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Guru Granth Sahib
Composition, Arrangement & Layout
ਜਪੁ | Jup
ਸੋ ਦਰੁ | So Dar
ਸੋਹਿਲਾ | Sohilaa
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਿਰੀਰਾਗੁ | Raag Siree-Raag
Gurbani (14-53)
Ashtpadiyan (53-71)
Gurbani (71-74)
Pahre (74-78)
Chhant (78-81)
Vanjara (81-82)
Vaar Siri Raag (83-91)
Bhagat Bani (91-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਝ | Raag Maajh
Gurbani (94-109)
Ashtpadi (109)
Ashtpadiyan (110-129)
Ashtpadi (129-130)
Ashtpadiyan (130-133)
Bara Maha (133-136)
Din Raen (136-137)
Vaar Maajh Ki (137-150)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗਉੜੀ | Raag Gauree
Gurbani (151-185)
Quartets/Couplets (185-220)
Ashtpadiyan (220-234)
Karhalei (234-235)
Ashtpadiyan (235-242)
Chhant (242-249)
Baavan Akhari (250-262)
Sukhmani (262-296)
Thittee (296-300)
Gauree kii Vaar (300-323)
Gurbani (323-330)
Ashtpadiyan (330-340)
Baavan Akhari (340-343)
Thintteen (343-344)
Vaar Kabir (344-345)
Bhagat Bani (345-346)
ਰਾਗੁ ਆਸਾ | Raag Aasaa
Gurbani (347-348)
Chaupaday (348-364)
Panchpadde (364-365)
Kaafee (365-409)
Aasaavaree (409-411)
Ashtpadiyan (411-432)
Patee (432-435)
Chhant (435-462)
Vaar Aasaa (462-475)
Bhagat Bani (475-488)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੂਜਰੀ | Raag Goojaree
Gurbani (489-503)
Ashtpadiyan (503-508)
Vaar Gujari (508-517)
Vaar Gujari (517-526)
ਰਾਗੁ ਦੇਵਗੰਧਾਰੀ | Raag Dayv-Gandhaaree
Gurbani (527-536)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਹਾਗੜਾ | Raag Bihaagraa
Gurbani (537-556)
Chhant (538-548)
Vaar Bihaagraa (548-556)
ਰਾਗੁ ਵਡਹੰਸ | Raag Wadhans
Gurbani (557-564)
Ashtpadiyan (564-565)
Chhant (565-575)
Ghoriaan (575-578)
Alaahaniiaa (578-582)
Vaar Wadhans (582-594)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੋਰਠਿ | Raag Sorath
Gurbani (595-634)
Asatpadhiya (634-642)
Vaar Sorath (642-659)
ਰਾਗੁ ਧਨਾਸਰੀ | Raag Dhanasaree
Gurbani (660-685)
Astpadhiya (685-687)
Chhant (687-691)
Bhagat Bani (691-695)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਤਸਰੀ | Raag Jaitsree
Gurbani (696-703)
Chhant (703-705)
Vaar Jaitsaree (705-710)
Bhagat Bani (710)
ਰਾਗੁ ਟੋਡੀ | Raag Todee
ਰਾਗੁ ਬੈਰਾੜੀ | Raag Bairaaree
ਰਾਗੁ ਤਿਲੰਗ | Raag Tilang
Gurbani (721-727)
Bhagat Bani (727)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸੂਹੀ | Raag Suhi
Gurbani (728-750)
Ashtpadiyan (750-761)
Kaafee (761-762)
Suchajee (762)
Gunvantee (763)
Chhant (763-785)
Vaar Soohee (785-792)
Bhagat Bani (792-794)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ | Raag Bilaaval
Gurbani (795-831)
Ashtpadiyan (831-838)
Thitteen (838-840)
Vaar Sat (841-843)
Chhant (843-848)
Vaar Bilaaval (849-855)
Bhagat Bani (855-858)
ਰਾਗੁ ਗੋਂਡ | Raag Gond
Gurbani (859-869)
Ashtpadiyan (869)
Bhagat Bani (870-875)
ਰਾਗੁ ਰਾਮਕਲੀ | Raag Ramkalee
Ashtpadiyan (902-916)
Gurbani (876-902)
Anand (917-922)
Sadd (923-924)
Chhant (924-929)
Dakhnee (929-938)
Sidh Gosat (938-946)
Vaar Ramkalee (947-968)
ਰਾਗੁ ਨਟ ਨਾਰਾਇਨ | Raag Nat Narayan
Gurbani (975-980)
Ashtpadiyan (980-983)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਲੀ ਗਉੜਾ | Raag Maalee Gauraa
Gurbani (984-988)
Bhagat Bani (988)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਾਰੂ | Raag Maaroo
Gurbani (889-1008)
Ashtpadiyan (1008-1014)
Kaafee (1014-1016)
Ashtpadiyan (1016-1019)
Anjulian (1019-1020)
Solhe (1020-1033)
Dakhni (1033-1043)
ਰਾਗੁ ਤੁਖਾਰੀ | Raag Tukhaari
Bara Maha (1107-1110)
Chhant (1110-1117)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕੇਦਾਰਾ | Raag Kedara
Gurbani (1118-1123)
Bhagat Bani (1123-1124)
ਰਾਗੁ ਭੈਰਉ | Raag Bhairo
Gurbani (1125-1152)
Partaal (1153)
Ashtpadiyan (1153-1167)
ਰਾਗੁ ਬਸੰਤੁ | Raag Basant
Gurbani (1168-1187)
Ashtpadiyan (1187-1193)
Vaar Basant (1193-1196)
ਰਾਗੁ ਸਾਰਗ | Raag Saarag
Gurbani (1197-1200)
Partaal (1200-1231)
Ashtpadiyan (1232-1236)
Chhant (1236-1237)
Vaar Saarang (1237-1253)
ਰਾਗੁ ਮਲਾਰ | Raag Malaar
Gurbani (1254-1293)
Partaal (1265-1273)
Ashtpadiyan (1273-1278)
Chhant (1278)
Vaar Malaar (1278-91)
Bhagat Bani (1292-93)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਾਨੜਾ | Raag Kaanraa
Gurbani (1294-96)
Partaal (1296-1318)
Ashtpadiyan (1308-1312)
Chhant (1312)
Vaar Kaanraa
Bhagat Bani (1318)
ਰਾਗੁ ਕਲਿਆਨ | Raag Kalyaan
Gurbani (1319-23)
Ashtpadiyan (1323-26)
ਰਾਗੁ ਪ੍ਰਭਾਤੀ | Raag Prabhaatee
Gurbani (1327-1341)
Ashtpadiyan (1342-51)
ਰਾਗੁ ਜੈਜਾਵੰਤੀ | Raag Jaijaiwanti
Gurbani (1352-53)
Salok | Gatha | Phunahe | Chaubole | Swayiye
Sehskritee Mahala 1
Sehskritee Mahala 5
Gaathaa Mahala 5
Phunhay Mahala 5
Chaubolae Mahala 5
Shaloks Bhagat Kabir
Shaloks Sheikh Farid
Swaiyyae Mahala 5
Swaiyyae in Praise of Gurus
Shaloks in Addition To Vaars
Shalok Ninth Mehl
Mundavanee Mehl 5
ਰਾਗ ਮਾਲਾ, Raag Maalaa
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<blockquote data-quote="Astroboy" data-source="post: 86665" data-attributes="member: 4990"><p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'"><span style="font-size: 12px"> </span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <strong><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">S</span></span></span></span></span></strong></strong><strong><strong><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 22px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">ign over a Gynecologist's Office:</span></span></span></span></span></strong></strong> [/FONT]</p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">In a Podiatrist's office:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Time Wounds All Heels.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On a Septic Tank Truck:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">At a Proctologist's door:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">To expedite your visit, please back in.