The Dummies Guide To A Sikh Wedding!

Gyani Jarnail Singh

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Waheguru ji ka kahlsa waheguru ji ki fateh.

Here is an article by an Anonymous Singh...on "Sikhs in England" website that i found to be so hilarious..

The Subject of the article is "serious"...and may sound "insulting" to some purists..BUT lets face it folks..THIS is EXACTLY what happens at a typical Sikh Wedding now a days..IF we DONT want people to "laugh" at us..then we got to pull up our bootstraps and IMPROVE ourselves..according to what GURBANI/GURMATT says...otherwise just go ahead and laugh your boots off...



a sikh wedding – (or four laps and a {censored} up)

A Guide For Non-Sikhs


If you are invited to a Sikh wedding, don’t panic, here is an insiders guide to what each bit on the invitation card really means.

1.Reception of Barat


The Barat is the Groom’s tribe which invariably arrives late in dribs and drabs and in a state which thinly disguises the fact that many have had a skinful and some may still have much contraband on their person. The ‘reception’ usually takes place at the entrance to or in the courtyard of the Gurdwara and takes the form of much shouting and wailing (mainly by women) commencing from the moment the hordes first come in to view.

To the finely tuned ear it is obvious that juicy insults are attempted to be set to tune but very little rehearsal time may be just one of the cause’s of the non-synchronized efforts.

When the opposition has been lined up in a stand off position, the Ardas (equivalent of the Lord’s Prayer) is mumbled by the Giani (Priest, the learned one or someone on a visitor’s visa and here for the money) and mimed by the shameless. Non-Sikhs are advised to take off their shoes and cover their heads (not with the shoes silly) and observe and copy the rest in silence or else.

2.Milni&Tea


Milni is loosely translated as ‘to meet’ and is the formal meeting of the heads of the households (‘who wears the trousers’). It take the form of exchange of token gifts (like team captains at football matches swapping pennants) but some flash gits have ruined this laudable tradition and try showing off by showering all the chieftains from the Groom’s tribe (his old man in particular) with tons of unsavoury and tasteless jewellery. This could involve hundreds of people – some only who come out of the woodwork and are seen at weddings and the palaver goes on for hours but the more orthodox concentrate on perhaps the Bride and Groom’s legitimate fathers and one or two decent uncles.

Having had embarrassing photos taken of the fake loving hugs during the exchange of gifts, there is usually a mad rush by the Groom’s tribe to where the food is.The food (at this time of the morning) usually comprises samosa, pakoras, jalebis, ladoos and barfi served with steaming hot tea or Coke (the drinking variety) in cramped conditions and with disingenuous smiles.

3.AnandKaraj


This is the religious bit and takes place in the Darbar Sahib (main hall) where the Sri Guru Granth Sahib (Sikh Holy Book) is present.The Granthis (those who supposedly know how to respect the Holy Book) and Gianis force the intended victims (the couple) to sit cross legged in front of the Holy Book with a posse of female minders to prevent any escape attempts with the rest of the sleepy congregation/guests behind them.

After the spiritual rituals of identifying the guilty parties (by making them stand up when all else are asleep in a whacked out and uncomfortable to {censored} positions) and another (silent) Ardas, the religious wedding bit takes place by the Groom dragging the Bride around the Holy Book four times – the Bride is usually comforted/consoled by ‘the brothers’ during each of the laps.The couple attempt to time each lap to coincide with the completion of the verse singing by the now drowsy Gianis before sitting down in their original spots.

After the four laps are completed, the couple and the rest have to endure a series of hymn singing, advice from hypocrites and pleas for contributions to the building fund, natural or man-made disasters and directions to the booze palace before being set free by a final verse from the Holy Book and the receiving of Holy Food (Karah Parshad). The couple then just sit there like lemons so the punters can pat them on the head and pose for photos/video shots of them giving dodgy money before pushing and shoving everyone else to find their shoes and illegally parked motors so as to get to where the booze is - fast.

4.Reception


This is often in a hall which is never large enough but miles away. The reason for the hall being too small is two fold – one, Western society just cannot comprehend the size of Sikh events (we always want to be bigger and possibly better than everyone else) and two, loads of gatecrashers/freeloaders tend to crawl out of the woodwork knowing there is going to be free booze, food and pretty women at the do.

At the hall, more by chance or luck than judgement or planning, nibbles, soft drinks and beer is laid out before guests arrive by which time spirits start materialising in plentiful quantities. The equivalent of tandoori chicken, lamb chops and the like are served to semi-{censored}ed guests who are also semi-deaf by now due to extremely loud music being throbbed continuously since their arrival After about two hours, everyone picks themselves off the floor to acknowledge the arrival of the married couple who eventually cut the cake, attempt to dance and then tuck into their packed lunch (just joking). The main course is served soon after to allow the puke ups to have that special colour and stench before the fights break out.

