- Jan 31, 2011
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I am still ill, well, when I say ill, I mean unwell, sore throat and no hearing, I feel like someone has hammered a huge bengan into each ear, the pressure is painful, but not terrible, I have to accept that the pressure seems to have either driven out my wolf, or put him into perspective.
I can still hear the howling, but it is a whisper, it does not touch me or influence me, in fact, I am now able to present a consistent pleasant face to the world, rather than a complete reflection of what is going on inside, having little regard for social norms has meant that I wear my heart on my sleeve in a way others possibly do not, the hearing loss has made me very inward, I no longer wish to share with all and sundry what is going on in my head, it has been a while since someone came in to collect a repair, dropping it off to a smartly dressed man, and finding an unshaven mess with the repair not ready a few days later (ahh, you need to speak to 'him', he's not here), and it worked, people nodded left and came back when 'he' was here, if it were my intention to create a mad world, I have succeeded, complete with multiple personalities, and the best one liners from every monty python/eddie murphy/chevy chase show.
I have always laughed at life, but the more you laugh at life, the more you have already accepted death. Accepting death in a Sikh way is different, it does not take away the love of life, in fact, it enforces it, but for me to accept death is to be dead already.
There are many many things going on at the moment, they do not rule me, they do not change me, I do not seek the howling to balance them, they will be solved, resolved in a calm and efficient manner,
This could well be the biggest personality change since I discovered the cheap thrills of being 13.
I can still hear the howling, but it is a whisper, it does not touch me or influence me, in fact, I am now able to present a consistent pleasant face to the world, rather than a complete reflection of what is going on inside, having little regard for social norms has meant that I wear my heart on my sleeve in a way others possibly do not, the hearing loss has made me very inward, I no longer wish to share with all and sundry what is going on in my head, it has been a while since someone came in to collect a repair, dropping it off to a smartly dressed man, and finding an unshaven mess with the repair not ready a few days later (ahh, you need to speak to 'him', he's not here), and it worked, people nodded left and came back when 'he' was here, if it were my intention to create a mad world, I have succeeded, complete with multiple personalities, and the best one liners from every monty python/eddie murphy/chevy chase show.
I have always laughed at life, but the more you laugh at life, the more you have already accepted death. Accepting death in a Sikh way is different, it does not take away the love of life, in fact, it enforces it, but for me to accept death is to be dead already.
There are many many things going on at the moment, they do not rule me, they do not change me, I do not seek the howling to balance them, they will be solved, resolved in a calm and efficient manner,
This could well be the biggest personality change since I discovered the cheap thrills of being 13.
