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Haircut Or Not

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Haircut Or Not


Oct 5, 2014
I'm turning 16 in January 2015 and i know i may be young but trust me I'm pretty intelligent. I have coded and made friends through this. Anyway the purpose for this post is that since the 7th grade til now (sophmore year in highschool) i really want a haircut. I have used scissors on my sideburns alrdy and under my chin. My mom found out about this and slapped me a few times, she also threw out the scissors or hid them. What makes me the most angry is that she plucks her own eyebrows and shaves her legs/arms. If she wants me to be a turbaned sikh so bad maybe she should follow the rules herself. My dad passed away when i was in 7th grade as well. He had a full dhari and kept his hair. He never drank, but all his family members did. My mom's family members mostly all have haircuts and im pretty sure all of them drink. She is trying to make me someone and something i refuse to be. I RESPECT people who keep a turban ALOT! DONT GET ME WRONG.

It takes ALOT of strength to keep one! I've drank, smoked and done alot of sins.. I know its not right but i have done it for "fun". This may sound like such a conceited sikh boy but in all honesty i just want to be free. I know that in order to get some freedom i need to give some freedom. My mom has kicked me out of the house for a number of hours and has talked about killing her self over some of my mistakes. She says that when she had me she promsed to the gurus that she would keep my hair. I talked to her about cutting my hair and how depressed i feel about it and her reply is that she will kick me out if i do. I know she probably will but it's something i really want. I dont know whether to wait til i get my license or if that's just another excuse for me..

Brother Onam

Jul 11, 2012
Young brother,
One reason you see Sikhs wearing kara is to remind us that we are not free. As Sikhs, we are slaves to Waheguru. In one sense, this gives us the greatest joys and freedom, WITHIN the realm of hukam, but it also puts limits on freedoms outside of the spiritual realm.
As a young man seeking, as you say, 'fun', you may pursue those amusements -smoking, drinking, haircuts...- as most other youths do, but that puts you outside the world of Sikhi. It's a choice; you can have all the fun you want, and reap the results: a hedonistic, lawless world and a sort of doom, or you may choose to be a Veer of Har Har, but that means allowing yourself to be governed by Gurbani.


Aug 14, 2012
I know how you feel. It's so difficult to try and be something you're not.

Keeping your hair isn't so much about following the rules as it is about love.

How do view the drinking/smoking/etc. as sins? Think of it more as cause-and-effect, actions will sow the seed and the you (the sower) will reap the reward.

It must be tough on your mother, she has gone through a lot since enduring the loss of your father. I can imagine that it must have been extremely difficult for you as well. Let her know all the things you appreciate about her. She probably feels that if you cut your hair, she will have failed somehow. That will just make her feel even more miserable.

I don't know you and don't know what's going on in your life, but I'm willing to bet that deep in your heart, you're a really good guy who will offer help to people who are in need, who is thoughtful and caring, and who is very intelligent and can understand and grasp a lot of things that older people can't.

If that is you, then you owe it to yourself to delve a little deeper. Currently you are at the physical/surface level ("keep hair"/"cut hair"). In the grand scheme of things, nothing is going to happen if you cut your hair. You'll look different, which will elicit different responses from people. For a while, you might feel you're free of some perceived burden.

But inside, you will feel the same. Your pain, your hurt, the depression, the sadness and loneliness won't magically go away. It won't. So you'll be back to square one, looking for a way to get out of the pain.

Alcohol won't solve the problem. Drugs won't solve the problem. Sex won't solve the problem. These things will only numb the pain for a while, and will destroy your body and your life in the process.

I think you have a lot of untapped, unrealized potential. I think you are wonderful. I think you are smart, and I believe you have a huge heart and that there's nothing you wouldn't do for a friend in need.

Today, you are that friend you need. So be kind to yourself.

Before you make a final decision, I would advise that you do a little bit of introspection. Look inside your heart. From that place, talk to Guru Sahib. As if you were talking to your best friend in the world, who understands you totally, and knows all your problems, fears, and hurt. There are no rules when talking with Guru, just be yourself, your real self.

Regardless of what decision you make, as you grow, I hope you stay in touch with Sikhi, and I hope you learn more about Sikhi, about Guru Sahibs and about their lives. I hope you take the time to read and understand Gurbani, even if it is just one bani at a time. You will learn things you never knew you never knew

Guru Sahib is ever merciful. Unlike any other human being that ever existed, or will ever exist. Guru Sahib is perfect. Guru Sahib does not make mistakes. Guru Sahib is the ocean of peace. Nobody comes away empty-handed from the Guru.

All the best!

Harry Haller

Panga Master
Jan 31, 2011
your mother is trying to educate and turn you into a mature adult, you are making decisions with a child themed mind, if you listen to her, you will be able to mature your mind and then you are ready to make your own decisions, at that point, you can do what you want.

She clearly has been through a lot, try and understand that, there will be plenty of time for you to be a real man and drink and smoke and **** around a bit, but for the moment, have some respect for another, not just another, your mother, and bide your time for your own needs.

I can afford to be harsh, because I am able to allow you to see into the future, yes, once I was like you, and I did my own thing from a very young age,

Learn to think like a man first, and then the world is your oyster, you can do what you want and you probably won't end up like me

good luck


Oct 5, 2014
Thank you guys! I don't drink and smoke on a regular basis just with friends and I agree with you guys that i may have a childlike mind but then again in this world we all have some sort of a childlike mind. I understand nothing more will change and I just wish my mom could become a bit more modern.. she always kicks me out of the house when i do something bad and i understand her point of view.. I really dont want her to kill herself but i want to just be normal. I know i may seem so selfish right now but so far the only reason i've been going to gurudwara, keeping my hair, and i tried kirtan for a year JUST FOR HER! again im still confused on what to do.. and i feel very caged.. maybe im scared of the afterlife so i dont like to think much about it..

She won't get me a phone.. won't let me hangout with any frinds outside of school afraid that i will talk to girls (which i've been caught doing before) and theres a few other restrictions.. I understand that my life isnt as bad as most peoples are but it's still something i should be able to change.. i want to show my mom i'm mature and she can trust me but right now its hard to do.

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