Eventually, people start leaving, often of their own accord or with friends/relatives who can still remember where their cars are parked and sometimes accompanied by police or immigration officers.

5.Finally


The times on the invites are indicative only and no account should be taken of them – add half an hour for each successive item throughout the day.

Women who defiantly wish to wear short skirts to the Gurdwara should only do so if they got legs worth looking at and don’t care if they look stupid trying to sit crosslegged on the floor with their knickers showing.

There is never a wedding list for presents but book tokens are definitely out.
Spare a thought for the (now) poor {censored} who has to pay for all of this.

Anonymous Singh July 2000


98% of the Sikh Weddings i have attended are exact Carbon copies of this.. so much so i now dread attending such unless seriosuly in danger of getting injured..by a sore "friend" or "relative" ..:{;o:

Jarnail Singh Gyani
 
Re: The Dummies guide to a Sikh Wedding !!

wjkk wjkf

i have read this before... i don't personally find it funny, i find it insulting. As Sikhs we MUST tell others about who we are and what our beliefs are. Had we been to strong and one as a nation before, no Christian or Muslim or ANY missionaries would be coming and trying to convert us. Had we been strong in faith and presenting our faith, insults like this would NEVER come up. We need to spread Sikhi.

WJKK WJKF
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

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Re: The Dummies guide to a Sikh Wedding !!

Sher Singh said:
wjkk wjkf

i have read this before... i don't personally find it funny, i find it insulting. As Sikhs we MUST tell others about who we are and what our beliefs are. Had we been to strong and one as a nation before, no Christian or Muslim or ANY missionaries would be coming and trying to convert us. Had we been strong in faith and presenting our faith, insults like this would NEVER come up. We need to spread Sikhi.

WJKK WJKF
Waheguru ji ka kahlsa waheguru ji ki fateh.

Agree with you Sher Singh ji..110%. I also have SEEN this..Yesterday..TODAY..and Will see it TOMORROW..

Whats the point in telling "what the Anand Karaj SHOULD BE"..when the Non-Sikh Going to an ACTUAL ONE will SEE what it really is. Which version will he then Believe..OUR "theroy" or the "PRACTICAL" one he saw with his own eyes ?? and then who loses out.

1. I sent the webmaster a polite request to put up ALONGSIDE this PARODY..an article describing how an Actual REAL Anand Karaj SHOULD be like. I request as many Siksh as possible to send simialr requests.

Here on THIS FORUM..we will DISCUSS objectively..on thsi subject and Come up with our own ARTICLE on how an authentic Ananad Karaj should be conducted..and how we can make sure this is followed.

You know over here in MALAYSIA..Sikh Anand Karajs are NO DIFFERENT from the one described in thsi parody..plus one more even serious...thing..we get served HALLAL MEAT which is forbidden to sikhs.... I DREAD going to one...and will only attend "under pain of serious personal injury from a disgruntled relative or near friend"...then also i just give the shagun and beat a hasty retreat.

Hiding our heads in the proverbial "sand" wont help..we have to activley show BOTH sides and campaign for the right one...

Jarnail Singh gyani
 
Re: The Dummies guide to a Sikh Wedding !!

Having just returned from India after witnessing one such event at first hand I am:idea:
moved to post my thaughts on this subject and I totally agree with Giani Ji that
it is time we had a good hard look at where we are heading.

The answer is rather simple, revert back to simplicity and reverance as it was meant
to be, BUT do we have the guts to break away from this stampeed to show case our
importances, egos and wealth? In a way what the so called "terrorist" during the
troubled times in Punjab were trying to implement, at least in respect of the weddings
was right?
My thaughts are that the Sikh community is going further and further away
from the teachings of our Gurus who did their best to release us from this day to day
mundane ceremonies, customs, and traditions which are not only meanigless but
also creating a debt trap for the average villager who is forced to in most cases
mortgaging precious land to meet this unwelcome social desease. Most are not in
a position to oppose this forced on system that is cripling our society as the grooms
side holds all the cards, last minute demands for cash, vehicles, jewellery has ruined
many families and this is only the begning as i often wonder why "accidential gas
explotions only happen to the "bhaus"? The average person is controlled by these
imposed norms strenghtened by the "bollywood" style show case vedios, volumes
of photographs of the weddings plus the 'wah ..wah.." that goes on for a few days
before the poor sole is left alone with all visitors having left save the debt collectors
reminders.

On route to Delhi airport I was stunned by the numerous "funfares" on both sides of
the highway each grander that the other, massive structures with scheme park like
settings. I was stunned when informed that they were only temperory mairrage
mandals erected at great costs again to satisfy someones ego. Of-course these
vast desplay of ego does not take long to find itself even at the village level.

Though it is time for us to wakeup i have my doubts that there is anyway of turning
back this evil, unless we as individuals "bite the bullet" and revert back to simplicity
and make the "lawan" a truely blessed occassion.

