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The Cripple Effect !

Jan 7, 2005
3,450
3,760
Metro-Vancouver, B.C., Canada
The Cripple Effect

What goes around comes around is not a new insight. It is something most of us intuitively know but easily forget, as we attempt to hold on to most things which come to us. What we don't realise is the ripple effect can easily become the cripple effect. Everything we think and do not only ripples out into the world, it also creates an impression on our own consciousness inside. If one day you decide to get really angry (very unrelaxing) at someone, then you create a memory of your irritation and carve a kind of scar or groove on your consciousness (non-physical of course). Within this scar or groove is a recording of the image of the person as you have decided to perceive them, and the energy of your anger surrounding that image. Remember, you put it there, not them. Two days later you see the same person and that triggers the image and the anger which you have already recorded within. The emotional turbulence inside your consciousness makes it very hard for you to remain positive, connect and communicate effectively, positively and harmoniously with them. In effect you are crippled and clouded by your own emotion. Most of us experience this, sometimes many times a day, but refuse to see that we cripple ourselves, preferring to blame the other person. Which is why we can stay crippled for a long time and not even realise it.

source: www.relax7.com
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Aug 14, 2004
115
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If one day you decide to get really angry (very unrelaxing) at someone,


Knowing that 'anger' is bad & especially knowing its 'cripple effect', it is not a concious decision on one's part to get angry at someone.

Also when one has 'learnt' that this particular person is a 'trouble-maker'; how can one not be cautious about that person's presence around him/her.

Why would a person, in good mind, would 'welcome' such a person around him/her again...in other words, why is there any need to remain positive, connect and communicate effectively, positively and harmoniously?

Isn't it better to forget and forgive those bad moments and live peacefully without such a person in life again? Or the author is trying to say that 'forgiveness' only reflects in 'welcoming' that person back in your life and still not get angry around him/her? or should I add 'wait to get angry and hurt again till this person shows his/her real colors 'again'?
 
Dec 9, 2005
171
0
Toronto
Isn't it better to forget and forgive those bad moments and live peacefully without such a person in life again? Or the author is trying to say that 'forgiveness' only reflects in 'welcoming' that person back in your life and still not get angry around him/her? or should I add 'wait to get angry and hurt again till this person shows his/her real colors 'again'?
What if the person in question is a part of you daily life & you need to see & hear to him/her day in & day out? Even I believe forgiveness is divine but we human after all & nobody wants to cripple ones life because of other person intentionally. But when your own people hurt you, the life become really miserable. Do you still have some qoute in that case?


Thanks & regards,
 
Jan 7, 2005
3,450
3,760
Metro-Vancouver, B.C., Canada
Steps to Forgiveness


1.Confront your emotional pain - your shock, fear, anger, and grief. Recognize that the hurt that has occurred may have been very unfair and that these steps are not meant to minimize the hurt involved.


2.
Realize that forgiveness can only be appropriate after you have processed out your fear, anger, and grief. However, also realize that you can set forgiveness as a goal in the future for your sake now! Recognize that to continue to dwell on the anger and resentment involved in the hurt will literally destroy your physical health, and cause you great mental suffering.

New studies clearly show that anger and resentment doubled the risk of myocardial heart attacks in women with previous coronary problems. Other studies indicate cancer and other deadly illnesses are also caused by anger and resentment. So be willing, for your sake, to begin to process out these deadly emotions as soon as possible.


3.
Understand that love is what you ultimately want for yourself from yourself.

4.
Understand that forgiveness does not condone or approve or forget the harmful acts; forgiveness does not allow yourself to be abused. We forgive the doer, not the doing. Remembering this helps us to break harmful cycles of behavior.

5.
Realize that you are theonly person responsible for your own feelings and for healing the hurt that is going on inside of you.

6.
Remember that you are so powerful that usually you had some part in what happened. Be willing to totally face up to that part and accept itwithout blame(to forgive and love that part).

