Feeling Like I'm Losing "it"

[broken]

Lately I have been trying to make sense of what I see as mostly nonsense. This action is wearing me down a little bit. Overall my goal is to spread words of Love, Joy, Hope, Peace and Freedom to those I interact with throughout my day. Some days I don't go anywhere so my dog gets it but other days I am out and about and I do my best to be upbeat, cheerful and encouraging. I think this is important.

Not too long ago the local newspaper came out to my home to write an article about my garden. I live in the desert and maintain a hydroponic garden. It's a terrific hobby and although I am not an expert I like to share what I learn as this season goes along. The newspaper said I would do better with connecting to others if I had a facebook account and hesitantly I signed up. Big mistake.

Well, now I have "friends". They are not really my friends. I know this. Some of them are family members. These folks especially are not my friends. Also I have gardening contacts. This is good as these folks seem to enjoy what I enjoy and this is nice.

Back to the other friends. These people are not nice. Rarely do they say a kind thing about much of anything. Now, with the recent news events they have taken to their respected corners and are having a go of it with one another about things I doubt we will ever know the truth of.

Another "friend" posts just about every thought that enters his brain. It's terrifying. It's the diary of a madman. It's so raw and twisted I fear he is losing touch with reality. It's distressing. All of this activity and all I want to do is talk about my plants and how my harvest is looking this season. I simply cannot offer much of anything within these types of posts as no person really wants to hear encouragement to Love, Trust and Engage as much as they want to be "right" and listened to and agreed with.

Herein lies my unrest.

I struggled with this prior and I deleted my FB account once before. I wanted nothing more to do with this silliness. I am about to do this again. But, then I think to myself, is it wise to abandon those who are deeply searching for meaning within the meaningless to comfort myself? Or, do I continue to offer words of Peace and Love to an audience that doesn't want to listen? Who am I really? I'm just a nobody. I'm not special. Maybe I have nothing to offer and I'm the fool.

It isn't just FB, I see this on another forum for enthusiasts of the type of motorcycle we ride. We share tech notes and accessory reviews and share photos of our trips and adventures. It's a great site. Yet, within it are two camps. They banter harshly one to the other about politics and news. Some refuse to ride with another and some events within this group have been disruptive due to their behaviors. I just want to enjoy a ride through some mountain roads or across the desert, I haven't a care for their opinions.

I'm not a Pollyanna. I see what is happening. I just think there are two ways to respond. One is to take an aggressive stance and the other to reach out in compassion and lift each other up. Is this wrong? Isn't our goal to Service, Good Works and Community to be uplifting, positive and to bring about peace? Isn't kindness and compassion our top goal to those around us?

Some days I feel like a salmon.

 

[Seeker2013]

First of all , the fact that you have the ability to sympathize even with those who banter and speak harshly to you shows that you have some sort of higher intellect and more self-awareness than those people and also you seem like a decent enough and a helpful person.
Now having said that, I would say sometimes you have to filter what goes in your head and also filter your friendlist.
You can't help a person who doesn't want to be helped but only want to be listened to.
Be all ears to people's problems if thats what makes you happy but then don't let that mud get inside you ! don't let their negativities and problems penetrate you, which it seems now happens .

So maybe chat with those people on facebook and if you feel you cannot or don't wanna help them ,it might be time to say goodbye . I mean there's nothing else you can do.

And if you're more serious about helping people, there's always shortage of volunteers.
Have you looked up Khalsa Aid ?
you might find lots of like minded people there, just like you, who want to help others and comfort them.

Don't give up on your nature of compassion. It is one of the loftiest ideals , but don't let people's pain get inside you either

 

[Harry Haller]

Lately I have been trying to make sense of what I see as mostly nonsense.

now why would you do that? you see it as mostly nonsense because that is what it is, why would you wish to make sense of nonsense?

This action is wearing me down a little bit.

its your agenda, you have none other than love, so others agendas can be wearing.

Overall my goal is to spread words of Love, Joy, Hope, Peace and Freedom to those I interact with throughout my day

May I offer an opinion, I used to feel the same way as you, and I used to feel as weary as you do, I stopped spreading to those I interact with, to spread something you need a willing person to take on board what you are spreading, also, what if we are wrong, what if we are spreading is going to make things worse, what if it takes away another's ability to fend for themselves, also, is it our ego that makes us feel that we have something worth spreading? in a war zone, the man with bread and medicine is going to be more popular than the one spreading love. You need to be a beacon of love, joy, hope, peace and freedom, beacons just give off, they don't spread, they just emit, keep emitting, don't worry about the spreading.