On a happier note I will like to share with all of you our situation here in Perth. We
are blessed by Waheguruji as so far our weddings are held in quite a solumn manner.
Yes there is the barath, milini etc, but all done in a very simple manner. The barath
is at the Guruduara Sahib by about 9.30am and after the usual formalitries served
tea etc at the langgar hall. By about 10.30 all present will proceed to the Guruduara
Sahib and "lawan" and path is finalised by about 11.30am. This is followed by a
lovely Guru ka langgar for all which may comprise of a few extra dishes and sweets.
This may be followed by dinners etc usually at night BUT is not a necessity. It is my
solemn prayer that this tradition continues and is indeed adopted by others. May the
sacred blessings of our Gurus shine through to awaken our inner selves so that we
may be guided to revert back to SIMPLICITY and REVERANCE.
 

Gyani Jarnail Singh

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Re: The Dummies guide to a Sikh Wedding !!

Since this piece was written more than 5 years ago and I have visited several DESI weddingts in the Punjab Heartland, New Delhi, Mumbai and several large cities..i am afraid to confimr that NOTHING has CHANGED..its getting WORSE.
Rural Sikhs get into Huge DEBTS...trying to outdo each other..NRI labels are enough to get the local Punjabi into a FRENZY..so much so that they LOSE all their MARBLES..even a 16 year old will be forced to marry an 80++ "NRI"...they will borrow..mortgage...eve sell their killas crops houses..whatever to IMPRESS and give huge dowries etc...and even when the NRI's never return to take the One Night Stand bride..this doesnt matter..( It wont happen to ME type of perverse logic applies)..Mariage Palaces ate thronging..no body even cares to see who is invted or is just agate crasher..along a single road there may be 4 or 5 such weddings..booze and free food flowing from dawn to night...while a select few will go to Gurdwara for the Laavan and come rushing back so they dont miss the booze and loud music djs scantily clad girls dancing on stage to lachar filthy songs...guests will be puking and vomitting and falling here and there...and then the Totally Fake looking "shagan Photo shoot"...etc etc.....
End result..Everyone is AFRAID...so Females foeticide getting more common....I would dare say each house in Punjab has at least ONE female child MURDERED !!....But who will Bell the Cat..and STOP this madness...Akal takhat and the SGPC and the religious contractors have their own buisnesses to run...how can the "cat" guard the milk ??
Bad bad bad....much worse in the large cities where so called rich sikhs live....more dikhava, filthy display of ostentatious welath and hypocracy at its peak...and of course rising DIVORCE cases, abandonment,,desertion..domestic violence..we are indeed skating downhill..out of control and soon reaching the precipice...
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Im sorry to muddy the waters here, but what is the point of any article showing what a real anand karaj ceremony is like, when I do not recall ever, ever going to one.

A real Anand Karaj Ceremony, full of people happy to be celebrating the union of two young people blessed by god, with no alcohol or vulgar displays of wealth, now that would be something.

There is NOTHING anyone of us can do about this. I am a drinker and a mona, and I feel as strong as anyone does about this. The problem is as soon as you involve human beings into the equation, everything gets tarnished and is dirty. This problem will not get better, it will get worse until in a 1000 years no one will recognise sikhism as it should have been.

What can we do about it? concentrate on your own relationship with the creator, for every second spent looking at other people is a second wasted. You could use that second to focus on your own perfection as the Guru intended.

These people are not sikhs. They may look like sikhs, but they have exchanged the five thieves for the Guru, I say, let them get on with it. It does not make them bad people, or evil people, just human beings with all the weaknesses that go with it. What I would say though is that the search for the creator is the biggest hunt you will ever go on. You need a clear head, free of intoxicants, free of lust, free of all the five thieves before you even start on the hunt, a man ready to go hunting for god is a gursikh, having made all the correct preparations, and arming himself with love and humility, off he goes. The three good men who contributed before me, yes, they appear to me to have a gursikh mentality and I respect them much for that, but the world is not made up of gursikhs, it is made up of sikhs who do not even realise what the meaning of life is. To me, it is to bond with the creator in the eternal nightclub of bliss. Unfortunately the dress code for this club is spiritual as well as physical, but I know this club exists, and one day I intend to qualify for entry.

I am afraid that most of our sikh brothers know not of this club, but are content to satisfy themselves with the pointless activities as outlined by Gyaniji.

A sikh who is not a gursikh, and has little or no interest in becoming a gursikh should cease the pointless tamasha of sikhism.Go get a haircut, change your name, so that these ceremonies and weddings become non sikh ceremonies that cannot tarnish the goodness of sikhi, if you have no real interest in respecting the creator, try not to look like you do by wearing a crown that does not belong to you
 

pamma

SPNer
A very sad parody of a very sacred ceremony! Who is responsible? I suggest just have the family for the Anand Karaj and the jing bang can attend the reception. We have to make a start.
 
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