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Guru Granth Sahib
Composition, Arrangement & Layout
ਜਪੁ | Jup
ਸੋ ਦਰੁ | So Dar
ਸੋਹਿਲਾ | Sohilaa
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ | Raag Siree-Raag
Gurbani (14-53)
Ashtpadiyan (53-71)
Gurbani (71-74)
Pahre (74-78)
Chhant (78-81)
Vanjara (81-82)
Vaar Siri Raag (83-91)
Bhagat Bani (91-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਝ | Raag Maajh
Gurbani (94-109)
Ashtpadi (109)
Ashtpadiyan (110-129)
Ashtpadi (129-130)
Ashtpadiyan (130-133)
Bara Maha (133-136)
Din Raen (136-137)
Vaar Maajh Ki (137-150)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗਉੜੀ | Raag Gauree
Gurbani (151-185)
Quartets/Couplets (185-220)
Ashtpadiyan (220-234)
Karhalei (234-235)
Ashtpadiyan (235-242)
Chhant (242-249)
Baavan Akhari (250-262)
Sukhmani (262-296)
Thittee (296-300)
Gauree kii Vaar (300-323)
Gurbani (323-330)
Ashtpadiyan (330-340)
Baavan Akhari (340-343)
Thintteen (343-344)
Vaar Kabir (344-345)
Bhagat Bani (345-346)
ਰਾਗੁ ਆਸਾ | Raag Aasaa
Gurbani (347-348)
Chaupaday (348-364)
Panchpadde (364-365)
Kaafee (365-409)
Aasaavaree (409-411)
Ashtpadiyan (411-432)
Patee (432-435)
Chhant (435-462)
Vaar Aasaa (462-475)
Bhagat Bani (475-488)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੂਜਰੀ | Raag Goojaree
Gurbani (489-503)
Ashtpadiyan (503-508)
Vaar Gujari (508-517)
Vaar Gujari (517-526)
ਰਾਗੁ ਦੇਵਗੰਧਾਰੀ | Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree
Gurbani (527-536)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਹਾਗੜਾ | Raag Bihaagraa
Gurbani (537-556)
Chhant (538-548)
Vaar Bihaagraa (548-556)
ਰਾਗੁ ਵਡਹੰਸ | Raag Wadhans
Gurbani (557-564)
Ashtpadiyan (564-565)
Chhant (565-575)
Ghoriaan (575-578)
Alaahaniiaa (578-582)
Vaar Wadhans (582-594)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੋਰਠਿ | Raag Sorath
Gurbani (595-634)
Asatpadhiya (634-642)
Vaar Sorath (642-659)
ਰਾਗੁ ਧਨਾਸਰੀ | Raag Dhanasaree
Gurbani (660-685)
Astpadhiya (685-687)
Chhant (687-691)
Bhagat Bani (691-695)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਤਸਰੀ | Raag Jaitsree
Gurbani (696-703)
Chhant (703-705)
Vaar Jaitsaree (705-710)
Bhagat Bani (710)
ਰਾਗੁ ਟੋਡੀ | Raag Todee
ਰਾਗੁ ਬੈਰਾੜੀ | Raag Bairaaree
ਰਾਗੁ ਤਿਲੰਗ | Raag Tilang
Gurbani (721-727)
Bhagat Bani (727)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੂਹੀ | Raag Suhi
Gurbani (728-750)
Ashtpadiyan (750-761)
Kaafee (761-762)
Suchajee (762)
Gunvantee (763)
Chhant (763-785)
Vaar Soohee (785-792)
Bhagat Bani (792-794)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ | Raag Bilaaval
Gurbani (795-831)
Ashtpadiyan (831-838)
Thitteen (838-840)
Vaar Sat (841-843)
Chhant (843-848)
Vaar Bilaaval (849-855)
Bhagat Bani (855-858)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੋਂਡ | Raag Gond
Gurbani (859-869)
Ashtpadiyan (869)
Bhagat Bani (870-875)
ਰਾਗੁ ਰਾਮਕਲੀ | Raag Ramkalee
Ashtpadiyan (902-916)
Gurbani (876-902)
Anand (917-922)
Sadd (923-924)
Chhant (924-929)
Dakhnee (929-938)
Sidh Gosat (938-946)
Vaar Ramkalee (947-968)
ਰਾਗੁ ਨਟ ਨਾਰਾਇਨ | Raag Nat Narayan
Gurbani (975-980)
Ashtpadiyan (980-983)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਲੀ ਗਉੜਾ | Raag Maalee Gauraa
Gurbani (984-988)
Bhagat Bani (988)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਰੂ | Raag Maaroo
Gurbani (889-1008)
Ashtpadiyan (1008-1014)
Kaafee (1014-1016)
Ashtpadiyan (1016-1019)
Anjulian (1019-1020)
Solhe (1020-1033)
Dakhni (1033-1043)
ਰਾਗੁ ਤੁਖਾਰੀ | Raag Tukhaari
Bara Maha (1107-1110)
Chhant (1110-1117)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕੇਦਾਰਾ | Raag Kedara
Gurbani (1118-1123)
Bhagat Bani (1123-1124)
ਰਾਗੁ ਭੈਰਉ | Raag Bhairo
Gurbani (1125-1152)
Partaal (1153)
Ashtpadiyan (1153-1167)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਸੰਤੁ | Raag Basant
Gurbani (1168-1187)
Ashtpadiyan (1187-1193)
Vaar Basant (1193-1196)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਾਰਗ | Raag Saarag
Gurbani (1197-1200)
Partaal (1200-1231)
Ashtpadiyan (1232-1236)
Chhant (1236-1237)
Vaar Saarang (1237-1253)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਲਾਰ | Raag Malaar
Gurbani (1254-1293)
Partaal (1265-1273)
Ashtpadiyan (1273-1278)
Chhant (1278)
Vaar Malaar (1278-91)
Bhagat Bani (1292-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਾਨੜਾ | Raag Kaanraa
Gurbani (1294-96)
Partaal (1296-1318)
Ashtpadiyan (1308-1312)
Chhant (1312)
Vaar Kaanraa
Bhagat Bani (1318)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਲਿਆਨ | Raag Kalyaan
Gurbani (1319-23)
Ashtpadiyan (1323-26)
ਰਾਗੁ ਪ੍ਰਭਾਤੀ | Raag Prabhaatee
Gurbani (1327-1341)
Ashtpadiyan (1342-51)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਜਾਵੰਤੀ | Raag Jaijaiwanti
Gurbani (1352-53)
