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Pre/Post Marital Relationships


Sat Sri Akal Sadh Sangat
I know this is a controversial topic. It was bogging my mind for sooo many days now, i didn't know who to ask and where to go. Then suddenly right on cue, I got a mail from this post and i said wow, where else would i ask this question. So here it comes....
Infidelity is everywhere around us, on the channels, our friends, relatives, all are doing it. Having multiple relationships is like the order of the day. No body is satisfied with whatever he has.
Not even guys but even girls are cheating on their parents, spouses, etc.
I know infidelity is not encouraged in ANY Religion, but a youth growing up in these turbulent environments, what should he do to hold on to his beliefs.
I tried to talk myself into sayings, that maybe time will teach them a lesson, whatever you sow you reap, and the worse they will burn in hell :D.
But everytime i eXpect them to rot in thell, they are having all the fun.
I don't know, its very easy to get desires overwhelm you, but how do you hold your ground.
What about the older more experienced people in the group, how did you deal with Temptations???

Waheguru ji ka khalsa
Dear Friend SSKOHLI

First of all tell are you ready to withstand the heat generated out of this topic .

You may be , but what about the Scholars and owner of this site .......

If you have the Courage to go ahead , be prepared to face the music .......

Remember , INFIDILITY is the temporary state .........

Everything will be revealed to you , and ofcourse you will enjoy with only one partner after the revealation ........

So , Are you Ready ................... :)
Dear Friend SSKOHLI

Getting answers fromt the older people who have already enjoyed , will not suffice you ..........

You should get answers from that person who had withstand SEXual temptations ....................

Remember , To have control of Sexual Desire is not to eliminate them , but the ability to face Sexual Desires , without indulging into anything ........

When a person gets a Airforce Training , remember In one of their training sessions what they do is they switch off the engine of the plane ....

And the plane starts falling down ..... As the plane is about to touch the ground ..... What they have to do is , switch on the engine and takeoff ..........

Extract From Gurbani :

Remaining Pure Amid Impurities is the sign of a goog moral Character.........


Waheguruji ka khalsa
Sat sri akal saadh sangat jee
Thanks for atleast trying to comment on the post.
Speaking about heat generated, i think this is the typical dilemma faced by our/the religion(s) all over. When it comes to topics like sex, and infidelity i think we just shirk off and think of it as something dirty. I don't know why we are so embaressed about it when it is everywhere and i Think the BIGGEST Obstacle in achieving divinity.
I thought maybe debating face to face could be a little awkward for ppl, but seeing this (non) reaction online, it just reiterates my doubts.
As for your reply, though a little theoretical, but I get the point. At the end of the day, I think its just upto each individual how he fends off his temptations.

Dear Friend SSKOHLI

Sex is not a Dirty thing , It is as Sacred as the the GOD is.
How come sex be dirty , with the help of which we are existing on this planet Earth.

Before we proceed further ...........

But first answer me few Questions .

What is the Business of MCDonalds ?
What is the purpose of this site ?
What should be the minimum age of marriage ?

But before answering them don't ask your friends for answers , write whatever you know, Ok.

I have asked these questions , just to point out the difference between the Illusion and the Real Truth


Sat Sri Akal
What is the Business of MCDonalds ?
A. Real Estate ( Read in some book )

What is the purpose of this site ?
A.To clear myths about sikhism and to have a healthy debate on all aspects of sikhism, and to encourage younger sikhs to appreciate sikhism

What should be the minimum age of marriage ?
Dunno that is a difficult thing to answer, I guess around 25ish when you are self sufficient

All these are so independent questions, didn't get their relevance with Our topic of discussion here??

Waheguruji ka khalsa (am i??)
Dear friend SSKOHLI

Thought they are independent answers , but they do
have relevance.

Your answer to the first Question is Right Answer
, But I don't think that many people know that ,
Some may say the Hamburger is the Business of

About Truth , Every one says that god is truth and
thus ends there everything .......

Let us explore the How to relate truth and
ignorance with day to day living .

Truth about MCDonald :

It is also a truth that they sell Hamburgers .....
It is also a truth that they their real business
is Real Estate .......

Though the first is also truth , but it is
ILLUSION to the ignorant , and if that ignorant
person starts business , wishes to create chain of
restaurants , only on the basis of Hamburgers
without knowing the real thing ........ Will his
business survive........

Your Answer to the second question is also true ,
But it is also an Illusion ,
Starting a discussion forum based on religion is a
good busines model .
(Sorry Aman Veer ji ...... its just an example ).

Your anwer to the third question about the age ,
you have said that self sufficient ..........

Self sufficient is relative term and what is the
limit of self sufficient , cannot be defined

But according to nature the Marriagble age should
be something around 13 years approx for women and
15 yrs around approx for men .........

So , just like above we seen that what is illusion
and what is real truth . You can take many
examples from your own life or the life of others
, and start differentialting between the Illusion
and Truth .

It will be a great exercise for your brain

But , it is certain from your first answer that
the power of your brain is under your control ,
and thats a good thing .........

