My idiocy is getting us nowhere, although its tempting to 'be myself', the truth is it just does not feel comfortable anymore, as indeed does being an alpha male. A week ago, I decided there was no option but compete surrender to the Hukam, I have had enough of attempting to find out who I am, why I do things, think things, say things, the truth of the matter is that I can be anyone I want to be, but the most comfortable I will ever be is the 'me' that was intended to be me. I have never been a believer in fate before, but if the fate of a man is dependent on his actions, then the best way to act is by way of the supreme truth, Hukam. So what has changed, my humour is more subtle, I have changed my appearance to be more pleasing to the eye, I do not feel the need to show the world that I am Harry, and I can do or say anything to anyone without consequence, now I would rather blend into the background and not stand out, certainly not, I suppose for buffoonery, if one is to stand out, surely better to stand out as a good engineer, or a good person, people used to leave the shop in awe at how bonkers I was, now they leave in awe because they have met a genuine nice person, I like that, its heart warming, I have now fully embraced the Heretical Kala Afghani Sikhi that has made much sense to me. Although I accept that it is right for me, and maybe me alone, I respect hugely anyone who is a good Sikh, who tries to decipher what Sikhi is to themselves, and lives it, Today I feel the most beautiful peace and contentment, there is much work to do in the shop, it is tidy and clean, I am tidy and clean, all is good, just as Guruji meant it to be, I wish I had listened earlier, maybe 20 years ago!