7.
See this situation as an opportunity for healing and for growth. See that the other person involved has revealed to you through his or her actions where there was a wounded spot in you which needed healing.

8.
Start releasing anger, sadness, grief, and fear through the many processes, therapies and therapists available. Have a person to work with who can truly empathize with you, yet who can be objective and help you shift your perception from blame to healing.

9.
Decideto forgive. Even if this decision is half-hearted at first, it will probably lessen your hurt and anger immediately.

Notice that this decision can be difficult because after you have processes out the anger, resentment and grief, you will have to give up the grudge - the being the "victim", the "being right" and making the other person "wrong". Notice that this is "superior" position which can be used to get a lot of self-righteous attention. Be willing,
for your saketo have the courage to get off that "superior" position.

10.
Be willing to find a new way to think about the person who wronged you. What was his or her life like growing up? What was his or her life like at the time of the offense? What were this person's good points up to the time of the hurt? Notice you may not be able to see much good within until you have processed out your anger and/or grief or fear.

11.
Be aware that being forgiving is a courageous act on your part. It has nothing to do with whether the other person can admit they are wrong. You are forgiving to liberate yourself no matter what the other person decides to do.

12.
Be willing to do and learn whatever it takes to forgive. Commit to do processes, to read courageous stories of forgiveness, to write in journals, to see a therapist, to do training’s, or to do whatever it takes to heal the wounds involved. Remember these wounds may be deeply tied to past hurts going back to your interactions with your parents. Resolve to follow them through for your total healing, even if it involves years of effort to heal. Remember that you are determined to find the true happiness and joy that true forgiveness can bring to your life.

13.
If you believe in a Higher Power, be willing to pray on this problem and to turn to this Higher Power for guidance and assistance in the forgiveness process.

14.
Accept the lessons involved in this incident — our lives are laboratories for learning. What have you learned from this event that is invaluable to you? Has some form of attachment to a belief or beliefs a position has caused you the pain involved? What belief or beliefs were involved?

15.
See that everything is okay; possibly perfect, as it is now.

16.
If you have the willingness and it is appropriate, seek feedback from the other person by being willing to say "I'm sorry that I did..." (whatever it is that you feel contributed to the problem).

17.
Regardless of what the other person does, work towards seeing them with love and goodness. Know that therefore love and goodness are thus flowing to you for your mental and physical health and well-being.


http://www.forgivenessday.org/steps_to_forgiveness.htm

Soul_jyot: In certain cases, it is essential to seek professional intervention, even if the other person declines to do so. Keeping an open mind to seek long term solution is never easy. But to recover and maintain proper physical, mental, spiritual, emotional health and acceptable relatioships, there is no other choice in the end. We must not try to be our own physicans or try to hide the problem from friends, family & others. To them you are already a walking sign-board ! Get proper professional help, even though it might be a short term pain, for long term gain (benefits) !
NEVER SUFFER IN SILENCE ALONE ! EMPOWER YOURSELF. REMEMBER NO ONE CAN ABUSE OR USE YOU WITHOUT YOUR "PERMISSION" !
 
Aug 14, 2004
115
27
US
What if the person in question is a part of you daily life & you need to see & hear to him/her day in & day out?
In such cases where we can't remove ourselves from the one who wronged us or continue to make our daily life miserable, I tend to agree with soul_jyot that 'talking to a professional' helps one to make a decision in order to begin a peaceful life.
Once that is accomplished; 'Ardaas' and 'Simran' in a Sikh's life bestows tremendous healing energy to be able to forgive.

I still did not find the answer to my question - "Once you forgave and knowing that mere having presence of selfish people around you was your fault, is it morally wrong to NOT let the people (who wronged you intentionally) be part of your daily life?"
 

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Shabad Vichaar by SPN'ers

This deeply spiritual and divine shabd is composed by Guru Ramdas ji and is contained on page 1200 of the SGGS.


The literal translation of the first verse is: O Son, Why Do You Argue...

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