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General My Fake Smile

Discussion in 'Hard Talk' started by misc, Jul 17, 2008.

  1. misc

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    Jul 17, 2008
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    Dear Sikh Brothers and Sisters, help me.
    I am a 26 year old sikh male. I keep a pug (although I do shave) and I feel I have been a good person. As a child, I would always find myself sticking up for everyone around me. I never let anyone get bullied. I never really actually got bullied, but people tried – a lot of racism back then. I was a tough kid though and never backed down from anyone in my life.

    As a young child I always felt that I had to stick up for everyone around me. I think that molded me in the person I am today - as one who always helps someone in need. I then became friends with the people who often got bullied, and eventually even friends with the bulliers. There were only a few children like me in my school that were as sharing and caring as I was – at least that’s how I felt.

    I got into a lot of trouble in my teenage years but always remained a good person.

    I can honestly sit here and say that I have no regrets on how I have ever treated anyone in my life, and I don’t think many people can say that. I have many people around me who are successful and thank ME as their reason for success. They always tell me that they are where they are because I believed in them. This is very flattering to me.

    My basic Sikh teachings as a child (and even now) were to be a good person and good things will come back to you. And although I have a lot to be thankful for, my life isn’t too great.

    There is no success in my life. Things do not pan out for me. In the business I am in, I constantly get ripped off, I get my business stolen from others, and the loyalty I showed everyone throughout my life has never been repaid to me when I need it most (Which is now!)
    I don’t know why I am writing this really. I think I am looking for some inspiration. And that’s another problem with me, I must be mentally weak. I always look for inspiration, and I might get inspired but that sadly only lasts a couple hours. I try doing patt with an open heart, I ask God to bless me, I ask God just to give me a break, make something happen for me and nothing does.

    What is the point of acting so nice? All these people that I found were mischevious and liars are all doing much better then I am. Heck, even a friend of mine who didn’t graduate high school is better off then me.

    ‘in highschool you were the man homie, {censored} happened to you’ This is stuff that has been said to me, and its exactly right .. {censored} has happened to me? Why am I so lost? How come nothing I do equtes to success? Why am I good to everyone? When am I going to be blessed?!
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  3. pk70

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    Writer SPNer Supporter

    Feb 25, 2008
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    Misc Ji
    Read your story sounded very interesting. Whatever happened before was an environment stuff you grew up in. You kept yourself on positive side and remained an inspiration for others.. Unconsciously it stayed in your mind that good things come back and that idea kept getting stronger as you grew up. When now after all that, you have to face the reality based on negative happenings, your idea (do good things, they come back) is out of box to test that illusion. Seeing others, who were never as nice as you have been, getting more successful than you are, encourages your old idea with a surprise in a tune” why is this?” “Why people who remained means or so, are better than me?”. At this junction, your faith in goodness is cracking; you do path to gain something, to get bestowed upon with a miracle. All this is a trade type faith. To grow up in pursuit of spiritual gains, whatever is happening is just immaterial and should not shake your faith; however, that is not the case with you since your good deeds had a purpose which has negated its piousness.
    Reality of life is quite different; corruption has more worldly power though totally bankrupt in spirituality of the soul. It all becomes cat race, you want to join it, forget about goodness and proceed keeping in mind that you are putting your most precious asset( being good) as collateral for success. Leave God alone, He doesn’t work as per your or mine plans, just move on with those guys who spiritually died to put of show off successfulness. OR
    If that goodness cultivated in you by your seers is still attractive and active, never even remember what good you did, think, God selected you to do that. Become more diligent with the knowledge that there are people, regardless of goodness you show towards them, are bent upon ripping you off. Think only to solve problems, take action as solution comes to mind. Never look at others success, stories behind that, you may not be willing to hear due to your cemented relation with goodness. Many good friends of mine, who consider having fear of God, do surprisingly unfair things to succeed; I verify that fact due to personal experience. Your best bet is to be aware of all negative people, make plans to improve and exercise them diligently to save business; any thing goes against it, fix it. Do path to develop love for the Lord, to be in touch with Guru to seek virtuous path and to be able to face all storms with no regret.
    In Jap Ji and Raag Sarang, Guru Nanak says nothing is obtained without His grace even if any one tries so, when it is obtained, it is sheer His ordinance; no need to look at others who went bankrupt in decency to have success; let their story remain for Him to take care, you have duty to grow out of false illusion and trade like rituals of path. In business, you remain more sincere to your business, like a baby it needs constant care. Ball is in your court.
    My response has gone a little long, forgive me for that, I wanted to cover from your past to date. Thanks for bearing with me.
  4. OP

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    Jul 17, 2008
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    pk70, thank you for that. You really hit the nail on the head on how I feel.

    I have tried to convince myself not to be so good, that more fortune will come to me if I am not honest to X person but I can't do it .. almost to the point where I ask myself if I need strength for that, and that maybe I am lacking that killer instinct - but that is the wrong way for me to look at things and I am just wasting my energy thinking about it that way.

