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Taking That Peace With You

seekingsikhi

Writer
SPNer
Sep 28, 2017
36
30
34
Houston, TX
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa
Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

I am a slave to kaam and krodh. It always starts with anger. The fuse gets lit, and if I don't quickly catch it and stamp it out I eventually blow. Sometimes I catch but the tiniest spark, but other small things come along and fan that spark until the fuse is lit again. Before long krodh has stolen all of my peace. When that happens, I plunge headlong into kaam - in my case a gluttonous lust for food. Since my youth this has been my coping mechanism for any trouble. I indulge in cheap garbage food to such as excess that I think I may be sick.

Such a day happened yesterday. My wife and I have a good relationship, but every couple has things they do that push each other's buttons. I won't go into detail, but this time the frustration carried over to the next day; amplified by the fact that our two-year-old has very bad sleep habits. We were tired and already on edge. We fought over something that we fight about regularly. I was completely defenseless. I was off on a binge before I had even had my breakfast. I probably consumed something in the area of 4500 calories yesterday; fueled by rage and knowing full well what the results would be, and how it was only going to serve to separate me from my guru, my health, and my wallet.

I found myself in a new part of town doing a favor for one of my brothers. I realized that I was near a local gurdwara. Now bear in mind I was yet to visit a gurdwara; mostly out of fear I now realize. I went in. It was empty, save for one singh that I saw only briefly. I covered my head and proceeded into the temple. I bowed to the Guru and proceeded to alternate between simran and quietly listening to the recording of (what I believe to be) Sukhmani Sahib they had playing on a small stereo in the back of the temple. For the first time in my life as a sikh I made a selfish request of the Guru, and asked that he free me from these thieves. I try my hardest to accept the Guru's hukam, but I fear I will always lose the battle with kaam and krodh. Forgive my rambling. I wound up staying for over an hour, and I had such an amazing feeling of peace that I sincerely didn't want to leave. I've never felt that way before, and it lasted all the way until I stopped to pick my kids up from preschool. Not with drugs, booze, or food have I ever felt this good.

Is this what a trip to the gurdwara always feels like? If so, how do you take that peace with you? How do you find it at home? I wake early and try to connect with the Guru, but if it has been a rough night (children being what they are) and I can't give him the attention he deserves then I just come away feeling guilty. I doze off or my mind is restless and easily distracted by even the smallest thought. I'm going to start going to be earlier to help, but if anyone has any other advice I would greatly appreciate it. I'm a better sikh, father, husband, student, and person when I'm at peace and not giving in to krodh and kaam.

Thank you, Sangat Ji
 

ActsOfGod

Writer
SPNer
Aug 14, 2012
387
526
Guru will free you from kaam krodh lobh moh ahankaar. (And that's just for starters)

This is all a part of your personal spiritual journey. Everything happens in it's own time. All is in Hukam (Divine will). Nothing can be forced.

[AoG]
 

Sikhilove

Writer
SPNer
May 12, 2016
608
162
Meditate before u sleep, 12:30am n onwards is the best time.

Apply gurbani in the day naturally to your daily life. It's easy- the path is easy.

Humans just complicate it, and we complicate our lives. It's unnecessary.

Live simply, apply gurbani, work hard, take care of your body- eat healthy and exercise.

A balanced soul- 9-5 work, 6-7 gym, evening meditate. Apply gurbani to your life.
 

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