Salok | Gatha | Phunahe | Chaubole | Swayiye
Sehskritee Mahala 1
Sehskritee Mahala 5
Gaathaa Mahala 5
Phunhay Mahala 5
Chaubolae Mahala 5
Shaloks Bhagat Kabir
Shaloks Sheikh Farid
Swaiyyae Mahala 5
Swaiyyae in Praise of Gurus
Shaloks in Addition To Vaars
Shalok Ninth Mehl
Mundavanee Mehl 5
ਰਾਗ ਮਾਲਾ, Raag Maalaa
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Shit Happens
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<blockquote data-quote="drkhalsa" data-source="post: 5671" data-attributes="member: 384"><p style="text-align: center"><strong><span style="font-size: 26px">Shit Happens</span></strong></p> <p style="text-align: center"></p><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 18px">In various world religions:</span></strong> </p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Taoism:</strong> Shit Happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit.<br /> Shit happens, so flow with it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Hare Krishna:</strong> Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding, She-it happens,<br /> happens, happens, she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become <br /> one with the she-it). Please, this flower and buy our shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Confucianism:</strong> Confucious say, "Shit Happens", Confucious says, "If shit <br /> has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY"</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Buddhism:</strong> If shit happens, it isn't really shit. If shit happens, it really isn't <br /> really happening TO anyone. Shit will happen to you next time.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Zen:</strong> What is the sound of shit happening?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>7th-Day Adventism:</strong> Shit happens only on Saturdays.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Hinduism:</strong> I've seen this shit before. This shit is not a religion, it is <br /> a way of life. This shit happening IS you.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Protestantism:</strong> If shit happens, it happens to someone else.<br /> If shit happens, praise the Lord for it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Calvinism:</strong> Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Episcopalian:</strong> If shit happens, hold a procession.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Lutheranism:</strong> Shit happens but as long as you are sorry, it's OK.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Anglicanism:</strong> It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Catholicism:</strong> If shit happens, you deserved it. you were born shit, you are <br /> shit, and you will die shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Charismatic Catholicism:</strong> Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we <br /> love you anyway.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Judaism:</strong> Why does shit always happen to US? Why does shit always <br /> happen just before you close the deal?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Reform Judaism:</strong> Got any laxatives?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Islam:</strong> If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. If shit happens, take a hostage. <br /> We don't take any shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>New Age:</strong> That's not shit, its feldspar. A firm shit does not happen to me. <br /> This isn't shit if you really believe that it's chocolate. I create my <br /> own shit. If shit happens, honor and share in it! We are all part of <br /> the same shit. For $300, we can help you get in touch with your <br /> own shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Wicca:</strong> If shit happened once, it will happen twice more. The Goddess <br /> makes shit happen.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Jehovah's Witnesses:</strong> No shit happens until Armageddon. There is only a <br /> limited amount of good shit. Knock, knock "Shit <br /> happens", Here we insist you take our shit. Shit happens <br /> door to door.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Secularism:</strong> Shit evolves.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Darwinism:</strong> Survival of the shittiest.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Christian Science:</strong> When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray. Shit doesn't <br /> happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it. Our shit will <br /> take care of itself. Shit in your mind.