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On a Plumber's truck:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">We Repair What Your Husband Fixed</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On another Plumber's truck:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber!</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On a Church's Billboard:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">7 days without God makes one weak.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: olive"><span style="color: olive"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">At a Tire Shop in </span></span></span></span></span> <span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Milwaukee</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Invite us to your next blowout.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">At a Towing company:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On an Electrician's truck:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Let Us Remove Your Shorts</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">In a Nonsmoking Area:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On a Maternity Room door:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Push. Push. Push!</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">At an Optometrist's Office:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On a Taxidermist's window:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">We really know our stuff.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">On a Fence:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive!</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">At a Car Dealership:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Outside a Muffler Shop:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: teal"><span style="color: teal"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">In a Veterinarian's waiting room:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: purple"><span style="color: purple"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">At the Electric Company</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">However, if you don't, you will be.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">In a Restaurant window:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: green"><span style="color: green"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">and get fed up.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: navy"><span style="color: navy"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">In the front yard of a Funeral Home:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: gray"><span style="color: gray"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Drive carefully! We'll wait...</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">At a Propane Filling Station:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: red"><span style="color: red"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Thank heaven for little grills.</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 9px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">**************************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">And don't forget the sign at a</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"> <span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="color: fuchsia"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">CHICAGO</span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"> RADIATOR SHOP:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'"><span style="font-size: 18px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Tahoma'">Best place in town to take a leak</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"> </span></span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">**********************</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 26px"><span style="color: blue"><span style="color: blue"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:</span></span></span></span></span></p> </p><p> </p><p> <p style="text-align: center"><p style="text-align: center"><em><em><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 15px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'">CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises</span></span></span></span></span></em></em></p> </p><p> <span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"><span style="font-size: 10px"><span style="color: black"><span style="color: black"><span style="font-family: 'Verdana'"></span></span></span></span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Astroboy, post: 86665, member: 4990"] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [B][B][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=6][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Verdana]S[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/B][B][B][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=6][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia][FONT=Verdana]ign over a Gynecologist's Office:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/B][/B][FONT=New York][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black] [/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Tahoma]'Dr. Jones, at your cervix.'[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Verdana]In a Podiatrist's office:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Time Wounds All Heels.