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Top 10 Lessons For Living From The Wisest Americans

Inderjeet Kaur

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Oct 13, 2011
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Top 10 Lessons for Living from the Wisest Americans
by Karl A. Pillemer, Ph.D.

Professor of Human Development, Cornell University; Professor of Gerontology in Medicine, Weill Cornell Medical College

Posted: 12/ 7/11 09:29 AM ET

In contemporary society, we don't often ask our elders for advice. We're much more likely to talk to professionals, read books by pop psychologists or motivational speakers, or troll the internet for solutions to our problems. In general (and for the first time in human history), we no longer look to our society's oldest members as a key source of wisdom for how to live happier, healthier, and more fulfilling lives.

As a gerontologist, I have come to believe that this attitude is a serious mistake. Older individuals (especially persons age 70 and beyond), are in fact the most credible experts we have available for knowledge about how to live well through hard times. They have been through unique historical experiences -- such as the Great Depression and World War II -- that have taught them how to thrive in the face of adversity. And they have personally experienced many of the tragedies younger people dread, giving them the ability to advise the rest of us about resilience in the face of illness and loss.

Over the past six years, I've conducted a research project designed to tap the practical wisdom of older Americans. Using several different social science methods, I've collected responses from over 1,200 elders to the question: "Over the course of your life, what are the most important lessons you would like to pass on to younger people." I then combed through the responses, and the result was a set of lessons for living from the people I have called "the wisest Americans."

As I look back over years of talking with America's elders, 10 lessons stand out as those they would like most to convey to younger people. Read these "Top 10 Lessons for Living" and let me know how they apply to your own life.

  1. Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones. Although many grew up in poverty, the elders believe that the biggest career mistake people make is selecting a profession based only on potential earnings. A sense of purpose and passion for one's work beats a bigger paycheck any day.
  2. Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years: Stop using "I don't care how long I live" as an excuse for bad health habits. Behaviors like smoking, poor eating habits and inactivity are less likely to kill you than to sentence you to years or decades of chronic disease. The elders have seen the devastation that a bad lifestyle causes in the last decades of life -- act now to prevent it.
  3. Say "Yes" to opportunities: When offered a new opportunity or challenge, you are much less likely to regret saying yes and more likely to regret turning it down. They suggest you take a risk and a leap of faith when opportunity knocks.
  4. Choose a mate with extreme care: The key is not to rush the decision, taking all the time needed to get to know the prospective partner and to determine your compatibility with them. Said one respondent: "Don't rush in without knowing each other deeply. That's very dangerous, but people do it all the time."
  5. Travel more: Travel while you can, sacrificing other things if necessary to do so. Most people look back on their travel adventures (big and small) as highlights of their lives and regret not having traveled more. As one elder told me, "If you have to make a decision whether you want to remodel your kitchen or take a trip -- well, I say, choose the trip!"
  6. Say it now: People wind up saying the sad words "it might have been" by failing to express themselves before it's too late. The only time you can share your deepest feelings is while people are still alive. According to an elder we spoke with: "If you have a grudge against someone, why not make it right, now? Make it right because there may not be another opportunity, who knows? So do what you can do now."
  7. Time is of the essence: Live as though life is short -- because it is. The point is not to be depressed by this knowledge but to act on it, making sure to do important things now. The older the respondent, the more likely they were to say that life goes by astonishingly quickly. Said one elder: "I wish I'd learned that in my thirties instead of in my sixties!"
  8. Happiness is a choice, not a condition: Happiness isn't a condition that occurs when circumstances are perfect or nearly so. Sooner or later you need to make a deliberate choice to be happy in spite of challenges and difficulties. One elder echoed almost all the others when she said: "My single best piece of advice is to take responsibility for your own happiness throughout your life."
  9. Time spent worrying is time wasted: Stop worrying. Or at least cut down. It's a colossal waste of your precious lifetime. Indeed, one of the major regrets expressed by the elders was time wasted worrying about things that never happened.
  10. Think small: When it comes to making the most of your life, think small. Attune yourself to simple daily pleasures and learn to savor them now.
As the holidays approach, that last lesson is a great one to think about. Because of their awareness that life is short, the elders have become attuned to the minute pleasures that younger people often are only aware of if they have been deprived of them: a morning cup of good coffee, a warm bed on a winter night, a brightly colored bird feeding on the lawn, an unexpected letter from a friend, even a favorite song on the radio (all pleasures mentioned in my interviews). Paying special attention to these "microlevel" events forms a fabric of happiness that lifts them up on a daily basis. They believe the same can be true for younger people as well -- and it's well worth a try at any age!

Source: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/karl-a-pillemer-phd/top-10-lessons-for-living_b_1133585.html?ref=daily-brief?utm_source=DailyBrief&utm_campaign=120711&utm_medium=email&utm_content=BlogEntry&utm_term=Daily+Brief
 

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Kanwaljit.Singh

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Jan 29, 2011
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Vancouver, Canada
Choose a career for the intrinsic rewards, not the financial ones.

Although my career was chosen for financial awards, am happy that there is lot of interest for me in this field.

Act now like you will need your body for a hundred years

I many a times think if my teeth etc. would last another 40 years.

Say "Yes" to opportunities:

Coming to Canada was the last big risk taken, but could be my last of the risks in life too!

Choose a mate with extreme care

This is something where I am going to make a mistake, by giving in to family pressure etc.

Travel more

Have changed 4 cities in last 4 years so YAY!

Say it now

Am totally not built for that :(

Time is of the essence: Live as though life is short

My time management skills are what they define as disaster :(

Happiness is a choice, not a condition

Think I let that flow freely!

Think small

And dream big?
 

Astroboy

ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
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Jul 14, 2007
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Choose a mate with extreme care: The key is not to rush the decision, taking all the time needed to get to know the prospective partner and to determine your compatibility with them. Said one respondent: "Don't rush in without knowing each other deeply. That's very dangerous, but people do it all the time."
It is not up to my partner/mate to make things happen, it's up to me. Like the saying,

Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand. Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is. The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold onto some of it, but most will be spilled. A relationship is like that. Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact. But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the relationship slips away and is lost.
 

Astroboy

ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
Writer
SPNer
Jul 14, 2007
4,576
1,608
Choose a mate with extreme care: The key is not to rush the decision, taking all the time needed to get to know the prospective partner and to determine your compatibility with them. Said one respondent: "Don't rush in without knowing each other deeply. That's very dangerous, but people do it all the time."
It is not up to my partner/mate to make things happen, it's up to me. Like the saying,

 

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