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Peer Pressure, Western Traits And Relationships

Harvir007

SPNer
Aug 22, 2010
71
80
24
Leicester, England
Well im living in a country who's culture is so very different to the 'punjabi' culture. Im bound to do what my friends do right? It is human nature but I mean through the course of 4 years 10-14 I learnt quite a bit, about religion and what science has against it. I even questioned whether there was a god. But I have realised that there is a god and that the sikh view that god can be non-anthropomorphic satisfied my curiosity. But I have people asking questions about my religion and also saying that there is no such thing as god, but if you don't what god is then you cannot say he doesn't exist right?

I also cut my hair when I was 10 and regret that everyday of my life, but at the time my mum and dad were to foolish to educate me on the guru's teachings so here comes into play a brilliant piece of technology: the internet. what one page told me in 5 minutes isn't what they told me in 10 years.

Now onto peer pressure, I as a young lad who is brought up in society that has no holds barred is extremely difficult, as I am 'different' but that doesn't stop friends asking me if I want to drink cause I know that one sip of alcohol and a madman enters the mind. But whose to explain to these ignorant people that what you found out now, our guru's found out 400+ years earlier. Most the time most of my friends are acceptant of the fact that we are born into a multi-cultural society and there are bound to be different things you do, so other than that why does the tiny minority have to pick on people that have a different belief to you? Freedom of speech my ****.

Western traits? 'Lets go for a beer mate, and knock someone up whilst we're at it' 'Let's get divorced 5 times' 'Lets not clean ourselves' Well yeah you know what im on about. But it is quite hard to tell a gora that they are wrong because they end up calling you a '****', sorry didn't catch that? I WAS BORN HERE! some white people are alright, others are just outright nut cases I mean we are humans you're distinguishing between people from somewhere where it is hot and somewhere where it is cold. Try to understand that we are all equal.

Relationships, my favourite. So 14, bit of a ladies (young) man and a conversationlist. Should/can I take a girl out on a date? I also know that a sikh should marry a sikh and I understand that but my mums like 'Finish studies, get a girl when you have a good job' blah blah everyday and im wondering: when guru says caste shouldn't be an issue, im saying why mum, do you say 'jatt only'? Shes also very superstitous, I frequently make fun of her mimicing her about stuff she says. My dad is like super strict: holding his head high and cares about his precious ''izzut'' Hate my dad, complete D*ck head. Do this do that!

So my ultimate question is, what can I do to better obtain knowledge about Sikhi?
 

Attachments

ik-jivan

SPNer
May 4, 2010
68
108
Harvir007,
You do have a frank and intelligent writing style! It’s endearing. I’m not the best person to respond, but I do want to give you encouragement. At your age, social acceptance is important to your sense of identity. A lot of young people just take the easy path and try to conform and blend in with the prevailing culture.

You’ve detected a bit of hypocrisy in your mom and dad, I see. And to do that you must have some knowledge about Sikhi already.

Why don’t you tell us what you do know and then also what you are uncertain about? That might get you the information you need.


Chardi Kala!
t
 

spnadmin

1947-2014 (Archived)
SPNer
Jun 17, 2004
14,500
19,204
Your comments and questions are so right for the sub forum Sikh Youth Harvir ji, that I am going to stick this thread. welcomekaurwelcomekaurwelcomekaur

Will hold off responses until other members have a chance to speak. Thanks
 

Gurdial

SPNer
Sep 5, 2007
1
3
A lot depends on how much time you are able to devote to listening to some of our renowned parcharaks, like Giani Thakur Singh and Sant Maskeen. If possible you need to learn gurmukhi and engage with the Gurbani. There are many sites on Sikhi. There are a lot of very informative books and as I said a lot depends on your time.
Hope the Guru keeps you on this journey of discovery which should eventually deepen your love of the Guru and keep you engaged.
 

Ishna

Enthusiast
Writer
SPNer
May 9, 2006
3,248
5,179
Yes, it is good that you can think for yourself and keep your wits about you in society as you grow up. Fight that peer pressure, learn and make your own conclusions.

However, I'd just like to say that Western culture isn't entirely bad or without morals, just as Punjabi culture isn't pure and holy. They each have their beautiful points and each their shortcomings, so please take that into consideration.

And if I can please quote you when you say "...it is quite hard to tell a gora that they are wrong ..." followed by "Try to understand that we are all equal." and then ask you to think about what you've said.