Some days I don't go anywhere so my dog gets it but other days I am out and about and I do my best to be upbeat, cheerful and encouraging. I think this is important.

Yes, I have days like that, precious days when I can be alone, no dogs anymore, but maybe that is a good thing, I think it is important to be yourself, if you feel cheerful and encouraging, then be cheerful and encouraging, it is important, but only if it is yourself, anything else is insincere, accept that sometimes you may not feel this way, and give yourself some time off from being a beacon, again, this will help you feel less weary.

Not too long ago the local newspaper came out to my home to write an article about my garden. I live in the desert and maintain a hydroponic garden. It's a terrific hobby and although I am not an expert I like to share what I learn as this season goes along. The newspaper said I would do better with connecting to others if I had a facebook account and hesitantly I signed up. Big mistake.

no its not!

Well, now I have "friends". They are not really my friends. I know this. Some of them are family members. These folks especially are not my friends. Also I have gardening contacts. This is good as these folks seem to enjoy what I enjoy and this is nice.

simply a reflection of real life

Back to the other friends. These people are not nice. Rarely do they say a kind thing about much of anything. Now, with the recent news events they have taken to their respected corners and are having a go of it with one another about things I doubt we will ever know the truth of.

simply a reflection of real life

Another "friend" posts just about every thought that enters his brain. It's terrifying. It's the diary of a madman. It's so raw and twisted I fear he is losing touch with reality. It's distressing. All of this activity and all I want to do is talk about my plants and how my harvest is looking this season. I simply cannot offer much of anything within these types of posts as no person really wants to hear encouragement to Love, Trust and Engage as much as they want to be "right" and listened to and agreed with.

again, this is what happens in real life, you are obviously intelligent, surely it is a case of filtering the wheat from the chaff, you cannot take responsibility for the world, beacons do not do that, all you can do is emit, and you do that well, but you cannot do anymore, and you need to understand that.

I struggled with this prior and I deleted my FB account once before. I wanted nothing more to do with this silliness. I am about to do this again. But, then I think to myself, is it wise to abandon those who are deeply searching for meaning within the meaningless to comfort myself? Or, do I continue to offer words of Peace and Love to an audience that doesn't want to listen? Who am I really? I'm just a nobody. I'm not special. Maybe I have nothing to offer and I'm the fool.

the above paragraph is totally endearing, it has an innocence about it that is deeply touching, I put it to you that the day you are unable to write the above is the day you lose yourself. You stand for much of what is good, it is frustrating to you that you waste your energy on chaff, its quite easy, god gave you a brain, skip the chaff. More love for those that really need it. However, you risk throwing the baby out with the bathwater if you are unable to do this. Society is a wonderful thing, although personally, I live the life of a hermit, but for those with the time and patience, for every 20 {censored}s you may find 1 true soul, its worth going through the {censored}s to find that soul, even if all you talk about is hydroponics.

I'm not a Pollyanna. I see what is happening. I just think there are two ways to respond. One is to take an aggressive stance and the other to reach out in compassion and lift each other up. Is this wrong? Isn't our goal to Service, Good Works and Community to be uplifting, positive and to bring about peace? Isn't kindness and compassion our top goal to those around us?

try the third, just do as you do, be as you are, accept your place in the universe, be the best you can at doing that, sometimes you may need to be aggressive, sometimes you may need to be compassionate, that is why we have a brain, so that we can use tact and diplomacy to assist us. As such, there are a million ways to respond, each depending on the situation, but then you already know this, unfortunately the one size fits all answer does not exist,

Some days I feel like a salmon.

then have one!

 

[broken]

I have allowed some time to go by and have decided to maintain my desire to be positive and helpful. I know that some interpret kindness as "wanting something" or a desire to manipulate but, I assume that in time the evidence will speak for itself.

School has started up again and I am deep in my studies. Also, I am tutoring students that are in a difficult class to better their understanding of the materials and how the tests will be prepared and graded.

There is one gigantic negative that I have struggled with more than any other and this one is no longer something that I can either control nor can I correct. The Mrs and I have been married 27 years. During 22 of these years I was a typical Type A personality that went out and conquered the world to bring home the big dollars. She really liked that guy. Not just the money part but the confidence, the bold attitude and the circus monkey antics that made my world and career so entertaining.

Now, for the last five years, she is married to a guy that likes plants, cares for animals and walks very quietly without disturbing others. Needless to say she doesn't know me very well anymore. She keeps looking for "that guy" and keeps finding "this guy" and well .... she's pulling away. Worse, I'm letting her.