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Atheism:</strong> I don't believe this shit. It looks and tastes like shit, so I'm damned <br /> if I'm going to taste it. Shit is dead. No shit!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Religion from an Atheist's point of view:</strong> I haven't smelt, seen, touched or <br /> tasted it, but it's shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Agnosticism:</strong> It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not <br /> sure whether it's shit or not. What is this shit!? how can we <br /> KNOW if shit happens? you can't prove any of this shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Rastafarianism:</strong> Let's smoke this shit! Hey, this is good shit mon.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Mormonism:</strong> if shit happens, shun it. Excrement happens (you can't say shit <br /> in Utah). Our shit is better than your shit. Shit happens again <br /> & again & again...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Energizer Bunny:</strong> Shit happens and keeps going and going and going...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Baptist:</strong> You are shitting and you'll be punished for it. We will wash the <br /> shit right off you.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Southern Baptist:</strong> Shit will happen. Praise the Lord.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Iraqi Bathist:</strong> Oh shit!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Voodoo:</strong> shit doesn't just happen - somebody dumped it on you. Let's stick <br /> some pins in this shit! This shit's gonna get you.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Televangelism:</strong> Your tax-deductible donation could stop shit from <br /> happening.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Unitarianism:</strong> What is this shit? We affirm the right for shit to happen. Go <br /> ahead. Shit anywhere you want. It's not the shit that matters. <br /> It's the process.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Orthodox:</strong> St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Greek Orthodox:</strong> Shit happens, usually in three's.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>EST:</strong> I am the cause that shit will not happen. You're responsible for all the <br /> shit that happens.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Fundamentalism:</strong> There's no shit in the Bible. If shit happens, but don't <br /> publish it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Twelve Step:</strong> Shit happens one day at a time.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Amish:</strong> Shit is good for the soil. This modern shit is worthless.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Shintoism:</strong> You inherit the shit of your ancestors.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Moonies:</strong> Only happy shit really happens.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Zoroastrianism:</strong> Shit happens half the time.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Bahaism:</strong> Why do you keep shitting on us?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Mysticism:</strong> This is really weird shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Paganism:</strong> Shit happens for a variety of reasons.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Rajhneesh:</strong> Give us your shit and put on this orange suit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Rosicrucianism:</strong> What is this AMORC shit?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Witchcraft:</strong> Mix this shit together and it will happen.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Scientology:</strong> All this happens to be shit. If you leave us, bad shit will <br /> happen.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Shamanism:</strong> Whoaa...Holy Shit!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Sikh:</strong> Leave us alone.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Dianetics:</strong> "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157)</li> </ul><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 18px">In various other ways</span></strong> </p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Yuppie Shit:</strong> It's my shit! It's all mine! Isn't it beautiful!?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>An Employer:</strong> Shit happens and rolls down hill.