    I think my out of the box testing illusion is my test in faithe to God.

    I really like how you said that the good I do, is because God wanted me to do that. I feel that way and know I will never change the way I am. I like the way I am, just wish the success I work for (and the assistance from God) will come soon. Life really would be good then.

    I am going to let this sink in.

    Thanks for taking the time to respond.

    God bless you.
  5. Archived_Member16

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    SPNer Thinker

    Jan 7, 2005
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    "People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway.

    If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway.

    If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.

    The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

    Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway.

    What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.

    People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway.

    Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway."

    ~Mother Teresa

    Dear friend:

    Sat Siri Akal

    - Please do remember that thoughts are energy, what you send out comes back tenfolds to you - at present it is NEGATIVE energy. Endeavour to stay & think POSITIVE ! This is never easy, but regular practice is the key !

    - Do not compare yourself to others or what they say !

    - Do not judge yourself too harshly. Gradually turn the pebbles in your path as stepping stones.

    - I highly recommend regular seva, simran & sangat. At this point in your life you need strong faith, will power (determination) & limitless patience !

    - Choose a trusted / non-judgemental mentor to open your heart to.

    - An important option is to seek professional help, through your doctor

    - My prayer for you: With the Divine Love & Blessings of Waheguru Ji, may you always enjoy: peace, love, light (enlightenment), health, happiness & prosperity in life always !

    Harbhajan S. Sangha


    The following is for your information & consideration, & not to offend you in any way :

    10 Tips to Avoid Becoming Depressed

    Is it possible to avoid depression? What is the secret of cultivating happiness and avoiding periods of unhappiness? To a large extent, we determine our own frame of mind; we shouldn’t feel that we are a helpless victim to depression. Depression is something that we can avoid by cultivating the opposite - happiness.
    Here are some tips for avoiding depression

    1. Offer goodwill to Others.
    If we seek to make others miserable how can we expect to be happy ourselves? If we offer goodwill to other people this creates a powerful positive energy. Focusing on other people’s good qualities can definitely help improve our own state of mind. There is a principle that what we give out, we get back. Therefore, by offering positive energy to, at some time, we will also be the recipient.

    2. Learn to Detach from Thoughts
    Thoughts play a very significant role in determining our state of mind. If we pursue negative thoughts then we give them greater power and influence over our state of being. However, it is possible to decide which thoughts to allow and which to reject. We have to learn to be vigilant and prevent negative thoughts from taking hold. As soon as we become aware of negative thoughts we should let go of them. We can imagine that we are throwing them out of our mind into a cosmic dustbin.

    3. Keep Busy.
    If we struggle to detach from negative thoughts we should just throw ourselves into other activities. When we get involved in other activities that we enjoy it takes us out of ourselves. Activity forces us to do something constructive, and does not allow us to dwell on our depressed state of mind.

    4. Avoid Feelings of guilt.
    If we have made a mistake, harbouring feelings of guilt will not help alleviate the situation. In particular, we are seeking to avoid feelings of guilty for minor events of no significance. Often we have done nothing wrong, but, others seek to make us feel guilty for their bad fortune. Instead of feeling guilty we should seek to concentrate on doing the right thing.

    5. Live a Balanced Life.
    In life we need to make room for different aspects. If we focus all our time and energy on work then we will have no time for relaxation and cultivating other aspects of our life. If we pursue an unbalanced life unhappiness is more likely to occur.

    6. Don’t Base your Happiness solely on other people.
    If we expect to gain happiness from another person, at some time, we are bound to be disappointed. If bad relationships end, we should see it as an opportunity to move on. It is no use dwelling on what might have been. It is also a mistake to feel that we can change somebody to match our preferences. If we seek to change a person fundamentally we will just feel frustrated when we fail.

    7. Share Problems
    Good friendships can offer tremendous help. Especially, if we can have 1 or 2 friends who are able and willing to listen to our problems. Our friends will not be able to solve our problems. However, simply having someone to talk to and share difficulties is a tremendous help in being able to work through our own problems.

    8. Cultivate Happiness.
    To avoid depression we have to focus on the alternative which is happiness. The problem is that when we are depressed, the idea of happiness seems a million miles away. But, sometimes if we can force a smile or try to be insincerely happy, we can trick the mind and force happiness to descend; and after a while we start to achieve real happiness.
    Will follow you
    If your heart remains
    Undisturbed by trifles.
    9. Have Low Expectations.
    Depression often occurs because our desires remain unfulfilled. The more desires we have, the more likely we are to be disappointed. After disappointment comes a sense of frustration and depression. If we minimise our desires then we will not be prone to disappointment. This does not mean we cannot strive for excellence and achieve things. We definitely should strive to achieve various accomplishments. However, we should try to have an attitude of detachment to the outcome. Nor should we expect people to behave in a certain way.

    10. Don’t Dwell On the Negative.
    This is the key to avoiding depression. If we focus always on negative things this will eventually filter through into our state of mind. Negativity can be, miserable people, depressing situations and our own negative thoughts. If we want to cultivate happiness, we should seek to avoid depressing situations and depressing people.