Good luck with your youth, don't forget to enjoy it too.

Ishna, your friendly neighbourhood Westerner... (and no, I don't drink beer, thank you)
 

Harvir007

SPNer
Aug 22, 2010
71
80
24
Leicester, England
Yes, it is good that you can think for yourself and keep your wits about you in society as you grow up. Fight that peer pressure, learn and make your own conclusions.

However, I'd just like to say that Western culture isn't entirely bad or without morals, just as Punjabi culture isn't pure and holy. They each have their beautiful points and each their shortcomings, so please take that into consideration.

And if I can please quote you when you say "...it is quite hard to tell a gora that they are wrong ..." followed by "Try to understand that we are all equal." and then ask you to think about what you've said.

Good luck with your youth, don't forget to enjoy it too.

Ishna, your friendly neighbourhood Westerner... (and no, I don't drink beer, thank you)
Yes, it isn't entirely bad and also punjabi culture can be shambles at times, but I don't know how it's like in australia but over here, if you disprove a 'gora' he/she get's very jealous just cause of the fact I, we, you have a different identity. It's the truth tbf, but other than that thanks for the insight.
 
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eropa234

SPNer
Mar 25, 2005
79
98
Toronto
Young man from your writing you it appears that you have a good sense of humor. My recommendation to you is that you concentrate upon your self lot more less on others. Gora, Kala, Brown or Yellow has no bearing on a personality of an individual, but ignorance has.

Guru Bani does not have anything to do with any culture as truth is the truth in any culture. Those who realize truth then faith does not play any part. Its the truth that shows you the poison in your actions and thinking, those who possess truth will never drink the poison because they see it no matter how beneficial its label appears and it does not matter which culture or society you belong to.

As far as your ultimate question is concerned I like to quote Gurbani:

Ved puran paday ka kia gun, Khar chandan Jas bhara,
Ram naam ki gat na Jani, kaise utras para.

There is no benifit in mearly reading scriptures and its same as loading a mule with sandlewood but for a mule its only a burden. You must know the value of knowledge if you seek salvation.

Young man there is lot which is good in our culture participate in it with pride, respect the culture and people you are living amongst, do not afraid to loose the bad that exist in our culture and adopt the good that you see in other cultures and people.

Study Gurbani with a thrust for knowledge.winkingmunda
 

Daas01

SPNer
May 21, 2010
1
4
Vahiguroo Jee Ka Khalsa, Vahiguroo Jee Ke Fathe!

At the age you are at now, life can be very challenging.
Sikhi is everywhere. Although we may not know it. Wherever you are, there is guaranteed to be a Gurudwara Sahib. By attending the Gurudwara, and attending Sangat daily, Sikhi will be achieved.

By reading Gurbani, Sikhi will be achieved. There are so many ways in which we can gain Sikhi, the internet, Sangat, books and Gurbani.

Our generation (I am 14) are so very lucky, but we do not realise it. We have the internet in which we can talk to other Gursikhs around the world. We can read up about Sikhi on the internet, and listen to katha/kirtan. I live in England but one thing I know, that Sikhi is very strong in this country.

Okay, not THAT strong, but Sikhi is alive here. There are over 100 Gurudwaras in the UK. I attend a secondary school in which there are over 5 Gursikhs, and probably 100+ punjabi people.

You can attain a better knowldge of Sikhi by looking up Sikhi on the internet. But one thing that really inspires me about Sikhi? When I look at the story of Sikh Shaheeds (matrys).
www.neverforget84.com
You can go onto that website and look up the life stories of Shaheeds. And trust me, it can change your life.

Everyone has problems with parents. Sometimes, they might not trust us to go out and do things, not giving us enough freedom or just being really strict on what we can and can't do. But what we have to do, is just appreciate the fact that they are the ones that bought us up into this world. If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't be here right now. They looked after us, and they do care for us. Like that common phrase "You have to be cruel to be kind" in a way, that is true.

And as for going out with girls? Like dates and stuff? No way. Not in Sikhi. The Gurus told us to stay away from lust, ego, anger, attachment and greed. But when you get married, thats a diffrent thing all together. Then you can do what you want with your wife/husband. Except commit adultery. Thats forbidden in Sikhi. But I'd say, stay away from that sort of stuff. Read Sikhi stories..and they can really inspire you.

AKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALO!
 