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>An Employee:</strong> I've done my shit, can I take the day off? This shit's not part <br /> of my contract.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Environmentalism:</strong> Shit is biodegradable.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Heisenberg:</strong> Shit happened, we just don't know where.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Quantum Shittydynamics:</strong> Shit happens only in well defined quantities.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Einstein:</strong> Shit is relative.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Reaction to your Moth-in-Law:</strong> Relatives are shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Washington:</strong> I cannot tell a lie - shit happens.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Lincoln:</strong> Four score and seven shits ago...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Nixon:</strong> Shit didn't happen and I didn't know anything about it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Reagan:</strong> I do believe shit happened, I was just taking a nap.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Bush:</strong> Read my lips: no more shit! Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. This <br /> looks like foreign shit. Let Baker handle it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Quayle:</strong> Whye doe peopl treate mee lik shite?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Clinton:</strong> I didn't inhale this shit. I tried it before and I didn't like it...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Perot:</strong> I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>McCarthyism:</strong> Are you now or have you ever been with Martin Luther</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>King:</strong> Black and white shit CAN coexist...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Julius Caesar:</strong> I came, I saw, I shit. (Veni, Vidi, Shitty)</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>John Paul Jones:</strong> I have not yet begun to shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>James Tiberious Kirk:</strong> ..to boldly shit where no one has shit before!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Computer Science:</strong> There's a bug somewhere in that shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttt</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Macintosh:</strong> (Enough said)</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>UNIX/C:</strong> Core dump... shit!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>IBM/DOS:</strong> It's shit but at least it's compatible.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Communism:</strong> It's everybody's shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Marxism:</strong> The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is alike. <br /> Dictatorship of the shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Capitalism:</strong> Shit happens and it will cost you! If your going to sell that shit, <br /> at least make a profit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Cannibalism:</strong> Don't eat that shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Vegetarianism:</strong> If it happens to shit, don't eat it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Hedonism:</strong> there's nothing quite like a good shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Stoicism:</strong> This shit's good for me.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Existentialism:</strong> Shit doesn't happen, shit it. Shit happening is absent.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Realism:</strong> I think I need to take a shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Denialism:</strong> What shit?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Purists:</strong> If shit is to happen, let ONLY shit happen.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Procrastination:</strong> I'll take care of this shit...tomorrow.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Avoidanceism:</strong> With all this happening, I think I'll go shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Repressionism:</strong> I think I'll hold this shit in forever.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Fatalist</strong>: Oh shit, it's going to happen!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Surrealism:</strong> Fish!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Moilanenism:</strong> Smells like shit of Finnish fish.