Strange things are going on, I am alive, I get up, I go to work, I come home, but there is something missing, although I am only aware of something missing due to the time I spent being Mr Cuddles, Lust has managed to work itself way back into my life, not as hugely as it used to be, and its more of a big white bull now, but nevertheless, I have to concede that time without lust had a certain purity to it, and I certainly felt more connected because of it. The trouble seems to be once you embrace a thief, even if only for a short time, It seems to get its claws into you, maybe its just the thief that you have a problem with, but certainly the chief thief, holds the key to the others, so I propose another week of Mr Cuddles, I have nominated Friday as my big self indulgent day, till then, I hope to connected to Creator, and acting and thinking in a manner that I can be proud of, some might say, why nominate a day to throw it all away, I dont know, but it seems to make some sense, so I will run with it, A few things I have planned for Friday, Pork Belly, (the secret is rubbing the skin with salt and lemon juice and a small amount of mustard powder), a huge loaf of french bread, french butter, This months issues of 'Private Eye' and 'Viz', hopefully some non cuddling!, and a bottle of red wine, so there we have it, Friday is thief day, which means simple food, simple thoughts, and water all week, but importantly I will enjoy the simplicity, I am looking forward to it, my dad has transferred his collection of Jagjit Singh to CD, so I will explore that too. My mum and dad went back to India today, I went to see them yesterday with my wife and stepson, On the way there is a shop that sells the most beautiful samosas, I had been thinking about it all Saturday, my stepson warned me it would probably be closed by the time we got there, but I kept saying, no no, it will be open, stepson turned to wife, and said 'ive seen these stages before, anticipation, delusion, reality, anger, grief', I floored the 1.3 Fiesta and managed to get it up to 80mph, soon we pulled up outside, it was closed, stepson turned to wife and muttered 'anger', whilst I headbutted the steering wheelw whilst shouting 'why'. So i turned around back on the A2, stepson squeezed my hand, and mouthed to his mother 'grief', sometimes I wonder whether they think there is any more to me than food... When we got to my parents, My father held me tightly as I whispered there were no samosas, and we comforted each other. At the end of the evening, my wife and I both did peri pena to my parents, which I always do when I will not see them for a while, as we got in the car, I noticed my wife crying, she does not often do that, but I noticed she and my mother were quite close all evening, My mother is an amazing woman, very tradititional, but extremely open minded, I know she dearly wanted a 'normal' daughter in law, and she ended up with a divorced mother of one, I admire her hugely, as does my wife, for being as unjudgemental as one could be, she has completely accepted my family, with the minimum of fuss, I am very lucky to have brilliant family, sometimes I forget that, actually during these periods of 'cuddles' I have noticed I start to appreciate things I do not even think about, or take for granted, sometimes I even cry, I just sit at my desk, and look out of the window, and I cry, I am not sure why I am crying, or what I am crying over, but there sure seems a lot of space in my head for thought and concepts, even memories when I banish lust.