July

Discussion in 'Member Blogs' started by Harry Haller, Jul 11, 2018.

  1. Harry Haller

    Harry Haller

    Panga Master

    SPNer

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    Its been a few months now since the 'bad' thing happened, although I am hugely glad it happened, it really opened my eyes to how easy it is to enter the world of Maya, and quickly forget what is important, looking back, there was a falseness about it that makes me shudder now, the fact that it was so easy to integrate with people, to me, meant that I had reached the common denominator, something I have always wanted, but something that strips you of all that you are, and destroys your soul on a daily basis, until all that is left is the small talk, the validation, and the constant need to hold on to that common denominator with all your being, the things that are important are ridiculous, how am I perceived? am I loved? am I liked? did I say the right thing? did I play the game right? and can I now have my reward, a big glutinous validation from everyone around me! And how does this validation come? from what happens in your heart? from your thinking? from who you are? nah, {censored}, it comes from what you look like, how you act, you present yourself, how you come over, what you actually are, is irrelevant, its all about the packaging,

    Trouble is, I was never the common denominator, I was always the lowest denominator, and I hate games, and even more than hating games, I hate putting on a pretence,

    I am glad it happened, because thinking about it now makes me want to vomit, that I could sell out myself just to be in 'love' that was never even love anyway, love, like heroin, remains something that everyone should try, but not get addicted to, trouble is, both are two of the highest addictive pleasures that exist, they say you can only try heroin twice a year and you will not develop on addiction, therefore all love is ultimately destructive, whether you accept it and know it, or not, you do not know when you lose yourself, you do not get a text message informing you, 'hey your losing yourself and turning into a {censored}, cease and desist now', no, you find out when its too late, still I guess that is all part of life, but from a man that has wanted to be 'normal' all his life to be be 'normal' and realise that the state is more akin to the most abnormal thing ever, is some eye opener, normal people do not do normal things, they do rituals, and have parties, and buy things, and live, if that is called living, they try and impress each other, make each other envious, they cover themselves in fine clothing and jewels, the problem is, in my world, all I see are a load of monkeys trying to be human beings, but with little thought as to what actually a human being is, is being human to have a greed for life and love, or is being human to be free of it completely,

    I cannot promise that I will never fall in love again, maybe it is something I will do an a yearly basis, just to remind myself, but for the moment, I Have bought a lovely sheepskin, so we will try it on, and when I have to interact with people, I can look just like them, talk like them, and then yank it off when I get home, yeah thats a plan
     
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  3. Kanwaljit.Singh

    Kanwaljit.Singh Writer SPNer

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    >> love, like heroin, remains something that everyone should try, but not get addicted to

    This is true for all things in life. Everything should be considered as an experience to realize the Creator.
     

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