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Nihilism:</strong> Let's blow this shit up!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Fetishism:</strong> I love it when shit happens.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Masochism:</strong> Do shit to me!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Sadism:</strong> I will shit on you!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Freudianism:</strong> Shit is a phallic symbol.</li> </ul><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 18px">According to the Philosopher:</span></strong> </p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Thales:</strong> Earth, Fire, Air and Shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Epicurious:</strong> If shit happens, enjoy it.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Socrates:</strong> What is shit? Why is shit?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Aristotle:</strong> The essence of shittiness...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Descartes:</strong> I think, so why am I in this shit? Shit, therefore I am.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Lebnitz</strong> (As interpreted by Voltaire): The best of all possible shit in the <br /> world is made for shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Thoreau:</strong> I wanted to live deliberately to suck the shit out of life.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Sartre:</strong> Shit is meaningless! What is shit, anyway?</li> </ul><p></p><p></p><p><strong><span style="font-size: 18px">In various professions:</span></strong> </p><ul> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Mathematician:</strong> Shit happening is just a special case.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Statistician:</strong> There is a 87.3% chance that shit will happen... Maybe.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Physicist (Theoretical):</strong> Shit SHOULD happen.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Physicist (Experimental):</strong> To within experimental error, shit DID happen.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Engineer:</strong> I hope this shit holds together.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Chemist:</strong> I hope this shit doesn't blow up. Gee, what'll happen if I mix this <br /> and ... SHIT!!!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Biologist:</strong> Is this shit alive?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Economist:</strong> I hope nobody figures out that I really don't understand this shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Bureaucrat:</strong> I'm sorry, but we can't do this shit until you fill form XJ-<br /> 314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub- <br /> Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828...</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>CEO: (1980's)</strong> I've got all the shit I want. <strong>(1990's)</strong> Oooh SHIT!</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Lawyer:</strong> For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit.</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Doctor:</strong> Take two shits and call me in the morning. yes, it is definately a <br /> case of shit. $99.95, please... Shit, where's this organ supposed to <br /> go?</li> <li data-xf-list-type="ul"><strong>Psychologist:</strong> Shit is in your mind. Everything that happens is shit, some of <br /> it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness.</li> </ul></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="drkhalsa, post: 5671, member: 384"] [center][b][size=7]Shit Happens[/size][/b] [/center] [size=7][/size] [b][size=5]In various world religions:[/size][/b] [list] [*][b]Taoism:[/b] Shit Happens. If you can shit, it isn't shit. Shit happens, so flow with it. [*][b]Hare Krishna:[/b] Shit Happens, Rama Rama Ding Ding, She-it happens, happens, happens, she-it, she-it... (Repeat until you become one with the she-it). Please, this flower and buy our shit. [*][b]Confucianism:[/b] Confucious say, "Shit Happens", Confucious says, "If shit has to happen, let it happen PROPERLY" [*][b]Buddhism:[/b] If shit happens, it isn't really shit. If shit happens, it really isn't really happening TO anyone. Shit will happen to you next time. [*][b]Zen:[/b] What is the sound of shit happening? [*][b]7th-Day Adventism:[/b] Shit happens only on Saturdays. [*][b]Hinduism:[/b] I've seen this shit before. This shit is not a religion, it is a way of life. This shit happening