Aug 8, 2010
7
18
London
Never give in to peer pressure. Drinking your youth away is a waste of time, trust me I know. Youre still young so you need to make up your own mind about life etc. That will determine the kind of person you will become. But sounds like you already got a good head on your shoulders, good on you mate.

Take advice from the guys on this site, they have a lot of great advice to give, ive been given loads already.

I wish I knew the stuff you do when I was your age, would have saved me a hell of a lot of money, time, friends etc...

To be honest it already seems as though youre already on the right path, learn from the guys on this site and do parth and just even take some time to reflect on things and the teachings that the Gurus gave us. Things will become clear, I promise.
 
Mar 23, 2008
2
6
:seriousmunda: SAb ton pehlan waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh..

My dear friend i am not an expert in sikhi but yes i know one very basic thing that gurus made "amrit da Bata" so that inequality can be abolished but still dear this society is not ready to accept this truth even i am a Jatt and my parents have already told me not to fall in love with someone outcaste because this will hamper their image in society..My parents are very religious and i respect them for what they have taught me till today and will always learn from them. But even i accept it that this society doesn't understand the meaning of what our guru's said, why Common kitchen(langar) was started,and man as a social animal work according to society..so that is the reason my dear friend why ur parents still want you to marry a jatt sikh girl only..
and about goras my dear friend all you have to do is tell them to respect your decisions don't tell them you won't drink because its in your religion tell them you don't drink because you don't believe in drinking and its your own law you created for you..so tell them to respect you..n don't try to teach them,actually they won't listen to you so just join them but follow what your heart says..what you believe...if you belive in sikhi just follow it no need to argue with anyone..bro.
 

Randip Singh

Writer
Historian
SPNer
May 25, 2005
2,936
2,948
51
United Kingdom
Well im living in a country who's culture is so very different to the 'punjabi' culture. Im bound to do what my friends do right? It is human nature but I mean through the course of 4 years 10-14 I learnt quite a bit, about religion and what science has against it. I even questioned whether there was a god. But I have realised that there is a god and that the sikh view that god can be non-anthropomorphic satisfied my curiosity. But I have people asking questions about my religion and also saying that there is no such thing as god, but if you don't what god is then you cannot say he doesn't exist right?

I also cut my hair when I was 10 and regret that everyday of my life, but at the time my mum and dad were to foolish to educate me on the guru's teachings so here comes into play a brilliant piece of technology: the internet. what one page told me in 5 minutes isn't what they told me in 10 years.

Now onto peer pressure, I as a young lad who is brought up in society that has no holds barred is extremely difficult, as I am 'different' but that doesn't stop friends asking me if I want to drink cause I know that one sip of alcohol and a madman enters the mind. But whose to explain to these ignorant people that what you found out now, our guru's found out 400+ years earlier. Most the time most of my friends are acceptant of the fact that we are born into a multi-cultural society and there are bound to be different things you do, so other than that why does the tiny minority have to pick on people that have a different belief to you? Freedom of speech my ****.

Western traits? 'Lets go for a beer mate, and knock someone up whilst we're at it' 'Let's get divorced 5 times' 'Lets not clean ourselves' Well yeah you know what im on about. But it is quite hard to tell a gora that they are wrong because they end up calling you a '****', sorry didn't catch that? I WAS BORN HERE! some white people are alright, others are just outright nut cases I mean we are humans you're distinguishing between people from somewhere where it is hot and somewhere where it is cold. Try to understand that we are all equal.

Relationships, my favourite. So 14, bit of a ladies (young) man and a conversationlist. Should/can I take a girl out on a date? I also know that a sikh should marry a sikh and I understand that but my mums like 'Finish studies, get a girl when you have a good job' blah blah everyday and im wondering: when guru says caste shouldn't be an issue, im saying why mum, do you say 'jatt only'? Shes also very superstitous, I frequently make fun of her mimicing her about stuff she says. My dad is like super strict: holding his head high and cares about his precious ''izzut'' Hate my dad, complete D*ck head. Do this do that!

So my ultimate question is, what can I do to better obtain knowledge about Sikhi?
Well Sikhism, is definitely not all about long hair. I could tell you stories about my youth with a turban and hair, that would raise a few eyebrows here.

They way I see it is Sikhism is a guide to the human condition, i.e. what makes us start to behave like animals rather than humans.

