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Parents Want Me To Marry A Woman Despite Me Being Gay. FEASIBLE ?

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Parents Want Me To Marry A Woman Despite Me Being Gay. FEASIBLE ?

ActsOfGod

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Aug 14, 2012
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majority of us are not at that point...even if we think we are...
walking into the darkness is required...to understand the light .... I dont think His will can be understood unless you experience that Duality and then see what encapsulates it...then we accept His will because we see the truth....all is Waheguru..
I am not at that point either. I wasn't pointing fingers or claiming that I was there, I was just making an observation. And I think you're right, it's a very very scary thing. It's like free-fall, you really think you're going to die. Nobody wants to face that, it's terrifying.

As Sikhs we must embrace that state of mind every day.

[AoG]
 

ActsOfGod

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Aug 14, 2012
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if u marry and try it will change for the better. try it but you have to try sexually witht the girl intently
This is absurd. He can no more "try intently" with a female than you can with a bicycle, for example. How would you feel if someone kept insisting that you just need to "try intently" and things will get better. Could you really make a go of it with a bicycle?

Try to understand things from his point of view.

[AoG]
 

ActsOfGod

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Yet again , we're confusing between a 'sikh' and a 'khalsa' , aren't we ! sigh .
Sikh means a student, a follower. Guru Gobind Singh ji created khalsa panth, but he also created nirmala panth and perhaps others.
Please do elaborate. I was not aware of any other "Panth" except the Khalsa Panth. This is indeed news to me that Guru Sahib created multiple panths!

[AoG]
 

Harry Haller

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24 views and not a single answer .

people who used to reply 'actsofgod' , harry haller, chaz singh also don't reply
I guess people given up on me already .
it is not a question of giving up, but you only seem to wish responses that agree with you, any other response, regardless of useful content, is then turned into an argument, as we can see.

This problem will not go away, it is your life, you must live it in the best way that you feel you can, with whatever resources are open to you. If you gain comfort from reading the SGGS in the fashion that you do then do it and be happy with it.
 

Seeker2013

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Aug 29, 2013
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it is not a question of giving up, but you only seem to wish responses that agree with you, any other response, regardless of useful content, is then turned into an argument, as we can see.

This problem will not go away, it is your life, you must live it in the best way that you feel you can, with whatever resources are open to you. If you gain comfort from reading the SGGS in the fashion that you do then do it and be happy with it.
there are endless sources of answers , sans you !
I do agree that I tend to have a personality defect in which I don't listen to the other person.
 

Seeker2013

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What constitutes "normal"? Being heterosexual is hardly a criteria. And before you accuse me "and others like me" of being the cause of your problems, better to look inside and see what your own thought patterns are.
I am hypothesizing you live in a country where being gay is not a big deal.
Back here in india it is ! it does constitute 'normal' here and in a big way .
Being heterosexual is a criteria, albeit a silent, unmentioned one , but it is very much a criteria.

I am not a handicapped person, and yet sometimes I feel as if I am ! if one is blind, he's handicapped by nature, if one is amputee, one is handicapped by nature, however if one is gay, one is not at all handicapped by nature (I can see and work with both hands, yet I can't do things which most people do : marry, love openly, etc ) . In such a case, one is handicapped by society ,
when one's identity is negated and ridiculed to such an extent, oneself who has that identity himself refuses to accept that identity at a subconscious level. but yet he cannot change it.
can you even imagine how pathetic that would be ? 'self-loathing' is society induced .

then where do you turn to with your baggage of invisible pain ? the guru ofcourse who is like a third parent .
and when you do things that sikhs have been doing for last 400 yrs (ask advice from SGGS), u come on an intellectual forum and get told that its a manmat practice.

why do u think I am not taking responsibility of my life ? is it becoz I ask guru to take my pain because at times I feel like I can't bear it anymore.

You have a lot of self-growth to do. I don't mean this in a negative way, I'm just trying to show you where all these issues are stemming from. Your situation is not hopeless or helpless. But you must begin with yourself. If you keep blaming the world around you, you'll never make any real progress.
One thing leads to another. Gays are all over the place, but what we don't have is a "FRAMEWORK" . A framework in which other things (love, marriage, hope of a decent future) happens !
when u don't have a framework of legal/social acceptance, it makes you hard to trust others like you, because due to lack of framework, we have 'self-loathing' and if I hate myself, how can I love someone like me?
no wonder then that gay relationships tend to be brittle . If a gay son got as much privilege as a "straight" son, if gay sons parents too seeked a boy for him, etc , things would be really different. Things will most likely become better in future, but when I am 60 !

so where do I go ? immigrate to canada, or other odd 18 countries where gay is "accepted". but hatred is there too. You can't leave planet earth but the whole planet earth is like a big prison, it seems.
also , immigrating is another issue. on what basis do u go ?
 