IS you. [*][b]Protestantism:[/b] If shit happens, it happens to someone else. If shit happens, praise the Lord for it. [*][b]Calvinism:[/b] Shit happens because you don't work hard enough. [*][b]Episcopalian:[/b] If shit happens, hold a procession. [*][b]Lutheranism:[/b] Shit happens but as long as you are sorry, it's OK. [*][b]Anglicanism:[/b] It's true, shit does happen -- but only to Lutherans. [*][b]Catholicism:[/b] If shit happens, you deserved it. you were born shit, you are shit, and you will die shit. [*][b]Charismatic Catholicism:[/b] Shit is happening because you deserve it, but we love you anyway. [*][b]Judaism:[/b] Why does shit always happen to US? Why does shit always happen just before you close the deal? [*][b]Reform Judaism:[/b] Got any laxatives? [*][b]Islam:[/b] If shit happens, it is the will of Allah. If shit happens, take a hostage. We don't take any shit. [*][b]New Age:[/b] That's not shit, its feldspar. A firm shit does not happen to me. This isn't shit if you really believe that it's chocolate. I create my own shit. If shit happens, honor and share in it! We are all part of the same shit. For $300, we can help you get in touch with your own shit. [*][b]Wicca:[/b] If shit happened once, it will happen twice more. The Goddess makes shit happen. [*][b]Jehovah's Witnesses:[/b] No shit happens until Armageddon. There is only a limited amount of good shit. Knock, knock "Shit happens", Here we insist you take our shit. Shit happens door to door. [*][b]Secularism:[/b] Shit evolves. [*][b]Darwinism:[/b] Survival of the shittiest. [*][b]Christian Science:[/b] When shit happens, don't call a doctor - pray. Shit doesn't happen and I am not up to my eyeballs in it. Our shit will take care of itself. Shit in your mind. [*][b]Atheism:[/b] I don't believe this shit. It looks and tastes like shit, so I'm damned if I'm going to taste it. Shit is dead. No shit! [*][b]Religion from an Atheist's point of view:[/b] I haven't smelt, seen, touched or tasted it, but it's shit. [*][b]Agnosticism:[/b] It looks and smells like shit, but I haven't tasted it, so I'm not sure whether it's shit or not. What is this shit!? how can we KNOW if shit happens? you can't prove any of this shit. [*][b]Rastafarianism:[/b] Let's smoke this shit! Hey, this is good shit mon. [*][b]Mormonism:[/b] if shit happens, shun it. Excrement happens (you can't say shit in Utah). Our shit is better than your shit. Shit happens again & again & again... [*][b]Energizer Bunny:[/b] Shit happens and keeps going and going and going... [*][b]Baptist:[/b] You are shitting and you'll be punished for it. We will wash the shit right off you. [*][b]Southern Baptist:[/b] Shit will happen. Praise the Lord. [*][b]Iraqi Bathist:[/b] Oh shit! [*][b]Voodoo:[/b] shit doesn't just happen - somebody dumped it on you. Let's stick some pins in this shit! This shit's gonna get you. [*][b]Televangelism:[/b] Your tax-deductible donation could stop shit from happening. [*][b]Unitarianism:[/b] What is this shit? We affirm the right for shit to happen. Go ahead. Shit anywhere you want. It's not the shit that matters. It's the process. [*][b]Orthodox:[/b] St. Sergius found his faith in deep shit. [*][b]Greek Orthodox:[/b] Shit happens, usually in three's. [*][b]EST:[/b] I am the cause that shit will not happen. You're responsible for all the shit that happens. [*][b]Fundamentalism:[/b] There's no shit in the Bible. If shit happens, but don't publish it. [*][b]Twelve Step:[/b] Shit happens one day at a time. [*][b]Amish:[/b] Shit is good for the soil. This modern shit is worthless. [*][b]Shintoism:[/b] You inherit the shit of your ancestors. [*][b]Moonies:[/b] Only happy shit really happens. [*][b]Zoroastrianism:[/b] Shit happens half the time. [*][b]Bahaism:[/b] Why do you keep shitting on us? [*][b]Mysticism:[/b] This is really weird shit. [*][b]Paganism:[/b] Shit happens for a variety of reasons. [*][b]Rajhneesh:[/b] Give us your shit and put on this orange suit. [*][b]Rosicrucianism:[/b] What is this AMORC shit? [*][b]Witchcraft:[/b] Mix this shit together and it will happen. [*][b]Scientology:[/b] All this happens to be shit. If you leave us, bad shit will happen. [*][b]Shamanism:[/b] Whoaa...Holy Shit! [*][b]Sikh:[/b] Leave us alone. [*][b]Dianetics:[/b] "Why does shit happen?" (p. 157) [/list] [b][size=5]In various other ways[/size][/b] [list] [*][b]Yuppie Shit:[/b] It's my shit! It's all mine! Isn't it beautiful!? [*][b]An Employer:[/b] Shit happens and rolls down hill. [*][b]An Employee:[/b] I've done my shit, can I take the day off? This shit's not part of my