  6. Sinister

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    May 4, 2006
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    dont litsen to any of this poisonous claptrap about loving everyone...first learn to love yourself, only then can you love others with a rich heart (which is a love worth living for).

    ur problem is that you have turned into a wimp, its time to sew your old highschool ball*s back on!

    walk around like this :}:) :cool: for a day or two, lets see if you make any progress
    if you do then keep the look just for show and tell

    you have to be more agressive...it's a "dog eat dog world out there" and remember "the gods help those who help themselves" (sitting around and waiting for your prize is ridiculous)

    I always turn to this tough love inspirational quote by bill gates:
    "lifes not fare, deal with it"

    be ambitious, strategic, smart, frank and always speak the truth the way you honestly see it not how others want it to be heard...but always remember, live and let live...dont become a douche in the process, stay original and fresh (you cant go wrong).

    go gettem tiger:inca:
  7. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
    Writer SPNer Thinker

    Jul 14, 2007
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    Earth is really a learning zone and education never stops. While keeping our balance, we continue to pursue techniques which will not only be fair and just but also advantageous. Ever heard of the term, "Walk with a big stick but silently" ?

    Keep your distance from people and give them space to learn their own lessons. By defending others, you deprive them of the learning process. A plant given too much shade will not grow strong. This earth zone teaches us many things. For example, be prepared to be disappointed as things never go according to human will but Divine Will.

    Now the "big stick" concept in my own words, be prepared to counter attack anyone using emotional blackmail or business trickery to invade your rightful share of the deal. Since you have to be prepared to be disappointed with people, then disappoint them too.
    By doing so, you are only helping earth fulfill its purpose.

    My suggestion is :
    1. Never try too hard to satisfy people, whether they are customers or suppliers. Because they will take you for granted and walk all over you. Make it a point to disappoint everyone in your life so that they don't take you for granted.
    2. Never pay your suppliers in advance. Delay a bit if you are not being charged interest.
    3. Do not hesitate to return goods which are found faulty; do it even if you have to spoil the business relationship with the supplier. This will signal to them that you are not a softie.
    4. You have to be a strict boss to get things done correctly. Be nasty if it's required. There is no place for softballs in the business zone.
    5. Do unto others, as others do unto you - this is the moral side of business.

    If you think you're not up to these 5 things, then don't do business.
    Get a job and be bullied around by strict bosses.
    The choice is always yours.
  8. dalsingh

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    Jun 13, 2006
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    I believe life goes in cycles and we have to go through various phases to learn and reach our destinations. This isn't always pleasant.

    I would say to you, be patient. Also don't make the mistake of equating financial success with success in life.

    Someone once said the following to me when I was feeling down: It helped me, maybe you will find it useful:

    "A person goes around with x plan and y plan through his/her life, but often we forget that God has a plan for our lives also. Never forget that."
  9. Canuck Singh

    Canuck Singh
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    Jun 14, 2008
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    There are so many Inspirational Sources out there to get motivated, so many ways to find Inspiration and Live an Inspired Life...

    The Secret is in placing all your Faith into the Rain coming and falling, and Trusting, meaning that you should have the Faith, and Recieve sincerely open your arms up when the Answer is on its way

    You must be connected to the things that you ask for, and know and Trust that they serve a purpose greater than yourself. If you want to be successful, do so, but also realise that the answer may not come on your time or in the way you expect, but look for hints and clues that its on its way, your conscious is there to be awake, don't leave an unconscious life..,.
  10. Astroboy

    Astroboy Malaysia
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    ਨਾਮ ਤੇਰੇ ਕੀ ਜੋਤਿ ਲਗਾਈ (Previously namjap)
    Writer SPNer Thinker

    Jul 14, 2007
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    Great uplifting job. Cheers !!!
  11. KulwantK

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    Oct 31, 2007
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    Sat Nam, Ji!
    I have read the above posts, and then your post again, and one thing I am seeing is that you are lacking a sewa.
    Guru has given each one of us talents and gifts. These are meant to be shared with the world at large, to make this world a nicer place. What are your talents and gifts, Ji? Do you know? Explore them! You may find you have more than you thought at first!
    Then, do sewas with them. Maybe you have a gift of helping others understand complicated concepts, like Mathematics. Have you thought about tutoring someone who is having difficulty in Math?
    The other thing I saw is that you are looking for success. Make sure you know just what you mean by the word, "Success". Does it mean lots of money? There is nothing wrong with that, but after all your bills are paid, what else can you do with lots of money? You can do many good things for a lot of people with it! You can start foundations for literacy, help build libraries, hospitals, all kinds of things to benefit the community and those in need!
    Find something bigger than just your own interests. I read that true Happiness and Success is getting involved with something bigger than you, and working with it to make things better for those who need your help.
    Oftenly, taking a Hukam can be very helpful in pointing you in good directions.
    Keep us posted!
    Cheers and Blessings to you!
    Wahe Guru
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