The answer to the this is when we become seduced by the 5 thieves. This is a pretty universal concept. Understand that and the human condition and then begin to understand Sikhism.mundahug
 
May 9, 2010
1
1
54
waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

My dear i m very happy to know that a love in u for guru granth saheb took place thorugh internet i feel very proud on this as its a very big achievement for u that u didnt take knowledge from anywhere while u own searched about it

my dear as u wrote that science is against it then i want to tell u one thing that its not true my dear ok i give u one example in america at california there is a very world famous library where there is sacred religious books of every religion.and every religion book is kept in different boxes excluding "GURU GRANTH SAHEB" as it is adorned on bed so respectfully with lighting as it is very much honored by their professors and why is it kept???

then dear the reason is that after a lot of study briefly of every holy book of different religion it is concluded that "guru granth saheb" got candid on every discovery by scientist(nasa scientist) even the nasa scientists fully agree with guru granth saheb and as far as those people are concerned who ask u to drink then dear be like a lotus dear which looks so dfferent and very beautiful as the world around u is like bog and u r like a lotus ya u may look so different but very charming and blessed and loved by guru (GOD)
and for more knowledge about guru granth saheb please go though translation by professor saheb singh of guru granth saheb ji!!!

Please reply soon!!!!
 
Jul 13, 2004
588
62
32
UK
Dear Harvir,
I felt compelled to reply and give my input, althought I rarely use this forum nowadays.
I am from the UK, and what you would call a GORA. I find it highly irresponsible when people blame western culture for the faults in their own society. Let me tell you that plenty of white people are not too pleased with the way society is going either. I come from a non-religious family, my parents have still some fairly traditional values when it comes to, for example, sex.
Your post seems to reveal an identity crisis. I can understand that. I think a LOT of people are confused about identity in Britain, including whites (and that is why groups like the BNP are rising among the white uneducated classes). But let me correct you on something here, it seems you think Punjabi culture = Sikh values. I am not here to denegrate anyone - in fact I am very vocal about the ills in white British society, but you know this is not the case. The vast majority of Punjabi Sikhs drink alcohol (or are white people to blame for that?), including sardars. Amrit and long hair are worthless without constantly striving to become one with Waheguru and become a better person, I even have stories of Amritdhari people that would shock you. After all, Amrit is just water, a true Amritdhari constantly strives to better themselves. Look at the context in which the later Gurus lived, they fought against Islamic Mughal oppression rather than converting and becoming like them. WHERE HAS THIS SPIRIT GONE? I rarely see this TRUE Sikh spirit, fighting against oppression, be it social or otherwise.

Something you should understand about being a minority, and this even goes for places like India, where Sikhs are also minority! It is natural that people will have preconceptions about you. There are very few people in all communities (your preconception of white people comes to mind) who actually look at outsiders for the person they are. However this is what the Gurus taught - judge a person by how they live and treat others, not from the people they are surrounded by. Do you expect others not to generalise you when you yourself are doing such? Follow the true Sikh spirit and make that change, and you may even find that your Sikh values are at odds with Punjabi culture.

Our beloved Gurus urged us to live in the world. This makes us stronger in our values and helps us to better society where we can. We are living in a society where it is much easier to express our disconnection with religion, and therefore there is currently a LARGE secular - religious rift in all communities.

It sounds to me as if your friends are uneducated. Or are they just curious? May be offer to take them to the Gurdwara if they have questions, offer them some literature. Explain that you are still a learner, and that LEARNING is a large part of being a Sikh.

Furthermore on the concept of God - the Guru Granth Sahib has a monistic message (not monotheistic). It says God is one, and that God has hundreds of thousands of feet, yet he has none. There is nothing that isn't God, and God has no limits. If we give God limits, then he can be equal to a few hundred men, and is therefore no longer god (just a deity with limitations). Maya (illusion) makes us believe that we are separate from God, yet it is the aim of life to realise that this maya is a part of God, and things are truely connected. So God does not have to be proven according to this theory, since God, by definition exists. It is therefore a question of accepting this definition, and maya is the element which stops this process. Waheguru simran is the Guru given tool to help us remember that we are truly one with Waheguru, through this veil of maya.

From a gora - CaramelChocolate :eek:rangesingh:
 

BazGrewal

SPNer
Sep 18, 2010
75
36
Hey Harvir007,

I am about the same age as you, and understand what you are going through. I know how you feel about your parents, I feel mine are the same way sometimes. I like how you are trying to look for more information, that will be helpful in answering your questions.
 

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