contract. [*][b]Environmentalism:[/b] Shit is biodegradable. [*][b]Heisenberg:[/b] Shit happened, we just don't know where. [*][b]Quantum Shittydynamics:[/b] Shit happens only in well defined quantities. [*][b]Einstein:[/b] Shit is relative. [*][b]Reaction to your Moth-in-Law:[/b] Relatives are shit. [*][b]Washington:[/b] I cannot tell a lie - shit happens. [*][b]Lincoln:[/b] Four score and seven shits ago... [*][b]Nixon:[/b] Shit didn't happen and I didn't know anything about it. [*][b]Reagan:[/b] I do believe shit happened, I was just taking a nap. [*][b]Bush:[/b] Read my lips: no more shit! Wouldn't be prudent at this juncture. This looks like foreign shit. Let Baker handle it. [*][b]Quayle:[/b] Whye doe peopl treate mee lik shite? [*][b]Clinton:[/b] I didn't inhale this shit. I tried it before and I didn't like it... [*][b]Perot:[/b] I'm sorry if I dropped you guys in this shit. [*][b]McCarthyism:[/b] Are you now or have you ever been with Martin Luther [*][b]King:[/b] Black and white shit CAN coexist... [*][b]Julius Caesar:[/b] I came, I saw, I shit. (Veni, Vidi, Shitty) [*][b]John Paul Jones:[/b] I have not yet begun to shit. [*][b]James Tiberious Kirk:[/b] ..to boldly shit where no one has shit before! [*][b]Computer Science:[/b] There's a bug somewhere in that shittttttttttttttttttttttttttttt [*][b]Macintosh:[/b] (Enough said) [*][b]UNIX/C:[/b] Core dump... shit! [*][b]IBM/DOS:[/b] It's shit but at least it's compatible. [*][b]Communism:[/b] It's everybody's shit. [*][b]Marxism:[/b] The rich shit exploits the poor shit, but deep down all shit is alike. Dictatorship of the shit. [*][b]Capitalism:[/b] Shit happens and it will cost you! If your going to sell that shit, at least make a profit. [*][b]Cannibalism:[/b] Don't eat that shit. [*][b]Vegetarianism:[/b] If it happens to shit, don't eat it. [*][b]Hedonism:[/b] there's nothing quite like a good shit. [*][b]Stoicism:[/b] This shit's good for me. [*][b]Existentialism:[/b] Shit doesn't happen, shit it. Shit happening is absent. [*][b]Realism:[/b] I think I need to take a shit. [*][b]Denialism:[/b] What shit? [*][b]Purists:[/b] If shit is to happen, let ONLY shit happen. [*][b]Procrastination:[/b] I'll take care of this shit...tomorrow. [*][b]Avoidanceism:[/b] With all this happening, I think I'll go shit. [*][b]Repressionism:[/b] I think I'll hold this shit in forever. [*][b]Fatalist[/b]: Oh shit, it's going to happen! [*][b]Surrealism:[/b] Fish! [*][b]Moilanenism:[/b] Smells like shit of Finnish fish. [*][b]Nihilism:[/b] Let's blow this shit up! [*][b]Fetishism:[/b] I love it when shit happens. [*][b]Masochism:[/b] Do shit to me! [*][b]Sadism:[/b] I will shit on you! [*][b]Freudianism:[/b] Shit is a phallic symbol. [/list] [b][size=5]According to the Philosopher:[/size][/b] [list] [*][b]Thales:[/b] Earth, Fire, Air and Shit. [*][b]Epicurious:[/b] If shit happens, enjoy it. [*][b]Socrates:[/b] What is shit? Why is shit? [*][b]Aristotle:[/b] The essence of shittiness... [*][b]Descartes:[/b] I think, so why am I in this shit? Shit, therefore I am. [*][b]Lebnitz[/b] (As interpreted by Voltaire): The best of all possible shit in the world is made for shit. [*][b]Thoreau:[/b] I wanted to live deliberately to suck the shit out of life. [*][b]Sartre:[/b] Shit is meaningless! What is shit, anyway? [/list] [b][size=5]In various professions:[/size][/b] [list] [*][b]Mathematician:[/b] Shit happening is just a special case. [*][b]Statistician:[/b] There is a 87.3% chance that shit will happen... Maybe. [*][b]Physicist (Theoretical):[/b] Shit SHOULD happen. [*][b]Physicist (Experimental):[/b] To within experimental error, shit DID happen. [*][b]Engineer:[/b] I hope this shit holds together. [*][b]Chemist:[/b] I hope this shit doesn't blow up. Gee, what'll happen if I mix this and ... SHIT!!! [*][b]Biologist:[/b] Is this shit alive? [*][b]Economist:[/b] I hope nobody figures out that I really don't understand this shit. [*][b]Bureaucrat:[/b] I'm sorry, but we can't do this shit until you fill form XJ- 314159 to make an appointment with our Assistant Sub- Deputy Manager to obtain form ZN-271828... [*][b]CEO: (1980's)[/b] I've got all the shit I want. [b](1990's)[/b] Oooh SHIT! [*][b]Lawyer:[/b] For a sufficient fee, I can get you out of ANY shit. [*][b]Doctor:[/b] Take two shits and call me in the morning. yes, it is definately a case of shit. $99.95, please... Shit, where's this organ supposed to go? [*][b]Psychologist:[/b] Shit is in your mind. Everything that happens is shit, some of it is just repressing its subconscious shittiness. [/list] [/QUOTE]
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