Volvo S80

Discussion in 'Blogs' started by Harry Haller, Jun 9, 2018.

  1. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller SPNer

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    If an animal could drive, it would drive an old Range Rover, that is what I think anyway, it has to smell strongly of wet dog and old leather and be suitably shabby both externally and internally, it does not tell you your seatbelt is not on, and it does not bing and ding every 5 minutes, with some pointless warning or other bullshit detail. It should have a proper V8, and should make a throaty hoarse growling noise, you should be able to get a couple of pallets of stock into it, and it should bounce around everytime you take a corner like a barge at sea. It should shake at any speed over 80mph and bounce madly everytime you brake.

    An animal would not drive a Volvo S80, if I could describe the sort of car a civilised man of culture would drive, it would be my current car, a Volvo S80, bought in a moment of madness during a time I stopped appreciating the smell of wet dog and old leather, it has to be the dullest most pointless car ever made, on an old Range Rover, you don't get much in the way of warning lights or noises, but the S80 has its own messaging system, it sends you little messages so you know whats wrong with the car, it takes corners sharply, no listing, it brakes and stops without bouncing, it makes a noise a bit like a sewing machine, and the very very worst thing about it, is its front wheel drive, never had a front wheel drive car before, what an absolute piece of shit, I hate the car with a passion, you can't even get a pair of underpants in the boot, the roof is too low for the back seat to be of any use, I keep leaving it open in the hope it will get stolen, but I am not that lucky, I cannot believe I let Bessie the beloved gold range rover go to scrap, for this abortion of a pigcar, you can see why swedes are big on suicide! its from driving cars with no soul!!
     
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