All these stuffs do have relevance with our topic

Remember , when a bread is baked in low temp then
it gets cooked from inside also , it takes time ,
but when baked in High temperature though it gets
cooked at a faster pace and looks cooked nicely
from outside , but from inside it is still


Sat Sri Akal
Sorry Veerjee I am not going to go all awe and say wow what an excellent reply and all my doubts are cleared and i am a changed person.
But I will definitely agree, that what you have said will definitely be good food for my mind and I am sure i will digest it slowly and knowingly and also want to have more bites of it.
The fact still remains (atleast for me) that we (atleast me) tend to follow the crowd, our guruji was completely different from prevalent practices at that time and thus were able to find GOD.
But how easy/difficult is it for common ppl like us to have our way and not unknowingly follow something which has become a trend, so much so that we don't even realise it that we are doing it. I am just not targeting infidelity, but any temptation becoming so common practice its just neXt to impossible for common masses like us to resist.
plain old
Waheguru Ji Ke Fateh

Sex is one of man activities of human being. It is one of many desires of men and women. Sexual instinct is one of the basic instincts a living being comes in this world.
Kam, Krodh, Lobh, Moha, Ahankar are the desires we remain busy throughout our life. These keep troubling us at some stage of our life. We have been advise by our Guru to live with these desires and control them in a way so that not to get enslaved by them. The task is not easy but we keep fighting them.
What I feel ( I may be wrong) out of these Five, the desire of Kam should be the easiest to control.
At a given situation the attraction of sex may be the most logical outcome of that particular situation for a Normal Human being. But how we face it and Not get entangled in the circle of desires is what differentiates a Sikh from a Gursikh.

Temptations are everywhere. We do keep facing them and overcoming them daily.
Take a case of a person who has been diagnosed as suffering from Diabetes, is told by his doctor to stop taking sweets and fats. All of a sudden it may be difficult to overcome the desire to eat sweets but our will power and the desire to do it helps us to control our temptations.

Similarly, ‘Infidelity is everywhere around us, on the channels, our friends, relatives, all are doing it. Having multiple relationships is like the order of the day. No body is satisfied with whatever he has.’
Here, Guru’s guidance helps us to control the wandering heart and mind and gives us strength to face temptations (not only sexual ) that keep coming up daily.
Dear Friend SSKOHLI

:D I knew that you are going to answer this ....... But I intentionally wanted to do so ...........

Now delaying your answers have created two thing

1. Curiosity
2. Temptation

Not only you have got tempted , but everyone has got tempted . Till now your query was lying unattended ......

But now see the power of temptation , you will definetely find some answers here . :D
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Dear Friend

Temptation and Curiosity , are such emotional states which you cannot eliminate them , but you have to tame them .

Just like fire is very dangerous , but if tamed properly it can be used to cook nice dishes .

right now I have to go ..............

I'll be back in the evening .............
well if u dont mind my sayng so sandep, the way i see it, u seem to be going through a lot of soul searching, either u still havent found what or whoever it is that u r seraching for , or ur just answerable to ur karmic actuons, pity one doesnt remember what they r accountable for coz u dont remember what action caused the karmic reaction, kapeech? some ppl have doubts about the religion they r born into, they might folow it but they also harbour feelings for other religious beliefs, does that make that infidel?, does that mean that they are chaeting, a person never cheats on anyone but themselves, so as long as to learn something from the experience, and clear ur doubts, when u finally arrive at a point or a person u will know when to stop, n if u dont, u just suffer, a pity, and no one can help u but u,,,so take heart my friend, coz if the questons are within u then so are the answers. but u know something, i didnt really understand what was bothering u, did someone cheat on you, and was living happily?, or do you constanly have the urge to chaet? eitherways, i belive i believe its all about settling karmic scores, thats all fine and dandy if u are a karmic believer, for some its just a good crutch to fall back upon, but for believers it can be soul altering.


Sat Sri Akal
Veerjee, either you are too philosophical or i am plain old dumb, cause i was not able to grasp the meaning of your last post.
I think i did a lot of soul searching the past couple of days and i realise that most of the times I am so unconscious to things around me, its like guruji said leading lives of animals.
And with all the distractions like tv, phones, computers, internet I don't think we are left with any time to contemplate and reflect back.
I think we are using these tools as a shield so as not to remind ourselves of the harsh reality. Its very easy to be lost rather than to reveal.
I moved in to this new city for work, and the first couple of months it was a completely different experience. I didn;t have any of the latest technologies, TV, radio, computer. Just a couple of gurbani cds and a cdman. Those were really fulfiiling time of my life, i used to get up early, exercise, do nitnem.
But don't know how mindsets change, got tv, computer, now i hardly get any time.
I think the length of the day remains same, only how we utilize it changes.
Similarly it depends only on the individual and individual alone, how and what he makes of his time/day.
Looks like a failrly longish mail.

Dear Friend SSKOHLI

This is called temptation , As you wish that your questions be answered quickly ........

Its not your fault , its the fault of the society , which has built us since from the childhood........

A person gets tempted to Get-rich .
A person Gets tempted to Get-everything-done-Quickly .
A person infact wish some miracle to happen .

If you see closely around yourself you will find common people who does not get tempted ..........

