- Jan 31, 2011
- 5,769
- 8,194
- 54
I dont have many bad days, yesterday was a bad day, it only got better after I had got rid of a few demons on the sex thread, this giving up of lust is not hard, but the consequences are hard to deal with, trying to retrain a mind so that lust is not the most important thing is hard, but not impossible, I have taken to reading about sikh history and the sacrifices made so that people like me could be a sikh, the pogroms, you cannot read our history without feeling a sense of awe at the many many brave people that died, it puts your lust into perspective.
It is my wifes fault, when I met her, I was taken aback by just how uhmm sexy she looked, but instead of being happy that I was married to someone I found hugely sexy, I suppose I let that become bigger than all the other things I felt about her, although I was always painfully honest, I always am..
Every day gets a lot easier, I feel free, like a bird, I am looking forward to spending time with my wife, to talking to her, going shopping, kicking leaves in the park with the dogs, yes, today I feel blessed and lucky.
Virgil is ok! I have checked his bottom for bangers, and he is fine! well, as fine as one can be when one is a mad cat, our last cat could say my name, quite clearly, Virgil can say 'morning' and 'hewwoo' and did many times between 3am and 8am this morning,.
I spent some really good time with my stepson yesterday, he is taking Maths GCSE again, and is eager to get an 'A', so together we went through exam papers, I felt quite the dad
Finally, at 4.23am, intimacy took place! it was different, a lot different, it was not scratching an itch, or giving in to lust, it was sharing and flowing, it was not the be all and end all it used to be, it was just something else that we do, I truly do not care if it does not happen again for weeks, rather than trying to ensure it becomes like a veg/fruit ration, (2 or 3 times a day..),
Sometimes when you do things, you know Guru is with you, and sometimes you know Guru wants no part of it, if that makes sense, When Guru is with you, you feel whole, content, in consonance, acting as Guru wants you to, other times, you are alone, not in consonance, you feel a void, the connection is not there, 3 times a day was a very lonely experience, this morning had Gurus blessing, and it was bourne out of love and intimacy, not lust and desire
That is not to say there is not time for lust and desire, but everything in moderation, first we both have to relearn the love, or, maybe thats just me, maybe my wife always knew it, she is a wonderful woman, has never ever asked me to change, or put conditions down, she is a great teacher, she plants thoughts, she gives me free will, so much I have learned while I have been with her, so many bad habits have gone down the wayside, and been replaced with good habits, Guru given habits, all reached with understanding and wisdom (hah not mine), not through fear, guilt, this morning has left me feeling like a young lover again, relishing the innocence, tonight we will see a film and hold hands, we will laugh, eat popcorn, its times like this I feel a small guilt that my life is so happy, and others are not, when one is happy, and all the thieves are absent, and the Guru is in your heart, your family is healthy, what more could you wish for?
It is my wifes fault, when I met her, I was taken aback by just how uhmm sexy she looked, but instead of being happy that I was married to someone I found hugely sexy, I suppose I let that become bigger than all the other things I felt about her, although I was always painfully honest, I always am..
Every day gets a lot easier, I feel free, like a bird, I am looking forward to spending time with my wife, to talking to her, going shopping, kicking leaves in the park with the dogs, yes, today I feel blessed and lucky.
Virgil is ok! I have checked his bottom for bangers, and he is fine! well, as fine as one can be when one is a mad cat, our last cat could say my name, quite clearly, Virgil can say 'morning' and 'hewwoo' and did many times between 3am and 8am this morning,.
I spent some really good time with my stepson yesterday, he is taking Maths GCSE again, and is eager to get an 'A', so together we went through exam papers, I felt quite the dad
Finally, at 4.23am, intimacy took place! it was different, a lot different, it was not scratching an itch, or giving in to lust, it was sharing and flowing, it was not the be all and end all it used to be, it was just something else that we do, I truly do not care if it does not happen again for weeks, rather than trying to ensure it becomes like a veg/fruit ration, (2 or 3 times a day..),
Sometimes when you do things, you know Guru is with you, and sometimes you know Guru wants no part of it, if that makes sense, When Guru is with you, you feel whole, content, in consonance, acting as Guru wants you to, other times, you are alone, not in consonance, you feel a void, the connection is not there, 3 times a day was a very lonely experience, this morning had Gurus blessing, and it was bourne out of love and intimacy, not lust and desire
That is not to say there is not time for lust and desire, but everything in moderation, first we both have to relearn the love, or, maybe thats just me, maybe my wife always knew it, she is a wonderful woman, has never ever asked me to change, or put conditions down, she is a great teacher, she plants thoughts, she gives me free will, so much I have learned while I have been with her, so many bad habits have gone down the wayside, and been replaced with good habits, Guru given habits, all reached with understanding and wisdom (hah not mine), not through fear, guilt, this morning has left me feeling like a young lover again, relishing the innocence, tonight we will see a film and hold hands, we will laugh, eat popcorn, its times like this I feel a small guilt that my life is so happy, and others are not, when one is happy, and all the thieves are absent, and the Guru is in your heart, your family is healthy, what more could you wish for?
