General Love

[Guru di beti]

Sat Sri Akal

i'm 25, getting married soon. It's a love marriage. I have been with this guy for 7 years, and it took me awhile to get my dad to say yes to this relationship. Reason why my dad was agianst it in the first place was because he was a different cast. Same religion, but different cast. My family isnt Gursikh, but we keep our 'Kasri' (Turban) and believe in it. and my Fiance, is a cut-sard (he cuts his hair). So for my dad, it was hard to accept a guy who cuts his hair, and who is a different cast.

My question now is, our love marriages wrong in our religion? We are getting amrried now, with everyone being happy about it, but for some reason i have that fear within. I use to be very much involved in my religion. I was aginst cutting hair, i use to do 'patth' every day, i use to go to the gurudwara every day. but now, I can't even think about wearing a 'Karra'. Everytime i try to go near Gurus, somthing just pushes me away. I have this guilt that it may be because I am marrying someone who isn't much of a religious type.

I love this guy, and i love my God. and i cant seem to please none of them becasue i myself am confused now.

Please fogive me if i said something which seems wrong, but i cant think straight. MArriage is suppse to be a very important and happy moment, but for me, its a fear. fear of losing my freedom. fear of not being able to be myself. and i feel this way because i am not faithful to my God. But everytime i try, my heart isn't there. I go to the gurudwara, but my mind is somewhere else.

i dont knwo what happening! i was hoping someone can guide me...


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[vaapaaraa]

You are at a stage where you cannot say no to marriage and you also cannot say no to God, obviously. Wear your karra, do your paath, accept the hukam, this is what God wants, guilt will try to keep you away from your sikhi. But for how long?

You have no shelter other then Guru ji, we do countless mistakes and again and again we come back to our forgiving Guru ji, who pulls out of the deep dark well of maya, so I do advice you to not leave your sikhi, do your paath, try to get your husband also in it. Do humble prayer to Guru ji, After all it is Guru ji himself who has made you feel love for your husband, this is all play of Guru ji.

Both of you goto Gurudwara together, listen katha, kirtan.

In Sikh history, the wives of the 40 muktas, when their husbands returned home after leaving Guru ji, wives said to them you should wear bangles and we will go and fight for our Guru ji, after this they all felt ashamed and fought very bravely. This can be the attitude to your husband about sikhi.

 

[MKAUR1981]

"They are not said to be husband and wife, who merely sit together. Rather they alone are called husband and wife, who have one soul in two bodies." (Guru Amar Das, Pauri, pg. 788)

WJKK WJKF

Dear Guru's Beti

Firstly, congratulations on your engagement.

My husband's not religious either. He believes in God, but that's where it ends. When we got married neither of us were "religious". Only last year I realised what I was doing was wrong. I've started to gather knowledge on Sikhism and depending on the relevance I will repeat this to my husband. I don't do it all the time as it will just cause and unnecessary argument.

I personally don't think there is anything wrong in a love marriage. Caste should not be an issue (please read the various threads we have on that). You never said when your wedding is, but maybe you have got a lot on your mind. Are you doing most of the planning for the wedding as you may be under a lot of pressure.

You're feeling guilty for something that you shouldn't and I sincerely hope that there is nobody making you feel this way. If you have the knowledge on Sikhi, don't let it go, use it. Keep doing what you have been doing. Religion and religious beliefs are personal, and you can't force your fiancé to accept them if he doesn't. By all means talk to him about it, but don't bombard him with info. In any marriage both partners will have different likes, dislikes and opinions, and you both compromise on things.

Bhul chuf maaf. I wish you all the best for the future.

 

[roopsidhu]

SSA,
Being sikh one should not believe in caste system hence the intercaste marriage is not an issue at all. In the spirtual path each and every soul has to walk his /her own path. each and every soul is responsible for her/his on actions. The best thing which may result in this marriage is that you may act as a Paaris to convert him also to be a gursikh.
Keep up with your faith and prayers, waheguru always shower special blessings on gursikhs and same will be in your case.
Roopsidhu