some principals?? well, I envy you........

    theres that filtering system kicking in, of course I never listened to it, and compromised myself hugely, ah I see now, your supposed to follow the filtering system......in effect, the truth, the true, the one you have lived so far, the one I never did.

    Now I really am impressed, you live a spiritual disciplined life, even though you have no hair to do it for, that is amazing, you do it because it is the right thing to do, and you follow the truth, much kudos to you. Well this problem is not really hard, indian marriage agencies, friends, relatives, just keep meeting until you get that 'feeling', you are a man of principles and disclipline, I am sure you will meet someone that deserves you, who can help you grow spiritually, and to whom you can return the same.
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  5. Luckysingh

    Luckysingh Canada
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    Dec 4, 2011
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    I agree with Harryji above.
    You are a cut above the rest with your discipines and principles.
    The problem is that drinking is seen as the big 'norm' in the west, especially with our punjabi youngsters.
    I have know some guys in very similar sitautions to your's and they did feel pressured into changing. However, I have also learnt that those that did change for the sake of others ended up suffering more in later years. This was usually down to lack of self confidence, self esteem and different forms of depression.

    I suggest that you be yourself and if you don't like clubs or bars then focus on other areas that are of interest. It could be movies, some sports or other recreational activity. Just be yourself and someone will come along your way when you least expect it.
    There are plenty of girls out there with similar attitudes to yourself, but you won't see them around in the obvious places. They won't hang around student canteens, clubs, bars or other places where the majority will socialise. Like you, they are also looking and hoping to meet a guy like yourself.

    Most youngsters that end up making mistakes are the one's that sell themselves short or sell out just to be with the 'in' and 'hip' crowd.
  6. Arvind

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    SPNer Contributor Supporter

    Jul 13, 2004
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    Learnersikh ji,

    :welcomemunda: and Thanks for your first post.

    Wait for that click with someone, and then give your 100% commitment without any fear
    I want my Singh - YouTube

    Please continue to share your thoughts.

    Guru ang sang ji
  7. Kanwaljit Singh

    Kanwaljit Singh India
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    Jan 29, 2011
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    I would say 2 things.. patience and acceptance. Don't go in for a complete match on your bride wishlist. Find a girl whom you can accept for what she is, and who accepts you for what you are. There are no 2 people of the same kind in this world. Best be to recognize and agree on the differences. If you are too stern on your requirements, your shortlist won't have more than a dozen!
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  8. Tejwant Singh

    Tejwant Singh United States
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    Mentor Writer SPNer Contributor

    Jun 30, 2004
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    Well, Sikhi is not against eating meat. We have to eat life in order to survive. There is a very interesting thread about it on SPN.

    I am sorry but I do not understand what is being a vegetarian and a teetotaler have to do with not socialising? One can go to the pub and order a Perrier and go to the restaurant and order pasta with tomato sauce rather than Fettuccine alla Calamari. Btw, the veggie lasagna is yummy.

    I think it is more about you and your personality rather than these outer aspects that you are trying to find justifications from. Clubbing and pubbing can not be impediments for you as 'no go zones'.

    Most of my nephews are born in the US and Canada. They keep open beards. Many have top notch jobs. Many are vegetarian and some of the spouses are not. They organise Gurmat camps, Christmas and Easter langars with care packages, do Asa di Vaar every Sunday at their respective Gurdwaras. They all go clubbing and to the bars and restaurants, hence enjoy their lives.

    Your barriers are your own to construct or deconstruct. I have no idea what good are the so called principles that become hindrance rather than tools to move forward in life. Or is that You?

    Good luck.

    Tejwant Singh
    • Like Like x 3
    #7 Tejwant Singh, Apr 8, 2013
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2013
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