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]On a Septic Tank Truck:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Tahoma]Yesterday's Meals--on Wheels[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Verdana]At a Proctologist's door:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]To expedite your visit, please back in.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT=Verdana]On a Plumber's truck:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Tahoma]We Repair What Your Husband Fixed[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Verdana]On another Plumber's truck:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Tahoma]Don't sleep with a drip; Call your plumber![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Verdana]On a Church's Billboard:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Tahoma]7 days without God makes one weak.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=olive][COLOR=olive][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT=Verdana]At a Tire Shop in [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Milwaukee[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Invite us to your next blowout.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Verdana]At a Towing company:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][FONT=Tahoma]We don't charge an arm and a leg: We want tows.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Verdana]On an Electrician's truck:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Tahoma]Let Us Remove Your Shorts[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Verdana]In a Nonsmoking Area:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][FONT=Tahoma]If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Verdana]On a Maternity Room door:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Push. Push. Push![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]At an Optometrist's Office:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Tahoma]If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia][FONT=Verdana]On a Taxidermist's window:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][FONT=Tahoma]We really know our stuff.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Verdana]On a Fence:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT=Tahoma]Salesmen Welcome! Dog Food Is Expensive![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][FONT=Verdana]At a Car Dealership:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT=Tahoma]The best way to get back on your feet: miss a car payment.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Verdana]Outside a Muffler Shop:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=teal][COLOR=teal][FONT=Tahoma]No appointment necessary; We hear you coming.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Verdana]In a Veterinarian's waiting room:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=purple][COLOR=purple][FONT=Tahoma]Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay![/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Verdana]At the Electric Company[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]We will be de-lighted if you send in your payment.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]However, if you don't, you will be.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Verdana]In a Restaurant window:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Tahoma]Don't stand there and be hungry; come on in[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=green][COLOR=green][FONT=Tahoma]and get fed up.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=navy][COLOR=navy][FONT=Verdana]In the front yard of a Funeral Home:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=gray][COLOR=gray][FONT=Tahoma]Drive carefully! We'll wait...[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=7][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]At a Propane Filling Station:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=red][COLOR=red][FONT=Tahoma]Thank heaven for little grills.[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=1][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]**************************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=5][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia][FONT=Verdana]And don't forget the sign at a[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=fuchsia][COLOR=fuchsia][FONT=Verdana]CHICAGO[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] RADIATOR SHOP:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Tahoma][SIZE=5][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Tahoma]Best place in town to take a leak[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]**********************[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=7][COLOR=blue][COLOR=blue][FONT=Verdana]Sign on the back of another Septic Tank Truck:[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Times New Roman][SIZE=3] [/SIZE][/FONT] [CENTER][CENTER][I][I][FONT=Verdana][SIZE=4][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]CAUTION - This Truck is Full of Political Promises[/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT][/I][/I][/CENTER][/CENTER] [FONT=Verdana][SIZE=2][COLOR=black][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR][/COLOR][/SIZE][/FONT] [/QUOTE]
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Laughter: The Best Medicine
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