ActsOfGod

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Aug 14, 2012
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I am hypothesizing you live in a country where being gay is not a big deal.
Back here in india it is ! it does constitute 'normal' here and in a big way .
Being heterosexual is a criteria, albeit a silent, unmentioned one , but it is very much a criteria.

I am not a handicapped person, and yet sometimes I feel as if I am ! if one is blind, he's handicapped by nature, if one is amputee, one is handicapped by nature, however if one is gay, one is not at all handicapped by nature (I can see and work with both hands, yet I can't do things which most people do : marry, love openly, etc ) . In such a case, one is handicapped by society ,
when one's identity is negated and ridiculed to such an extent, oneself who has that identity himself refuses to accept that identity at a subconscious level. but yet he cannot change it.
can you even imagine how pathetic that would be ? 'self-loathing' is society induced .
The phenomenon you are describing has a name. It is called being ostracized by society. It's nothing new, it's been happening throughout history. It is very painful due to the social isolation and the emotional pain involved. And every person in history who stood up for his or her own beliefs, whether in their family or in the larger society, has had to go through this suffering as the price they paid for their freedom.

then where do you turn to with your baggage of invisible pain ? the guru ofcourse who is like a third parent .
and when you do things that sikhs have been doing for last 400 yrs (ask advice from SGGS), u come on an intellectual forum and get told that its a manmat practice.
I don't recall every saying anything like that. However, I will say this. I don't take it lightly when one takes a Hukamnama from Guru Sahib. If you receive the Hukam from Guru, it is your duty to act upon it to the very best of your abilities. If you don't act upon it, and you just talk talk talk and then keep taking Hukamnama's, then yes, I consider that as showing disrespect to Guru Sahib.

why do u think I am not taking responsibility of my life ? is it becoz I ask guru to take my pain because at times I feel like I can't bear it anymore.
Nope, that's not the reason. Taking responsibility begins with looking at your own thoughts and your own actions. Being responsible for your thoughts and actions in the present moment, not always putting the blame on some "other" -- so, in practical terms this means: stop blaming society, stop blaming your parents, stop blaming that couple you saw holding hands happily, stop blaming the boys who bullied you or taunted you, stop blaming "the system", stop blaming God for making you gay, etc. Also don't blame yourself. Just stop blaming. Blaming and complaining is a victim mentality. No victim ever succeeded in life.

To succeed, you must begin taking responsibility for your life. There are some things that are out of your control. Accept those things. Stop complaining about them. The world is not going to change to meet your wishes. And life is not fair. Get used to that fact. Turn your focus on the things you CAN control. Things that you do have the ability to change, and the most important and the most powerful thing you can change is your THOUGHTS.

Are you starting to get the idea?

when u don't have a framework of legal/social acceptance, it makes you hard to trust others like you, because due to lack of framework, we have 'self-loathing' and if I hate myself, how can I love someone like me?
Why should legal and social acceptance be a requirement for you to accept and love yourself just as you are? Where is your inner conviction and self-worth? It's not called "self-loathing" because others do it, it's because you have internalized it and now the "self" is doing it. The "self" began it, the "self" can stop it. It's all about you, my friend. Society has nothing to do with it. Parents have nothing to do with it.

Of course you can love someone like you. Didn't the Creator make you? Aren't you worth loving? Of course you are. You are a beautiful creation of the Lord. Just remember that you are always loved.

no wonder then that gay relationships tend to be brittle . If a gay son got as much privilege as a "straight" son, if gay sons parents too seeked a boy for him, etc , things would be really different. Things will most likely become better in future, but when I am 60 !
Again, don't focus on the things you can't change. Keep your thoughts on things you can change or at least influence.

[AoG]
 

Seeker2013

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Aug 29, 2013
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I respect you took the time to reply but I will say this :

You said it right. I internalized it on myself and now I will externalize it on the girl I marry.
But then again society is responsible for it ! :)
Hell, if you think about it . its actually much more fun that the crap 'stand up for yourself' people invent .
I don't think a village girl knows much about homosexuality ! So I will marry her , have a kid , and have trysts with men on the side. I am actually better than you "straight" privileged (got everything in silver platter) men because I get to live 2 parallel lives on the side ! :)
have a wife, have a baby but also get to do your stuff on the sides .

I know many will say I am ruining a girls life . I don't give a damn shit honestly !
Its really funny btw that every straight person (AND GAY PEOPLE) from every nook and corner and from under every stone suddenly come out and say "its wrong" to the gay man who marries a woman.
where the ***** were all these peeps when society denuded MY human rights. nobody batted an eye lid then.

now its revenge time ! after all, this much atleast society owes me .
besides my parents themselves say 'i will get ok' once I marry a girl.
Pretending love to a woman is easy ! besides u can always be friends

again society (I don't have a shred of respect for it and its authority) can go f**k itself .
Bahut lahoo pee lita ehna ne !

why should I have to face my problems when I can throw it on someone else ? :)
 
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Ishna

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May 9, 2006
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Um, re-read ActsOfGod's post. You're not going to get a reply of much higher quality than his. And if you continue with the above attitude, then you have no-one to blame but yourself. :(
 

Seeker2013

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Aug 29, 2013
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Um, re-read ActsOfGod's post. You're not going to get a reply of much higher quality than his. And if you continue with the above attitude, then you have no-one to blame but yourself. :(
it is always easy to give advice to others problems ! but when you're in the problem its not easy follow that advice.
 