I would not like to praise myself , But , I have faced temptations and learnt to master it and learning , but it takes time , there is no quick fix solution.

My past post is not philosophical , but practical .........

Temptations are Caused by illusions and not by truths , which I suggested to learn to differentiate the illusions and the truth .......
sat sri akal, sandeep, sounds like u are evolving. dont be so hard on yourself for having given in to desires, the art is to be able to balance it, ull figure it out eventually, what u see as distractions are actually paths laid out for us by destiny to test our preserverence and level of tolerance in ourselves, not all of us succeed, its still ok, becoz you like so many of us know what we are doing could have been avoided, but we choose to learn the hard and longer way, as long as we learn and realise, once the realisation is within you, a part of u has awakened, let time take its course, u seem like u can make it, just make sure ur urges dont cause you are anyone else any real grave harm, stay focused dont drift


Sat Sri Akal
Harpreet Kaur jee, I really want to say WOW!! that was really neat. Are you a psychologist or just plain old experienced.
Yeah, I am thinking a LOT these days and that is because I have come to a different environment. The previous one, at home, was protected I got everything i Wanted and ppl arnd me cared, be it friends, family etc.
Now here its a complete shocking experience, ppl just don't care abt each other, everybody is after something.
And yeah you were right, because everybody is after something. I don't know what or who should I persevere. I don't want to go after girls, cause I don't want to. I don't want to go after wealth, cos i got enough.
Being different makes me out of place, so the question, should a guy indulge in relationships just to belong?
Dear Friend SSKOHLI

Its nice see that you are comfortable with the Harpreet Kour ji's reply , I also liked her post ..........

I don't know what her age might be , or whether she is married or not . But , its sure I have always dreamed and desired to have a wedded wife , like Her .........
sat sri akal
u know sandeep, as someone very wise once said, 'people will treat you the way you let them', similarly so will life. priorities change, therefore if yesterdays requirement is fulfilled today it wont hold much value becoz todays requirement is different. even when u are settled dow, whatever that means to diiefent ppl, being married? having kids?, not being married still having kids? wealth fame, belonging to organiztions, whatever rocks ur boat, you will still continue to do things to upset urself, becoz someone still doesnt see you the way you want them to. to not be able to understand and to not be understood can be very taxing on the mind. let it go, today if you like my quote and tell me, i might feel, well thats becoz of me, however tomorrow if u dont like it, is it becoz of your shortcomings, why cant the same thought apply in the negative too that it was becoz of 'me'. the way i look at it, destruction and construction, ugliness and beauty, love and hatered are looked at with the same awe and intensity only the reaction is different, when u are able to take a control over your reactions is when you will klnow that you are not afraid to let it all go, by this i dont mean death, in a broader spectrum death will cease to be a fear, and become a friend, its such a paradox that when you have learnt so much , actually you have learnt nothing at all, you dont take it with you, not even knowledge, your soul thrives on happiness and pain, leave the pain take the happiness with you, appreciate the samller details, the bigger ones will automatically fall into place.
i dont know if you have understood from any of this, but i have definately learnt from your questions and thought, thankyou and let those thoughts flow.
Blessed are those who have found complete understanding with their partners. Adultery or cheating a partner is nothing new. Personal instincts play a big role in these adventures and some say it is fate and others say it is the weak mind just giving in. Whatever the case the problem exists. A little fire even though hidden and invisible in begining can really engulf the whole house and burn an otherwise fine relationship.
Many divorces are caused by these extra-curricular marital activity. Can this be legalized ? Can this be prevented? Does any factors like ethnicity, religion, caste or race play any role in it?
Adultery does take place despite all morality and marvelous theories. It appears to be a simple issue but if you ponder upon it deeply you will see it is an important issue.
What makes a spouse more faithful and loving and what makes a spouse to cheat? This thread with the message replies of the members are offtopic. It is the question or topic of pre/post marital affairs. We simply cann't goaway from the facts.
It is a not new but very highly important Issue. In the light of SGGSJi we can see it is the weakest side of a Human. Aren't we blessed from AKALPURAKH to have a good life? Aren't we litrarate? Aren't we posses a healthy life? Then what is the need of this kind of problem creating activity to enter our Home. It is completely Maya and Moh. Which is very condemned in SGGSJI.

SORAT'H, FIFTH MEHL: Infatuated with the darkness of emotional attachment to Maya, he does not know the Lord, the Great Giver. The Lord created his body and fashioned his soul, but he claims that his power is his own. || 1 || O foolish mind, God, your Lord and Master is watching over you. Whatever you do, He knows; nothing can remain concealed from Him. || Pause || You are intoxicated with the tastes of the tongue, with greed and pride; countless sins spring from these. You wandered in pain through countless incarnations, weighed down by the chains of egotism. || 2 || Behind closed doors, hidden by many screens, the man takes his pleasure with another man's wife. When Chitr and Gupt, the celestial accountants of the conscious and subconscious, call for your account, who will screen you then? || 3 || O Perfect Lord, Merciful to the meek, Destroyer of pain, without You, I have no shelter at all. Please, lift me up out of the world-ocean; O God, I have come to Your Sanctuary. || 4 || 15 || 26 || (Page 616)