- Jan 31, 2011
- 5,769
- 8,194
- 54
Oh yeah its mad time alright, has been for some time now, all or nothing, live forever or die trying.
I am close to breaking through, I feel like a swimmer trapped under ice, you fight for so long, and then the damn ice keeps you at bay till you figure out a way to smash through.
The whole world has become meaningless, the dogs, my family, my appetite, sex, food, what car I drive, how I dress, all I am focused on now is breaking that ice, I have to break the ice, have to fight through, get myself on dry land, the madness has become a cloak, a barrier, it cleanses, and it clarifies, it is at times like this I wonder what makes people argue or discuss the mundane, the normal, the ordinary, Sian tries her best to sit me down in the living room in front of a fire, whilst the dogs frolic, even for a half hour, before the madness takes me back to the shop, where I can fight, make a stand, keep trying to break that ice, Im tired, Tom's attempt at trying to feed me, although incredibly sweet, has now become an annoyance, how some men cope with mothers and wives clucking around them is beyond me, although as a concept it is attractive, the reality is, if your around normal people, with normal aspirations and desires, you will never see eye to eye, you will never understand exactly why candles are everywhere in Gurdwaras, why they have pictures, why everything that Sikhism was built on, has vanished, and everything that Sikhism fought against, has reappeared, why people make small talk, why people seem to live for others rather than themselves, can I play with madness????? I would like to stay here forever some days, but its a means to an end, I fight, as a madman in the hope that one day I can go home, to some peace, although I wonder if that will ever happen, there always seems to be something to fight for, someone to raise a sword for, maybe there always be, maybe true madness is having nothing to fight for
I am close to breaking through, I feel like a swimmer trapped under ice, you fight for so long, and then the damn ice keeps you at bay till you figure out a way to smash through.
The whole world has become meaningless, the dogs, my family, my appetite, sex, food, what car I drive, how I dress, all I am focused on now is breaking that ice, I have to break the ice, have to fight through, get myself on dry land, the madness has become a cloak, a barrier, it cleanses, and it clarifies, it is at times like this I wonder what makes people argue or discuss the mundane, the normal, the ordinary, Sian tries her best to sit me down in the living room in front of a fire, whilst the dogs frolic, even for a half hour, before the madness takes me back to the shop, where I can fight, make a stand, keep trying to break that ice, Im tired, Tom's attempt at trying to feed me, although incredibly sweet, has now become an annoyance, how some men cope with mothers and wives clucking around them is beyond me, although as a concept it is attractive, the reality is, if your around normal people, with normal aspirations and desires, you will never see eye to eye, you will never understand exactly why candles are everywhere in Gurdwaras, why they have pictures, why everything that Sikhism was built on, has vanished, and everything that Sikhism fought against, has reappeared, why people make small talk, why people seem to live for others rather than themselves, can I play with madness????? I would like to stay here forever some days, but its a means to an end, I fight, as a madman in the hope that one day I can go home, to some peace, although I wonder if that will ever happen, there always seems to be something to fight for, someone to raise a sword for, maybe there always be, maybe true madness is having nothing to fight for