Harry Haller

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why lucky girl ??
its sarcasm.....

there is much talk of the role of 'the girl' most of which is quite distasteful, 'the girl' is not a chattel that can be manipulated and used, 'the girl' actually has intelligence and feelings just like all of us, regardless whether she is from a small village or not.
 

Harry Haller

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I respect you took the time to reply but I will say this :

You said it right. I internalized it on myself and now I will externalize it on the girl I marry.
But then again society is responsible for it ! :)
Hell, if you think about it . its actually much more fun that the crap 'stand up for yourself' people invent .
I don't think a village girl knows much about homosexuality ! So I will marry her , have a kid , and have trysts with men on the side. I am actually better than you "straight" privileged (got everything in silver platter) men because I get to live 2 parallel lives on the side ! :)
have a wife, have a baby but also get to do your stuff on the sides .

I know many will say I am ruining a girls life . I don't give a damn shit honestly !
Its really funny btw that every straight person (AND GAY PEOPLE) from every nook and corner and from under every stone suddenly come out and say "its wrong" to the gay man who marries a woman.
where the ***** were all these peeps when society denuded MY human rights. nobody batted an eye lid then.

now its revenge time ! after all, this much atleast society owes me .
besides my parents themselves say 'i will get ok' once I marry a girl.
Pretending love to a woman is easy ! besides u can always be friends

again society (I don't have a shred of respect for it and its authority) can go f**k itself .
Bahut lahoo pee lita ehna ne !

why should I have to face my problems when I can throw it on someone else ? :)
there are three smiley faces in the above post, yet it lauds hatred, revenge, lust, pride, lack of empathy and anger.
If you do not give a shit about ruining a girls life, and are happy to smile away while you write this, then what is there more to say?
 

Seeker2013

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there are three smiley faces in the above post, yet it lauds hatred, revenge, lust, pride, lack of empathy and anger.
If you do not give a shit about ruining a girls life, and are happy to smile away while you write this, then what is there more to say?
what about my life ?
also (while I don't feel the need to clarify this, I will clarify again) , The last post reeking of hatred (actually just showing you "straight" people the mirror. It was written in a sense of frustration rather than my actual plans of future.
I showed u the mirror. This is exactly how we gay people feel too ! infact u people do it way more worse ! gay people and gay community still warn me of ruining an innocent girls life.
you "straight" people throw your little kids out for being gay ? who reeks of hatred ?

I am more smarter than ruining a girls life? why shud I add more negative karma on my account by ruining her life ?
but you "straight" people should be thinking how much negative karma you peeps added in your account while so many LGBT worldwide are treated like animals , or worse ! no wonder we have people in the western hemisphere with 3 divorces talk of "sanctity of marriage"

I hate the whole human species so much at times that I won't bat an eyelid before treasoning against human species if an alien species wanted to enslave whole humanity. I have at times prayed for asteroids to wipe out humans ! How ashamed the other "normal" 98% of you must should feel that you have successfully made a human hate humanity itself.

While you people might have ruined my life, don't worry ! we will ultimately get to your level !
meanwhile you "normal" tyrants can go out and enjoy your 20's and 30's , your weddings , receptions and banquets , your social and legal acceptance, your representation in an advertisement placed on a hoarding board, and more ! and hold hands in public and don't forget to take a {censored} on us people, because we are defective pieces.
BREEDERS :mad:

also I don't give a rats *** if my post gives u a negative impression of gays. I have already lost hope on straight people . Maybe global warming will get you 'homo sapiens' !
 

Ishna

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Stop attacking the sangat here, majority of whom has shown you tolerance and respect and given you their best suggestions for your situation.

You may also want to consider either exercise or seeing your doctor. Your anger, while understandable, will dissolve you like acid from the inside out.

Please take some deep breaths.
 

Seeker2013

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Aug 29, 2013
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I feel already dead on the inside anyways. dead but alive. might as well kill myself . All I see is dark and no light in my future.
bye everyone. sorry I wasted ur time.
 

ActsOfGod

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Aug 14, 2012
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I feel already dead on the inside anyways. dead but alive. might as well kill myself . All I see is dark and no light in my future.
bye everyone. sorry I wasted ur time.
I have an idea that might help you. I will send you a private message with the details. But first, I need your commitment that you will give it a fair try.

[AoG]
 

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