I'm not that guy anymore. If I could go back and have not suffered the stroke, I wouldn't interfere. I like this me better than the old me and this me is OK with that. I struggle, I have difficulty with some reasoning matters and I don't speak in public much but I'm working on these things. But not to manipulate, not for profit but for the benefit of others, for the encouragement of others and for the overall goal of providing words of Love, Hope, Joy, Peace and Freedom.

I'll admit that I am a little scared. I'm as fearful as the next person of being all alone, of feeling lonely and of the unknown of a life unplanned. This is very real. But, I feel that I must remain true to that which is deep within, that which has been present from the beginning and that which is the most honest self. Anything other than this will only circle me around and harm me again.

Maybe I'm not really feeling like I'm losing it. Maybe, just maybe, I'm finding the Truth.

 

[Harry Haller]

I'll admit that I am a little scared. I'm as fearful as the next person of being all alone, of feeling lonely and of the unknown of a life unplanned. This is very real

Sometimes the more you push away your fears, the more they push back, I was in a similar situation, but being alone, and feeling lonely, with no life planned, is not all bad, your free, you can wear the same pants for a week, you can have chocolate for breakfast, and when you look back at the egoistical,proud alpha male that you were, it is with relief that it is gone, not regret that you are not that person anymore, you have grown, and she has not, in fact, I would wager you would have grown like this regardless of the stroke, it is a false world, but one we all have to live in for a while, before casting off our shackles and being free.

I find it hard somedays, some mornings I ache and yearn for a cuddle, a kiss, to look into the eyes of someone that loves you, but I never had that towards the end of the my last relationship anyway, so I am not missing much. Everything changes, you are changing, for the better it seems, I would start saving up for a parachute, or you need to have a frank discussion about your joint dreams and passions, you are now twice the man you were, not half, and if your own partner cannot see that, well that is very unfortunate.

Strangely enough since leaving the family home, I speak to my parents 5 or 6 times a day, I involve them in my life, I listen to them and take their advice, I make them laugh, I am 47 now, but when my dad calls me 'beta' it still sends a shiver of pleasure down my spine, I love them, and they are the only people in my life who have ever really loved me back. Now I have decided not to enter into any more relationships, (although I am open to incontinent nuns), I aim to make sure that they are loved and cared for as they get older, and that makes me happier than planning some future built on sand with the love of my life, my parents will always come before love, and that is not an ideal scenario for love, so I guess I will be alone now forever, phew, good!

 

[Sikhilove]

I have allowed some time to go by and have decided to maintain my desire to be positive and helpful. I know that some interpret kindness as "wanting something" or a desire to manipulate but, I assume that in time the evidence will speak for itself.

School has started up again and I am deep in my studies. Also, I am tutoring students that are in a difficult class to better their understanding of the materials and how the tests will be prepared and graded.

There is one gigantic negative that I have struggled with more than any other and this one is no longer something that I can either control nor can I correct. The Mrs and I have been married 27 years. During 22 of these years I was a typical Type A personality that went out and conquered the world to bring home the big dollars. She really liked that guy. Not just the money part but the confidence, the bold attitude and the circus monkey antics that made my world and career so entertaining.

Now, for the last five years, she is married to a guy that likes plants, cares for animals and walks very quietly without disturbing others. Needless to say she doesn't know me very well anymore. She keeps looking for "that guy" and keeps finding "this guy" and well .... she's pulling away. Worse, I'm letting her.

I'm not that guy anymore. If I could go back and have not suffered the stroke, I wouldn't interfere. I like this me better than the old me and this me is OK with that. I struggle, I have difficulty with some reasoning matters and I don't speak in public much but I'm working on these things. But not to manipulate, not for profit but for the benefit of others, for the encouragement of others and for the overall goal of providing words of Love, Hope, Joy, Peace and Freedom.

I'll admit that I am a little scared. I'm as fearful as the next person of being all alone, of feeling lonely and of the unknown of a life unplanned. This is very real. But, I feel that I must remain true to that which is deep within, that which has been present from the beginning and that which is the most honest self. Anything other than this will only circle me around and harm me again.

Maybe I'm not really feeling like I'm losing it. Maybe, just maybe, I'm finding the Truth.

Stay positive. In kalyug the majority of people are in a hellish/ negative mindset. I used to be different, I was more positive and people around me used to say I was always smiling and making others laugh. I lost that for a while and am just beginning to get my positivity back.

The world needs more positive people, stay positive and spread it, when you come across negativity, neutralise it with your positivity and truth.

Stay true to yourself and all around you, that's the marking of a saint.