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Self Internal Toxicity

broken

Writer
SPNer
Feb 26, 2016
26
39
High Desert, CA
I read somewhere that 90% of our relationship stress comes from 10% of those we communicate with. I rolled this in my head for two weeks before deciding what level of agreement I would give it and have come to complete agreement. This being the case I have started to look at relationships in my physical world and have questioned these individually if one of these relationships is in the 10%.

Eventually, I got to the "S" group which led me to my friend Dr. Singh. Now, here's a gentle soul who is big on serving, caring and being generous with his time. When I saw him last month at an annual event in this area and it was a joy to see him and to give him a hug. I began to wonder about his 10%. Does he have a 10%, how would he handle them?

So I watched him. All day. I watched my guru work the event. I watched how he talked to everyone, smiled, leaned into their conversation and how he seemed to bless each one. I was in awe.

Then I asked myself, "Am I his 10%?"

Then it hit me. I am my own 10%. That's right. Me. Myself.

Dr. Singh walked about that event caring and loving each person he talked to. He listened, he showed great compassion and he spoke words of love and healing. Then, he moved on.

Me, I move on with a little bit of offense or maybe a little bit of hurt feelings or something in my pocket from the encounter. I'm packing the hurt and self inflicted nonsense with me as I go on about. Never, just moving on.

The 90% of my relationship stress probably isn't even real. It's not what others put on me it what I put on myself.

Admission is the first step to recovery. Here's to taking the next step ....
 

Harry Haller

Panga Master
SPNer
Jan 31, 2011
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I read somewhere that 90% of our relationship stress comes from 10% of those we communicate with.
I had similar thoughts a while back, I would say 90% of my internal conflict is down to other people in my head, people that make me feel guilty, people that manipulate, people for whom a hand is not enough, people are strange, I got rid of all the people in my head, hey presto, nil internal conflict.

This being the case I have started to look at relationships in my physical world and have questioned these individually if one of these relationships is in the 10%.
I dumped them all bar my parents and brother.

Eventually, I got to the "S" group which led me to my friend Dr. Singh. Now, here's a gentle soul who is big on serving, caring and being generous with his time. When I saw him last month at an annual event in this area and it was a joy to see him and to give him a hug. I began to wonder about his 10%. Does he have a 10%, how would he handle them?

So I watched him. All day. I watched my guru work the event. I watched how he talked to everyone, smiled, leaned into their conversation and how he seemed to bless each one. I was in awe.

Then I asked myself, "Am I his 10%?"

Then it hit me. I am my own 10%. That's right. Me. Myself.
not quite, you see the good Doctor has hit he nail on the head, help, encourage, support, but don't get involved emotionally, don't put yourself in a position where you start to care, but also, do not underestimate how much a kind word, a squeeze of a shoulder, some verbal support, can accomplish. You are like me, you probably go overboard and give everything, and then a bit more, till your empty, you cannot blame others for that, giving is an art, it is not for the stupid. It must be done with wisdom and discretion.

Dr. Singh walked about that event caring and loving each person he talked to. He listened, he showed great compassion and he spoke words of love and healing. Then, he moved on.
It sounds like it his natural disposition, maybe you and me are too busy trying to make ourselves feel good, I don't know, maybe some level of aloofness is required, I don't know, I will still help anyone, I just don't get involved.

Me, I move on with a little bit of offense or maybe a little bit of hurt feelings or something in my pocket from the encounter. I'm packing the hurt and self inflicted nonsense with me as I go on about. Never, just moving on.
Its because you have feelings and your human, we all feel like that, I would imagine the good Doctor also felt like that at some point, before he realised that it was the effect on the other that was of more importance than the effect on the self. Maybe giving leaves you as empty as you feel, or I feel, but then it would if you gave everyone everything, maybe its a long game, replenish yourself so you can keep giving, again I don't know.

The 90% of my relationship stress probably isn't even real. It's not what others put on me it what I put on myself.
then take yourself out of the equation, give wisely, save the self to give again, not easy if you have a deathwish, but not impossible,
 

Sikhilove

Writer
SPNer
May 12, 2016
608
162
Then it hit me. I am my own 10%. That's right. Me. Myself.

Dr. Singh walked about that event caring and loving each person he talked to. He listened, he showed great compassion and he spoke words of love and healing. Then, he moved on.

Me, I move on with a little bit of offense or maybe a little bit of hurt feelings or something in my pocket from the encounter. I'm packing the hurt and self inflicted nonsense with me as I go on about. Never, just moving on.

The 90% of my relationship stress probably isn't even real. It's not what others put on me it what I put on myself.

Admission is the first step to recovery. Here's to taking the next step ....
Good post. There are of course, alot of idio*s out there, it is Kalyug afterall- but it's up to you how you feel- you can choose to feel positive or negative.

Negative people/ slanderers may often want to bring you to their level, and to believe their rubbish, or just upset you- but stay ego free and in chardi kala. For as long as you remain egoless, noone can hurt you, including yourself, for there is nothing to hurt.

And don't slander yourself or torture yourself with insecurities, have faith and believe in yourself- recognise your negative thoughts and break away from them- they're not the real you, so leave them behind. It is possible to live a chardi kala life beyond the minds rubbish chatter and other peoples rubbish.

Discovering yourself is a journey to realising and living your higher self, not the negative qualities that may have been ingrained into us by society and even ourselves. We are in reality our higher selves/ one with God, we just need to realise it.
 
Last edited:

Admin

SPNer
Jun 1, 2004
6,619
5,208
SPN
Negative people/ slanderers
How people become positive or negative people or Slanders, just because a few people look & think differently on the same topic?

How would you define a negative person/slanderer? For Pandits / Brahmans / Moughals, weren't Guru Nanak Sahib and all subsequent Gurus negative people or a slanderers?
 

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